Chapter 22
twenty-two
. . .
Reese
It had been two weeks since the fiasco at Thanksgiving. I’d never seen Finn so angry. His mother had made a comment about what a great actor he was, making it clear that nobody there believed there wasn’t more going on between us.
And they’d be right.
But I didn’t know what exactly this was, and neither did he.
I’d been angry at Carl for coming there the way he had. It was disrespectful to Finn, and I’d told him as much when I’d finished the renovation of his office that following week.
Thankfully, there was no reason for me to be around him anymore, and I needed this time to figure out what I wanted.
Because at the end of the day, whether Finn wanted the same things I did didn’t really matter. Because he’d shown me that there was a different kind of love than I’d realized.
I didn’t know if he felt what I felt.
I didn’t want to put that pressure on him.
He knew exactly who I was and what I wanted out of this life. That was the reason he’d always hated Carl. He knew that he didn’t love me the way that I deserved to be loved. I couldn’t see it then, but I saw it now.
But I also knew Finn. Knew that he wanted to travel the world and pursue his acting dreams. He’d never talked about wanting kids or wanting to settle down with one woman.
He’d always told me he’d be content being a fabulous uncle to my and his siblings’ kids.
So, he’d need to decide if that had changed or not.
I wouldn’t be settling for less than I deserved anymore, because being loved by Finn Reynolds had been life-changing for me.
Whether he wanted to stay with me forever would be his decision. I was going to enjoy every second of it while it lasted.
I’d been burning the candle at both ends lately, and I was feeling it.
I’d taken on three more clients, and I’d had a few people hire me to decorate their homes for the holidays.
That wasn’t what I’d planned to offer, but right now, the more work I could take on, the better.
I was growing this company, and I needed to push hard to get things going.
I’d always been prone to getting run down, so I was doubling up on vitamins to keep my energy up and stay healthy.
There was always this nagging fear that I’d relapse.
That my world would come crashing down again.
That my future wouldn’t hold all the things that I hoped it would.
So I was hyperaware of my body and how I was feeling at all times.
You go through several rounds of chemo, and it will teach you to look for red flags.
But tonight, I was surprising Finn. He’d been so supportive of my new business, fighting me when I’d insisted on paying rent to him and Maddox.
Bringing me lunch at work all the time. Letting me live in his house while we pretended to be dating—when we were actually dating, we just weren’t admitting it to one another.
I wanted to do something nice for him tonight. I’d made him his favorite dinner, chicken marsala and mashed potatoes. I told him to go to the bedroom and wait for me after.
I’d snuck off to what used to be my bedroom to change into my outfit. The whole house was decorated for Christmas. Finn and I had spent the weekend after Thanksgiving shopping and decorating every inch of his home.
“Miney, are you coming?” he shouted from down the hallway.
“Hopefully soon. Be patient!” I yelled back, and he barked out a laugh.
I looked in the mirror and adjusted the two buns on top of my head before giving myself one more look-see. I couldn’t believe I was doing this.
The gold bikini top left little to the imagination, barely covering the girls.
And the bottoms had a gold strap that went around my hips, with white sheer fabric that formed a see-through skirt around the bikini bottoms. I’d turned myself into quite the sexy Princess Leia, and I couldn’t wait to see the look on Finn’s face.
“Are your eyes closed, Chewy?”
“Yes, ma’am.” His voice was all tease. “You know I love surprises.”
“Well, get ready, because this is going to be your favorite of all time, I think.” I adjusted my straps as I stood outside his bedroom door.
“Better than when you dressed as Yoda in seventh grade when I begged you to be my sidekick?” he sang out.
“I think so.”
“Better than when you covered yourself in one hundred purple balloons for the hundredth day of school, and I spent the entire day popping them every chance I got?”
“We’ll see,” I said as I walked into the room. There were a few candles lit on the dresser, and the light from the moon illuminated the space. “You can open your eyes now.”
I leaned against the door frame, and he pushed up on his elbows as his gaze raked me over from head to toe. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“You like it?”
He was on his feet and charging toward me before I could react.
He tossed me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing and then hurried to the bed.
But when he dropped me down onto the mattress, he did it slowly, his gaze locked with mine.
“You are already my every fantasy, Reese Murphy. But this… this is next level. Princess fucking Leia. Hell yes, I like it.”
I bit down on my bottom lip because he wasn’t looking at me like I was his sexual fantasy. He was looking at me like I was the only girl in the world. Maybe I was reading into it, wanting this to be more than it was.
“Good,” I said, my voice just above a whisper as I tried to pull myself together.
“Get one thing straight before I worship every inch of your sweet body.” He stroked the strand of hair that had broken free from one of the buns sitting on top of my head.
“This is hot, no doubt about it. But seeing you when you come home from a hard day of work, doing what you love, building your business, all tired and exhausted… It’s just as fucking sexy to me.
Seeing you in your cowboy boots and a pair of worn denim after you take Millie for a long ride—so fucking sexy.
There isn’t a version of you that I don’t want. I can’t get enough of any one of them.”
I sucked in a breath because he was saying all the right things. No man had ever made me feel so wanted. But I didn’t know what it meant.
I knew that I didn’t want to be with the man I’d been hell-bent on marrying.
I didn’t want anyone other than Finn.
“I can’t get enough of you either,” I said. “So, we like having sex with each other. Although, I haven’t had any competition because you’ve been sort of forced to be here with me.”
I wasn’t planning on having a serious conversation right now. My romantic relationship with Finn was kind of like this costume. It was fun and sexy, but it was temporary.
Thinking any differently about it would only hurt us both.
His brows cinched together as his gaze searched mine. “No one has forced me to do anything. I’m the one who forced you to put things on hold with Carl. No one is here against their will, Miney. At least I’m not.”
Tell him that you don’t want Carl anymore.
Just say the words.
“I-I—” I looked away. I couldn’t handle the way those gray eyes were boring into me.
Looking deep into my soul like they always did.
But telling Finn the truth would make him feel obligated to me.
I couldn’t stand the idea of him feeling forced to be with me once this was all over.
“I think we should just focus on tonight.”
He nodded, looking like he was about to say something, but he stopped himself.
“How about this… We don’t add any pressure to this already-odd situation.
We have a few more weeks together, and if at the end of that, you want to go back to your dickhead ex when I leave town for work and fall back into my old routine—well, then that’s okay.
But if we decide we aren’t ready to call this off, that’s okay, too. We’re always going to be fine, Reese.”
Was he trying to prepare me for the end?
I tugged his head down so his lips were hovering just above mine. “Too much talking. I don’t want to talk anymore. I just want you to kiss me. Can you do that?”
“Hell, yes. It’s my favorite thing to do these days.”
And just like that, all my worries melted away as his lush lips crashed into mine.
It might not be forever, but right now, it was enough.
Finn and I had taken the horses out for a ride before I left for work, and he had his Zoom call with the director and producer of his upcoming movie. Finn’s career had already skyrocketed, but now he was going to move from the small screen to the big screen.
That meant more travel, more opportunity, and more fans.
This moment in time that we were sharing was coming to an end, and we both knew it.
We raced back toward the barn, my hair whipping around me as my braid had come undone after we’d left the beach and hurried home. It was cold, as Christmas was just a few days away.
My time with Finn felt like a ticking time bomb getting ready to detonate and blow up my world.
One I’d grown so comfortable in.
Too comfortable.
We’d made a deal not to discuss the future until after the holidays.
My guess was that it would make it easier for him to call this done, right before he left for Tokyo. Why discuss that now? It would make things awkward.
We’d still be in one another’s lives. We always would. He was my best friend.
But things would go back to how they used to be, and I couldn’t stand the thought of him telling me about other women now.
How would I fake it and act like it didn’t bother me?
We stopped in the barn and put Han Solo and Millie in their stalls as we made our way back outside.
“Not a bad way to start the day, huh?” he said, as his hand found mine, and we walked toward the house.
It was second nature for us to touch at all times now. But it had been even before all of this. It had always annoyed Carl that I’d had to make a conscious effort not to do it around him when we were all together, which wasn’t often.
“Yeah. It’s the best.”