Chapter 23
twenty-three
. . .
Finn
I’m going holiday shopping with Reese tonight. I got her that charm bracelet I told you about. You know, the one that supposedly says, “I want to date you for real.”
Hugh
What was the gift that said, “I want to fake date you?”
Cage
That’s the gift of the penis, apparently.
You were the ones who told me that sex would make her want to date me, not fake date me, you dicksicles.
Brinkley
And this is why you don’t go to a man for dating advice. Sex is never going to show a woman that you want to date her seriously.
Georgia
Hmmm… I’m not sure that’s true. It made me want to date Bossman.
Cage
I just sat down to have lunch, and now my fucking appetite is ruined. For fuck’s sake, don’t talk about your sex life on the group chat, Georgie.
Brinkley
This is the guy you went to for advice, Finny? He doesn’t have a clue how to handle a woman.
Cage
I’m on this thread, you know that, right?
Brinkley
I do. I just don’t care.
Hugh
Maybe you should just tell her that you want to date her for real.
Brinkley
Really? You think? Duh. That’s what I’ve been trying to say.
Because she’s still not sure how she feels about Dr. Lamebrain, and I don’t want to scare her off.
Georgia
I have to tell you something, but I don’t want you to get upset.
Tell me.
Georgia
Maddox and I met Reese at the office this morning, and Carl was just leaving when we arrived. It may have been nothing, but I didn’t know if you knew he was going to see her today.
Cage
I thought she was done with his bullshit design project.
She is. I didn’t know they were meeting today. This is what I’m talking about. We don’t speak about him anymore, so I don’t know where she stands with him or with me. Ever since we entered this gray area, she doesn’t say much about him.
Brinkley
You’re leaving to film a movie after the holidays. Don’t you think you should be discussing this? You live together. You sleep together. You’re best friends. I have news for you, Finny: You are dating her. You just aren’t talking about it.
Yet she’s still meeting with her asshole ex. Why? Because she is hell-bent on getting married. I don’t fucking understand it.
Georgia
Well, she did talk to us today about renting the little house that Brinks and I have both lived in. She said she wants to find a place to rent after you leave. So at least she isn’t moving in with Carl.
What? Why the fuck would she want to rent your home when she can stay in mine? And, of course, she isn’t moving right in with him. She’s been in my bed for weeks. But is that the plan? Once I’m gone, she takes a break and then goes back to him?
Hugh
You’re jumping to conclusions. We don’t know why he was there this morning.
It doesn’t fucking matter. He’s still in her life, waiting in the wings for the minute I’m gone. I brought her lunch, and she didn’t mention seeing him.
Brinkley
I think the million-dollar question is, do you want the same things? She wants to settle down and start a family. Is that what you want, Finny?
I scrubbed a hand down my face. There was so much going on right now. For both of us. I was getting ready to leave the country for a month. Then I’d come back and start shooting season two of Big Sky Ranch. Was that even conducive to having a healthy relationship? Me being gone all the time?
This is new for me. But I know that I don’t want anyone else.
Cage
That’s not very convincing.
That’s why I need a really good gift.
Georgia
It’s not about a gift, Finny. It’s about putting yourself out there.
Brinkley
Yes. Pour your heart out. Put yourself out there. But I think you should get her some good gifts, too.
Hugh
You could fly her to Vegas and just marry her and be done with it.
Cage
I hate Vegas. The last time I was there, I lost 800 bucks and my pants.
You were with me, and you didn’t lose your pants. You willingly took them off and then jumped into the fountain like a moron while everyone cheered.
Hugh
Umm… I was also there, and you and I both followed him into the fountain without our pants.
Brinkley
Why does all the fun happen when Georgie and I aren’t there?
Cage
Because no one is scolding us and telling us what to do. #livingourbestlife
Georgia
It was Hugh’s bachelor party. We were with Lila. Thankfully, no one got naked or arrested.
Brinkley
Anyway, you better make a move, Finny. Carl is going to swoop in the minute you leave. He already crashed Thanksgiving, and now he showed up at her office today. The writing is on the wall. Don’t sit back and wait for it to happen.
She said she doesn’t want to put any pressure on us and that we will talk about it before I leave. So, I’m trying to do what’s best for her.
Hugh
That’s a fair point.
Georgia
Trust your gut, Finny. You two are so good together. It won’t matter that you’re leaving for a while. You’re meant to be together.
Cage
I still think leading with the penis was a good plan.
Hugh
It always is, brother.
Brinkley
Not my go-to, but whatever. Maybe you can write her a letter to have after you leave, too.
Georgia
Swoon. I agree. You can have the talk and then leave her with the letter to read whenever she’s missing you. I love that idea. And a cashmere sweater is always a win.
Cage
Does she want a puppy? One of Mr. Wigglestein’s many bitches will be delivering soon.
Brinkley
Do not get her a puppy right before you leave town. She’ll hate you. You already got her the jewelry. That’s going to be a winner. Women love thoughtful gifts.
Hugh
I got Lila new running shoes and leggings. Now I’m feeling like an asshole.
Georgia
She will love it, Hughey. But maybe get something pretty, too.
Brinkley
She liked my gold hoop earrings. I’ll send you the link. But I think she’d like you to put a baby in her, if I’m being honest. It’s all she talks about lately.
Hugh
Trust me… I’m trying. Can’t wait to knock up my girl.
Georgia
That’s romantic. Sort of. Maybe the wording is a little off.
Cage
This is where I tap out. You’ve lost me, and I’ve got an office full of needy animals. They take priority.
Thanks for the pep talk. Love you, guys.
Georgia
You’ve got this, Finny.
Brinkley
Put yourself out there before she leaves. Don’t wimp out.
Hugh
If you want to grab a beer later, come by Reynolds’.
I met with Silas to talk about some added responsibilities he’d be taking on once I left and also discussed the idea of bringing someone on to work for him if needed, as well.
I was still pissed that Reese had arranged for another place to live. Even if she didn’t want to keep things going with me, we were still best friends. So why the fuck would she want to move out?
Unless she was planning to get back together with Carl after I left.
I stewed on it as I sat at my desk and looked over the itinerary for my trip to Tokyo, where I’d be filming through January and into part of February. I’d be gone a little over a month.
“I’m home, Chewy,” Reese called out, and I heard the door close. I felt this sense of relief when she got home each day, which was not even logical to me. I’d always loved her. She’d been my best friend for as long as I could remember.
But this was different.
It was hard to breathe when she wasn’t in the room.
I didn’t know how I was going to be away from her for weeks, maybe months, when it was all said and done. And what if she did go back to Carl, and she married the dude like she’d always planned?
How would I even survive if I had to see them together?
I wasn’t going to ask her about him stopping by today, because there’d be no reason for her not to tell me if there was nothing going on.
So, I’d give her the opportunity to tell me.
I came out of the office, and she rushed toward me, dropping her purse on the floor. My arms came around her as her body crashed into mine.
“Hey, are you okay?” I pulled back, finding her chin and tipping her head back so I could look at her. “What’s wrong?”
“I just missed you.” She smiled, and my shoulders relaxed.
“Yeah? Missed you, too. Busy day?”
“Yes. I had a few meetings, and I have two new clients.” She pushed up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek. “Come on. I’ll tell you all about it on the way. Let’s get our shopping done so we can have dinner and relax.”
I grabbed my coat by the door and pulled it on before reaching for my keys and stepping outside. The snow was falling, and the driveway had a layer of white powder covering it. I loved this time of year.
I pulled the passenger door open, and she climbed in. I leaned down and kissed her hard as I reached for the seat belt and pulled it across her body. I studied her face, noticing she looked a little pale, and considering how cold it was, her face should be flush.
“You still look a little pale. Are you okay?” There was always that sinking feeling in my stomach when I worried about Reese. The worst time of my life was the day that I found out she was sick. The fear of losing her—it had scared me shitless.
“I’m just a little tired, Chewy. I’ve been working a lot. I feel fine. I promise.”
“Should you see Dr. Roberts? Just to be safe?”
“Finn. Stop. I would go if I were worried about it. Being tired does not mean that I have cancer.” Her gaze hardened like I’d just completely offended her. “Now, get in the truck so we can go buy lots of presents and go to Reynolds’ for some good food.”
I nodded slowly before closing the door and hurrying around to start the truck and crank up the heat.
“So, tell me about your day,” I said, keeping my tone light as I waited for her to tell me about Carl.
“Well, your sister and Maddox came by early this morning, and we went over some design ideas for the casita.”
And you asked if you could rent their home.
“Yes. What else did you talk about?” Reese and I had never had secrets. But now that we were sleeping together, she was suddenly tight-lipped with me? That didn’t sit fucking well with me.
“I drew up some sketches, and they loved them. We looked at some different finishes, and—”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. You asked to rent their house. Why are you leaving that out?” I said, not hiding my irritation as I found a parking spot on Cottonwood Cove Drive downtown.
She chuckled. “Ah, I figured Georgie might mention it. I was going to tell you. I just thought I’d wait until we have our little talk.”
“The day before I leave? Isn’t that what you requested? We wait until the last fucking minute to talk about it? But meanwhile, you go and rent another home? What’s your deal, Miney?”
Her jaw fell open as she searched my gaze. She unbuckled her seat belt and slid across the seat before climbing onto my lap. She placed a mitten-covered hand on each of my cheeks.
“I need to have a plan, Chewy. You’re leaving, and once you finish shooting the movie, you’ll be shooting Big Sky Ranch. You’re going to be gone for a few months, so I can’t just be living in your house.”
“Why the fuck not?” I asked.
“For a lot of reasons.”
“Name one.”
“We don’t know what this is, what’s happening between us.
I’m an adult, and I need to have a home of my own.
I can’t be sitting around, waiting to see what happens.
I’m not going to do that to you, Finn. You’re my best friend.
My favorite person. I love you so much, and I don’t want you worrying about me.
If you—” She looked away, glancing out the window as a tear ran down her cheek.
“If I, what?”
“You’re leaving, Chewy. You’re going to have women chasing after you. You’re a freaking movie star now. You did me a favor. But we both know this isn’t going to last forever. This isn’t what you want.” Now the tears were streaming down her cheeks.
I guess we were doing this now.
I used my thumbs to clear away the liquid. “How do you know what I want?”
“Because I know you better than anyone. And I don’t think we want the same things.
” Her voice broke, and I swear a piece of my heart cracked at the pain that I heard.
“I want you to want the same things I want. God, I want that so bad. But I won’t ever ask you to be someone you’re not.
And I can’t stand the thought of you not being happy.
Or you being far away and feeling guilty because you want someone else, and you don’t know how to tell me. We can’t let that happen to us.”
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, stunned by how much she’d been holding in. Hell, I had been holding back, too.
“Miney,” I whispered before she pulled back to look at me.
“I’m sorry. I’m just tired and emotional.”
“Stop. I’m unsure where we stand, too. I don’t know where you are with Carl. I mean, I’m not the one who has someone waiting for this to fail so they can swoop in.”
Her pretty green eyes searched mine like she was stunned by my words. “You’ve got lots of people waiting to swoop in, Chewy. The whole world wants a piece of you. Your life is just getting started. And mine… mine is here.”
“Mine has always revolved around you. I just didn’t know what it meant back then. And now I know this for certain,” I said, as my thumb stroked her bottom lip. “I don’t want anyone else. When I’m away from you, I miss you like crazy.”
“I don’t think that’s enough.” She shrugged. “It’ll fade.”
“This isn’t a fucking fling. I’ve loved you my entire life, Reese Murphy. That will never fade.”
She pushed forward again, hugging me tight.
“Let’s just enjoy this time together, okay?
And then we’ll see what happens. You don’t need to make me any promises.
But just know that I’m going to be fine.
I’m going to move into my own place when you leave.
And we’ll just take things one day at a time. ”
She’d already given up on me.
But what she didn’t know was… I’d never give up on her.
Or on us.