Chapter 26 #2
“I heard you. I’ll show you cocky later when I put those chaps on for you and let you ride me in nothing but your cowboy hat and boots.”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” I teased.
“I never would.” He popped a raspberry into his mouth. “So, tell me about the business. It’s growing quicker than you expected. Do you think you should bring on some help?”
I thought it over. “Yeah, at some point. But the beginning is all about grinding, right? I’m starting a business. I need to put everything I make back into it for right now.”
“Miney. Why is taking help so hard for you? Let me invest in your business. Let me help you get things going.”
“You already did. You bought a building, Finn. I think you’ve gone above and beyond.”
“Yet you keep trying to pay rent when we already had a deal to wait a year.”
“That’s sort of a normal business expense.” I laughed. “I’ve got this. I promise.”
“I don’t like seeing you work so hard. You’re running yourself into the ground.”
“I’m young. You work long hours when you’re on set.”
He nodded. But I saw the look in his eyes. He was worried I’d get sick again. There was always that nagging worry in the back of everyone’s minds, mine included.
“I’m fine. I promise. And I love you for caring so much.”
“Well, I love you, and that’s why I care so much.”
“You always have to one-up me with the fancy words, don’t you?”
“Whatever it takes to impress my girl,” he said, and butterflies fluttered in my belly.
“You’ve already impressed me. How are you feeling about this movie? About being gone?”
“I feel okay about it. I wish you could come with me, but I know you’ve got your own dreams to chase here, and I wouldn’t ask you to give that up. So, I’ll put my head down and go work hard for a few weeks, and then come home and show you what you’ve been missing.”
“I will miss you, Chewy. I used to feel so guilty when I was in London because you were the person I missed the most.”
“Yeah? That year was an eye-opener for me, too. It’s the longest we’d ever been apart. And I, uh…” He paused and looked over at the fire, and I waited. My heart raced a little, wondering what he was going to say. “I didn’t do so well, Miney. I didn’t sleep well on the days that we didn’t speak.”
“I felt the same. Like I’d lost a limb.”
I pulled off my coat because I was either burning up from this fire or from the man beside me. His coat had been off for a while because Finn was never cold. He loved the colder temperatures and the snow and the mountains. I slid over toward him, and he pulled me onto his lap.
“Well, we can’t have that, can we? I think we have something pretty special.” He kissed my cheek.
“What we have is nothing I’ve ever experienced with anyone else.”
“Good. I want to keep it that way.” His fingers were in my hair, and he tipped my head back and kissed me. I melded against his body as his tongue found mine. And I wished I could freeze time and stay right here forever.
Finn had left to go see his brothers, and I’d texted Carl and told him I’d meet him at Cup of Cove for a quick coffee. I didn’t mention the blood work to Finn because he’d just worry that I was sick. He was leaving in the morning, and that was the last thing he should be thinking about.
I made my way to the table near the entrance when I saw Carl waving at me. It was weird that just a few months ago, I thought this man was the love of my life, and now I just felt—nothing.
Sure, we had a history, and I loved him in a friendship sort of way. Maybe that was the way I had always loved him, but I just didn’t know any different before now.
“Hey,” he said, and the look on his face had my stomach dropping. What could he have found out? The blood work was just to rule out anything else, right? Or was there something there that made it obvious something was wrong? “I got you a hot chocolate.”
I sat in the chair across from him. “Thank you. You don’t look so well. Did the blood work show something?”
My heart was racing as he studied me.
“I don’t know, Reese. I guess it depends if you wanted to get pregnant.”
Pregnant?
Pregnant.
I couldn’t speak.
Couldn’t think.
I was prepared for him to say that I had mono.
Strep throat.
An immune disorder.
Or some sort of infection.
A baby?
A beautiful baby.
Joy coursed through my veins just before this unsettling feeling spread through my body.
If I was afraid of making Finn feel trapped before, I’d just forced him into a corner in the worst way. Now he’d feel obligated to me.
My bottom lip quivered first before I let the tears fall.
This was what I’d always wanted.
But Finn had this exciting career starting, and I was freaking pregnant?
He’d never had a serious relationship, and now he was tied to one that hadn’t even started out as real for the rest of his life.
He’d never forgive me.
It was too soon.
Carl grabbed my hands. “Is this not good news?”
Why did he sound so pleased?
Had the sound of his voice always irritated me?
“It’s not that. Of course, it’s not that. I’m thrilled. A part of me wondered if I’d ever be able to get pregnant. It’s just, Finn and I are so new to dating, and I don’t know if he’s ready for all of this. He’s leaving for Tokyo tomorrow. I-I just don’t know what he’ll think.”
“I’m here for you, Reese. I’d raise this baby with you if you asked me to.”
What?
That made me cry harder.
This was not how I ever imagined finding out I was pregnant would be. My ex-boyfriend delivering the news and then offering to raise the baby with me because I wasn’t certain that the man I loved would be ready for all of this.
“I’m in love with him, Carl.” I whimpered, and he held my hands from across the table, and I saw the tears streaming down his face.
My God, I’d made a mess of everything.
“Why are you crying?” I asked as I tried to pull myself together.
“Because I just realized right now that I’ve lost you forever.”
I pulled my hands away to swipe at my face, and I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you had to come here and tell me this. I’m sorry that I’m falling apart in front of you. This is just all wrong for so many reasons.”
“Don’t be silly. I would do anything for you.
” He held his hands up and sniffed. “In a friendship type of way. I get it. Your heart belongs to him now. Hell, it probably always did. I just forced the situation by ending things with you. I guess it gave you the time to actually explore those feelings.”
“I guess so.” I nodded, reaching for the napkin and dabbing at my eyes.
“Well, I mean, at least we know you’re not sick. You just have a baby in your belly, which is why you’re so tired. You’ve always wanted to be a mom. And it sounds like you want to be with Finn, so maybe this isn’t so bad.”
“It’s not that it’s bad, Carl. Of course, I want to be a mom, and the idea of having a baby with Finn is amazing—” I looked away because this wasn’t fair to be talking about this with my ex-boyfriend, who was suddenly willing to raise another man’s baby with me after rejecting me for taking the job of my dreams. “It makes me happy to think about, but the timing is tough because we’re still figuring things out, you know? ”
“Well, if it helps, I told you that I see the way he looks at you. Hell, I’ve always seen it. I was trying everything I could not to see it, long before you two got together. He’s in love with you, Reesey. I think he always has been.”
I nodded. “I know that he loves me. I don’t doubt that.”
“Then what is it? Just tell him.”
“I don’t want him to be with me for the wrong reasons, Carl.
So, I’m asking you as a favor, as a man that I consider my friend after all the years we’ve been together.
Please don’t tell anyone. I want Finn to know first, but I’m not ready to tell him.
He needs to go on this trip with a clear mind.
And we’ll see how he feels once we’ve spent some time apart. ”
“Of course. I won’t say a word. And I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you so much,” I said as I pushed to my feet and swiped at my face one last time.
He stood and hugged me. “You’re going to be just fine.”
“I will be. Thank you so much for everything. I’ll see you soon.”
I had to pull myself together before I went home.
I wasn’t ready to tell Finn what was going on.
Because I knew Finn. He’d cancel the trip. He’d worry about me being alone.
I needed to give him this time to make sure that he came back to me because he missed me, not because we were having a child together.
We were having this baby, but I needed to know that he loved me either way.
The way I wanted to be loved.
The way I needed to be loved.