Chapter 8 #2
I look over at Holly, who is sitting next to Miles and watching me closely.
He’s the only person on the team besides Miles and Theo who will know I’m not actually in a relationship with Sarah.
Partly because I already told him what Miles asked and partly because even if I hadn’t told him, he’d never believe me dating someone and not talking to him about it.
He lifts his eyebrows and tilts his head up the slightest bit, like he’s asking if I’m okay.
I shrug and give him a nod. If I think too hard about what’s happening, panic definitely threatens to creep in. But I went into this with my eyes open. We already started this ball rolling. I just have to ride the momentum and hope I land on my feet on the other side.
“So is Carter seeing someone?” Jordo asks. “Is that what she was implying? That he was taking notes on marriage because…he’s getting married?” He sounds completely shocked, and I can’t say that I blame him.
I keep my head down, eyes focused on unlacing my skates. At this point, it’s all about the power of suggestion. If I don’t say anything, they’ll take my silence as an admission and fill in the blanks for me.
Jordo slaps my back as he moves past. “Dude. Are you holding out on us? What aren’t you telling us?”
“I guess you’ll know when I decide to tell you,” I say.
A chorus of laughs and jeers and jokes erupts around the room, then I’m assaulted with a barrage of questions. Is it someone they know? How long have I been seeing her? Does Miles know? Is that why he tipped off Avery? Has Theo met her? Has Holly?
When Coach Kimzey finally comes in for a post-game debrief, I’m happy for the interruption, but I still find myself struggling to focus on his feedback. My mind keeps drifting to Sarah, wondering if she watched the game from home, if she maybe saw the post-game interview.
It’s an odd feeling to know that my actions, my words—they’re all tied back to her now. Whether I’m ready for it or not.
Once I’m showered and ready, I catch Miles on his way out. “Hey, did Sarah come tonight?” I ask, and something in his expression shifts, taking on a slight wariness that wasn’t there before.
“Nah, man. She didn’t come. She—”
“Daddy!” Poppy calls, cutting him off. We both turn to see Anna and the girls walking down the hall. Poppy runs and leaps into Miles’s arms.
“Hey, kiddo,” he says. He looks at Anna over Poppy’s shoulder. “I thought you took the girls home.”
Anna shrugs. “Poppy really wanted to wait and see you.”
Poppy takes Miles’s face into her hands and squishes his cheeks. “Good job on getting a star, Daddy.” She looks over at me. “You too, Carter.”
“Thanks, Poppy,” I say. Standing here, watching Miles with his family, the loneliness I felt at the end of the game sharpens, the chasm inside my chest growing wider and wider.
Olive reaches for her dad next, and soon, he’s so immersed in his family that he doesn’t seem at all concerned with finishing our conversation.
Not that it matters. Sarah wasn’t here, which is the information I wanted.
Theo appears behind me. “You ready?” he asks, and I nod.
We rode to the game together tonight, so we say goodbye to Miles and the rest of his family, then head out to the player parking lot.
“You probably feel like you’ve been thrown into the deep end,” he says, and I let out a chuckle.
“Definitely. Thanks for backing me up.”
“You know I’ve got you,” he says. “Was Sarah at the game tonight?”
I unlock my truck as we approach. “No, she wasn’t there.”
“I wondered if she would be now that you’re a thing.”
“Maybe once we’ve officially gone public,” I say as I toss my bag into the back of the truck. It concerns me how much I hope that’s true.
As soon as we’re both in the cab, I buckle my seatbelt and start the engine. “You good with a quick detour before we go home?”
Theo shrugs. “You’re driving, so I’m not sure I have much choice.”
“We won’t be able to see much,” I say as I pull out of the parking lot. “But I want to drive by anyway.”
“Drive by what?” Theo asks. “A house?”
I nod. “I’ve been texting Shelby, talking about this one listing.
They’re refinishing the floors, so I can’t see the inside until next week, but I’ve been to see the outside twice, and I think this might be the one.
” It’s the same one I found the night Miles first asked me about marrying Sarah.
That was just over a week ago, but so much has happened since then, it feels like it’s been a lot longer.
Theo shifts in his seat. “You already texted Shelby?” There’s something like hurt laced through the question, and I look over at him.
“I mean, you gave me her number. Isn’t that what you wanted me to do?”
“Of course it was,” he says. “But then we didn’t talk about it again. And now you’re saying you’ve already found the one? And gone to see it twice? Just feels like you’re making a lot of big decisions really fast.”
I hear his words, but I also hear what he isn’t saying. I’m doing it without him.
I don’t want to hurt my brother. And I do care about what he thinks. But it’s been nice to talk to Shelby and make decisions on my own without worrying about what it might mean for him.
I’ve never really done that before.
“I should have mentioned it to you,” I say. “There’s just been a lot going on the past few days.”
He scoffs. “That’s an understatement. Look, I already told you I don’t care if you move. But I do care if you shut me out. You can’t buy an ugly house, man. How can I make sure that doesn’t happen if you don’t tell me anything?”
“It’s only been a week. And I’m taking you there right now.”
“Good,” he says.
“Good,” I say right back.
We ride in silence for the rest of the drive, which only seems to punctuate Theo’s obvious unease.
Our entire lives, every big decision we’ve ever made has always been a decision for both of us. Hockey has pretty much been our life since we were twelve years old, and now it’s our career. Same team. Same position. Same city. Same apartment building.
I think we’ve both been aware it wouldn’t always be like this, but knowing it and experiencing it are two different things.
And I’m ready to experience it. I need to, honestly. I think I’m at the point where my relationship with my brother depends on it.
I turn the truck onto a wide road flanked by sidewalks and dotted with streetlamps. On either side, enormous houses with immaculate lawns reach into the cloudy February sky.
A mile or so in, I turn right onto the driveway and wind my way up to the house.
The house is vacant but all the exterior lights are on, so we can still make out a decent amount about the property.
It isn’t as big as the others I’ve looked at, but the house is on a larger lot with a long, winding driveway and a tree line running along one side that makes it feel private even though it’s still in a neighborhood.
I stop my truck right in front, and I’m struck with the same sense I had last time I was here.
This is somewhere I’d really love to live.
“I like it,” Theo says as he peers up at the porch. “Seems very you.”
“In what way?”
Theo shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s nice but it’s not flashy.” He shoots me a grin, reclaiming some of his typical levity. “Not half as nice as what I’ll end up buying.”
I open my car door and tilt my head toward the house. “Come on. No one’s living here right now. Let’s walk around and see the back.”
Theo leads the way, and I follow him along a stone path that winds through a series of flower beds until it reaches a gate to the backyard.
The gate is locked, but Shelby gave me a key code, so I pull out my phone to retrieve it. Once I punch it in, the gate swings open.
“Whoa,” Theo says as soon as we step through.
I can’t blame him. So far, this is my favorite part of the house.
A covered patio with an outdoor kitchen is situated next to a huge pool, which, despite the chill in the air, is still clean and welcoming.
It’s probably heated. Beyond the pool, the expansive green lawn is surrounded by heavy woods.
When I was here during the day, I could just barely make out the shape of another house through the trees on the far edge of the lawn, but in the summer when leaves grow in, I doubt I’ll be able to see anything at all.
“I’d probably buy it just for this,” Theo says, his hands pushed into his pockets. “And you’ve seen pictures of the inside?”
I nod. “Yeah, it seems great. At least from what I can tell.”
He stares out at the water for a long moment. “You should do it, then.”
“You think?”
He shoots me a look, one eyebrow raised. “You don’t need my approval. You’ve already been out here twice. Unless you’re asking me to live here too. In which case, only if I get to pick my bedroom first.”
I push my hands into my pockets. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring you the first time I came. I think I needed to do it by myself. And I maybe worried it would be weird for you.”
He lifts his gaze to meet mine. “Weird that you’re buying a house?”
“Maybe more that I’m moving away from you.”
We don’t say anything for so long, I wonder if the conversation is over.
But then Theo shrugs. “It is a little weird. But that doesn’t mean it won’t be good for us.
” He’s quiet for another beat before he adds, “You’ve been looking out for me for a long time, man.
I’ve let you do it because you’re the oldest. And you’re good at it.
And I’ve definitely had moments when I needed it.
But I’m solid now. I can survive on my own. ”
“Survive? Yes. Get to practice on time…”
He scoffs. “You haven’t had to wake me up for practice in years.”
“What about the day after Thanksgiving?”
“Practice the day after Thanksgiving is criminal, so that shouldn’t count. And I still would have gotten up. Just because I don’t need thirty minutes to make my bed and iron my underwear before I leave the house doesn’t mean I would have been late.”
“That happened once,” I say.
We were sixteen when I very nervously ironed every article of clothing I planned to wear before my first date—including my boxer briefs—and Theo has never let me forget it.
“Once is all it takes, man,” Theo jokes. “But seriously. If you kept this to yourself because you were trying to protect me, stop. I’m fine. I’m happy for you. And maybe you’ll inspire me to do the same thing.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief. I maybe didn’t realize I was protecting Theo, but it was pretty uncharacteristic that I came to see the house for the first time without him. He’s the person I ask about everything.
But I guess that’s about to change too.
Even if my marriage to Sarah won’t be traditional, she’ll still be my wife. Living in my house. Sharing my space. I already know she’s easy to talk to, and we will be spending a lot of time together. By default, that probably means I’ll talk to Theo less.
“So, when are you going to tell Mom?” Theo asks.
“The truth?” I ask. “Never.”
“Obviously,” he says. “I mean when are you going to tell her you’re getting married? You know she follows your Instagram. You can’t let her find out on the internet.”
I breathe out a sigh. “I’ll call her tomorrow.”
“At least you already set her up for it,” Theo says. “Even if it wasn’t intentional.”
I move to the edge of the pool and lower myself onto a deck chair. “I’m hoping she wants us to be married badly enough that she’ll roll with the timeline as long as I promise I’m happy.”
“Or she’ll just think Sarah’s pregnant.”
My brain makes fast work of conjuring what it might be like to have that kind of a relationship with Sarah, and a sudden flush makes my cheeks warm.
I clear my throat, forcing the thought away, hoping the low light might keep Theo from noticing, but based on his current smirk, he knows exactly where his words sent my thoughts.
He’s annoying, but he’s not wrong. Mom absolutely will think Sarah’s pregnant. But then, when the marriage happens so quickly, a lot of people will.
“You’re probably right about that. But it’s not like I can tell Mom the truth.”
Theo chuckles. “No, you definitely can’t. She’d tell half her neighborhood.” He sits down across from me on a neighboring chair. “Are you going to make an offer?”
“I think so. Shelby says once the interior is open to showings, it’ll sell quickly, so I don’t want to lose it to someone else. We’ve got the first available appointment once the floors are finished.”
“Will you let Sarah see it first?”
“She’ll be in New York,” I say. “She leaves this week for a two-week residency. If Shelby is right, it would be risky to wait for her to come back. I think she’ll like it. There’s a room above the garage that would make a perfect studio. Huge windows, tons of natural light. Hardwood floors.”
Theo only stares.
“What?” I finally ask.
“Carter, are you buying a house because it has a good studio space for your not-real wife?”
“Of course not. I don’t even know if it’ll work. I just saw the picture and thought it might.”
“Let me try this again,” Theo says. “Have you been filtering properties based on whether they have good studio space for your not-real wife?”
“That’s not—she also has to live in it,” I say. “Paint in it. It’s a very practical consideration.”
Theo starts to laugh. “Oh, man, you are in so much trouble.”
“I’m not,” I say. “It’s not like that.”
“It is too like that. That’s why you said yes—something you can’t deny because I was there when you decided. And so was Holly.”
I can’t argue with him. After we left the food drive, the three of us went out for a beer and outlined the three things I should ask for in exchange for saying yes to the marriage. At the time, fueled by their enthusiasm and one too many beers, it seemed like a perfectly decent list.
In retrospect, and especially after the game tonight when she wasn’t there, I realize just how much of that enthusiasm is tied directly to my hope that eventually, I might have a relationship with Sarah for real.
“Okay, you’re right,” I concede. “But I’m trying really hard not to get ahead of myself.”
“Smart,” Theo says. “But I still think you should let Sarah see the house before you make an offer. Do a video call, send her the listing. Something.”
“All right. I hear you. I’ll call her. I’ll give her a video tour before I make any decisions.”
“Good,” Theo says. He stands and offers me a hand. “See? You do need me.”
“Don’t let it go to your head,” I say.
Theo grins like only a brother can. Then he turns and shoves me directly into the pool.