Chapter 18 #2
Right now, Anna and Miles’s living room is full of our family and friends.
Emerson and Jeremy and a few others from Savannah have driven up.
Carter’s mom, Kim, is here, as well as his former captain from his AHL team, not to mention all his current teammates.
Even Coach Kimzey and the Jaguars GM are here.
And all but a handful of those people currently believe we’re in love.
“Right,” I say. “It should be convincing. Were you thinking we should…practice?”
He gives me a sheepish look, but then he shrugs his shoulders. “It might make it easier out there if we do.” He leans forward and hooks a gentle hand around my waist. “Can we break the rules in the name of practice?”
Carter has a playful air about him, but under the surface, I sense a vulnerability I don’t always see in him. He’s done so much to make me comfortable, coming to my rescue over and over again. So this time, it feels like I should be the one who rescues him.
“I think this definitely feels like an extenuating circumstance.” I lift a hand to his face, my fingers wrapping around his jaw, then I push up on my toes and press my lips to his.
Carter’s breath stutters at first, but he quickly stills, settling into the kiss as he lifts a hand to my face, his fingers grazing across my cheek.
The first time I kissed him, we were in a room full of people, making the whole thing feel a little like a performance. It was still amazing—I’ve been dreaming of that kiss for weeks—but this time, we’re the only two people here, allowing my focus to zero in on Carter. Only Carter.
And the difference is significant.
His body is warm and solid in front of me, his lips soft, his grip firm, and oh, I really, really like kissing him.
Carter tilts his head to deepen the kiss, and somewhere in the back of my mind, it occurs to me that there’s no way we’ll kiss like this in front of our friends and family. A kiss like this—it’s the kind that sparks hunger, a craving for more. More of this. More of him.
I should stop, but I can’t bring myself to pull away.
Not until a knock sounds on the bathroom door. “Are you two ready?” Anna asks.
Carter pulls back, his expression stunned enough that I’m pretty sure he fell as deeply into that kiss as I did.
I press a hand to his chest as if to calm him and clear my throat. “We’ll be right out,” I say to Anna, then I wait until I hear the swish of her dress as she walks away.
I look back at Carter.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I think I got carried away.”
“I kissed you, Carter.”
“I know,” he says. “But I…I shouldn’t have done that.”
I study his face, trying to read his expression.
For once, I can’t tell what he’s thinking, if he regrets kissing me for my sake…
or for his. Either way, the fact that he regrets it at all pricks at the tenderest places in my heart.
I’ve done a pretty good job of compartmentalizing over the past six weeks, convincing myself that I am not, nor can I ever be, the supportive wife Carter deserves.
But I don’t like the reminders that at some point, I’m going to have to give him up.
And the look on his face right now—that’s what it feels like.
“We’ve had a lot going on,” I say. “A lot of emotion. A lot of change. I think we can give ourselves a pass on this one. And, hey—at least now the wedding kiss won’t feel like a big deal.”
He lets himself smile the slightest bit, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “True,” he says. He straightens his jacket, and I reach up to adjust his tie.
“Should we do this?” I ask, letting my hands linger on his chest, and he nods.
“Let’s do it,” he says. Then I slip my hand into his, and we head out the door together.
Five minutes later, Miles walks me down the aisle, then I’m standing with Carter, promising to love and cherish and care for him until death do us part.
He adds a wedding band to the engagement ring I’m already wearing, and I slide a ring onto his left hand.
There’s a scar that runs up the side of his finger I’ve never noticed before—probably a hockey injury—and it suddenly feels startling to me that I don’t know the story.
There’s still so much I don’t know.
“Breathe,” Carter whispers, and I lift my eyes to meet his. His gaze is warm, steady like always, and my nerves immediately settle.
And then I’m officially Mrs. Carter Williamson, and a room full of our loved ones is cheering us on while Carter presses the sweetest, tenderest kiss to my lips.
The post-ceremony celebration starts almost immediately as friends and family move in to congratulate us and wish us well. “I’ll be right beside you all night,” Carter says, slipping an arm around my waist and giving me a squeeze.
I love that he knows I need the reminder.
He stays true to his word, never leaving me as I greet his teammates and hug his mom. I meet former Appies players and former coaches. And Carter meets Emerson’s boyfriend, Jeremy, who is just as much a Jaguars fan as Emerson promised.
“I already love you,” Jeremy says as he gives me a hug, “just based on how highly Emerson speaks of you. But the fact that I’m currently sharing a room with the entire Jaguars team has definitely earned you some bonus points.”
“What about me? Do I get bonus points?” Carter asks from beside me.
Jeremy’s face flushes as he looks up at my husband. My. Husband. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to saying that.
“Oh, you definitely don’t need them,” he says. “But if you want some anyway, bonus points are easily bought with gifts. A jersey signed by all your teammates, maybe?”
Carter grins. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Theo gives me a big hug, welcoming me to the family, and I must get at least five different hugs from Poppy, Olive, and Charlie, who is delighted to tell me she’s tripled the size of her glasses collection. The ones she’s wearing tonight are purple with pink hearts on the sides.
The other hockey wives and girlfriends are lovely and welcoming, many encouraging me to come to the next game just so I can sit with them. I smile and nod and promise I’ll try, hating that I’m going to disappoint them all.
I wonder how long they’ll want to include me if I only go to the events that don’t have anything to do with playing actual games.
“Don’t worry about it,” Carter says, his voice close to my ear. “There are a lot of other ways you can support the team.”
I give him a grateful smile, but I still can’t shake the sense of disappointment in myself. This isn’t just about letting down the other hockey wives. It’s about letting him down too. That’s the worst part.
Across the room, Theo and Holly are having an animated discussion with a few other Jaguars players, and Theo calls over to his brother.
“Carter! Come give us your opinion,” he says.
Carter looks down at me. “Will you be okay for a second?”
I nod. “Go. I’m good.”
“I’ll keep her company,” Kim says, moving in beside me.
Carter leans down and presses a kiss to my temple, then he moves across the room to stand next to his brother.
I watch him go, feeling a strange mix of happiness and sadness at the same time.
Happiness because I like him so much—and because I’m incredibly grateful he’s the guy who said yes to this wild scheme.
Sadness because I desperately wish I could be what he wants. What he needs.
“How are you holding up?” his mom asks. After multiple FaceTime calls, it already feels like I know her, but Kim Williamson is even better in person. She’s warm and maternal and vivacious, and I really, really like her.
“It’s a little overwhelming,” I say, “but it’s been a good day. It’s nice to have so many loved ones together at once.”
She nods. “So true. And teammates too. This team has been such a good family for the boys.” She looks over at me. “You’ll need that family. I’m sure you know just from your brother, but being a hockey wife is not for the faint of heart.”
I force a smile, even as my gut tightens the slightest bit. “Yeah, I’ve gotten that sense.”
“With how much they travel and the potential for injuries or sudden trade deals, I’m not sure I could do it.” She looks over at me. “Carter will make it seem worth it though. He’s been ready to love someone since he was fifteen.”
A knot forms in the back of my throat. “Yeah, he’s pretty special.”
“Honestly, I wasn’t even surprised when he told me y’all were getting married,” she continues.
“I admittedly thought you might be pregnant at first, with how fast the wedding happened, but when he explained you wanted to get married before playoffs, I understood. And I could tell just by his words how much he loves you. I always knew with him that once he fell, he’d fall hard and fast.”
A twinge of guilt makes my heart feel tight.
I don’t like that we’re being dishonest with so many people today, but Carter’s mom is the one who hits me the hardest. He clearly gets his earnest nature from her, and she seems genuinely happy for us.
It’s been hard enough having these conversations with her on the phone, but it’s so much more difficult in person.
She would be so disappointed if she knew we were only pretending.
“Mrs. Williamson, will you excuse me for a moment?” I say, then I hustle across the hall and duck into the home office that’s off the kitchen.
Well, sort of home office. Anna treats the space more like a library.
It has floor-to-ceiling shelves packed full of her paperbacks.
Novels and books of poetry and memoirs. There’s a desk in the middle of the room that the girls use for coloring or other art projects while Anna stretches out on the chaise longue to read.
She might be the only person I know who reads more than I do.
At least for right now, the room is blissfully empty, so I take a second to breathe, to let the quiet soothe my frayed nerves.