Chapter 15 The Mistake
THE MISTAKE
MAGGIE
The door had barely shut behind Zeke before Marla laid into me.
“Girl, do you have the slightest idea what the hell you’re doin?”
I turned to her, surprised at her outburst. A dopey grin still tugged at the corners of my mouth, and I found myself struggling to keep it from my face.
While I had hoped that Zeke would give me a goodbye kiss, nothing could erase the memories from Tybee Island.
The day had been nothing short of perfect.
I couldn’t remember the last time I spent that much time with a guy.
At least not without feeling bad about myself afterwards.
Zeke didn’t make me hate myself, though. He made me feel amazing. Like I was something special.
You’re not a burden, you’re a gift.
“What do you mean, Marla? I haven’t done anything!” I protested.
She shook her head and started slamming dishes into the sink. “That boy is greener than a cow pasture. He might be a soldier, but the poor thing is scared of his own dang shadow. You can’t fool around with a man like that.”
Why did everyone assume I only wanted to fool around with guys? Why couldn’t I want more? Even Marla didn’t think it possible.
“I like him,” I whispered. Tears caught in my throat, but I tried to hold them back. Marla didn’t much tolerate crying.
“I like him, too,” she agreed. “That’s why I’m telling you to be careful. He ain’t the kind to break hearts and add notches to his belt. He’s a good one.”
As much as her words stung, deep down I knew she was right. Zeke would be as good a man as Mr. Hendricks, Celeste’s dad. The kind of guy who took care of his loved ones and made you believe that kindness still existed. Someone who would never go for a girl with a reputation like mine.
I crept into the bathroom, letting the tears fall once I had the door locked.
Turning on the shower, I stripped naked to stand in front of the mirror.
Since I didn’t have any makeup with me to mark my imperfections I settled for listing them in my head.
It wasn’t hard as Marla’s warning rattled through.
Ugly.
Boy-crazy.
Slut.
Like mother, like daughter. Maybe I wasn’t any better than Diana. I was always going to be the girl you had fun with before you found the girl to take home for Sunday dinner. Marla was absolutely right; Zeke deserved better.
Snot trickled out of my nose, but I did nothing to wipe it off. I could barely hold myself together. Wrapping my arms around my waist to fortify myself, it was all I could do to keep my sobs from breaking free. This wasn’t something I could explain to Marla.
I sank onto the ground and stuffed my fist in my mouth to stifle the tears. Would I ever get to be something more than Maggie Eaton, the girl who slept her way through high school? Did reputations ever change? Nobody in River’s Run seemed willing to let that happen.
Besides, what if they were all right? What if I followed in Diana’s footsteps and couldn’t handle a serious relationship? Maybe that was my lot in life and I simply needed to learn how to be okay with it. There was nothing wrong with having many sexual partners if I owned up to it, right?
My thoughts continued to swirl. Without giving it a second thought, I pulled my cell from my shorts pocket and texted Spencer Church.
YOU BUSY?
His response came a few seconds later.
FREE IF YOU NEED ME. I GOT SOME GOOD SHIT.
More tears threatened to spill over, but what did I really have to lose? The damage had already been done.
ON MY WAY
By the time I crept into my room and changed into a simple sundress, then touched up my makeup, Marla had already cleaned up the kitchen and gone to bed. I slipped out as quietly as I could.
Spencer lived in a ramshackle trailer on the edge of town. He shared it with a few other guys who also peaked in high school. I’d been there a few times for different hook ups. That was all Spencer was good for, along with his roommates…two of whom I’d also slept with.
The door swung open as soon as I pulled up in front of his place. Spencer held it open, shirtless, with his black jeans already unbuttoned. A blunt hung from his mouth and he blew smoke in my face as I swept past him.
“I knew you couldn’t stay away from me, Mags,” he drawled, coming up behind me and pinning my body to his.
His cockiness irritated me. I chose to focus on that rather than my rising disappointment for coming here. The air hung with stale cigarette and weed smoke mixed with the undeniable stench of body odor that only teenage boys could create. I felt dirty just from stepping inside.
Jabbing my elbow into his side, I whirled on him with a scowl. “Are your roommates here?”
Spencer shook his head. “Just you and me. Pretty sure I know how to satisfy you by now.” His laughter barked out through the room.
I settled down on the ratty futon, the only piece of real furniture to sit on in the living room, and hiked up my skirt to reveal more of my thighs. “Then shut up and do it.”
He smirked before plopping down beside me.
Taking another long drag on the blunt, Spencer offered me a hit while also sliding a hand between my legs.
The smirk widened when he discovered I didn’t have any panties on.
In our past hookups they were often left behind or shoved into couch cushions, so I knew better than to wear any at this point.
I tried to focus more on the pot than on the way his fingers pawing at my slit made my skin crawl.
The calluses on his fingers weren’t as gentle as Zeke’s, nor did they move in a caress as though I was meant to be treasured.
It was all wrong, and somewhere in the back of my mind an alarm screamed in protest.
“Damn, Mags, you’re normally a lot wetter for me than this,” Spencer commented. “Are we doing this or not?”
I rolled my eyes. “Just shut up and take your pants off.”
Spencer grinned and did as I ordered. He pulled a condom out from his back pocket, sliding it on, then moved to hover over me.
I turned my face away so that he couldn’t see the shame in my eyes.
The blunt fell from my mouth to the floor as I bit down on my tongue hard enough to taste blood.
Spencer spat on my pussy and thrust his way inside.
Just like every other time we’d hooked up, Spencer only cared for his own pleasure. He rutted inside me for a few quick thrusts before coming loudly with a growl in my ear. The weight of his body turned oppressive when he slumped down on top of me, pinning me to the futon.
Out of all the random times Spencer and I had fooled around over the years, I’d never before felt so cheap. Zeke’s sweet face burst into my mind as clearly as if he kneeled beside me.
You’re not a burden, you’re a gift.
I shoved Spencer hard enough that he landed hard on his ass on the floor. Neither of us had even bothered to remove our clothes; his jeans were still bunched at his ankles.
“What the fuck was that for?” he yelled.
Hot tears streamed down my face. “I’ve gotta go,” I mumbled.
My knee caught a stack of old pizza boxes that served as a side table, dumping the ashtray, cigarettes, a grinder, and a baggie with a white substance everywhere.
To my horror, the baggie was already open, and the powder sprayed into the shaggy carpet.
“YOU DUMB FUCKING BITCH!” Spencer screamed.
I didn’t want to spend another second in that trailer with him.
I ran out to my car as fast as I could, not even bothering to put on a seatbelt or turn on my headlights until I got closer to town.
Fear paralyzed me so much that I didn’t dare look in the rearview mirror, too terrified that Spencer in his violent rage might be following me.
It didn’t take a genius to know that I’d probably just cost him a lot of money by wasting the contents of that bag.
Even when I arrived back at Marla’s, her door locks didn’t feel like enough, and I found myself barricading the door to my room once more.
Spencer wouldn’t hesitate to break his way in.
He and his stupid group of friends used to laugh about all the places they snuck in during high school and the things they pilfered while doing it.
Sheriff Hillsborough hated them for it, but never managed to catch them in the act.
There really wasn’t any difference moving from Diana’s apartment to this one. Nothing ever changed for me. The only consistent thing about me was that I continued to make stupid decisions involving idiots like Spencer Church. No wonder Zeke barely made a move on me.
Rather than crawl into bed, I sat on the floor with my back against the bed frame, drawing my knees up to my chest. From this spot I had a clear view of both the door and the window.
I was in for another long night.