Chapter 22 The Panic
THE PANIC
MAGGIE
It’s actually impossible to focus on a job interview when you’re too busy overanalyzing everything a sexy soldier said to you on the car ride there.
I could tell Rochelle, the salon manager, became more and more annoyed as the interview went on because I had to keep asking her to repeat herself.
In my haste to jump into Zeke’s truck and be alone with him, I completely forgot my portfolio and instead had to whip out my cell phone to show pictures of the hair I’d done.
Seeing everything through a cracked, out-of-date iPhone doesn’t have quite the same impact, however.
Truthfully, Zeke’s revelation scared the bejeesus out of me.
In less than a week we had taken a nosedive into something more serious and tangible than I could admit.
My brain kept screaming at me to shut it down, that it was all in my head and he’d drop me like a hot potato any second.
But my heart raised its hackles and insisted that these feelings were real. I didn’t know which to believe.
Spending time with Zeke, even something as simple as going for a drive, made my heart race and my skin flush.
Butterflies invaded my gut in his proximity, but they were addictive.
I loved his smile. Being on the receiving end made you feel like you won the lottery.
And it already seemed like I got to see it more than anyone else.
Like he settled into being around me enough to be comfortable.
Just in the little he’d shared with me about his childhood and his life until now, I recognized that was no small thing. I didn’t want to take it for granted.
But what happened when it didn’t work out?
Because even my heart couldn’t convince me that this had any chance of lasting.
We might make it work for the here and now, but at some point, he would see the ugly truth of me and leave.
Did I want to turn into Diana and just have meaningless, superficial relationships?
Isn’t that what you already have?
Damn you, Heart, be on my side!
Exiting the salon and seeing Zeke standing there, his broad shoulders and strong chest filling out his Army fatigues in a way that made angel’s weep, I instantly forgot about the interview.
Rochelle told me she’d “follow up” with me—which I knew was code for “I’m not interested.
” Zeke’s bright grin and gleaming eyes meant it didn’t matter.
But then the fact that he held a small bouquet of flowers in his hand to congratulate me lifted my spirits in a way that I no longer cared about the botched interview.
Zeke believed in me, so that was enough.
I nervously twisted a curl around my finger on the way to Denny’s, insecurity creeping in like poison.
So far I’d managed to avoid eating in front of him because he focused so much on the work in Marla’s shop, but I didn’t have a good excuse handy at the moment.
Maybe I could just get something simple like egg whites.
That wouldn’t be too suspicious, right? Zeke preferred eating healthy and working out. He might admire me for joining him.
Except when we slid into the booth and the hostess suggested upgrading to the cookies and crème pancakes with the Grand Slam breakfast, Zeke’s eyes lit up. “That’s my favorite ice cream flavor!” he whispered conspiratorially across the table.
A ball of dread grew in my stomach. Would he expect me to eat them, too? What if he wanted to share? I wouldn’t have access to a bathroom to purge for at least an hour because it took that long to drive back to River’s Run.
The words on the menu blurred as I tried to come up with a feasible excuse. Zeke had a habit of seeing right through me. He questioned things that Celeste and Marla had always let slip by. I wouldn’t be able to put him off the same way.
“So,” he began. “Can we talk about what happened in the truck?”
Oh god! No!
“Um…sure.” My cheeks flamed under his scrutiny. How could a man have such clear, vivid eyes like that? They conveyed every emotion, every thought, if you only knew how to read them.
To my shock, I realized that I did.
“Maggie Eaton, I want us to be in a relationship,” Zeke declared. Right as the hostess came back with our requested waters.
“Oh my god, that is the sweetest thing!” the woman gushed. I could see the hearts forming in her eyes like an emoji.
I blinked rapidly as my heart rate spiked. Ezekiel “Too Hot to Handle” Hayes wants a relationship with me?!
“But…why?” I asked lamely.
The hostess gasped. “Sugar, don’t question the man, just say yes!” She playfully slapped me on the shoulder. I cringed, which Zeke instantly noted.
“Could we maybe talk without an audience?” he inquired pointedly. He used what I had come to call his Army voice.
It definitely caught her attention. “Oh of course! I’m so sorry!” She hightailed it back to the hostess stand, keeping her eyes fixed on her feet in shame.
Zeke offered me a small, tight smile. His back had gone rigid and I recognized one of his anxious ticks as he started running the edge of the menu under his fingernails.
He would do it repeatedly until something calmed him.
“I’m not sure how to explain why other than I really, really like you. Do people normally say more?”
I flushed from my hairline to my neckline. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been in a relationship before,” I admitted quietly.
“Then let’s figure it out together.” He reached across the table, holding up a hand in offering.
The innocence and sweetness of the gesture blocked out all the arguments my brain continued to make. For whatever reason, Zeke genuinely liked me. Only a fool would walk away from that.
Gently, I slid my hand over until it joined his. “I’m probably gonna be bad at the whole girlfriend thing.”
“I won’t know it any other way,” Zeke joked with a shrug.
Hope buoyed in my chest and I laughed. “Zeke Hayes…my boyfriend,” I stated to test the words out loud. It made them real. And I really liked how they sounded.
His returning smile lit up the room. Even his eyes sparkled.
Our waitress arrived, a harried older woman who looked like she could give Marla a run for her money. “What’ll it be, folks?”
Zeke’s proud grin might have given the poor woman heart failure. She did a double take, looking between the two of us in awe. “Whatever my girlfriend wants!”
Oh, I definitely liked that. My thighs clenched together at the sudden need building in my core. There was nothing sexier than being claimed.
“Um, I’ll have two scrambled egg whites, please,” I requested. Folding my menu closed, I handed it to her and looked at Zeke expectantly.
His brow furrowed. “And…?”
Shit!
“Nothing,” I replied firmly, averting my eyes to the placemat that advertised other specials. From the corner of my eye I could see Zeke continue to watch me in confusion.
“Um, I’ll have the Grand Slam with the cookies and crème pancakes. Turkey bacon, scrambled egg whites, and a fruit platter. Please,” Zeke added.
The waitress scratched everything down on a pad and mumbled something about being right back. Zeke waited until she rounded the corner into the kitchen before asking me, “Why are you only getting a couple eggs?”
I shrugged, hoping to appear casual enough that he dropped it. “I don’t need to eat much.”
“Two egg whites isn’t even enough to feed a child. You need more calories than that.”
Shaking my head, I stared at the placemat again. “Trust me, I don’t need anymore calories. I have plenty.”
He blew out a huff of air in frustration.
“Maggie, the human body needs a minimum of twelve hundred calories just to sustain basic functions. If we’re gonna go back and work at Marla’s, you’re going to burn off a lot of calories.
Your body literally can’t sustain itself on just a couple egg whites. ”
I met his explanation with hard silence and zero eye contact. Shame and guilt were putting a damper on what should have been a happy moment.
“Is this a money thing?” Zeke finally asked.
That he would jump to that conclusion created a lump in my throat. I didn’t want his pity, nor did I want to be seen as a charity case. Obviously, my current financial situation wasn’t great, but as soon as I got a job, that could change. It wasn’t like I wanted to have someone else pay my way.
“You don’t have to pay for my lunch. I can get it myself.” Embarrassment flamed my cheeks.
“Oh my god, no!” barked Zeke. “You will never pay for a single thing while we’re together. That’s not what I meant at all!” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I just don’t understand why you’re not eating.”
“It sounds like you’re picking a fight,” I volunteered. It was a cheap shot, one that I instantly regretted when I saw the hurt in his eyes, but the fear of someone discovering my secret was too great to take it back.
“Consider the subject closed. I won’t say another word about it.” Zeke lifted my hand to his mouth, dusting a featherlight kiss across the back of it in a way that would have made Mr. Darcy proud.
But I saw the way his face fell when I slowly chewed on my eggs after they arrived. Everything had to be chewed fifty times before I could swallow it or my throat literally wouldn’t work. That was just how I operated. It was a force of habit so strong that I couldn’t stop it, even if I wanted to.
He was quiet on the walk out to the truck, taking my hand and lacing his fingers through mine as soon as we stood up. He seemed reluctant to let me go so that I could climb in.
“You know, I don’t have to go back to the barracks,” Zeke suddenly offered as we zipped along the highway. “I could stay out in River’s Run for the next few days.”