17. Chapter 16
Chapter 16
Griffin
For the last few years, weekends were my end. I dreaded them coming for one of a few reasons. It would mean my driving purpose of work was done for two long days, it would mean I would be traveling back toward the lion’s den, or it would mean I would delve into any number of things to occupy my time between deals. The last two weekends have been filled with laughter, intelligent conversation, witty banter, and some of the best intimacy I think I’ve ever experienced. This Monday means back to the paperwork and the countdown until I can see Kaitlyn again.
Leaving her last night was difficult, to say the least. We chose to have a quiet nightcap and dessert near her apartment. I noticed an extension of the British press following our every step. I sensed them right away. Luckily, Kaitlyn never saw them. I could enjoy her uninhibited persona without her feeling like any eyes were on her but mine.
I read until my eyes allowed me to sleep around midnight, but they sprung open from a dream at five thirty in the morning. It started as a rewind of our gala night, then it ended in a fight of epic proportions with my father. He was calling her any number of vile names, and I instantly had to come to her defense. The “C” word roared from his mouth, and the heat that erupted in my core was what I feel was the catalyst to end that nightmare.
“What the fuck is your issue this morning? Is it the lack of real coffee or the possible lack of sex that’s made you right cranky?” Tobias pokes.
“I didn’t sleep well. Nightmare,” I say plainly as I open up my laptop.
“Considering you weren’t in your hotel room all weekend, and you were barely responding to my texts, I have to assume you were properly preoccupied,” he says. “And I do have the internet, mate. I can see your little plan is working swimmingly, so why the long face?”
“I just said I had a nightmare, so I didn’t sleep well.” I open up my laptop. “And yes, I was very occupied all weekend. Kaitlyn and I spent some time together, tightening up our overall plan, and ironing out some details that needed smoothing.”
“Your father emailed me this morning,” Tobias says as casually as he can manage. “He asked me what I knew about this lassie on your arm. His words.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him I knew you were seeing someone, but he should know you aren’t exactly an open book about those things. I wanted to speak to you first before I said something that didn’t line up with your story.”
“Story? There isn’t a story. Kaitlyn and I have made several redlines and addendums to our handshake agreement.”
“All right, fuck off with those bullshit business terms. Give me the full rundown. I have eyes, you know.”
Tobias is my friend, my best friend. We generally don’t delve into locker room discussion, but if I don’t let one person in on this past weekend, I think I might explode. “Kaitlyn and I have decided that certain benefits to our partnership can be explored. And, we did.”
Tobias’s jaw goes slack and falls slightly open. He allows his body to fall back into his chair. “You had sex with her, didn’t you? Didn’t you?”
“Don’t say it as if you didn’t sleep with her best friend the same night you met her.”
“Hell yes, I did, and I’d do it again. Look at her. She’s gorgeous and fun as hell, which is exactly what you could say about Kaitlyn if you’d stop beating around the bush.”
I sigh. “Yes, I slept with her.”
“I knew it wouldn’t take long.” He grins. “Not because I thought any type of way about her, but because of the way you two eye-fucked each other constantly.”
“Eye-fucked? I don’t think we did that at all. We were friends, and now we are friends, partners, and there are even more mutual benefits.” I don’t look up at him. I just start replying to emails.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, is it smart to start something you’ve already decided to finish in a few weeks?”
“Aren’t you the one who keeps telling me to live in the present and not look too far ahead? Now when I take your advice, you’re taking issue with it?” I turn my attention back to my calendar and emails. I don’t know what I was hoping for by telling Tobias about recent events, but discouragement wasn’t what I expected. “Did you find someone to review the contract for our latest deal?” I ask.
“Holy shit.”
Those two words echo off all four walls, the ceiling, and the floor. He rarely, if ever, raises his voice. It’s not who he is. With a lingering exhale, I look up. His eyes are boring holes in my head. “What?”
“You’re fucking in love with her.”
“What? Have you lost your mind? I hardly know her. I’m not.” I shake my head.
He marches over and closes my laptop with a snap. “Look in the damn mirror, man. You haven’t been able to hide anything from me in the over two decades we’ve known each other, and you think you can start now?”
“Tobias.” I cross my arms over my chest. “This is nothing more than a business relationship in which we will very much enjoy mutual benefits.”
“Fine,” he tests me. “Then how about I take her for a spin then? Since it’s just casual on that end, surely you won’t mind.”
I’m on my feet before he can even finish the sentence. Heat is radiating from my pores as I’m marching toward him. “Don’t you ever talk about her like that again.”
“EXACTLY!” he says with his arms spread like Tony Stark before the Jericho missiles explode. “I rest my case.”
I realize my fingers could rip the lapels off his Armani suit with very little effort. My knuckles are white as pure snow. My pulse is ringing in my ears. As I release his jacket, I take two steps back. I’m not only terrified of my anger about what Tobias said, but more than that, I’m terrified he’s right.
“You’re right,” I mumble.
“Say that one more time, and clearly.”
“Fuck. I think I’m in love with Kaitlyn.”
Tobias smiles. “You may think. I know. The questions are how does she feel and what are you going to do about it?”
Kaitlyn
Monday mornings are hard. This one seemed more so.
My weekends usually consist of the usual chores, sometimes extra research for work, and maybe the occasional meet up with friends. I spent nearly the entirety of it with Griffin in places…and positions…I never thought possible.
I needed a night to myself once he left. I thought a bubble bath and a self-pedicure while Sunday Night Football was on in the background would be a great backdrop to bring myself out of the Griffin clouds and back to reality. In that reality, I discovered it was going to be harder than I could’ve imagined.
He was on my mind constantly, along with a flood of questions I couldn’t reason my way through. How could I so easily cross every boundary I put in place? What does that say about me? Should I back out of our deal? If I do, also, what does that say about me? I’ve never run from something I agreed to, but the emotions running around inside me are confusing as hell and aren’t able to be untangled by me, even after nearly a dozen hours, asleep and awake, obsessing over them.
I was up at five, even though my alarm was set for six thirty. I made it to the office even after an early morning workout by seven. Most of the partners and staff won’t even be here until nine. The sun is rising behind the buildings as I stare out my office window. I need to walk through the messy ball of twine that represents my thoughts with someone. I need Gilly.
I know it’s early, but I also know my sister. She’s already been awake for a couple of hours, just like me. The Logan sisters aren’t big on sleeping in, it would seem.
I make sure my office door is closed and sit at my desk, slipping out of the heels I know will be killing my feet before the end of the day, and press her name in my contacts list.
She answers almost immediately. “I was just thinking about you.”
“Uh oh. Should I be worried?”
“No, I don’t think so.” She giggles. “I was just thinking I should check in on you. I didn’t hear from you all weekend.”
“I know, I’m sorry about that. I was a little preoccupied, and honestly, that’s why I’m calling you now. I need to sort through something that’s happened.”
“Oh God. Are you all right? Do I need to come to you?”
“Calm down. I appreciate your willingness to drop everything, but no, I don’t need you to come here. I’m fine. It’s about Griffin Shaw,” I say, bracing myself for the “I told you so.”
“What did he do, Pixie? I’ll kill him.”
“You and Jason don’t need to come up here with guns blazing. Gilly, listen. I want you to really listen then help me sort out my head. Can you do that?”
My sister does what she always does, comes in hot then takes a deep cleansing breath before coming back to me. “Yes, I can do that. You know I have a bit of gangster in me when it comes to you.”
“Yes, I know. It’s grown ten times larger since you have Jason behind you like a lion.”
“He’s only a lion when he has to be. Other than that, he’s got black cat energy.”
I laugh. “Okay, fine. No wonder Marilyn doesn’t like him.”
“Start at the beginning, Kait.”
“Honestly, there’s nothing really wrong. We spent the whole weekend together. We had a nice dinner on Friday and while we were out at this super swanky restaurant, I met a friend of his, Julian Stone.”
“Wait, the actor? Like award winner and Hollywood darling?”
“Yep. That’s the one. Oh, Gilly, he was just like you hoped he would be. He was a perfect gentleman in that James Dean kind of way and gushed over his wife and kids.”
“Well, that alone sounds amazing.”
“Griffin is a gentleman like that too, only he’s a lot like Jason in many ways. He does that thing I watch Jason do with you. It’s like he guides you like a precious doll or something. I used to gag watching him do that to you all the time, but now I get it. It’s like he cares so much and it’s how he can show it.”
“Uh-oh,” Gillian breathes.
“There’s that judgy uh-oh again.”
“I have a feeling I know right where this is going, but carry on. I’m assuming he took you home? I’m going to ask this straight out. Did he stay the night?”
I contemplate fibbing. Part of me wants to keep what happened between us private. It felt so… sacred, but I know my sister. She’ll smell bullshit from a mile away.
“Not Friday night, but we went to a charity event together Saturday night and he did sleep over after that.”
“Did you use protection? He’s a very famous man, and he gets around. I looked him up. I know all about him. I have already had to talk Dad down. His friends are sending him links and he doesn’t even know how to open them, thankfully.”
“Gillian, Jesus Christ.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yes, we used protection. I’m a responsible adult, and as far as all the stuff online goes, just don’t even look at it.”
“How can I avoid it when it’s everywhere? I’m worried about you.”
“Gillian, can you please, for two seconds, be my sister? I don’t want to talk about the bad and what could become bad. I want to gush and vent. Please.”
She takes a beat then I hear her sigh. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” I hear her close a door and now, I can only assume, she’s alone. “How was it?”
“I didn’t even know sex could be that good.” I smile. “Is that how it’s always been? Have I been missing out for this long?”
“When you’re with the right person for you, it’s magic. I felt that way…feel that way…with Jason. Not to put images in your head or anything, but it’s overly tender when it needs to be and well, not, when it should be too. I call it the Gentleman Rogue.”
“Ewww, but also yes,” I scream in agreement. “It’s got to be a British thing because if Martin was a five, Griffin was like five hundred. The best part is, he stayed. He stayed all night until nearly dinner. He curled up with Marilyn while I made her breakfast then he helped me in the kitchen to make us something to eat.
“I walked him through some of the finer points of American football and told him we all hate the Packers. We cuddled up together while we watched the games and looked at every photo and article that seemed to come up minute by minute. He made me promise to not look at any of the comments on them. Gilly, did you look at the comments?”
“I did. I wanted to know what everyone was saying.”
“Please don’t look at them. I want to know too, but I’m keeping my word to him that I wouldn’t look.”
“Some weren’t bad at all. In fact, many were very complimentary and kind, the others, however, must have come from the cesspool side of the internet.”
I close my eyes and sigh. “Just don’t look again, okay? I have to trust it’ll be better for all of us. Is Dad angry?”
“Dad is confused as to why you have a new, serious boyfriend he knows nothing about. I explained you are an adult and trying to have your own identity in the city. It seemed to pacify him.”
“I hate lying to him, Gilly.”
“Let’s not go down that rabbit hole right now. It’ll only drive you crazy. I want to circle back to your heart in all of this. Are you keeping it safe?”
I want to say yes, because I want to believe I am, but with every passing second, I’m not sure anymore.
“I hope so.”
“Hope so? I need more than I hope so to be convinced.”
“He treats me so well, no matter if people are around or not. He’s been open and honest about his life, and I can see his moral compass. He does for me what I see Jason do for you, in the ways he’s protective and your needs matter above everything else. If that’s an act, he’s great at it.”
“I also know you don’t have sex with just anyone. If you made the decision to go there, you have to feel some sort of connection with him.”
“Of course I do. I know I’d be friends with him regardless.”
“Regardless? What does that mean?”
“What I hope it means is, even when the contract is over, I’ll still have him in my life.”
Whoa…I said that out loud.
“Kait…”
“I know, I know. I am a little surprised at myself, but don’t get ahead of me or yourself, okay? It’s not like I’m in love with him.”
“Aren’t you?”
“No! I’m not in love, but I am really scared that if I’m not careful, I could end up that way.”
We spend the next thirty minutes going over what has happened and what’s to come in my arrangement with Griffin, and by the time I finish the call, I’m even more confused about what my heart and my brain are saying to each other.
A normal, sane person would run in the opposite direction of what seems like it should be a dead end. He’s never, not even once, expressed wanting anything extra from me after our time together is over, so putting that idea in my own head is asking for a broken heart. Stick to the contract. Don’t look outside the document.
I’m going to have to repeat that to myself over and over again until it sticks.