Counting Miracles

Chapter Eight

I

“Wow,” Casey announced as soon as Kaitlyn walked past the open door of her bedroom. “That was some kiss. I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed like that.”

Kaitlyn froze in the hallway. “You were watching us?”

“From my bedroom window.”

She felt her neck begin to warm. “You shouldn’t spy on people. And about what you saw, I should probably explain—”

Casey waved a hand, cutting her off. “It’s no big deal, Mom. I like him.”

Kaitlyn opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came to mind.

“Just let me know,” Casey added.

“Let you know what?”

“When you need me to babysit,” she answered, suddenly sounding as though she were the parent. “As long as it’s not Friday night, I’m clear.”

II

After she’d showered, Kaitlyn stood in front of the mirror naked and took in her reflection. There were faint lines in her forehead and crow’s-feet at the corners of her eyes; she also noticed a few gray hairs where the color had faded since the last time she’d had her hair done.

And the rest of her…

Pregnancy and nursing had done her no favors. Nor, frankly, had gravity. Her breasts, once firm, now seemed to droop, and the extra pounds around her midsection were all too evident. Her hips had expanded as well, and while she liked to think her legs still looked okay, she knew she wasn’t the young woman she once had been.

And yet Tanner had called her beautiful.

Wrapping herself in a towel, she dried her hair and slathered on a dollop of face cream before turning out the bathroom light. Reliving the sensations of the kiss, she felt a dart of excitement at the thought that they’d be meeting again tomorrow. Depending on how she counted their interactions, this would be a third date of sorts, and as everyone knew, the third date was often… significant. As in, physical intimacy might be on the table.

She wasn’t na?ve, nor was she a prude when it came to sex. At the same time, more than five years had passed since she’d slept with anyone, and in the preceding fourteen years, it had been George and only George. In sum, it had been almost two decades since she’d slept with someone new, and the knowledge left her feeling strangely nervous. Moreover, she knew there was little prospect of her having a future with Tanner, so how would she feel about herself in the aftermath? she wondered.

Awash in anticipation and uncertainty, she again found herself slipping naked into bed.

III

Kaitlyn told Casey the next morning that she’d be going out with Tanner that evening. The words were barely out of her mouth before Casey responded, “Yep, no problem,” as though she happily and routinely agreed to her mother’s requests to babysit. To Kaitlyn’s relief, her daughter didn’t grill her further, simply declaring in the next breath that she’d be heading to Camille’s around ten, so they could go to the mall in Greensboro.

“But I’ll be home by the time Mitch gets off the bus,” she added.

At the office, Kaitlyn was grateful for the steady routine and regular flow of patients. When discussing a diagnosis or treatment options, she was able to avoid thinking about Tanner, but at half past ten she received a text from him, asking if he could pick her up at six. Unsure whether that would give her enough time to get ready, she suggested six-thirty, and while she waited for his response, she wondered whether he was thinking about the third-date thing, or whether that was something only women did. A moment later, he agreed to six-thirty with a cheery See you then! and she felt the now-familiar flutters in her stomach.

Her afternoon appointments ran late, and by the time she left the office it had begun to rain, making her commute longer than usual. As she pulled into the driveway, she noted that she had less than an hour to get ready.

Inside, Casey and Mitch were on the couch, watching one of the Jurassic Park movies again. “Can we have pizza tonight?” Mitch asked, without looking up.

“What, no ‘Hi, Mom! How was your day?’?”

“Hi, Mom. How was your day? Can we have pizza tonight?”

“Yes, fine.” She nodded, slipping off her wet shoes. “I’m pretty sure I have money in my purse.”

Casey glanced at her. “Why don’t you just DoorDash it?”

Because, Kaitlyn thought, I still think first about doing things the old-fashioned way. “We can do that,” she said. “Just remind me before I go.”

Rising from the couch, Casey drew near and arched an eyebrow suggestively. “Soooo…” she said, drawing out the word, “how’re you feeling about the big date, Mom?”

Kaitlyn kept her voice nonchalant. “It’s just dinner.”

“You’re not nervous?”

Yes. “Not at all.”

“Can I ask what time you’re planning to be home?”

“I’m not sure, but it won’t be late,” she answered, trying to sound casual.

“Well,” Casey said, “just make sure you let me know if anything changes, okay?”

Kaitlyn drew a deep breath, thinking, I really can’t handle this right now.

IV

What to wear.

That was always the question when going out, wasn’t it? Especially since she didn’t know where he’d be bringing her. She didn’t want to be overdressed if he was planning something casual, but she didn’t want to underdress, either, in case he was wearing a blazer. She’d already worn jeans on their previous outings, which made a dress seem like the logical choice, but most of the dresses she owned were either too formal or summery. In the end, she decided on a teal-colored, knee-length dress with cap sleeves, something that Casey would no doubt refer to as a “Mom dress.” But whatever—Kaitlyn was a mom, and she didn’t have many other options. She’d bought it eight years ago for a wedding when Mitch was still a baby and remembered that more than a few people had complimented her on it. The only remaining question was whether it still fit. After removing her clothing, she stepped into the dress and pulled it up, but with no way to zip it herself, she walked to the stairs and called down to Casey.

“You need something?” Casey asked, appearing on the second-floor landing.

“Can you zip me up?”

“Is that what you’re going to wear?” She could feel Casey’s gaze traveling from head to toe as she continued up the steps.

“As long as it fits,” Kaitlyn said, making a point not to look at Casey and her nose, which was probably wrinkled in disdain.

A moment later, she felt the zipper ascending and she automatically tried to suck in her tummy.

“It might be a little tight,” Kaitlyn muttered.

“Stop fidgeting,” Casey scolded.

Kaitlyn felt as though she was slowly being squeezed into her own casing, until—miraculously—the zipper reached the top.

Wow, she thought. It fits .

She stepped in front of the full-length mirror that hung behind the master bedroom door, thinking it was a little snug around the hips, but…

She sort of liked the way it looked. It showed just enough of her legs and to her relief seemed to flatter her figure, emphasizing her hourglass shape.

“I don’t remember you wearing that dress before. Is it new?” Casey asked.

“No, honey. I’ve had it for a while.”

“It’s pretty,” she remarked. “But while I’m here, I do have a suggestion.”

“What’s that?”

“Why don’t you let me help you with your hair and makeup.”

“What’s wrong with the way I usually do it?” Kaitlyn frowned at her in the mirror.

Casey put a hand on her hip. “It’s a little Melrose Place, don’t you think?”

“You mean that old TV show? From like, thirty years ago?”

“That’s the one.”

“I’m amazed that you’ve even heard of it.”

“I googled old TV shows and thought that employing a pop-culture reference you understood would be a nice way of suggesting that you update your look.”

“I’ve been doing my hair and makeup longer than you’ve been alive.”

“My point exactly,” Casey drawled.

“I have no desire to look like a teenager.”

“You won’t,” Casey assured her. “I’ve watched a lot of tutorials on YouTube. Trust me.”

Kaitlyn wasn’t sure whether to be offended, but for once Casey’s intentions seemed genuine.

“Okay,” she agreed. “Let’s see what you can do. But first, help me pick a nice pair of shoes.”

V

Staring in the mirror, Kaitlyn decided that Casey must have been underplaying how many makeup tutorials she’d watched because the final result was subtle enough to be barely noticeable, and the shading on her eyelids was artful.

“I can tell that you like it.” Casey smirked. “And you’re welcome.”

“I do,” she said. “It’s just…unexpected. Thank you.”

“There’s one more thing.”

“What’s that?”

“You need to stop being nervous about tonight.”

“I’m not nervous,” Kaitlyn lied.

“Oh please. I could see it as soon as you got home. But you need to appreciate what you bring to the table. You’re smart and successful. You help sick people, you feed the poor, and if your fabulous daughter is any indication, you’re obviously a great mom. And you’re pretty. If anyone is going to be nervous, it should be him.”

Kaitlyn felt a lump form in her throat.

“Thank you,” she finally said.

“You’re welcome.” Casey began gathering up the makeup and putting it into her bag. “And by the way, if you need an out, I’ll be happy to call you in an hour or so.”

“What do you mean?”

“An out? So that you can cut the date short if it’s not going well? As in, I’ll call you and tell you that Mitch spiked a fever or whatever, and boom, you’re out.”

“Is this what people do these days?”

“Duh,” she responded.

“Okay, yeah. Call me in an hour, then?”

“Will do,” Casey said. “But do me a favor, okay?”

“Anything,” Kaitlyn said.

“That’s exactly what I hoped you’d say,” Casey chirped, “because we really need to talk about getting me a car sooner rather than later, especially if you’re going to want me to do more of this babysitting thing. I mean, it’s the least you can do.”

Kaitlyn smiled despite herself. It was reassuring to know that as pleasant as she’d been lately, Casey hadn’t changed.

“I’ll think about it.”

VI

By the time Kaitlyn had donned a pair of earrings, it was nearly six-thirty. As she descended the stairs, Mitch looked up from his spot on the couch. Casey was beside him, her arm draped over his shoulder. Rain beat steadily against the windows.

“Can we order the pizza now? I’m hungry.”

Casey knuckled his head, making him duck and squirm. “You’re supposed to tell her that she looks pretty, not that you’re hungry.”

“But I am hungry. And she always looks pretty. She’s the prettiest mom in the whole world.”

Kaitlyn smiled, charmed by his conviction. “Let me get my phone. Just cheese, right?”

Mitch nodded and Kaitlyn placed the order just as she saw a flash of headlights through the living room window.

Tanner, she thought. Right on time.

Reminding herself of Casey’s words, she drew a breath and pulled her jacket and an umbrella from the closet. Opening the door, she was immediately glad she’d picked the dress she had. Tanner was wearing black slacks and a blazer.

He seemed paralyzed as he stood in the doorway, taking herin.

“You look…incredible,” he finally said.

“Thank you,” she murmured, conscious of the burning intensity of his gaze. As if from far away, she heard another voice. Mitch.

“Is that a limo in the driveway?”

“For real?” Casey exclaimed. “That’s awesome!”

Kaitlyn craned to see the driveway over Tanner’s shoulder as Casey and Mitch scrambled from the couch.

“Surprise.” Tanner grinned.

VII

Mitch and Casey clamored to check out the limo, and when Tanner agreed, Mitch raced off to find his jacket and boots. Casey followed her brother to get her boots as well. As she went off in search of footwear, Kaitlyn raised an eyebrow.

“See what you did?”

“I’m really so sorry,” Tanner said.

“You didn’t need to arrange for a limo,” she said with mock reproach.

“My car is still at the shop.”

“You have a rental,” she protested.

“Have you seen my rental?”

She laughed, and once Casey and Mitch were dressed appropriately, they all trooped outside. While Kaitlyn opened the umbrella, the kids simply pulled the hoods of their jackets up. The driver jumped out holding an umbrella and hurried to open the rear door. Mitch peeked inside before turning to her.

“Can I get in, Mom?” he begged.

Kaitlyn glanced at Tanner, who shrugged. “It’s fine with me.”

Kaitlyn watched as Casey crawled in behind Mitch, both vanishing from view.

“It has lights like a spaceship!” Mitch announced when he finally emerged.

“And champagne on ice,” Casey added, following right behind him. Though her daughter was trying to sound casual, Kaitlyn knew she was impressed.

“Now that you both have seen it, can we go?”

“Of course.” Casey nodded. To Mitch, she added, “C’mon, Little Bedbug.”

“Okay, Bubble Butt,” Mitch retorted, sticking out his tongue. “Later, Mom. Love you.”

“Love you both,” Kaitlyn said, meaning it. She watched them go before turning her attention back to Tanner. He swept an arm toward the car with a flourish.

“Shall we?”

VIII

The last time Kaitlyn had been in a limousine was in high school. Her dad had arranged it for her prom, but she realized she couldn’t remember the name of the boy with whom she went. She could picture his wavy brown hair and dimples and recalled that he was tall and played basketball, but his name remained a blank space.

“What are you thinking about?”

In the dim lighting of the interior, his face looked shadowy and mysterious. “Nothing important.”

He lifted the bottle of champagne out of its ice bucket. “Would you like a glass?”

“I’d love one.”

She watched as Tanner removed the foil and loosened the wires before twisting the bottle until she heard the familiar pop. He poured a glass, and when he handed it to her, she caught the earthy scent of his cologne. Rain moved sideways against the glass, making the moment feel even more surreal.

“Can I ask where we’re going to dinner?”

“It’s a surprise,” he hedged. “A little way out of town.”

“We have nice restaurants here.”

“I know, but after seeing what happened at Our Daily Bread, I wasn’t sure that dinner in Asheboro would be a good idea. In case you wanted to keep your private life private.”

“Thank you,” she said, appreciating his discretion.

He reached for a tin box on the bench seat. “Would you like something sweet to go with the champagne?”

“Chocolate-covered strawberries, perhaps?”

“Even better.” He lifted the lid of the box, and it took her a second to comprehend what she was seeing.

“M plush couches and chairs framed the roomy seating area, accented by colorful throw pillows. Deco table lamps with delicate glasswork gave off a sparkly, warm light.

“It’s incredible,” she gasped. “But how?”

“I got in touch with a local realtor who knew the owner of this place. Ordinarily the minimum rental stay is a month, but I think when she heard that I was planning a special date, she made an exception,” he said. “Once I came by, I couldn’t resist, and we were able to make a deal.” He shrugged. “Okay if I cancel the other dinner reservation and get the fire going?”

“Sounds good.”

She listened absently as he made the call before watching him cross the room to the fireplace. The wood was already stacked on the grate, with paper and kindling beneath it, and Kaitlyn wandered from the living room toward an open kitchen twice the size of her own, with gleaming appliances built into the cabinets. Off to the side was the formal dining room, with place settings for two and crystal candle holders. Beyond the windows of the dining room, lightning continued to flash, freezing the architectural details of her surroundings in periodic bursts. From across the room, she watched Tanner light the fire.

“Are you going to cook for me?” she asked.

He shook his head as he stood. “No. I’m not much of a cook, so I made arrangements with a chef from the restaurant where I made the backup reservation. It’s all in the refrigerator and I just have to reheat it.”

“Can I ask what we’re having?”

“Crab-stuffed mushrooms as an appetizer, salad, and either beef Wellington or Dijon chicken. I wasn’t sure which entrée you’d like, so I had him prepare both.”

“No fish option?”

When his face fell, she giggled. “I’m kidding. That sounds heavenly. Is there somewhere I can hang my jacket?”

“Allow me.”

Moving behind her, he slid the jacket off, his hand gently brushing the skin of her arm, the sensation electric. As he hung her jacket in the closet near the front door, he called out, “Would you like a glass of wine before dinner? I have red or white.”

Why not? she thought again, feeling a hidden thrill. “Let’s try the red.”

Kaitlyn moved to the living room windows. The sky continued to strobe, briefly revealing the tree-topped mountains beyond the darkened canyon in stark relief. She could see no other houses, no other lights at all, making her feel as if the two of them were the last people on earth. Behind her, she heard Tanner approaching.

“The chef chose the wine,” he said, offering her a glass.

He stood beside her, close but not quite close enough to touch. She heard a pop, and from the corner of her eye, she saw sparks rising from the fire. Her first sip of wine left afternotes of cherry and violets. “Mmm. Delicious.”

“Would you like me to start reheating dinner? Or would you rather wait a bit?”

“It can wait a few minutes, don’t you think? Let’s enjoy the fire and the storm for a while.”

They sat on the couch, facing the fire, and Tanner pulled his iPhone from his pocket, lazily programming something into an app. A moment later, she heard music drifting through the speakers.

For a while, neither of them said anything. Instead, they savored their wine and absently watched the flickering fire. Beyond the windows, the storm began to increase in intensity, the rain forming little streams on the glass. Behind a flash of lightning, she heard a long and steady roll of thunder. She could feel Tanner surreptitiously watching her, and the sensation made her smile.

“This almost feels like a vacation,” she murmured. “My real life doesn’t allow for nights like this.”

“But you approve?”

“It’s a dream,” she said, a touch of reverence in her voice. Looking over, she could see the fire reflected in the golden embers of his eyes.

Spellbound, she sensed more than saw Tanner reach for her hand.

From across the room, she heard the distant ring of a cellphone. Tanner frowned at the distraction, and it was only when it rang a second time that she realized it was coming from near the front door, where she’d placed her purse.

Casey.

“I think that’s your phone,” Tanner said. Kaitlyn feigned confusion as she set her glass of wine on the coffee table and rose from the couch. She quickly strode to the entryway and dug out her phone, trying to regain her composure as she connected the call.

“Soooooo…How’s it going?” Casey’s voice was conspiratorial on the other end. She was clearly enjoying her appointed task.

“Oh, hi, Casey,” Kaitlyn said, forcing herself to sound as casual as possible. “What’s up?”

She shot Tanner an apologetic smile, certain he’d heard Casey’s name.

“Should I tell you Mitch is sick?”

Kaitlyn hesitated, knowing that it was her last chance to hit the brakes before things acquired a momentum of their own; in the same instant, she realized again that she was ready. She wanted to take more risks; she wanted to feel attractive and desirable. Stealing a look at Tanner before the fire, she knew she wanted him, and that he wanted her.

“I’m okay,” she said.

“You sure?” Casey pressed. “Because you sound like you might be in way over your head.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Casey was silent for a moment. “Well, okay then. I trust you, but you need to give me a reason for calling. Pretend like I’m making cookies and I need to know where the brown sugar is.”

Kaitlyn smiled to herself—leave it to Casey to have it all planned out.

“There should be a bag of brown sugar in the pantry,” Kaitlyn announced. “It’s on the top shelf, near the rice.”

“Uh-huh,” Casey said, clearly amused. “He did look pretty good dressed up, don’t you think? But anyway, tell me where I can find the recipe.”

Kaitlyn closed her eyes, trying to concentrate. “The recipe should be somewhere in the drawer next to the sink. And give Mitch a kiss good night for me, all right?”

“Speaking of kissing …” Casey began before Kaitlyn hung up on her. Turning, she saw Tanner rise from the couch and stretch, his movements catlike and deliberate.

“Sorry about that,” she mumbled. “Kids.”

Backlit by the fire, he looked enigmatic as she approached. When she was close, he reached for her hand and gently pulled her against him. She could feel the warmth of his body as their eyes held each other’s. Then, as if in slow motion, he tilted his head and brushed his lips against hers, their breaths mingling in tantalizing exploration. When their mouths finally came together, a rush of heat coursed through her, her every nerve ending awakened. When they separated, his slow smile allowed her to feel his desire.

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t resist,” he said, still holding her hand, caressing it with teasing languor. “You’re so lovely that I couldn’t wait any longer.”

She smiled, tempted to kiss him again, while another part of her longed to draw out the anticipation of what was to come.

“Would you hate me if I suggested we sit a little while longer?” she said, her voice strangely husky to her ears. “Maybe finish our wine?”

“Of course not,” he responded, leading her back to the couch. She reached for her wineglass and Tanner did the same.

Staring at the fire, she took a sip, letting the subtle flavor linger in her mouth. Finally, she cast a sidelong look at him. “Have you ever been in love?” she asked.

Tanner didn’t answer right away. “I think so,” he finally answered.

“You’re not sure?”

“It was a long time ago,” he explained. “I was only twenty, and at the time, it felt real enough. Now, though, when I look back on it, I’m not sure I knew what true love really meant. I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t have been good for each other in the long run.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I don’t think I knew who I was back then. I was only a year removed from being a teenager and was living in the U.S. for the first time. I suppose it’s possible that we would have grown together, but chances are, we would have grown apart. In retrospect, I can see that we didn’t have much in common, other than mutual infatuation.”

“And you haven’t fallen in love since then?”

“Again, I’m not exactly sure. When I was in my late twenties, I met Janice. Even though we only dated for a few months, I thought she might be the one. I even started eyeing engagement rings. But I was getting deployed every year back then, and when she discovered I was set to be shipped out again, I think she recognized that the life of a military wife wasn’t what she wanted. We agreed it was best to take a break and by the time I got back to the States, she was seeing someone else. And if you’re curious, the answer is no.”

“No what?”

“In case you were wondering whether I’ve kept in touch with either of them.”

Kaitlyn made a face. “I wasn’t going to ask you that.”

“Fair enough.” Tanner laughed. “But sometimes people want to know.”

She watched as he finished the last of his wine. “And that’s it?”

“After Janice, I dated here and there, but nothing serious. Then came Cameroon, the Ivory Coast, and Haiti, none of which was conducive to long-term relationships. I didn’t meet anyone I was really interested in until Hawaii. I met someone there, and we went out for a few months, but I didn’t fall in love. In all fairness, she didn’t love me either. It was more a Covid thing, something that happened mainly because the world shut down and she conveniently lived just down the street.”

“I’m hoping you never said that to her.”

“She said it to me, actually,” he countered.

She winced. “Ouch.”

“It stung at first, but after we split up, I realized she was right.”

Kaitlyn searched for signs of regret but failed to see any. Instead, Tanner scooted closer before reaching for her hand again. He brought it to his lips and kissed it, then lowered it, his thumb tracing small circles on her skin. He willed her to meet his eyes.

“Do you know what I’m thinking now?”

“I have no idea.”

“I was thinking how glad I am that none of those relationships worked out. If they had, I wouldn’t be here with you.”

The unguarded quality in his voice made her breath catch, and she watched as Tanner set his empty wineglass on the coffee table. Lifting his hand, he slowly traced a finger down her cheek before leaning closer.

He kissed her softly at first, almost as though asking permission, then with a growing passion that mimicked her own. With his lips on hers, she felt herself giving in to her own desire, and when their tongues finally met, she whimpered, surrendering to the moment. His hand was on her cheek and then tangled in her hair; and as he kissed her even more deeply, she felt all the tension in her body unravel, a sensual release she’d almost forgotten existed.

He nibbled at her lips and tongue before his mouth traveled to her neck. Leaning her head back with a sigh, she reveled in the exquisite sensation.

She allowed him to slowly pull her to her feet; in a trance, she felt him take her glass and set it on the coffee table beside his own. He moved closer then, his arms wrapped around her. When their mouths came together again, she felt his growing hunger; his hands drifted from her back to her sides and slid over the thin fabric of her dress. Her breasts swelled against his chest, the warmth spreading through her like a wave, her own arms twining around his neck. He kissed the corner of her mouth and then her cheek, the alternating scratch of his stubble and moisture of his tongue as he moved from one tender spot to another unbearably tantalizing.

She closed her eyes as his fingers reached for her zipper; she felt their mutual impatience as he tugged at it, slowly moving it downward. Her dress suddenly loosened and his mouth went back to hers, his intensity and excitement feeding her own.

He slid one sleeve down and then the other before slowly peeling the dress from her body, over her waist and past her hips, until it finally crumpled to the floor. It was her turn then, and her skin felt like it was on fire as she peeled his jacket from his shoulders. They continued to kiss as she unbuttoned his shirt, and they went together then, skin on skin, their heated bodies seared against each other. She heard him moan with pleasure as their hands roved across each other, her breasts freed from her bra as she traced her fingers over his chest and down his stomach. Tanner helped her undo his belt, and she reached for the button on his pants, tugging them down over his hips and helping him shake himself free. Then finally, she felt him reach for her hand and with a gentle tug, he began leading her toward the bedroom.

Though she could see the urgent need in his gaze, he didn’t rush. Instead, just inside the doorway, he took her in his arms and buried his face in the hollow of her neck, sending shocks of pleasure cascading through her body. Opening her eyes for a moment, she had the sensation of watching herself from across the room, and took in the scene: the large four-poster bed and chandelier, the wall of rain-lashed windows backlit by a flickering sky; the shelter of his passionate embrace.

She lost any sense of time as they kissed and held each other, but when a clap of thunder echoed overhead, he began tugging at her panties. A moment later, she was naked, as was he, and he finally led her to the bed.

IX

Afterward, they lay beside each other, his arm curled around her. She traced her fingers across his chest and stomach, pausing over scars she hadn’t known existed. There were smaller ones on both shoulders, larger ones on his chest and ribs, and a jagged scar on his waist that resembled a lightning bolt. When she asked him about them, he briefly described how he’d come to receive each one. Lucky shot, regarding one of his shoulder wounds. Helicopter crash for the nasty scar on his waist. Because it was clear he preferred not to talk about them, she didn’t press, but it reminded her that as intimate as they’d become, there was much about him that remained a mystery.

After they made love a second time, they lay with their faces close together, Tanner’s long lashes nearly brushing her own. Kaitlyn couldn’t ever remember feeling so completed by someone, as if her body ended where his began, their limbs tangled and nerve endings thrumming as if they were a single entity.

“Was this part of your plan?” she whispered, studying the shifting green-gold facets of his irises. “And why you rented a house, instead of us going to a restaurant?”

“Well…” he said, his suggestive tone making her giggle.

“You know what I want to do now?” she asked.

When he arched an eyebrow, she rolled her eyes. “Not that. We’ve already done it twice,” she said. “I need something to eat.”

“How about I start dinner?”

“I was hoping you’d say that. And I’m going to need your help with my zipper.”

“You don’t have to put your dress back on.”

“I’m not going to eat dinner naked,” she protested. “That would be weird.”

After dressing, Kaitlyn retrieved her purse from the table near the front door and fixed her hair and makeup, not so much for Tanner, but for Casey and Mitch. Or, rather, just Casey. Mitch would likely be asleep by the time she got home, but she had no doubt that Casey would be waiting up, ready to pounce on any telltale details.

By the time she joined Tanner in the kitchen, he was pouring two more glasses of wine. He handed one to her and she glanced around.

“What can I do to help?” she asked.

“I think I’ve got it covered,” he said. “The mushrooms are in the oven and the salads are ready to go.”

They were silent as he lit the candles and dimmed the lights in the dining room. Then, back in the kitchen, he donned an oven mitt, pulled out the dish containing the mushrooms, and set it on the counter. From the refrigerator, he pulled out the entrées and popped them into the oven. Together they ferried the mushrooms and salads to the table. After they’d taken their seats, Tanner served the mushrooms. Then he reached for his glass. “I just realized I forgot to offer a toast. I probably should have done it earlier with the champagne.”

“I forgive you,” she teased. “Now, though, I just want to eat.” Cutting into a mushroom, she sampled a first bite.

“Good?” he asked, watching her face.

“Delicious.” She ate another mouthful, suddenly ravenous.

He tossed the salad and served them each a generous portion. “How was Casey today?” he inquired. “I’m hoping she didn’t wreck any more cars on her day off?”

Kaitlyn snorted. “If she did, she didn’t mention it. She did help me with my hair and makeup, though.”

“That was nice of her.”

“It was,” she said. She speared a tomato on her salad plate. “I think I’m going to have to get her a car.”

“So she doesn’t move in with her father?”

“That’s part of it, but the truth is, she needs one. For when I’m at work or out doing my house calls and she’s home with Mitch. If there’s an emergency, she’s stuck without transportation.”

“Have you told her yet?”

“No. Because the moment I do tell her, it’s all she’ll talk to me about until the car ends up in the driveway.”

“And Mitch? How’s he doing?”

“He’s having pizza for dinner and watching TV with his sister right now. That’s pretty much as good as life gets for him.”

Tanner smiled, and as the meal continued, they settled into easy conversation. She told Tanner about Casey’s college plans and shared more stories about her parents and siblings. While they lingered over their entrées, Kaitlyn listened raptly as Tanner described his far-flung travels and the friends he’d known over the years.

Every now and then, Kaitlyn would find herself picturing more evenings with Tanner, just like this. Catching herself, she gave herself a mental shake and warned herself to keep her feelings in check. A whirlwind fling was one thing, but falling for him was another.

Saying goodbye was going to be hard enough already.

X

Tanner brought the strawberry tarts to the table and set one in front of her. Though she’d eaten almost past the point of comfort, she figured a few bites wouldn’t kill her. Hadn’t she resolved that life was for living?

“Before I forget,” he said, cutting into his own tart, “I should probably tell you the good news.”

She looked up from her plate, intrigued. “That came out of nowhere.”

“I was distracted earlier,” he said with a wink. “The parts for my car are going to take two or three weeks to arrive. In reality, that probably means three or four weeks, so it seems like I’ll be sticking around Asheboro longer than I thought.”

“What on earth will you do?”

“I’m not sure yet, but who knows? I might just meet someone special.”

“Good luck with that,” she said, teasing.

“There are also a few more families I want to visit before I head to Cameroon.”

“Do they live nearby?”

“They’re in Virginia, Pennsylvania, and South Dakota.”

“So…another road trip, then?”

“I’d love to see Mount Rushmore, maybe do a tour of the Badlands. I’ve always wanted to see the Black Hills. I hear they’re spectacular,” he mused, as if he were already mapping out an itinerary.

Kaitlyn was silent. That an alternative existed—he could, for example, instead return sooner to Asheboro to see her—leapt to mind, but she refrained from pointing that out. “How long do you think you’ll be gone?” she asked.

He forked a glazed strawberry into his mouth. “I don’t know. A few weeks, maybe more? It also depends on their schedules, not just mine.”

While that all made sense, she couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed that being away from her for three weeks out of the nine or ten he had left in the States didn’t seem to give him pause. Still, she reminded herself that his job would take him abroad soon in any case, so less time together now was probably for the best.

“Have you spoken to your friend recently? The one who got you the job with IRC?” She toyed with her fork, making furrows in the gelatin of her tart.

“Vince? Not for a few weeks.”

“What projects will IRC be working on in Cameroon? I don’t think you told me.”

“I know they do a lot of work with refugees and crisis relief, but I don’t know the details.”

“How can you not know?” Kaitlyn asked.

“I just know I’ll be doing security work,” he said, polishing off the last of his dessert. He wiped his mouth and pushed his plate away. “I’m sure I’ll learn everything once my job starts in September.”

She frowned, then hesitated before saying, “I thought you started work in June.”

“That’s when I fly to Yaoundé, but I won’t start work until September.”

“Does it take that long to find a place to live?” she asked.

“No. I’ll be in temporary housing. Vince promised to set it up.”

“I don’t understand. Why are you going so early?” Kaitlyn pressed, her confusion growing. “If you don’t start work until the fall?”

“I don’t have to go early, I guess,” Tanner responded with a bemused expression. “But I think I mentioned that I wanted to visit a couple of the national parks, and it would be easiest to do that before I get back to the daily grind. And I think I mentioned, I really enjoyed playing soccer there.”

She gave a weak smile, trying to silence the voice in her head that whispered, He could stay in Asheboro until the end of summer, if he really wanted to .

“I’ll bet it’s going to be strange,” she remarked, avoiding his eyes. “Going back to work, I mean, after taking so much time off.”

“Probably,” he admitted. “Vince wanted me to sign a two-year contract, but I told him that I preferred to start with one year and see how it goes.”

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

“I have no idea,” he said, leaning back in his chair and running a hand through his hair. “For all I know, I’ll end up retired again. It’s not as though I’m going back to work for the paycheck.”

She chuckled, but when she saw his matter-of-fact expression it dawned on her that he wasn’t kidding.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“I don’t need to work,” he said simply. “I could retire now if I wanted.”

She stared at him. “How? Did your grandparents leave you a surprise inheritance?”

“Hardly.” He chuckled.

“Then army and government work must pay better than I thought.”

“I wish,” he responded. “I think I mentioned to you that I’ve done some investing in my past?”

“You did.” She nodded. “But it’s enough for you to retire on?”

“It is.”

“Care to share your investing secrets?” she joked. “Since Casey needs a car and will be heading off to college soon?”

“There’s no secret, really. I got lucky, then I was lazy, then I got lucky again.”

She fixed him with a level look. “You do know you’re being a bit cagey about all this, right?”

“I don’t talk about it much,” he said. “My grandparents knew, and a couple of my closest friends know, but that’s about it.” She watched as he reached for his almost-empty wineglass. “After I finished school, my grandparents set me up with a small investment account,” he said. “They suggested that once I enlisted, I should set aside part of my paycheck for automatic investment. So that’s what I did.”

“I do that with my 401(k), too,” Kaitlyn rejoined. “But trust me, it hasn’t earned enough for me to be able to retire.”

“That’s because you didn’t meet Rodney.”

“Who’s Rodney?”

“A buddy from the Rangers,” he explained. “Back in 2001, he showed up in the barracks with an iPod. I’d never heard of the thing, but he went on and on about how it was the greatest thing ever, and that I should get one, too. I didn’t, but a few of the other guys in the barracks did, which got my attention. iPods weren’t cheap, and it’s not as though any of them were earning very much. I started noticing that a lot of other, regular everyday people were buying them, too, so—despite my grandparents’ cautionary warnings—I impulsively moved all the money I had into Apple and set up the account so it would automatically buy more Apple stock with every paycheck.”

“You bought Apple stock back then ?”

“Like I said, I got lucky. And then, because I was lazy, I never bothered to change that investment strategy. Meanwhile, I spent the next ten years either deployed or living in the barracks and my expenses were nil, so my pool of investment capital kept growing and again, month after month, it all went into Apple. Then, in 2007, I got lucky again. The iPhone came out and not long after that, the stock started going through the roof. Factor in all the splits over the years since I first bought it, and…”

“You’re rich,” she said, finishing for him.

He was quiet for a moment. “Yeah,” he admitted.

“Like…rich rich? Or just rich?”

“I’m not sure what you mean by that, but I have more than I’ll ever be able to spend.”

She stared at him, finding it difficult to reconcile what he’d just told her with everything she’d come to know about him. She wondered idly if their relationship would have evolved differently had she known this about him from the beginning.

“So…” she said slowly, “you could do anything you want, then? Since you don’t have to work? You could live anywhere?”

“I guess.”

“I see.” She found herself unable to say anything else.

Tanner seemed to study her. “Is there a problem?”

As she returned his gaze, she tried to make sense of everything he’d just told her.

He didn’t have to work.

He’d rather play soccer with his buddy than see where things might go with her.

He could stay in Asheboro.

She struggled to banish these unwanted thoughts, but it was a losing battle. “I just find it odd,” she ventured.

“What part?” Tanner frowned.

She reached for her wineglass, then set it aside again, no longer in the mood for more. “I’ve been assuming that you had to go back to work for financial reasons. And because of your commitment to the work that IRC is doing in Cameroon. But it doesn’t sound like you even know what you’ll be doing there.”

At her words, he looked equal parts baffled and chagrined. “I’m getting the sense that you’re angry with me.”

“I’m not angry,” she demurred. And she wasn’t. Angry was too strong of a word to describe what she was feeling. There was disappointment, for sure, maybe even irritation. But her overriding sensation was one of…rejection. Maybe even betrayal. Which was irrational, she knew. She’d reminded herself before they even slept together that it was just a fling, but as much as she wished otherwise, she realized that his revelation had changed everything.

If he really wanted to, he could stay and pursue this—whatever this was—with her.

Deep down, she knew that was selfish, and she was jumping the gun in terms of where they were. And yet…

If he could stay, why wasn’t he inclined to? Why do all this—the limo and champagne, the lavish dinner in this mountain house? Just to sleep with her? And more to the point, why wasn’t he interested in spending more nights like tonight with her?

“Never mind,” she said, looking away. “Can we just forget I brought any of it up? It doesn’t matter.”

Tanner placed his hands on the table, palms up. When he spoke, his voice was measured. “You’re upset with me and I’m not sure what I did.”

“It’s fine,” she said, aware that her tone belied her words.

Meanwhile, the questions continued to nag at her, and all at once, it was hard to stay seated. Rising, she swept some crumbs from the table with her napkin and brought her glass of wine to the kitchen, along with her dessert plate. She dumped the remains down the sink, and uncertain what to do with the leftover tart, she pushed it to the corner of the counter before automatically reaching for the sponge. As if on autopilot, she began wiping down the counters.

Tanner followed her to the kitchen, concerned. “What are you doing?” he asked gently.

“Cleaning up,” she said with a shrug.

“I can get that later,” he assured her, placing a tentative hand on her waist. “Why don’t we go sit by the fire again?”

“It’s getting late,” she mumbled, moving away.

It was only a few minutes past nine, and they both knew it.

“Talk to me,” he pleaded. “Please.”

She ran the sponge over the countertop one last time before finally dropping it into the sink.

“Why am I here?” she finally asked, turning to face him.

“What do you mean?” His eyes, a dark green now, searched her face.

“Why did you ask me out in the first place? And why did you keep asking me out?” Kaitlyn’s back was pressed against the edge of the sink, her hands on the counter to either side of her.

He looked at her, confused. “Because you’re smart and kind and interesting and I wanted to get to know you better.”

“For a few weeks, you mean.” She crossed her arms.

Tanner took a small step back. For a moment, he said nothing, and she had the sense he was trying to put the pieces together. “Is that it?” he asked slowly. “You’re upset because I’m leaving?” When she didn’t respond, he went on. “Kaitlyn, don’t you think that’s a little unfair? I’ve been open with you all along about my plans.”

She stared at him, frustrated.

“Why are you going to Cameroon?”

He frowned, uncertain. “My job—” he began.

“The one you don’t need, you mean,” she interrupted.

Tanner stared at her, uncomprehending. “I need to do something. I can’t just hang out forever. I’d end up going crazy.”

“I’m not suggesting you do nothing. I’m just wondering: Why Cameroon?”

“We’ve talked about this—”

“Yes and no,” she said, cutting him off. “You’ve told me that you think Cameroon is an amazing country. You mentioned a couple of national parks you wanted to visit, and that you enjoyed playing soccer with your friend. You described how fun it was to watch a game in a crowded bar. But you know what you haven’t told me about? Or even mentioned in passing? The people you’ve helped. You never referenced a grateful smile from a hungry person that you fed, or the lives you bettered when you dug a new well or whatever.”

“I’m in security. I don’t do those things…” he protested.

“You’re missing my point.” She heard the creeping frustration in her tone and took a deep breath, trying to dial it back. “I understand that security work is important. I get that keeping aid workers safe enables them to do their jobs. What I’m asking is why you’re going back there. Other than giving you something to do, what need does it specifically fill in you? Except enjoyment?”

He opened his mouth to respond before closing it again. Finally: “Not all jobs offer an existential purpose.”

“That’s my point exactly!” she cried. “I’d understand you going back if you were the only guy in the world who could do what you do, or if you felt compelled to do something good in the world. I’d also understand if you needed the job to pay your bills or were truly motivated to serve others. But when I add up everything you’ve told me, especially the fact that you barely know what your job will entail…I don’t get it. But I do think I understand now why your grandmother was so worried about you.”

His mouth tightened. “Don’t bring her into this.”

Kaitlyn’s eyes bored into his. “Then tell me why you want to go back to Cameroon.”

“I made the decision when my grandma was sick, all right?” Tanner folded his arms across his chest. “She worried that I was drifting and I got to thinking that she might have a point, so when the job came up, I took it.”

They said nothing for a fraught moment. When Kaitlyn finally spoke, her voice was muted. “Since you don’t have to work at all, you could work anywhere. You could have stayed in Pensacola.”

Tanner’s expression was challenging. “Or Asheboro, you mean?”

“What’s wrong with Asheboro?” she countered, feeling defensive despite herself. “You said yourself that you like small towns. You’re the one who said you’d love to be able to run in the Uwharrie every day—”

“You are angry,” he said, comprehension dawning, even as he shook his head. “I should never have told you—”

She held up her hands to stop him before finally bowing her head. “I guess I’m just trying to say that you’re not who I thought you were,” she said, her voice subdued. “And that’s my fault for not listening to you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She lifted her eyes slowly, feeling like a fool. “You did say that if I asked your friends, they’d tell me that you’re not wired to settle down.”

“That was meant to be a joke.”

“Was it?” Her skepticism was plain. “What is it you want from life, Tanner? To stay on the move forever?” When he didn’t answer, she went on. “And what about us? You knew you didn’t have to leave, but did the thought ever occur to you that we could be more than a fling? That there was even the slightest possibility of something more?”

Again, Tanner said nothing. Kaitlyn glanced away, trying to ignore her feelings of humiliation. “Just so you know, I was okay with the idea of a fling when I came here tonight. I’d reconciled myself to circumstances being what they were. But now I’m not sure what to think.” When Tanner remained quiet, she stepped around him, unwilling to meet his eyes. “I think I should probably have the car bring me back home. I’ve got to work tomorrow.”

“Kaitlyn…wait…”

She hurriedly collected her jacket and purse. At the door, she debated whether to take Tanner’s umbrella, but what was the point? Staying dry hardly seemed like a priority now.

Tanner took a step toward her. “Can I at least walk you out?”

“I don’t think so,” she said.

“Will I see you again?”

A bitter smile came to her lips. Why bother, when you’re only biding time until you can play soccer in the streets of Cameroon? “My days are pretty full,” she said, keeping her tone steady as she opened the front door.

“Kaitlyn…”

She turned. “I know I don’t have to end things between us,” she said with a clarity that surprised even her, “but I can see now that there’s no reason to keep it going.”

The shock in his eyes gave her a fleeting sense of satisfaction, but it was quickly replaced by the idea that she was better than that. She stepped out onto the porch and let the door fall shut behind her. As she descended the steps, she felt raindrops stream down her face, knowing that they were already blending with her tears.

XI

“You’re home already?” Casey emerged from the kitchen as Kaitlyn stood in the foyer, shaking the rain off her jacket. “I didn’t expect you for another hour or two.”

Kaitlyn had spent the entire car ride home pulling herself together before she had to face her daughter. The storm of conflicting emotions had subsided a bit, but she knew her feelings were still perilously close to the surface. Breathe, she told herself. Whatever else you may or may not be, you’re still a mom. “I knew I had to get up for work in the morning,” she answered, trying her best to sound indifferent. “Where’s Mitch?”

“He was falling asleep as soon as the movie was over, so I put him to bed. How did it go?”

There it was, Kaitlyn thought. A loaded question, all things considered. “Fine,” she said shortly.

Casey scrutinized her. “Uh-oh. What did he do wrong?”

“He didn’t do anything,” she said with affected blandness. “We had a lovely dinner.”

“But?”

“But what?”

“But you don’t think you’re going to see him again,” Casey surmised. “That’s what you’re thinking, even if you’re not willing to say it out loud. Am I right?”

Kaitlyn was suddenly too exhausted to marvel at Casey’s ability to read her. “Yes,” she admitted.

Casey pinched her lips together. “Let me make you a cup of hot cocoa.”

“I’m not really in the mood to talk, honey,” Kaitlyn protested.

“I’m not asking to talk,” Casey called over her shoulder as she headed back to the kitchen. “I simply offered to make you some cocoa. It’s the drink of choice when guys suddenly become idiots.”

Kaitlyn watched as Casey filled a small saucepan with milk and set it on the burner before pulling the cocoa from the cupboard. When the milk was hot, she whisked in the cocoa, dotted it with some mini-marshmallows, and brought Kaitlyn the cup.

“No matter what happened, just remember that I’m on your side,” she said, sounding remarkably like Kaitlyn’s mother. “Now turn around and I’ll help you with the zipper.”

Kaitlyn obediently turned, feeling as Casey tugged at the zipper, loosening the dress. Then, startling her, Casey kissed her on the cheek. “You’re going to be okay, Mom.”

She walked out of the kitchen, leaving Kaitlyn to reflect that she’d been blessed with the children she had. Well…most of the time anyway.

She sipped at the cocoa, finishing half the cup before trudging to her bedroom. Closing the door, she caught sight of herself in the mirror, and her reflection suddenly brought the evening’s events back in a rush. She gasped as if she’d been struck in the solar plexus, tears springing to her eyes. She pinched the bridge of her nose, willing them to stop.

I am a grown woman, she told herself.

She forced herself to draw a deep breath. I knew all along that he’d be leaving.

Straightening her shoulders, she turned away from the mirror. Nothing has changed…

Except that it had.

She noticed a tremor in her hands as she slipped off her dress then washed her face. Slowly, she put on her pajamas and crawled into bed. Certain that sleep would answer her bone-deep exhaustion as soon as she turned out the light, she instead found herself staring at the ceiling as memories from the evening continued to flood her mind. The anticipation she’d felt in the limo and the taste of champagne, the smell of Tanner’s cologne. The exhilaration and wonder she’d felt when she first walked through the house. The muscled strength of his arms and back as he moved above her in bed, the sound of their voices as they made love…

Burying her face in her pillow, she began to cry, knowing that it was over before it ever had a chance to begin.