5. Alex
5
Alex
S team rises up and over the shower curtain as I rinse the shampoo out of my hair. The warm water hits a spot on the back of my shoulder, easing the tension in my muscles. Last night, we helped the neighboring town of Midway battle a four-alarm structure fire. It was an abandoned warehouse that’s a popular spot for the local homeless. There was a concern that victims may be trapped inside, but thankfully, we got everyone out. Unfortunately, there were a few close calls and two firefighters were treated for smoke inhalation. Needless to say, I’m exhausted.
“Allllleeeexxxx!” I hear Gabby’s voice and the sound of the bathroom door swinging open. My fatigue immediately dissipates knowing she’s nearby.
“Hey, baby girl!” I pull back a bit of the shower curtain to look at her. “Are you here to join me?”
She grabs it and pulls it back. “No! And how did I not scare you?”
“I admit, it’s not every day a beautiful woman storms into my bathroom, but I heard your voice through the door. What’s up?” I peek through the tiny space between the curtain and the rod, thankful for my height.
“I locked my keys in my car. Michelle is at school, so our door is locked. Jax and Aly aren’t home, and I need to pee so bad!” She hops from one foot to the other like a toddler doing the potty dance.
“You know we have two bathrooms.”
“Carter is in the other one and judging from the sounds coming from it, I’m not going within a ten-foot radius of it.”
“Man, I told him not to eat the food from the taco truck on 4th Street.” I shake my head.
“What? Why would he go there? Everyone knows they’re not authentic. You have to go up to 9th street for the good stuff.”
“You’re preaching to the choir, baby girl.”
“Oh my God, I’m about to pee my pants!” she yells.
“Go!” I’m not about to stop someone from answering the call of nature. To give her some privacy, I focus on the task at hand. I load up my loofah with some bodywash and begin scrubbing. I don’t hear anything from Gabby, so I assume she’s doing her business.
“Umm…can I have some help?” Her voice sounds smaller than usual.
“You need help peeing?” I call out from behind the curtain.
“No. It’s just that I have a bashful bladder. I can’t pee knowing that someone could hear me.”
“The sound of the shower isn’t enough?”
“Not when I know you’re in it. Could you like…sing or something?”
“You can’t be serious.” I nearly drop my loofah at her crazy request .
“Pleeeeeaaase? I swear, urine is going to spring out of my eyeballs if I don’t go soon.”
“You know that can’t happen.”
“You know what I mean!” she snaps.
“Why don’t you sing?” I suggest.
“I can’t sing and pee at the same time!” she shrieks like that’s the most outlandish thing she’s ever heard.
“Maybe I can’t sing and shower at the same time.”
“Of course you can! I hear you through the walls of my bathroom all the time.”
Huh. Our bedrooms share a wall, but it never occurred to me that our bathrooms do too. I wonder how many times we’ve taken a shower at the same time with just a few inches separating us.
“Okay, okay, let me think.” Despite my magnetic personality and dashing good looks, I actually can’t sing that well, so I opt to hum a tune instead.
“Are you humming the song to Final Jeopardy?”
“Umm…yes?”
“I can’t pee to that!”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s like a timer. I would feel like I have to finish when the song is up, and I don’t know if I can do that.”
“I’ll hum it on repeat,” I offer.
“Can’t you just sing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ or something?”
“Like that’s any longer?! Good God, woman! You know I’d do anything for you, but this is getting a little out of hand. It’s one thing to offer my toilet to you while I’m a mere foot away all soapy and naked as the day I was born. It’s another to make me sing so you can pee. I’m not taking requests from your bashful bladder.”
For a moment, Gabby is silent and I worry that my rant scared her off. Then the toilet flushes and the shower turns to molten lava. Without thinking, I jump out of the steamy torture chamber and come face-to-face with my tormentor.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” She gasps. “I wasn’t thinking when I flushed the toilet. But good news! Your yelling was at the perfect volume, so I was finally able to go…and, umm…” Her voice trails off as she scans me from top to bottom.
It’s at that moment I realize I have nothing on. I bite back a smile because I know she likes what she sees.
“Ahem. My eyes are up here.”
She snaps her head up and her face flushes. “Uh…yeah…right…sorry…I wasn’t thinking. You should probably get a towel,” she stumbles on her words.
“I would,” I say calmly, “but it’s behind you.”
“Whoops.” She spins and grabs the towel off the hook. “Here you go. I’m sorry about that. I guess I’ll be leaving now.”
“Wait.” I quickly wipe myself down and wrap the towel around my waist as she tries to make a getaway. “Where are you going?”
“Back home.”
“Really? With what keys?” I walk out of the bathroom and head to my dresser to grab some clothes.
“Oh yeah. Ha-ha. That’s why I was here in the first place.”
“How quickly you forgot.” I drop my towel to put on my underwear and jeans. Could I have changed in private? Yes. But what would be the fun in that? Because right now, Gabby is standing in my doorway with her mouth gaping open, watching me intently as I throw on one of my many SBFD T-shirts. Once fully clothed, I approach her, place my hand under her chin, and lift it up to close her mouth. “Come on, let’s go get your car unlocked.”