Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
Cassidy
I ’ve been a mess all day. I’ve cried at each of the girls’ weddings, but I am a blubbering mess today. From the first thing this morning when we gathered and had a catered brunch with mimosas while getting ready to now.
The ceremony has just finished, and everything has been picture-perfect. A more beautiful wedding might only exist in a book, as far as I’m concerned. There was beauty, a quiet feeling that brought a calmness, and Rose offered comic relief by spilling the beans about Lynn’s second pregnancy.
In true Lynn fashion, you can’t tell. She feels as fit as a fiddle, not an ounce of morning sickness. Rose dropped the news like a bomb, and Lynn has had virgin drinks all day because of it.
Mary’s and Trent’s vows couldn’t have been more beautiful. They didn’t write them themselves, but the ones they chose were well-suited and light. Her dress is a sweetheart A-line that has light layers and a fair number of embellishments to make it unique. Trent surprisingly isn’t wearing an over-the-top suit. I imagined him looking a bit more uptight being the hotel mogul he is, but he has on a simple blue-grey suit and a thin navy tie.
The church was filled with white hydrangeas, orchids, and an assortment of greenery. From last night at the rehearsal to this morning, the difference in the space is unbelievable. The stained glass reflected off the thick white floral arrangements, creating an illuminating look as Mary walked down the aisle.
It was perfect. Mary is a perfectionist so I assumed everything would be beautiful, but this whole wedding has been just too much. Watching her join the other girls in their new marital lives is creating a feeling in me I can’t place.
Undeniable happiness for them is the first thing that comes to mind, but there is more. The desire for big change sits deep in my belly. Adventure, passion, and joy of my own.
We are just finishing pictures at the reception estate now and I need another drink. Georgie is on the same page and scampers off to the bar that has already opened for the wedding party.
Trent’s best man is his cousin, and best friend, Kai. They have grown up basically as brothers and their bond reminds me a lot of mine with each of the girls.
“Cheeks hurt yet?” Kai jokes.
“Definitely, I don’t know if a cheek strain is possible but if it is, I’m almost there.” He looks down at me in my strappy dress and his eyes linger on my chest. The girls look good today. They are still sprinkled with some glitter and our makeup artist highlighted my collarbone, so they are displayed for a lovely show.
He’s not much taller than me, but he has a few good inches. He has a thin build and thick, dark brown curls. He has to have some god-descendent genes because his light olive skin and light green eyes are enough to bring a girl to her knees, willingly. His suit is plain grey instead of having a slight blue tone, and it looks good on him.
“I haven’t seen a case of it yet, but if you get one, mind if I report it in a medical journal?” Mr. Not-So-Tall, but Dark and Handsome is an ER doctor. Dr. Kai, at my service tonight because he also came stag for best man duties.
“Is your speech funny? If it is, that might push me over the edge into a new medical diagnosis for you.”
“I can make it funny if that’s what you want,” he says. I offer a nice smile but feel nothing inside. My ability to flirt and be light isn’t there today. I’m too emotional from the last wedding of our group.
“Don’t change anything up for me,” I say. Georgie slides up next to me and is holding two glasses.
“Red or white?” she asks.
I take the red and look over to where Trent and Mary are taking more pictures. They look perfect and a feeling stabs me in the chest. I spit up a little of my wine and Kai offers me a handkerchief from his pocket. It has his initials embroidered on it, so it must have been a groomsman gift.
Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I shake my head.
“No, no, I won’t ruin your new handkerchief with my clumsiness.”
“I can wash it,” he rebuts and taps at my mouth for me. The gesture is sweet but too close for my comfort. I stay still to let the moment pass quickly. Not much longer and the reception will be in full swing.
Food. Speeches. Dancing.
Then back off to the city and I can leave this town behind me for good. Another stab to the chest comes but I brush this one off easier than the last.
Lynn comes up behind me and wraps her arm around my shoulders.
“Can I steal you?”
I nod to Kai and take my leave with Lynn, Georgie in tow.
“What’s up?” I pry.
“Are you okay? You’ve had this look on your face all day,” she says pouting, a little at the end.
“I’m more than okay. I just can’t believe you’re all married now, and you have a second baby on the way.” I know my face is sad, I can’t help it. I am stupidly happy for all of them, but I feel so alone suddenly. I’ve never felt this way before, and I don’t know how to express it.
Apparently, I don’t have to. Lynn wraps her arms tightly around me and gives me a long, gentle squeeze.
“I love you,” she says.
I start to cry a little but reel myself back in.
“I love you all more,” I say while I keep “and I’m sorry I suddenly feel so alone while I’m with all of you” to myself.
Georgie senses that I’m trying to gather myself and rubs my back.
“Pull your big girl pants on, you’ve got a speech to give, and you look like shit.”
“Kai would say otherwise,” I pander. That earns me a small smile and an eye roll from them both.
She’s right, I have a speech to give. I deliver my speech and bring Mary and Lynn to tears, which almost brings me to tears.
Kai makes everyone laugh, even me, now I am on my fourth drink since that glass of red wine I took from Georgie. I can feel that I am buzzed, but I have been responsibly drinking water, as well, in case Mary needs me.
The party is in full swing, and my heart is feeling the lightness I was missing just an hour ago. That heavy feeling in my chest is finally almost gone. The girls and I have been dancing and partying the way we always do, even though the three of them are now married.
Part of me feels comforted by how things haven’t changed in the three hours that have passed since Mary joined the crew of the wedded. They all have their happily ever after and I’m enjoying it with them.
We laugh and dance and play. Their smiles set my heart on fire, and everything seems so close to perfect. The moment passes with a slow song taking over and each of my beautiful people finds their significant other while I go to fetch a drink and a napkin to dab at the sweat on my face.
Just as I’m about to exit the dance floor a hand grasps my wrist, and my breath takes hold. Fingers slide into mine and I look over my shoulder.
I’m greeted with green eyes and a sweet smile. Kai pulls me back to him quickly and doesn’t disappoint by giving me a quick spin. I know why I held my breath, and the thought is frankly silly. I am too caught up in emotional thoughts from the whole day.
Kai leads me in our dance; everything is smooth, and my movements feel languid. I don’t feel a rush to get it over with, I just keep going as he pulls me in any direction. I don’t feel uncomfortable, and I don’t feel impassioned. I just feel like this is where I am right now, and when it’s over I’ll go back to whatever I was doing before Kai came along.
I look over and see each of my closest friends dancing with their other halves. Trent and Mary look lovingly into each other’s eyes, speaking lowly with soft smiles across their faces. Georgie and her husband are laughing lightly as he dances with her in a soft and silly manner, giving her extra dips and hip shakes where they are not needed. Lynn has her head laid on her spouse’s chest, his chin rests on her head as they sway slowly, and he makes small circles on her back. I can tell each of them has a home in the arms of their loved one. It brings more tears to my eyes.
“And they lived happily ever after.” Kai is looking over at Mary and Trent. He sees what I see. Love. Happiness. Comfort. A home. A home that isn’t a place, but a person.
“That, they do.” Kai pulls me close, sliding one hand up my back before bringing it back down to the low center.
“You next in the line of fairy tale endings?” he jokes.
“Yes,” I offer, and I mean it. “I will ride my own horse off into the sunset and start a new kingdom. I will take on any challenges that cross my path with a veracity that no one can match. I will build a castle with a great big library. I will dance under the sun to my own music.”
Kai smiles larger and stops dancing. “You’re your own knight in shining armor?”
“Damn right.” I beam. He gets it.
So did Hunter. An unwanted voice butts in.
“I like that. My older sister is a lot like you. Fierce, determined, passionate, and beautiful.” His compliment isn’t empty, and although he means it, he also has a motive to attempt to bed me tonight. If I was in a better head space, I would take him up on this offer.
This weekend isn’t about me finding a quick lay, it’s about celebrating Mary and Trent. So, instead of going back to Kai’s room, I’m going to go back to make sure I grab a few things from the reception to create keepsakes for Mary.
“Thank you,” I say just as the song finishes, I give his shoulders a squeeze as I pull myself away. Kai can tell I’m not interested in more. He’s mature enough to perceive my intended message.
I look up and see Mary looking over at me with concern in her eyes. I don’t want her to worry about anything today, so I flash her a big smile and a peace sign to assure her all is well. She smiles back and turns her attention back to her prince.
I do a quick scan and see everyone feeling true happiness in this moment with their better halves.
As for me, I’m alone.
Things are as they should be.