43. Harlow
Chapter 43
Harlow
Helen: How’s things? You come home this week, right?
Me: It’s been amazing. I don’t really want to come back.
Helen: Whoever wants to come back from vacation?
Me: I was technically working this whole trip. So don’t I deserve like a real vacation?
Helen: You haven’t had to deal with like REAL life. You got to read books away from everyone.
Me: I edit books. I don’t just read them.
Helen: Well, everyone here is waiting for you, Heath especially.
Me: Thank you for being in my corner, even though you’re the one who sold me out.
Helen: It’s the least I can do. He honestly seems sweet. If you go through with it, I don’t think it will be a bad life.
Me: It wouldn’t.
Helen: Want to call?
Me: I’ll call you later.
Helen: 3
I should work harder to be closer to Helen. We could have something close to what Harrison and Hunter have. I love their relationship and how inclusive they are. Cassidy told me the other night when we all had dinner together that she caught sight of them hugging their dad.
I couldn’t imagine seeing three grown men hugging each other until now. It’s not weird or weak. It’s empowering and so fucking adorable. The Hills’ kind, supportive nature is something I admire.
My chest physically hurts imagining coming back here to visit alone as a married woman and not being able to be as intimate with Harrison as I am now. Even worse, imagining coming back to visit with Heath as a plus one.
When I first started this whole contract with Harrison, I offered him money, which, holy fuck, now feels awful. I didn’t think I would grow as close to him as I have. More than just Harrison, there’s Cassidy, who I love, her daughter, Hunter, and Silas. I’ve come to view this place as a sanctuary instead of an escape.
Sitting on my couch, I wrap myself in a blanket and pull out the notebook I have our contract stuffed in. I see the section where I wrote down a monetary value for the time Harrison was willing to give me .
If he still wants it, I’ll give it to him.
I stare at the page, with all the stipulations I put down, his input barely there. I already broke the no-sleeping-over clause, and I regret that I didn’t do it sooner.
I don’t want to give him money unless he asks for it. I don’t view this whole thing as an exchange anymore. It’s meant more than that. Even if I gave him money, I don’t think it would be enough. I want to thank him on a more personal level.
The thin paper sits between my fingertips, and I rub them back and forth.
1. H&H consent to spending time together when it is convenient for each party.
2. H&H will respect the right for each party to say they want space.
3. H&H agree to a Thanksgiving end date.
4. H&H will return to their own sleeping quarters.
5. Monetary exchange from HW to HH of $ 1,000. $250 for “physical” encounters. $500 to go “all the way”.”
6. H&H agree to remain physically exclusive during the contracted time period. Should HH or HW find interest in a new party, said person will alert the other to end the contract early.
I want to throw the whole thing away. I’m such a cold, ugly bitch. I hear Cleo’s paws tap against the wood floor as she trots up to me and climbs into my lap.
“Will you do me the honors and eat this?” I offer the piece of paper and pout at her. She doesn’t take it, and I let out a disappointed sigh.
I don’t have much longer in this house, and it’s sad because although it isn’t my style, I love it. My phone vibrates, and I check to see if it’s Helen again.
Harrison: Meet me at the stable.
Me: Now?
Harrison: Can you?
Me: Yeah. I’ll be there in 10.
Cleo has moved from my lap, and I wrap the blanket I was using around her. I leap up the stairs to change into riding gear.
I have a feeling this meeting is to take Majesty for a ride in the arena for a little bit. She’s adjusted perfectly to her new home. I feel partly responsible due to my asking the Kings what they do with their horses routinely and bribing her with treats.
Every day Harrison lets me know when he’s done with most of his daytime tasks and can meet me to take her for a ride. Jake and another hand on the farm, Sam, help me adjust Majesty’s daily routines from her previous ones to ours. Maybe she would have adjusted just fine without it, but I like to think it’s because of our efforts.
I slip on black riding pants, an olive thermal, a black riding vest, and a black jacket. It’s cold out, so I grab the riding gloves I ordered once I realized I would need them.
Before I leave, I stop by the rack that holds my coats and the hat that Harrison gifted me. I braid my hair before putting the hat on. My English riding boots are the last thing I put on, and I look myself over in the mirror.
I look out of place, and although the hat is gorgeous and looks great on me, my outfit doesn’t match it. Even though I’m dressed in all English, I keep the Western hat on my head.
At the main barn, I see Harrison’s and Hunter’s trucks parked. I walk through the stable and notice that all the horses are out of their stalls. It must have been a herding day. Once I break through the threshold, there are four horses all saddled up and ready to go.
Legacy looks like she always does, large and proud. Cassidy holds her reins while she talks with Hunter. He’s running a hand up and down her arm while holding Snickers’ reins in the other. He looks at her as if she’s hung the moon herself, or even like she is the moon.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look at someone like that before.
Helen. Helen looks at Lydia like that. She looks at her like she’s everything. As much as I love this family, I can’t be the reason Helen and Lydia are exiled again. I don’t understand, with a love like theirs, why they care what my dad thinks. Outside of Helen working to take over the West empire, I would say fuck you and live my life the way I damn well pleased. I will do what I can to be able to see Helen keep looking at Lydia like that without hiding it.
When I finally catch sight of Harrison, he’s staring at me. I feel like a knife is pierced directly in the middle of my chest. Close to the heart but not close enough to kill me. It burns and aches.
Harrison is looking at me like Helen and Hunter. I don’t want the feeling in my chest to be painful, but I guess I don’t have a choice.
In his hands are two sets of reins and side by side are Majesty and Star. They look stunning together—Star with her charming beauty and Majesty with her elegance. They are a pair of opposite warmbloods. Much like Harrison and me.
“We’re taking her out?” I ask as I approach him.
Cassidy hands the reins over to Hunter and gives me a hug before I can even reach them. She smiles broadly and raises her brows in excitement before walking back over to her post. Hunter helps her mount Legacy, which takes me a little by surprise since that’s his horse.
Harrison pulls me into a friendly embrace with his free arm and then separates the reins.
“Yeah, we have a good group today. So, it would be good to show her the property. You want to take her? She likes you best.” He holds her reins out to me, and I gladly take them.
“I’d love nothing more.” I walk around to her side and see that she has a brand-new saddle on. It’s a Western saddle in black leather with intricate gold stitching, vine-like engravings, brass studs and buckles, and there is a burned crown on the side. It’s not the typical crown we’ve seen in medieval times, it’s thinner and sweeter, almost like something Arwen from The Lord of the Rings would wear. Her saddle pad is a cream color with her new name stitched on the side.
Hecate.
“This suits her,” I say before slipping a foot in the stirrup and grabbing the horn. He smiles warmly at me and nods in agreement .
Once I’ve mounted her, Harrison makes sure I’m settled before hopping on his own horse.
“Well, let’s take advantage of grandparents while we can!” Hunter yells before kicking Snickers and leading us out.
We ride a little while in a line before we get to the open fields farther back on the Hill property. Once we get to a place where we worry less about field crops, livestock, and people, we move into two pairs, trotting.
It’s weird for me to sit in the saddle rather than posting in a trot, but I adjust quicker than I thought. The seat on this saddle is so comfortable, and the cantle has the perfect slope for me to lean into when needed.
Hunter and Cassidy are ahead of Harrison and me, and they laugh and chat away. Despite claiming to be a city girl, Cassidy fits into this farm perfectly. I can’t imagine her living a life other than this one. Working remotely, living on this farm, and raising B. Life really does work out the way it’s supposed to.
Harrison and I share a simple conversation, mostly about Hecate and how she’s doing.
I look over the land, brown fields that still have some strange charm. Trees that are dead, yellow, red, and brown. Piles of colored leaves all over the place in a windblown mess. The sky is blue, and the clouds are thick. The people in front of me look like they belong in a movie.
I slow down to a walk and let them all get ahead of me before I pull my phone out to snap pictures. As if he could sense it, Harrison looks back at me.
I snap the shot: a golden boy with golden hues surrounding him. That wool-lined jacket and hat combo with his bright blue eyes. I don’t think I need a picture to remember it, but I snap it anyway. When his eyes meet mine, his face lights up and his bright teeth peek through perfect lips in a smile.
The sky, trees, land, and people behind him are all lost in his beauty.
Tucking my phone back into my jacket, I grip both reins and signal a canter. Hecate seems so happy to take off, so I tighten my thighs and let her gallop. We pass everyone in a blur, a loud whoop leaving them as we ride past. Her heavy hooves beat into the earth, and I feel a resounding pound in my chest. My thighs burn as I hold myself close. This feeling is something I missed.
When I would ride in the past, I rarely took a horse to gallop. Trail rides were more refined, but this is purely primal. A broad smile grows on my face and then I hear it: the sound of another pair of hooves coming up behind me.
I look over my shoulder to see Harrison catching up, a smile spanning across his face.
“Yeah!” he yells, and we continue to take off.
Maybe it was only a few minutes, but it felt like forever. I would have stayed in that time loop for the rest of my life—a wild ride, our eyes going to the land ahead of us and back to each other, big smiles on our faces, and our laughter as we took turns pulling ahead.
We all take a break at the plot of land Harrison wants to build on. Hecate is on a long lead, but the others stay close on instinct.
“This place is pure magic,” I say, fiddling with her lead.
“Wasn’t before you got here, witch.” Harrison runs his hand up and down my back, and I stiffen.
No.
I don’t want to take this magic away from him. I don’t want to turn this beautiful place into a bad memory for him.
“No, sir. It’s all the memories you’ve built here. You, your brother, your whole family. Thank you for including me. I think you’re actually the one who has all that power.” I joke to keep it light, but I want him to remember his family here more than me.
I want to preserve how special this space is.
We all chat for a short period before riding back to the main barn. My heart is a storm of emotions. My head seems to be the only thing that is on straight. There is one thought that is cycling through it:
It’s time to go home.