Chapter 10
CHAPTER 10
A s soon as he stepped away from Jared, Charlie wished he could go back. He knew he wasn’t imagining the little spark of connection that had leapt between them, just as he hadn’t been imagining it in the kitchen when they were making cherry jam. Jared might like to pretend to the rest of the world that he was ironic and aloof from it all, but in their brief time together Charlie had begun to see a different side of the man, one who was very different from the ice queen that he’d met at the airport just a day ago.
For the moment, though, Charlie had to focus on talking to his mother. As he’d said to Jared, the two of them had never seen eye-to-eye on most things–including, for a very long time, his sexuality–but they’d managed to find a measure of peace. That didn’t mean that he stayed in touch with her as much as he should, even if he had moved her out to California.
When he got to Jared’s room he closed the door behind him and sat down on the bed, taking another minute to just gaze around at all of the signs of the boy who’d once lived here. He felt a smile pulling at his lips as he thought about what it must have been like for Jared growing up in a house like this one, filled with love and joy and light.
Okay, enough letting your mind wander. Let’s get this over with.
Even after he’d pulled the phone out of his pocket, however, it took him several minutes to actually type in the number and hit the call button.
As the phone began to ring, Charlie heard laughter coming from downstairs, and he felt the usual pang. Things had never been like that with his family, even when he’d lived at home. His father might have been accepting of his sexuality, but he had never been particularly kind to his wife, who he tended to treat with a sort of casual cruelty.
Why did families have to be so complicated?
It took a few rings, but she finally picked up.
“Charlie, sweetie, I’m so glad you called. I was just thinking about you,” his mother’s cheery voice said at once. “How are you?” That sweet Appalachian drawl was just as he remembered it, and it made his heart constrict in his chest.
“I’m…I’m good, mom,” he said, taking a second to clear his throat. “How are you?”
“I’m good, darlin’. Just trying to get some bakin’ done today.”
“That sounds great, mom. What’s the occasion?”
“Oh, no particular reason. I was just thinkin’ about how much I missed the old home place and thought I’d get in touch with my roots by makin’ a cobbler.”
His mouth started watering as he thought about the taste of her delicious cherry cobbler, but he also braced himself for the guilt trip he knew was coming.
“I saw that you went back to West Virginia yesterday,” she said. “I gotta say that my feelings are a little hurt that you didn’t ask me if I wanted to come along.”
He took a deep breath and pinched his nose. He’d known this was coming, and he did feel a bit guilty about not inviting her, but he also wished that she would, or could, understand how much of a pain in the ass she could be when she tried this passive aggressive approach to conflict resolution.
“I know, but I just figured that with the whole film premiere and everything that I wouldn’t have as much time to be with you as I would have liked, and it doesn’t seem like the kind of movie that you would like anyway.”
That much was true, anyway. He highly doubted that she would go out of her way to watch some hard-hitting drama about the perils of gay life in the middle of the 20th century.
“But you somehow found time to get into a fight with someone at a bar?”
“Uh, yeah, that probably wasn’t my proudest moment,” he said, scuffing his foot on the floor, fixating on a knot in the hardwood so that he wouldn’t have to really pay attention to what was sure to come from the other end of the line. “That’s kind of why I’m holed up for the weekend, so I don’t cause any more problems.”
There was a heavy sigh on the other end of the line. “Sometimes, Charlie, you’re just like your father.”
It was a refrain that he’d heard a lot growing up. Any time that he expressed an opinion that his mother didn’t like or started to shut down or even came close to losing his temper, she’d tell him that he was being like his father. While he understood where she was coming from, it’d come to a point where he’d decided it was easier to avoid conversation rather than to risk getting in trouble again.
Typical Charlie Garrett, he thought. Face a challenge, run your mouth, and then take the easy way out.
However, being with Jared and seeing his family had shown him that there might be another way of handling this. Perhaps the pattern of losing his temper and withdrawing wasn’t the most helpful way of communicating with her.
“I’m sorry, mom,” he said softly. “I know that I’m a bit too much like him sometimes. I…I’ll try to do better. You deserve better. We both do.”
“Oh, Charlie. You’re a good boy. I hope you know that I’ll always love you and be here for you. I hope you know that I just want you to be happy. That matters more to me than anything else.”
“I really appreciate that,” he said, and for the first time in a long time, he really meant it. It suddenly felt as if a great weight was lifted off his chest. It was a small thing, a little thaw, but it suggested that the two of them might be able to work things out, if they took it slow and made meaningful changes. If he made slow but meaningful changes.
“So,” his mother said, “where are you staying this weekend? I bet Sheri wanted to get you out of Huntington as fast as she could after your little…incident.”
“Well, that’s the thing. I’m staying with a guy named Jared and his parents. He was kind of recruited into getting me out of town.”
He cut himself off before he could blurt out too much.
“I see,” she said slowly. “And what are this young man’s intentions with my son?”
“Mom, it’s not like that,” he said.
“But maybe it could be?” she said, making the words half statement and half question.
“I don’t think he sees me that way.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
Damn it, he thought.
“I’m your mother, Charlie. This might come as a surprise to you, but I do know you pretty well, and I know how it goes with the boys that you get with. If you think there’s something with this young man, then you should tell him.” She paused a minute, as if choosing her next words with care. “Don’t be afraid of your feelings, Charlie. And don’t be afraid to express them.”
Don’t be like your father. That was what she meant even if she didn’t say it.
“Thank you, mom. I’ll consider it.”
She sighed. “Please do, Charlie. I mean it. I know that you and I don’t always agree, but I do want what’s best for you. And, well, if this guy Jared ends up being the best, you should let yourself be happy.”
Let yourself be happy. That was something he hadn’t thought about in a while.
“Okay,” he said noncommittally.
“So?” she said. “What are you doing just talking to me? Go out there and get him.”
“Fine, I’ll do it. For you,” he said. “I…I love you, mom.”
“I love you, too, sweetie,” and then the line went dead.
For several minutes Charlie just sat there trying to sort through his feelings about the conversation. It had gone remarkably well. Perhaps too well.
He shook his head. What was he thinking? He needed to stop getting in his own way and just enjoy the good things when they came his way. Like…well, like Jared.
Okay, are you just going to sit here in this room or are you going to go out there and spend some time with the guy you have a crush on?
That settled it.
He got up slowly and walked toward the door. He had no idea how the rest of this weekend was going to go but, one way or another, he was going to seize his own happiness.