Chapter 13
CHAPTER 13
J ared hadn’t really been sure he was going to ask Charlie to go for a longer walk until the words were out of his mouth. Once they were, though, he was…actually kind of glad that he’d asked. Watching him with his family had been a bit of a revelation, but more than that, he was really amazed at how skilled he was at defusing the argument between Jared and his mother. That was something that Jared himself could never get the hang of, no matter how much it sometimes threatened to derail his relationship with her.
Sometimes, I think I like being right more than I like the people in my life.
Charlie, on the other hand, was about as far from that as possible. The easy way that he’d interacted with Jared’s grandmother had been more evidence that he had that knack of being a people person, someone who was able to get along with pretty much anyone that he came into contact with, a skill Jared had never mastered
Now they were walking outside again, and he wanted, very badly, to kiss Charlie like he had before, to feel his lips against his own, but he was afraid to initiate it.
He looked nervously over at Charlie, but he was just taking in the beauty of the surrounding hills.
Damn, he really does look beautiful here. But then, I guess he’d probably look beautiful anywhere, Jared thought.
“So, where shall we go?” Charlie asked suddenly, turning to look at him with those startlingly blue eyes. He gestured at the surrounding farm. “I’m sure there’s all sorts of nooks and crannies that you had time to explore when you were young, right?”
Jared wanted to believe that there was a hint of something else in those words, but he was afraid to let himself get his hopes up.
Just take it easy, Jared, he said. He’s probably just being curious. Don’t try to force anything, and whatever you do, don’t mention that damn kiss.
“Um…,” he said, mind suddenly devoid of all rational thought.
Say something, idiot!
“Yes, I know where we can go,” he said, gesturing vaguely to one of the larger hills that surrounded his parents’ house. “Do you feel up to climbing to the top of that hill? It’s a bit of a trek, but I promise you that the views from it all are simply breathtaking.”
Once again he was rewarded with that smile.
“If you’re game, then so am I. I have to make sure that all of those physical trainer lessons are worth something out in the real world.”
Great, Jared thought. He’s probably going to make it to the top of the hill long before I do.
They set off up the hill, and it became clear very quickly that, indeed, Charlie was in much better shape than Jared. While Jared started huffing and puffing after about only ten minutes of climbing, Charlie didn’t seem like he was even breathing hard or breaking a sweat. Jared shot him what he knew was a rather venomous look but Charlie, in typical Charlie fashion, just flashed him a smile.
“Sorry,” he said with a shrug. “I told you that I pay good money for a personal trainer. I’d be rather annoyed if I couldn’t even make it to the top of a hill without getting winded, you know?”
By the time they finally reached the top Jared was very thoroughly winded and very, very sweaty, but to give Charlie his due he hadn’t left him behind. Now that he was completely worn out, Jared threw himself on the ground and just stretched out, enjoying the feel of the grass beneath him and the cleanness of the country air.
“I think I’m going to regret this tomorrow,” he said. “I haven’t walked like that in a very long time. Probably too long.”
Charlie gave him a mock stern look. “You really should try to stay active, you know. Neither of us are spring chickens.”
“Ugh. I know. You’re right. I’ll be sure to walk to the top of this hill every time I come home.” He didn’t bother mentioning that that was exactly what he used to do before he got so caught up with other stuff and didn’t come home as much as he used to.
“So,” Charlie said, flopping down beside him, “was there a particular reason why you wanted to come up here?”
Because I thought that it was one of the few places where you and I could make out without anyone knowing what we were doing.
“Because…well, I guess because this has always been one of the most peaceful places that I’ve ever known,” he said aloud. “It was only up here, under the sky and in the field, that I could ever really feel like I was just by myself.”
Charlie gave him a wistful smile. “I like the sound of that,” he said. “We never really had anything like that where I grew up. The coal mines had already stripped most of the hills away, and they hadn’t really done much to reclaim the land. We couldn’t even go into the creek most of the time because it was just so polluted.”
Jared sighed. “Yeah, there are a lot of places in West Virginia like that. It’s not so bad up here, or at least it wasn’t until all of the natural gas drilling started. Now you can’t even go two or three hills over without running into some place that’s been totally stripped of its trees. It’s really awful.”
A bit of an awkward silence settled over the two of them as they each thought about what it meant for the natural beauty of their state to be stripped away. While Jared knew it was a very important subject–and it was one that was near and dear to his heart, considering he lived here–he wanted to talk about something else, something more romantic, or at least not as depressing.
“I’ll be honest, though. There was also something about being able to look out over the land nearby that made me almost feel like a prince in a castle, like this was all mine.” He laughed at that. “Of course, my parents only really own this little sliver of land.” He gestured at the other houses scattered on the other hills. “Those are all different parcels of property. It all used to belong to our family at one time or another, but over the years people have moved away to other states and other folks have moved in. There are still enough of us left that people associate this land with us, but it’s not like it used to be.”
“You really love it here, don’t you?” Charlie asked.
Jared paused a minute before answering. “I do. I think it’s one of those things that it took me a very long time to accept, but I really do love it. It’s like nowhere else in the world.”
“Have you ever thought about moving back here?”
Leave it to Charlie to ask the one question that Jared himself had managed to avoid over the past several years. Of course, the truth was that he had thought about moving back to live on one of the hills around his parents’ house. He’d toyed with the idea for a long time–after all, it wasn’t like he had much of a life in Huntington, much as he hated to admit it–but something always held him back. He didn’t want to be one of those people who moved back to be with his family when there were so many other things that he could be doing, so many other places to explore and see and do. If he moved back here, it would be like admitting that he’d failed at all grand ambitions that he’d had as a young person.
“Jared, are you okay?”
He brought himself back to the present and decided to give Charlie the most honest answer that he could.
“Yeah, I’ve considered it a bit here and there over the years. But…I don’t know. I just don’t think I’m ready to admit that I’ve let myself down. If I move back here, it’ll be like I haven’t been able to make it, as a writer or as anything else. You know what I mean?”
Charlie paused for a moment, and then he nodded his head. Or maybe shook it. It was honestly kind of hard to tell, because it seemed to be a bit of both.
“I think you might be looking at this the wrong way. It’s not always a bad thing to come back home. Sometimes it’s the only place where you can really discover who you are and what you want out of life. And besides, you have a good relationship with your family, and if you really want to be a writer, that’s something that you can do anywhere, right? It’s not like you have to live somewhere fancy to become a success.
“You know,” he went on with a bit of a rakish smile and a glint in his eye, “I’ve heard there’s this thing called the internet that lets you get in touch with people all over the world.”
Jared plucked a few strands of grass and threw at Charlie, but he deftly dodged them. Somehow, not a single one of them managed to land.
“Oh come on, ” he said.
Charlie laughed and then, much to Jared’s surprise, he actually tackled him, bearing him to the ground and pinning his arms above his head.
“Do you want to try throwing some grass at me while your arms are pinned down?” he said, a grin that was mischievous and…something else…on his face.
This had all caught Jared by surprise, but there was one part of his body that was responding accordingly. He tried to get free, but that physical training had made Charlie quite strong in his upper body, which in turn meant that he was able to keep Jared pinned without much trouble.
For a few minutes more Jared tried to look anywhere but at Charlie, knowing that if he dared to look up that he would almost certainly lose himself in Charlie’s eyes. That, he knew, was the last thing he wanted. Or was it the thing that he wanted more than anything else?
“Jared,” Charlie said gently. “Look at me.”
There was a quiet power in Charlie’s voice that Jared found impossible to resist. He looked up, and what he saw in Charlie’s eyes was a strange mix of tenderness, affection, humor, and desire. Jared felt as if the entire world had fallen out from underneath him.
Then Charlie leaned down and kissed him again, and he found himself in a paradox. On the one hand everything about this moment was crystal clear–the way that he could hear the birds trilling off in the distance, the slight breeze that moved through the brown grass, the rustle of the autumn leaves. On the other hand, it felt like he was totally out of his body, as if he’d been transported to some other place beyond this time and place, somewhere where there was just him and Charlie.
Before he could second-guess himself he reached his hands up and wrapped them around Charlie’s neck, drawing him ever closer. Suddenly he couldn’t get enough of Charlie–the way he smelled, the way his own hardness was brushing against Jared’s, the way his lips felt pressed against his own lips–and he moaned before he could help himself.
Charlie chuckled softly, and Jared pulled away.
“Did you just laugh at me?” he asked. He wasn’t even sure whether he was offended or not.
Charlie didn’t even have the grace to look sheepish or ashamed. He just shrugged those broad shoulders and flashed that dazzling smile. “I wouldn’t say that I laughed at you. I would just say that I was a little surprised, but pleasantly, about how much you got into kissing me.”
Jared was tempted to throw another bit of grass at him, but considering how that last bit had worked out, he decided not to.
“Is that so?”
“It is. In fact,” Charlie said, smirking, “I think that you want me to keep kissing you.”
Jared did, in fact, want that very much, but he wasn’t going to give Charlie the advantage by admitting that aloud.
“I think you’re very full of yourself, Charlie Garrett,” he said.
“And I think I’m a very good judge of character.”
Jared felt a laughter bubbling up from inside of him, as well as a lightness to his soul that he hadn’t felt in a very long time.
Oh, fuck it.
“Okay fine. I want you to kiss me again,” he said. “And I want to kiss you back, and lots of other things.” Just what those other things might be he left unspecified. There’d be time enough to figure that out later.
“Well, that’s good, because I very much want to keep kissing you.”
And with that he leaned in and pressed his lips to Jared’s again. This time, the electric sparks flying between them were even more intense. Their bodies just seemed to fit together, in some way that went beyond the physical. As Jared let his hands explore Charlie’s body, he was amazed at how lean and muscular it was, and he found himself thinking that his body was as close to perfect as he’d ever encountered.
He wrapped his hands around Charlie’s butt and gave it a squeeze.
God, even his ass is perfect, he thought.
Charlie laughed deep in his throat and, before Jared could do anything, he pulled his lips away and started making his way down his throat, planting gentle kisses. Even that was enough to make Jared moan and start writhing.
How did he know that was my sensitive spot? He thought distractedly.
It quickly became clear that Charlie definitely knew his way around a man’s body, and he knew when he’d done something to bring his partner pleasure. He started to kiss Jared’s neck with more intensity, even daring to suck on the skin for a few minutes. Each time he did so a bolt of electric pleasure shot through Jared’s body, causing him to moan and writhe, losing whatever shreds of his dignity he had left.
“Something tells me that you like having your neck kissed,” he murmured, continuing to do just that while Jared felt his body thrumming like a finely-tuned violin.
“Charlie,” he managed to gasp, “if you keep doing that…I don’t think I’m going to be able to hold back.”
Charlie looked up at him impishly. “Oh, now we wouldn't want that to happen, would we? I would hate to go back to your parents’ house with you having made a mess.”
Rather than responding to that, Jared just pulled him back up, resuming their kissing. Kissing was safe. Kissing didn’t require other things, the kind of vulnerability that he was very reluctant to share with any other man, no matter how handsome they were. There was a part of him–and an increasingly urgent and prominent part of him–that wanted to throw all of his caution to the wind, to just let Charlie Garrett do whatever he wanted to him.
Relax, he thought to himself. If you want to have sex, wouldn’t it be okay to do it with someone like Charlie? He looks like he knows what he’s doing, and he’s not an asshole. Even if this doesn’t go anywhere—and let’s be real, it’s not going to go anywhere–at least you can say that you actually slept with the Charlie Garrett.
But didn’t Charlie deserve more than that?
Charlie immediately sensed that something was wrong. Rather than reacting with impatience or anger, he instead took Jared’s face gently in his hands and pressed a firm but loving kiss on his forehead, then looked into his eyes.
“Are you okay, Jared?”
Oh, how to answer that question? How to tell Charlie–sweet, adorable, compassionate and empathetic Charlie–about all of the things that were ricocheting inside of his mind? Why couldn’t he just let himself relax and enjoy this little erotic encounter without all of the other familiar emotional baggage coming up to bother him?
“I’m fine,” he said, not entirely convincingly, and made to start kissing Charlie again.
Charlie, to his credit, didn’t reciprocate, though he didn’t reject his overture outright. Instead, he gently deflected.
“Jared,” he said, voice serious, “I don’t ever want you to think that you have to do anything you don’t want to do. We’ll only go as far as you want to go and no further. I promise that I won’t try to pressure you, and I certainly won’t think less of you in any way.”
Jared wanted to roll his eyes at this display of sensitivity on Charlie’s part, but the truth was that he was actually quite touched by it. Every new thing he learned about Charlie Garrett made him see him in a better and more positive light, and while that brought some complications with it, he was also glad that he was being made to re-evaluate his feelings.
“I’m really fine,” he said, this time more sure that he actually believed what he was saying. “It’s just, you’re one of the first guys that I’ve been with or had any kind of sexy times with in a long time, so it takes me a bit to, you know, kind of figure out how it goes. You know what I mean?”
Charlie smiled.
“Of course. It’s been a while for me, too.” He paused, and then he bit his lip in a very sexy way. “Do you want to keep going? Or would you rather stop?”
In answer, Jared reached up and pulled Charlie down again. He had no idea how this thing was going to end up or how far they would end up going and, for once in his life, Jared didn’t care.
They continued to explore one another’s bodies for several more moments. Jared quickly found out that Charlie really liked it when someone nibbled on his earlobes, while Charlie continued to torture him by making love to his neck, until he was fairly certain that he was going to have several hickies that were going to take some explaining.
“Charlie! Jared!” his mother’s voice, once again interrupting at the worst possible time, floated up from down the hill. “Sorry to interrupt, but everyone’s leaving!”
“Your mother really does have the worst sense of timing, doesn’t she?” Charlie asked ruefully. “I thought she said she wasn’t going to bother you this time?”
Jared sighed. “Yeah, well, she’s a mom. That’s what they do: they walk in on you when you’re trying to be intimate.”
“You have a very skilled way of talking about sex without actually talking about sex. Or, for that matter, masturbation,” Charlie said. “I can see why you’re a writer.”
Jared scoffed at that as they got to their feet, smoothing out their clothes so that they at least wouldn’t look like they’d been having a literal roll in the hay. “I’m not a writer,” he said. “I wouldn’t even say that I’m an aspiring writer. That’s a part of my life that I put away.”
That hurt to admit out loud, but it was also freeing, in a way.
“I think that if you love writing and you do it for any length of time, then you’re a writer. Like, even if I gave up acting I would still feel like I’m an actor. It’s just a part of who I am, and nothing I’m ever going to do is going to change that.”
Jared didn’t want to get into this particular argument with Charlie. Besides which, maybe Charlie was right. Maybe the only thing standing in the way of his success was himself.
That, in turn, made him wonder if the same might be true of Charlie. He didn’t want to admit it–not yet, anyway–but there was something taking shape between the two of them. He couldn’t yet see what that shape was, and he most certainly didn’t know if there was anything even resembling a future between the two of them but, for a split second as they stood there on the hill that had been one of his sanctuaries as a gay teen, he allowed himself to think of what it might be like to actually do all of the things that he thought about doing, rather than just letting them sit in his mind as ideas.
As they made their way back down the hill, Jared’s hand kept itching to reach out and take Charlie’s, and though he might have imagined it he thought Charlie wanted to do the same.
Just hold his hand, Jared.
But he didn’t, and he was saved from having to think any more about it by their arrival back at the house, where his mother was already standing there waiting for them.
“Welcome back to the madhouse,” Jared said with a wry smile.