2. Libby
LIBBY
I sat on the barstool, drinking this fucking girly drink as the man who had been following me for the past week eyed me from his corner booth in the dark. I had hoped to escape any connection to Rafe after I walked away after his funeral, but that was really too much to fucking ask for.
I was well aware of their eyes on me, following me wherever I went, and from that moment on, I knew it would never truly be over. Not until whoever Rafe pissed off was dead.
Just thinking about my late husband sent a sharp pain through my chest that I could no longer ignore. In the weeks following his death, I let anger fuel me. I ignored any links I had to the man I once thought of as invincible. Now I knew better.
The sacrifice he made really was amazing. My husband was incapable of doing anything for others. Except one person. His sister. I knew that now, and it hurt so fucking bad that I hadn’t rated high enough on his list to protect. Not in the way that truly mattered.
We’d always had a strange relationship. We both turned on each other if the situation called for it, but deep down, I always thought when push came to shove, he would still be there for me.
Oh, how wrong I was. I tipped the glass back, letting the fruity alcohol slide down my throat and numb my senses just a little. The depressing act wasn’t hard to accomplish. I really was fucking depressed.
But that was bound to happen when the man you thought you knew so well turned out to be some virtuosic legend.
It wasn’t that I wanted him to be the bad guy.
I just understood him. Or I thought I did.
Now I was left wondering if he ever really loved me.
And that was something I didn’t want to examine too closely.
Because I had been in love with Rafe pretty much from the moment I met him, and the idea that I had just been a means to an end really fucking hurt.
“Is this seat taken?”
Surprised by the interruption of my thoughts, I glanced up at the devastatingly handsome man who had been following me around all week. Tall, dark scruff coating his jaw, intense blue eyes…yes, this man would be easy to wrap around my finger.
I just wasn’t entirely sure why he was following me around.
Aside from the fact that I was Rafe’s widow, what did he think I had to offer? I wasn’t connected with his brother and never really had been. But it wasn’t a stretch to assume that I would have a connection to him, even though I walked away after the funeral and never looked back.
“I guess not,” I answered.
If I wanted to find out what this man wanted, I would have to put on my detective cap, but honestly, I just wasn’t in the mood. I wanted to be left alone. However, since he’d been following me for a week, it wasn’t like I could just ignore him.
“How are you, Libby?”
I chuckled at that, taking another sip of my drink. “Wow. You know who I am.”
“Of course I do. I knew your husband.”
I pretended to be surprised and glanced up at him in shock. “How?”
“The question is, did you?”
Right. So, he wasn’t about to give anything away. Not that I really expected it to be that easy, but a girl could hope. “I thought I did,” I answered honestly.
“You had him fooled,” he grinned, raising two fingers to order a drink.
The bartender seemed to know exactly what he wanted because he didn’t even bother to ask. Must be nice to command that kind of attention.
“How so?” I asked, taking another sip.
“He didn’t really know you. All that time you worked for…who was it?”
Rolling my eyes, I took another sip of my drink. “Clearly, you already know, so why are you playing games with me?”
“Just checking to see if you’re still on top of your game.”
“And?”
When he didn’t answer right away, I looked at him, letting myself get drawn into his deep blue eyes.
The thing was, in order for any con to work, you had to let part of you believe it was real, also.
If I didn’t believe it, he wouldn’t either.
So, I allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to let this charming man take me home for the night.
What it would be like to have a man wrap his arms around me and tell me he understood. Maybe he would even spend the night.
God, I wanted so badly to feel a man’s arms around me, but those arms were Rafe’s. Not that it would happen. He was dead. Wiped from my existence with one fell swoop. I didn’t even get the courtesy of a goodbye note.
Tears stung my eyes and I broke the connection I had with the man, playing into my feelings of betrayal.
“He really broke you, didn’t he?”
I squeezed my eyes closed and told myself that I wasn’t broken. No man had that power over me. Yet…I felt utterly broken on the inside. There wasn’t a piece of me that didn’t feel the sharp sting of what Rafe had done. If he had just talked to me. If he had only confided in me…
Maybe I could have helped him get off that island.
But that wasn’t Rafe’s style. Even at his lowest point, he would have rather gone down alone than with me by his side.
“What do you want?” I asked tiredly.
“Why would you let a man tear you down like that?” he mused.
I tried not to look at him. I really did, but those blues drew me in. The danger of his presence oozed from every pore. I knew he was only after me for one thing, yet I couldn’t tear myself away from him.
Part of me didn’t want to.
But in the back of my mind, I knew what I was really doing. Even if I lied to myself, I would always be loyal to Rafe, despite the fact that he broke my trust. He was my husband and there was no one like him.
“I guess sometimes you don’t realize how bad things are until it’s all over,” I answered.
“It doesn’t have to be like that.”
“Doesn’t it?” I huffed out a laugh, taking another sip of my drink. “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. That’s what I did. I fell for a man who could never really love me as much as I wanted. And in return, I got crushed.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“But I should have,” I retorted, feeling a mixture of anger and grief.
Tears welled in my eyes again as I felt the betrayal cut deep.
“I should have known something else was going on. In fact, I was there helping him every step of the way. I had faith that one day, he would put his trust in me.” I swallowed hard at the truth in my words.
“It turns out, there was never a moment of honesty between us.”
“That can’t be true. There has to be something he confided in you about.”
My lips quirked in a smile, but not for the reasons he thought. Did he really think I was that stupid? God, men could be so ignorant sometimes.
“I had hoped so.” I took another sip of my drink and turned to face him, putting a bright smile on my face. “You never introduced yourself.”
“Brett,” he said, holding out his hand.
I slid my hand into his, letting my body react to his firm grip and the chemistry that zinged between us. If I thought about it really hard, I could imagine my thighs spread as his broad shoulders shoved between them, giving me pleasure with his sharp tongue.
“Well, Brett. If you know me, what can I do for you?”
“Who says you can do something for me?”
“Well, you didn’t come over here and drop the hint that you know who I am for no reason at all. You need something from me.”
“Actually, I just saw how sad you were.”
Again, traitorous tears stung my eyes because it was true.
I was so fucking sad. All the time. It never ended, and as much as I loved Rafe, I wanted it all to end.
I wished I had a time machine that would send me back a decade and wipe his memory from my brain.
Because if I didn’t, I was destined to be miserable for the rest of my life, wondering what could have been if he had only trusted me.
“It’s that obvious, huh?”
“It’s pretty damn clear that you’re hurting. Every guy in this place is following the twenty-foot rule of thumb.”
“And what’s that?”
“You’re damaged goods, but not the kind they want.
You’re sad, and that won’t be fixed by a night of fun.
They can’t ply you with enough alcohol to make you forget what that man did to you.
So, they’re giving you a wide berth, ensuring they won’t get caught in the web they’ll undoubtedly fall into, leaving them hurt while you walk away just as destroyed as before. ”
“Don’t pull any punches,” I smiled, finishing off my drink.
Brett ordered another for me while I twirled the glass between my fingers. Yes, I was damaged goods. I was pretty sure I would be for the rest of my life. That was no great revelation, but to hear a man point it out, to know it was so obvious to others around me, felt horrible.
“So, if it’s so clear that I’m damaged, why are you here?”
Against my better judgment, I locked eyes with him, sucking in a harsh breath at the intensity I saw simmering. I bit down hard on my lip, trying not to let my body betray me.
“Because I love a damaged woman. I love helping her break completely and then helping her mold into a new specimen.”
His words were…icky. But I could play into that. “And you think you can do that to me?”
“I know I can. Care to find out if I’m that good?”
The second drink was set down in front of me, and I immediately picked it up and swallowed the contents. Was I really going to go through with this?
If I wanted to find out what this man wanted, then yes. I would have to.
“Show me what you’ve got.”
Shadows played off the walls of the hotel room, reminding me of my childhood and all the nights I laid awake, dreaming of fairies and phantoms. A light snore emanated from the man beside me, and I rolled my head to see if he was finally asleep.
Holding my hand over his face, I felt for the small huff of air that would escape his lips. The slight rise and fall of his chest couldn’t be faked. He was finally asleep. As carefully as possible, I slid from the bed and tiptoed over to his clothes, pulling out his wallet.
The typical credit cards and driver’s license were in place, but it was the keycard I was most interested in.
Snatching my phone. I took a picture of the front and back, then the same of his license.
After uploading it to my cloud file, I deleted all evidence of it on my phone, knowing that when I fell asleep, he would search through my phone just as I was going through his things.
It was a game we played, one that I just happened to excel at. After putting everything back as it was, I made sure his pants were as he left them and crept back to bed. I had no desire to sleep next to the man, and even though he was fairly decent in bed, he was still nothing compared to Rafe.
Sleeping with him felt like a betrayal, but my husband was dead. The only thing I was hurting was his memory. And even then, I wasn’t sure whether what I was doing was actually hurtful. Rafe had left me, after all.
For too long, I let Rafe get away with his secrets. I believed that he would eventually let me in and tell me what he was actually doing. I never believed for one minute that things would end the way they had.
I found myself resenting Isabelle. Even though she had been kept on that island for thirteen years and was his sister, I still couldn’t find it in my heart to think of her pain.
My husband had turned on me. He had lied to everyone.
And while I knew he was capable of that, I never really thought I would be on the receiving end of such a big lie.
I rolled to my side and closed my eyes, trying to block out what had just happened.
It wasn’t cheating. I was a widow. Yet…I let out a sigh and tried to clear my thoughts.
Sleep didn’t come easily for me anymore, no matter how many sleeping pills, how much alcohol, or how many times I counted sheep. Nothing worked.
Would it be like this forever? Would there ever be a time when I could lay my head down at night and drift off into a peaceful sleep? Somehow, I doubted it. When another half hour went by and I still couldn’t find peace, I got up from bed and walked over to the window, looking out at the city.
There were so many nights that Rafe and I spent just like this.
Then again, there were so many nights we were apart.
The things I had done for him…I’d infiltrated a fucking trafficking ring.
I’d put myself in danger for him, and he’d allowed it.
It was all to save his sister, to gain intel on her whereabouts.
And he let me.
What did that say about our relationship? How could a man who claimed to love me do that to me? The things that happened to me…I’d allowed them. I would have gotten out on my own. I was perfectly capable, but I was doing it for him.
Before I realized it, tears were streaming down my face and warm arms were wrapping around me, holding me close. I hadn’t even heard him get up, and that was a dangerous way to live.
“It’s okay,” he murmured in my ear.
“It’s not,” I admitted, keeping it real. “He broke something inside me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fix it.”
His warm breath caressed my skin, and for tonight, I leaned into it, allowing another man to comfort me, even if there was an ulterior motive. I’d forgotten what it was like to have a man care for me, to hold me and tell me everything would be alright. I missed this so much.
“You know, it won’t always hurt this much.”
I swiped the tears from my cheeks, but refused to look up at him. “How can you be sure?”
“Because I’ve been there. People like us…we don’t get where we are because we choose to be this way. We’re shaped by the circumstances around us. You can either choose to let it keep you down, or you can move past it and let it shape you.”
“I don’t think I have anything left,” I whispered brokenly.
His arms tightened around me as I continued to stare out the window. “You’d be surprised what you can come back from.” He pressed a soft kiss to my head and tugged me back to bed, wrapping me up in his arms.
It was wrong on every level, but as I laid there in the dark, I found the warmth of his body and the strong hold he kept around my chest lulled me to sleep.
And for the first time since Rafe died, I slept more than three hours.