11. Cash
CASH
I was drowning in grief, barely making it from one day to the next. The only thing keeping me going was the fact that someone was behind The Syndicate’s success, and they had to be taken down.
I poured myself a drink, swallowing the contents and relishing in the burn that accompanied it.
I fucking hated myself. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Rafe’s eyes pleading with me to end his life.
He knew I was there. He fucking looked right at me, his gaze drawn by that fucking twin connection.
He could feel me, just as I could that same day.
Except now, where there was once a tether between us, there was only an empty feeling that I knew would never leave me.
He was gone. Taken down by his own brother.
Never in my life did I imagine that our lives would intertwine and end in such a brutal way.
But they had.
What used to be a point of contention between us was now the one thing I wished I had more than anything.
All those ways we were different had separated us through the years.
They’d molded and shaped us into who we were.
A part of me always hated Rafe for being so much like our father.
I wanted him to be like me. But I always knew he would end up like Michael, strong and capable in ways I never would be.
That was how he ended up at that fucking stake, burning alive. He knew he was going on a suicide mission, and he did it anyway. His drive to get Izzy out was why she was alive right now.
And why I was in eternal hell.
I’d lost my brother. My twin. My constant competitor. He was dead, but I was still here. It wasn’t right. Nothing about that fucking job was right. I should have tried harder to get him out. I should have found a fucking way to reach him.
Stumbling back, I slammed my fist into the wall, then flung everything off my desk in anger. I had failed in every way that he succeeded. That pain digging into my gut would never go away.
“I see you’re doing a great job at tearing your life apart.”
I glanced out of the corner of my eye at Michael. Standing in the doorway, it pissed me off that he didn’t look a single ounce like a grieving father. Somehow, he just pushed past everything and moved on. I wasn’t capable of doing that.
“What the fuck do you want?” I muttered.
“Just came to see how you were doing.”
I spread my arms wide, laughing at him. “How the fuck does it look like I’m doing?”
“By the state of your office, it looks like you’re handling things about like I expected.”
“And you’re fucking fine, right?” I grinned at him, baring my teeth. Fuck, I was pissed.
A sliver of doubt snaked through me as the facade on his face broke. “He was my son. Do you really think I wanted this for him?”
“I don’t know. I don’t fucking know anything. There are so many fucking questions. Why the hell didn’t you find a way to get her off that island sooner? Why did you let Rafe go to that island? Why the fuck did you ask me to pull the trigger?” I shouted. “Why would you do that to me?”
“Why wouldn’t you do it for your brother?” he countered, getting in my face. “Do you think I wanted that for you? Do you think I like the idea that you have to live with that?”
“I don’t know! I don’t fucking know anything! You haven’t been part of my life in years, and now here you are, always around. Pretty fucking convenient timing, Dad,” I said sarcastically.
“Pretty un-fucking-convenient,” he scowled. “This was not the way I wanted things to go. If I could have stopped him from going to that island, I would have. But your brother always did things his own way. There was no stopping him when he got an idea in his head.”
“Right,” I scoffed, falling down into my chair. I bowed my head, scrubbing my hands through my hair in frustration. I just wanted it all to end. I wanted the pain and the misery to go away. But deep down, I knew it never would. “Why are you here?”
“Because it’s not over.”
I laughed at that. “It’s never over,” I reminded him. “Who’s after him this time?”
“Not after him. After you and your family.”
I looked up sharply, sure I had heard him wrong.
“There’s so much you don’t know. So much Rafe never knew. If he had, I’m sure he would have done the same fucking thing, though.”
I shoved out of my seat and charged him, grabbing him by the collar as I shoved him up against the wall. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about who’s really behind all this.”
“And who’s that?”
He shook his head slightly, refusing to tell me. “You need to do a few things before you can have all the intel required.”
“Yeah?” I bit out. “And why’s that?”
“Because they’re watching. Do you really fucking think that Rafe ended all this?
That he blew up the organization and ended it all?
If anything, he started a fucking war. Your brother, for all his good intentions, started something that will fuck over anyone he knew.
They will tear down anyone that might have had anything to do with him, and that fucking starts with you. ”
Fear broke through the haze of anger, clutching my heart. “What are you talking about?”
“The people who are responsible for this…they’re still out there and they won’t let this slide. Rafe fucked them over. He tore down a system that they carefully put in place. And now they’ll make sure anyone associated with him is eliminated.”
The fear grew to absolute terror as I thought of not only my wife and kids, but all the men and women who relied on me. Dozens of people, all thrust into the line of fire, all because Rafe tried to do the right thing.
“Tell me.”
Michael shook his head. “Not yet. You’re not ready for what I have to tell you. You’re not ready for just how fucking big this is.”
“Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?” I shouted, jerking him away from the wall and then slamming him hard against it.
“End it. End all of it. All of this grieving and need for revenge has to stop. You can’t drag these guys any further into this.”
“You want me to walk away and just pretend my brother wasn’t shot? That won’t work. Not a single person would believe that I just suddenly gave up on the men who killed my brother!”
“Then use it,” he hissed. “You have him back. You’ve gotten your revenge.”
“I will never fucking have my revenge until this is over.”
He gripped my wrists and tore my hands from his body. “You don’t fucking understand what I’m telling you. They’re watching you. All of you. Every fucking thing you do, they’re looking for signs of what you’ll do next. Their eyes are everywhere!”
“You’re asking me to walk away.”
He blew out a breath and sighed. “If you love your wife and kids, you will do whatever it takes to make this end. Because if you don’t, they will come for you.
They will torture them and kill them. They will make you suffer.
And when they’re done with your family, they’ll move on to all your friends, their wives, their fucking kids.
Every last one of them will be killed as a message to you.
And only then will they put a bullet in your head.
And I’m telling you right now, there’s not a single fucking thing you can do about it.
They’re too big, too powerful. And you will pay for digging too hard. ”
My pulse thundered in my head, making it impossible to think of anything other than the terror icing over my veins. I didn’t know what to do, how to protect everyone.
“Tell me…how do I get them away from my family? How do I make them safe?”
His jaw hardened as he stared at me. “Let me ask you one thing. Do you want to take these fuckers down?”
“Yes.”
“It won’t be easy. There will be days you’ll wish you had taken the easy route.”
He was right. I already knew that. But… “If we don’t take them out, will my family be safe? If I drop all this, if I walk away…will they be safe?”
He was silent for a moment. “You’re never truly safe.
Because of Rafe, you will always be on their radar.
You could take a job that seems to have nothing to do with them, and still, you’ll end up smack dab in the middle of a fucking job you weren’t supposed to have anything to do with. No, your family will never be safe.”
I swallowed hard, feeling like my whole world was crashing down around me. I would walk away from everything if it meant keeping them safe, but if that wasn’t possible, I would do whatever it took to make sure this ended.
“Tell me what to do.”
He glanced away, sighing heavily. “You can’t just give up. No one will buy it. They know how angry you are. They’ve been watching for too long. Play it out. Make them believe you’ve lost your shit and go rogue.”
“Push my family away, you mean.”
He gave a curt nod. “She’ll hate you for it.”
Eva. Could I do that? Make her so fucking pissed that she wished I was no longer around?
“There’s no other way. They all need to hate you.”
“And then what? I just walk away?”
“Essentially. You have to make them all hate you to save them.”
“Walk away from my family, my kids, my life,” I choked out.
My dad walked closer and clapped a hand on my shoulder, squeezing hard.
“You have so much family here. They’ll protect them and love them.
You have to trust in that. If you want this to end, it’s the only way.
Make them believe you’ve gone too far and there’s no way back.
Only then can we begin to take them down. ”