20. Libby
LIBBY
Cornfields passed in a blur as we headed out of town toward the OPS building. I had barely spent more than a few days in this town, but I already felt like it was a place I could have settled down in if things had turned out differently.
Rafe would have happily settled down with his brother just down the road, and I would have gone to their small town events, getting involved instead of always ignoring the people around me. Maybe I would have joined a quilting bee or started making jams.
We would go to the local farmers’ markets and pick out fresh vegetables. Then we would get together with the guys at OPS and have a big cookout. I would chat with everyone, and maybe even make friends with the wives.
A smile tilted my lips as I imagined dragging Rafe to any of that. There was no way he would have been happy settling down in a small town or going to a farmers’ market. And having a barbecue with the men of OPS definitely wasn’t his scene.
No, he would have hated all of this, and it wouldn’t have been more than two days before he tossed up his hands and decided this was not the life for him. He would have found some other cause to take on, and before I knew it, we’d be on the road again, fighting the bigger fight.
My chest tightened in sadness as I thought of all the things I would have missed out on with Rafe. Not that we’d ever really discussed the future—not in that sense. It was inevitable that we would never have a family or even consider settling down anywhere.
Not that I’d ever wanted that before. I was molded to fit the life I had now, but with Rafe’s death, everything seemed to still inside me. The life I had was no longer pleasurable. I didn’t give a fuck about taking anyone down. I didn’t care about the next good cause or who was suffering.
No, the only thing weighing on my shoulders was how much I had sacrificed and how much I inevitably lost.
And for what?
Rafe was gone. The love of my life hadn’t bothered to fill me in on the greatest mission of his life. I was left all alone while he walked into what he knew was a situation that would be his end.
I brushed a stray tear from my cheek and did my best to pull myself together as we pulled down the long drive to OPS. The mechanic’s shop at the front of the property looked like it was being rebuilt, and Duke—the owner of the garage—watched us carefully as we entered.
I always had the feeling there was more to him than appeared, but it wasn’t until Rafe clued me to his real purpose that I understood why he was there. Why he was always watching everyone who came and went.
Why everyone in town assumed he was nothing more than a mechanic when it was clear he was there for some other purpose.
We pulled to a stop and I got out, slamming the door behind me as I studied the growing properties. Houses lined the back side of the grounds, while a newer building sat where the older one had once been. There had to be a story to that, but I wasn’t really interested.
Things that used to interest me about OPS were now background noise. The only thing I truly cared about was ending this so I could move on with life and try to figure out where I went from here.
“Hey,” Jack said, stepping up beside me. “You’re awfully quiet.”
I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it. “What’s there to say?”
“You know, you could stay here,” he offered, nodding toward the houses at the back. “You would be welcome.”
“By who?” I snapped, fury rising inside me. “By the woman who got my husband killed?”
Jack looked uncomfortably over at Jason, shaking his head slightly. Yeah, I was supposed to play nicely with everyone. Deep down, I understood that Isabelle was a victim. I wasn’t stupid. If Rafe had confided in me, I might even feel differently about the whole fucking thing.
But he hadn’t. He’d left me in the dark. I was forced to find out along with everyone else that my husband was gone and wouldn’t be coming home. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t feel an overwhelming urge to dig up Rafe’s grave and stab him a few times for leaving me out in the cold.
And Isabelle was just a reminder of all he sacrificed for a woman who wasn’t his wife.
“If this is too much for you…”
“What?” I asked curiously. “I can take a back seat? I can wait while someone else sorts out the problems of my life?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Listen, Jack. I know you all mean well. But there is absolutely nothing you can do to make this okay. My husband chose to leave me. In the end, he was everything to me, and I was nothing to him.”
“That’s not true,” he argued.
“Yeah? Then why is she here and he’s not?”
Jack sighed, knowing there was no good answer for that. It didn’t matter. Not really. There was no turning back the clock and changing what had happened. I would never know if Rafe ever really loved me as much as I loved him. I would never know if he felt regret over his choices.
It was as if he committed suicide, leaving me to deal with the fallout. He walked onto that island knowing he would die, and he did it anyway. Only, there was no suicide note. Not to me, anyway.
The only thing left was the broken pieces of my heart and the anger simmering constantly under my skin because of the choices he made.
“Let’s get this over with,” I muttered, stalking past him. Once inside, I instantly felt out of place. The looks of shock on every face we passed only made my skin itch. I wanted out of here now.
But I straightened my back and marched on because there was nothing else to do. This wasn’t just about me. Johnny had nearly lost his family, and the things we learned needed to be discussed before anyone took another step. We had to work this out now before it was too late for all of us.
Because they would come for us.
And it would be bloody.
The moment the elevator doors opened and I stepped off onto the third floor, my stomach dropped out. Standing right in front of me was none other than the very woman I despised. Except, she wasn’t looking at me. No, her eyes were on Jason, and they were shimmering with tears.
In a flash, he was around me, engulfing her in his muscular arms.
Shock. Pain. Anger.
Longing .
My breathing stuttered in my chest at the sight of him holding her so tenderly. So lovingly.
Stumbling back a step, I felt a strong hand wrap around my bicep, steadying me when I felt like I would fall over at any second.
I was steered around the sight and maneuvered to a room where I could break down in peace.
At first, I just stood there, my breathing coming in short gasps as I tried to work past the pain of seeing that woman.
Then that pain lanced through my body and everything crumbled inside me. I tried desperately to rein it in, to not break when that’s all I really wanted to do. But it was impossible. There was no stopping the tidal wave of emotions that bubbled up inside me and spilled over.
A desperate squeak left my lips before the most horrifying mewling sound left my lips. I clasped a hand over my mouth, trying and failing to stop the flood from spilling out. Before I knew it, I was on my knees, breaking—shattering—into little tiny pieces.
Arms came around me, holding me tight. I buried my face in the masculine scent, wishing it was my husband as I gripped his shirt tight and cried so fucking hard.
“He left me,” I sobbed, my tears spilling all over his shirt.
“I know,” Jack whispered, rubbing my back soothingly.
“He left me for her . He didn’t even say goodbye. He didn’t?—”
My tears cut me off, refusing to let the rest come pouring out. I was too devastated, too broken to even yell at the heavens that my husband was gone. But Jack didn’t move. He sat there with me, rubbing my back and murmuring that he was still here for me.
He was, but he wasn’t the man I wanted.
No one could replace what I had with Rafe. No man could take his place and ease the hurt constantly growing inside me. Time was not healing these wounds, and I had a feeling nothing really would.
“I know it hurts,” Jack murmured. “I know it fucking hurts so bad, but Libby, Izzy is not the reason he’s gone.”
I barked out a watery laugh, tearing myself from his arms. “She’s the reason he left me.
From the very start, she was his mission!
” I shouted hysterically. “It didn’t matter that he loved me.
It wouldn’t have mattered if I needed him.
The only thing he thought about was her!
” I cried out, slamming my fist against his chest. “She’s the reason he’s dead! ”
I knew I was hysterical. I could feel everything in me breaking into tiny pieces, but there was no stopping it.
The rage that had built since the day he died only grew worse as time passed.
There was nothing anyone could say to ease the pain, but especially not trying to dismiss Isabelle’s part in all of this.
She was the reason for everything.
S he was the reason my husband chose not to return to me.
She would always be the reason he was dead.
It took more than a splash of cold water on my face to clear the puffiness and tears from my face. As I stared in the mirror at the woman looking back, I didn’t recognize her. Not even a little.
Where there once stood a woman who had it all figured out, now there was only a shell—the woman inside was long gone.
“You can do this,” I murmured, refusing to let this break me right now.
I had to focus on what was coming, what still needed to be done. Though I didn’t know what the rest of my life would look like, I knew the only way to have that long life was if I got rid of my problem once and for all.
“This is as good as it gets,” I muttered with one final look in the mirror.
Stepping into the hall, I joined the others in the conference room, taking a seat at the back so I wouldn’t disturb the beginning of the meeting.
“Fuck,” Lock hissed, running his fingers through his long hair. “How’s your family?” he asked Johnny, stopping his pacing only to get all the facts.