21. Cash
CASH
“Did anyone follow you?”
I tossed my stuff down on the table, walking over to the bar to pour myself a drink. The last thing I wanted was to discuss anything from my life. Particularly, the family I’d just left behind.
“Cash—”
“No,” I snapped, getting more pissed by the second. “They all thoroughly hate me. Is that what you want to hear?”
My old man stared at me with those watchful eyes that knew way too much. Even when Rafe and I were kids, it was like he could always read my mind and know exactly what was going on in my head.
Maybe that’s why he bonded so easily with Rafe. There were no questions. He always knew Rafe would follow him.
“Look, I know this is hard. Trust me, I’ve been there.”
I let out a humorless laugh, pouring myself another drink. “That’s fucking hilarious.”
“You don’t think it was difficult to walk away from you?”
“I think you were way too fucking good at it,” I snapped. “First with Knight. Then with us. You just kept making new families wherever it suited you.”
“My job ? —”
I spun around, throwing the glass against the wall.
It smashed to pieces on the floor, and for the first time, my old man was left speechless.
“Your job? Your fucking job?” I shouted.
“Don’t ever fucking talk to me about your job.
It’s because of the line of work you went into that Rafe and I ended up in this fucking mess! ”
“There’s no way I could have known what would happen,” he argued.
“Right,” I nodded. “Because chasing bad guys always ends well. Ruling the world, collecting all that power…it’s addictive, and you just couldn’t stop.
You had to be the top dog. You had to keep pushing until you had it all.
And where did that get you? Your daughter kidnapped by a fucking psychopath.
Your son chasing her down and getting himself killed in the process…
Yeah, you could never have seen that one coming. ”
“And what about you?” he snarled. “For someone who claims to hate everything about me, you certainly did a good job following in my footsteps.”
I rushed him, grabbing him by the collar as I shoved him up against the wall. “I am nothing like you! I protect people. I don’t fucking manipulate them to get my way.”
Except, I had. That’s precisely what I had done, and what had that gotten me?
“I didn’t use to be like you,” I said quietly, taking a step back as I released him. “I used to be proud of my time in the military, of how I served. Now…I wish I had never fucking held a gun. Because then I wouldn’t be in this position.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he snarled. “You think it would be different if you weren’t trained? Tell me, how the hell would you have protected your wife when you first met her if you didn’t have that security company?”
His barb hit the mark, making me instantly regret my words.
“You wouldn’t even fucking know her!” he shouted. “Everything in your life that’s so fucking good is because of the man you are. I may have fucked up a lot, but never have I once regretted a thing because I have you and Isabelle and Knight and—” He choked on Rafe’s name, unable to say it.
Not that I could blame him. I fucking hated saying his name, too. I hated looking in the mirror. I hated seeing the identical mark on my ear. Hell, I hated the fucking memory of him because that was something that would never leave me.
Sighing, I slumped in the chair and twirled the amber liquid in the glass, staring at it as I thought of the last few months.
I had achieved my goal. I had successfully pushed everyone away.
And that was where my legacy ended in their eyes.
They would all hate me and remember me only for the way our relationships ended.
“I’m so fucking tired,” I admitted. “I hate lying to my wife. I hate knowing that I’m ruining things for my kids.”
“I know.” Pulling out a chair, he sat across from me, looking just as tired as I felt. “But you have to remember that you’re doing this for them. They might not understand it now, but one day ? —”
“Yeah, one day,” I scoffed. “When my life has passed me by and I’ve missed out on all those moments with them. Will it all be worth it?”
“If they live? You’ll never regret it. Not even for one second.”
The key in the lock rattled just before the door swung open. Claire’s eyes met mine immediately. While I wasn’t necessarily on friendly terms with her, I also didn’t blame her for the actions of my father. In my opinion, she was just as much of a victim as I was.
“Hey, Cash,” she smiled. “Michael said you were getting in tonight. I picked up some food for us.”
“Thanks.”
I tried to sound grateful, but it was so fucking hard when hate was simmering in my gut.
“How’s Isabelle?” she asked hopefully.
“Uh…” I rubbed the back of my neck, ashamed to say that I hadn’t really checked on her. I’d been too wrapped up in plotting the end of the world. “I think she’s doing okay.”
Disappointment etched her features as she nodded, hoping for news I couldn’t give her. “I want to see her, but…I know it’ll be a problem.”
“You have to give her time,” Michael said, holding out his hand to her.
She was by his side in seconds, taking his hand for comfort. It was so strange to see them together, to watch as he doted on this woman when it should have been my mother. And I was just supposed to go along with it, to pretend that our fucked up family was completely normal.
“I just wish she would stop fantasizing about her time with that asshole. I really think she needs to see a psychiatrist.”
“Claire,” Dad sighed. “Give her time. She was on that island for years.”
“Oh, suddenly I should give her time? You were all about pushing her toward a doctor before.”
“Can we not fight about this?” Michael snapped. “There’s not a goddamn thing either of us can do right now. She doesn’t want to see us. We have to trust that Eva’s taking care of her.”
Eva. Her name was fucking painful to hear.
I had spent weeks pushing her away. I denied myself sex. I wouldn’t allow myself to snuggle up against her at night. Hell, I never even went home the past few months. I couldn’t. Because if I did, I never would have been able to leave.
I still battled with the fact that I had walked away from my team without giving them a chance to help me. That’s exactly what Rafe had done, and look how that turned out.
“I see what you’re thinking,” Michael said, cutting into my thoughts. “I know that look.”
“You know nothing,” I argued, taking another sip of my drink.
“You’re wondering if you made the right choice. You did. You needed to leave her behind.”
Slamming the glass down on the table, I glared at him. “Actually, I was wondering why the fuck I’m trusting you over my own goddamn team. I’m wondering why I would leave them when I sure as fuck know they would all have my back. A whole goddamn team to support me, and instead, I’m here with you.”
Claire ducked her head, slipping from his lap. She busied herself in the kitchen while I had it out with the old man.
“Because you fucking know if they got involved, there’s no fucking way we’d be able to take them down.
Too many people would make it impossible to keep this under the radar.
You can’t infiltrate the fucking Shadow Government with everyone wanting to get involved.
This is a solo job, and you need to start remembering that from now on.
Your life as you know it is over. OPS no longer exists in your mind.
If you want them alive, you cut them from your life and move on. That’s the only way forward.”
“Yeah, at the funeral.”
I paused on the stairs, listening as my old man spoke to someone on the phone.
“No, he’s a liability that needs to be dealt with. Take him out.”
I inched closer, peeking around the corner. Michael was pacing the room, his hand running through his hair in the same way I remembered seeing him as a kid when he was stressed.
“Yeah, make it clean. Send a message.” He stopped and looked out the window for a moment. “No, he doesn’t need to know about this. Right…Yeah, call me when it’s done.”
Michael hung up the phone and sighed, tossing his phone on the table.
“Everything alright?” Claire asked, walking up behind him.
“Not really. Cash is gonna hate me more than he already does.”
“Why?”
I watched intently as Michael slid his hand over Claire’s, tapping it lightly. “Because I have to betray him.”
“Michael—”
“It’s done,” he snapped. “There’s nothing you can do about it.”
“This isn’t right. He’s your son.”
“And the men I work with are not going to yield. If I start handing out favors, refusing to do what’s necessary, they’ll lose faith in me. I can’t afford that right now.”
“Because you’ll lose your precious power? Michael, this is wrong.”
“I know that,” he hissed. “But there’s no way out of it.”
I stepped out of the shadows just as he spun to walk away from his wife. The surprise on his face matched the insane pounding in my chest at hearing my father was going to betray me.
“No way out of what?”
“Cash—”
“Don’t even fucking think of lying to me. Who are you sending a message to?”
Fear churned in my gut as my instincts flared to life. I already knew what he was planning. I just needed confirmation. And that’s what terrified me, that I would hear the words and it would confirm that even though I was working with my old man, he wasn’t really on my side.
And he never would be.
The man before me transformed from a worried parent to a steely prick right before my eyes. “You know who.”
“Kavanaugh,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t confirm my fears.
“It has to happen. The men are telling me he knows too much.”
“He knows nothing,” I snapped. “You want to eliminate him on the possibility that he might know something.”
“In our world, that’s the same fucking thing.”
I barked out a laugh, unable to believe what I was hearing. “Guilty before proven innocent. Is that right?”
“Son, there’s more at stake than you realize.”
“Like what?” I hissed. “Like your secret society getting out? Like someone with power might find out what you’re really up to, and then they’ll ruin everything?”
“I can’t stop this! My hands are tied!”
“Tied by who?”
“Everyone! Do you really think I can just step in and end things when they don’t go my way? That’s not how we operate. We all sacrifice.”
“Like Izzy. She was just another liability, wasn’t she?”
Claire sucked in a sharp breath at the mention of her daughter’s name. She was still reeling from how Izzy came back—damaged, her mind warped by that fucker.
“I would have saved her if I could have,” he bit out. “I tried over and over again, but without the support of the Shadow Government, I had no one. I was all alone, desperate to get her back!”
“It never should have fucking happened!” I shouted, pissed as hell that he was once again making excuses. “She’s your daughter, and you let her get kidnapped by that psychopath.”
Michael came at me hard, swinging for his life, but I was faster, spinning and pinning him to the wall. Breathing hard, he was on the verge of snapping, but I was so much further gone than him at this point.
“You will not go after him.”
“It’s already done,” he spat. “I can’t stop it.”
I shoved away from him, turning my back on him. “Then I will.”
I raced through the woods, jumping over fallen logs and ducking low-hanging limbs. I had just minutes to get in position, to save the life of one of my teammates. It was life or death, and if I was just a second late, it would cost Kavanaugh his life.
Pain thrashed across my cheek as a branch sliced open my skin. I ignored it and pushed on, knowing I didn’t have time to stop and check on it or the trail I was leaving behind.
Whoever came to do the job would take a direct line to Kavanaugh, wanting to make sure there was no possibility of a miss. I couldn’t do that. I needed to stay hidden.
My harsh breaths pumped out of my lungs as I broke through a small clearing and dropped to my knees at another fallen log. This was as close as I was going to get.
I quickly pulled Sally from her housing and set her up, praying I still had enough time to take the shot before whoever my father sent. In moments, I was set up, looking through the scope into the distance. I needed to calm down and fast. Erratic breathing would make me miss my target for sure.
As I found Kavanaugh, I settled my mind, focusing on slowing my breathing. I could do this. It was my only chance to save his life.
Kavanaugh stood in front of his father’s grave as they lowered the casket into the ground. Everything in me stilled, my focus solely on the job at hand. As usual, my body slid into sniper mode, my eyes lasered in on the target.
I quickly adjusted, hoping I had a decent shot. There hadn’t been enough time to properly gauge anything. I was flying blind. The world around me ceased to exist as all sound moved to the background. I was left with only the steady breathing in my chest.
Cool. Calm. No flinching.
My finger slid across the trigger. My eyes narrowed on my target.
Kavanaugh suddenly looked up, his eyes on the woods, and I knew he knew.
I didn’t think about the consequences. I didn’t think about the fact that he was my teammate. It was now or never. No turning back.
My finger depressed the trigger and the kickback hit my shoulder, making it clear that the job was done.
But he turned at the last second, his finger still pointed in the distance as he shouted. I watched through my scope as he gripped his neck, then stumbled forward into the ground.
Desperation clung to me as I waited for mere seconds. I wished I could stick around and make sure he survived, but that would only make things worse for me. There was already someone out there who would be hunting me.
And I had to find him first.
I packed up Sally and slung her over my shoulder, then moved swiftly through the trees to the primary location. I didn’t need to know who the shooter was to track him. I knew these woods better than anyone, and I knew exactly where he would take the shot.
And how he would get out.
Eliminating him was the only option. It was him or me, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to let this asshole get away. Not when he thought it was his right to eliminate someone without a damn good reason.
I broke into a run and erased everything else from my mind.
I wasn’t in the military anymore, but I was most definitely still at war.