30. Cash
CASH
It was wrong. Everything about this was wrong. But I couldn’t pull away from her. Not after I spent all night fucking her. Not when I felt her pussy wrapped around my cock, dragging every orgasm from my body.
Not when I felt her love wrap around me, reminding me why I was so desperate to leave in the first place.
But she was here now, and there was no denying how much I needed her.
Craved her.
Would fucking die without her.
Slowly, that need to fuck her turned into something different. The desperation of the man I had been over the last year faded with every orgasm, and in its place was left only the man who had fallen so hard for the woman in his arms.
I was a wreck, in desperate need of the woman in my arms, and I wasn’t letting her go, not when it took me so fucking long to find my way back to her.
“There you are,” she whispered, her hand resting against my cheek.
I closed my eyes, finally letting her in, reminding myself what it felt like to have all that love in my heart. I had shoved away so many things in a failed attempt to cut her from my life so I could do what I needed to. And in the end, she was what ended up saving my life.
This time, when I peeled my eyes open, I felt like I was staring at the woman I had rescued a lifetime ago. Terrified and on the run, she had so little faith in anyone, but she chose to trust me. She handed over her life to me, allowing me to be the man who ended the pain and suffering in her life.
What a shit way for me to repay that trust.
“Why are you here?” I whispered.
She sighed heavily, her irritation palpable. “How many times?—”
“No, I mean…you never gave up. Why?”
Understanding twisted her lips in a frown. “Cash, I love you. There’s no one I could ever be with other than you.”
“I hurt you,” I admitted, hating that I had done that to her.
“I knew what you were doing, Cash Owens. I’m not some naive woman who just met you. You forget that I’ve spent years getting to know your moods.”
“You came for me. After all the shit I put you through, after I treated you like garbage and…”
The memory of me pushing her to her knees and telling her to show me what she did for Rafe made my stomach twist in disgust. It was like I was running on autopilot the whole time, only focusing on the end goal, which was to make her hate me.
To make all of them hate me so much that they’d forget about me.
It was the only way forward.
The only way to protect her from me. But thinking back on it, how I taunted her with a memory that was so horrible for her?—
“Cash,” she murmured, pressing her hand to my cheek. “For all the shitty things you’ve done, you can’t hide who you really are. Not from me. You forget how well I know you.”
“I hate what I did,” I whispered, not sure I could ever truly get past what I had done to her.
“The best laid intentions,” she smiled. “You’re here now. We’re going to end this. All of this. And you’re going to come home to me.”
The idea of even stepping foot in my home again sent a mix of emotions flooding through me. Would I even be welcome? Would my kids remember me or even want me around?
“They love you,” she whispered as if she could read my thoughts. “They haven’t forgotten you.”
“What did you tell them?” I asked, unable to look at her.
At the time, all I had thought about was making her hate me so much that she would be glad to see the back side of me.
I didn’t allow myself to think about what I was doing to my kids, whether or not they would ever forgive me.
I couldn’t afford to do that, not when so much was at stake.
But now…now I was terrified that the damage was too great.
That they would hate me as much as I was beginning to hate Michael.
For what he dragged me into. For lying to me for years. For not being the man I always wanted him to be.
For making me take Rafe’s life.
“I told them that Daddy was on a very important job, and he would return when he could.”
My heart tumbled into my stomach at her words. “And they bought it?”
“Bought what? Cash, I told them the truth. There is no convincing them of anything.”
For her, maybe she believed that, but it would take a hell of a lot more to convince me that was the truth. I did what I had to, but that didn’t mean I didn’t realize what my family had sacrificed in order for me to go on my crusade.
“Eva…” The words lodged in my throat. They felt unworthy. I felt unworthy. I wasn’t sure what it would take for me to give up the shame and guilt running through me, but I knew I was nowhere near that.
“Hey,” she smiled softly. “We’ll get there. I love you. I always have, and nothing will change that.”
My chest ached with the need rolling through me like a wave. There was never a day that I hadn’t thought about her, hadn’t wished things could’ve been different, or a day I didn’t wish she was still in my arms despite pushing her so far away.
“I don’t deserve you,” I murmured, pressing my lips to her.
Heat consumed me as I slid my hand around to her back, unlatching the bra she still wore. Slowly, I skimmed my rough fingers over her delicate skin, taking a few moments to remind myself of how her body felt against mine.
The straps of her bra fell down her arms and her rosy nipples peeked out, making the hunger inside me grow. Dipping my head, I nipped at her breast, licking at her rosy peak before drawing it into my mouth.
Her breathy gasp drew my eyes to hers as they fluttered closed.
I longed to see that boneless look on her face after she came hard.
There was nothing more beautiful than watching my wife come apart in my arms, and I vowed right then to make sure I witnessed it as many times as I could before I ended this.
And hopefully, many years after.
Gliding my hand over her perfect body, I let my fingers trail over her hip, across her taut stomach, and lower until I felt the moisture between her thighs slick my fingers.
Moaning around her nipple, I slid one finger inside her, pumping slowly.
Her heart thumped wildly in her chest, picking up speed as I slid a second finger inside her.
“Cash,” she murmured breathlessly.
“Tell me, kitten. What do you need?”
Her eyes flew open at the endearment I hadn’t used in a long fucking time.
And that was the moment I slid down between her legs and buried my face in her sweet pussy, tasting her for the first time in so fucking long.
I was a starved man, desperate for anything she would give me, for even allowing me in her life after what I had done to her.
The taste of her sweet cream flooded my mouth as she squeezed my head between her thighs, crying out as I devoured her. Screams echoed around the room as I drew out her orgasm, refusing to move until she was breathless.
Her fingers twisted in my hair, guiding me where she needed me as I felt her tighten around my tongue again. I nudged her clit with my nose, inhaling her intoxicating scent.
Fuck, there was nothing like being buried in my wife’s cunt. So fucking beautiful, so intoxicating…
“Cash!” she cried out, her fingers jerking my hair and pulling me upright.
I slid up her body, crashing my mouth onto hers as my cock nudged at her entrance. I was sheathed inside her in seconds, buried so fucking deep that I never wanted to leave the warmth of her body.
I laid inside her, refusing to move as I tugged her leg up over my hip and ran my fingers along her smooth skin. This was all I needed, just to be inside her, touching her, kissing her, and reminding myself how fucking much I loved her.
Slowly, I rocked inside her, never drawing out more than I had to. With her arms entwined around my neck, I trailed my hand over her back, memorizing every inch of her beautiful body.
“So beautiful,” I murmured in her ear, nipping at her lobe before drawing it into my mouth. “You’re so fucking perfect.”
“Cash…”
“Flawless.” My hand skimmed over her hip, then her ass. My fingers dug into the meat of her flesh and I groaned, wondering how I ever managed to stay away as long as I had.
I somehow tore my lips from her body and stared into those beautiful eyes as she looked at me with so much fucking love that it made my heart skip a beat.
The words wouldn’t come. They didn’t mean the same thing they used to.
There was no way to tell her what she meant to me, to describe the absolute pain in my heart at the thought of ever leaving her side again.
How it would cleave me in two and leave me a wreck with no hope of ever recovering.
So, instead, my lips trailed the slender column of her neck, across her collarbone, and between her beautiful breasts until I settled over her heart.
“For the rest of my life, I will never again make you feel anything other than loved. You have my heart, my body, and my soul until the day I die.” I pressed an open-mouthed kiss to her heart and then looked up into her shimmering eyes.
“I would rather slit my own wrists than cause you even one more minute of pain.”
“Cash—”
“You are…life. Breathing doesn’t work without you. I’ve tried it, and I’ve been living on borrowed time since I walked out that door. Never again,” I said fiercely. “No matter what, I will never walk away.”
I slid back up her body and crushed my lips to hers, burying myself inside her once again. “I love you. I love you,” I whispered, over and over as I kissed her, made love to her, reminded myself that she was mine, and I was never letting her go.
There was no life without her, and I would do whatever it took to keep her in my bed and by my side from now until I drew my last breath.
Anything less just wasn’t worth living.
Pain pulled at my side as I rolled over and tucked Eva into my arms. Sometime during the night, she’d slipped out of my grasp, but I had been wiggling around so much, it was no wonder she couldn’t sleep against me.