Chapter 7
‘So, Libby, what motivated you to come on the show? Apart from wanting to find love and win a hundred thousand dollars, of course.’
I am still picturing myself lying naked on the lounger while he brings me grapes and other erotic foods. I snap out of it. ‘Good question. There’s a lot I could do with a hundred thousand dollars.’
For a start, it would buy an awful lot of grapes.
Pull yourself together.
Cam tilts his head, waiting for me to answer.
He’ll be expecting me to say something obvious like a vanity project, designing my own range of edible thongs or an Instagrammable trip to see the Dalai Lama.
If I tell him the boring truth, that it would go on two deposits for mortgage down payments – one, so that my newly engaged sister can buy her first home, and two, so that I can start to rebuild my life after being unceremoniously dumped by Arrogant Josh and let go from my job – he’ll think I’m a sad loser.
I’m so desperate to impress him that I default immediately to some meaningful, low-level lying.
‘I was thinking I could take a year off teaching to help build an orphanage in Botswana.’ I make sure to keep my eyes level with his, so as not to arouse suspicion. ‘Or to help build a school in India for… you know… street urchins.’
Any sane person would stop there.
‘Have you experience in construction?’ He seems very interested.
‘No. No, I haven’t.’
‘Oh.’
There’s a silence hanging in the air that needs to be filled with more lies.
‘Or I could go on one of those environmental boat trips clearing up plastics from the ocean. Rescue dolphins. Save some turtles.’ In a panic I do namaste hands and bow my head. It is wildly inappropriate. ‘Those sorts of things, really.’
He stares at me to see if I’m serious. He has no idea.
I will leave him wondering. Best he sees me as a kind soul, a touch benevolent and mystical, especially after the way he caught me yelling at my chaperone to choke on her own vomit.
‘And you? What do you do when you’re not working on this show? Do you go back to… the capital of California, LA? The city of angels.’
It’s very apt because he has very angelic eyes.
They are kind and expressive, with fine crinkles at the sides when he smiles, which is a lot.
Despite the Year Three project, my geography of the USA is appalling.
But everyone the world over knows LA is where all the good-looking people go.
I pour us both a hefty measure of wine, filling the glass right to the brim.
‘I think you’ll find Sacramento is the capital of California.’ He raises his eyebrows playfully at me. ‘I’m mostly in San Francisco.’
Capital cities are very cool and interesting, and more importantly a very safe topic of conversation. And yet…
I take another swig of wine. ‘It must be hard to work away from home and leave family behind.’
He shrugs.
‘Are you leaving a trail of broken hearts in San Francisco?’ I joke.
I’m getting very personal, very quickly, and making a lot of assumptions, but mining for personal information as to his single status is becoming something of a drug to me after two glasses of wine and a few days of barely eating.
‘The shoot only takes around ten weeks in total. Eight of those just to set up. I thought you’d know that. As a superfan.’
‘Superfan?’
‘Yep. The show’s number one superfan is what you told me in your interview,’ he says, smiling. ‘Although, that’s what they all say.’
Trust Lois. She is obsessed with the show. She would know all there is to know. ‘Oh, yeah. I’m a total superfan. So, back to this trail of broken hearts…’
Cam laughs and gingerly picks up his wine to slurp carefully at it. ‘I don’t usually drink.’
‘Me neither,’ I say, knocking the rest back and topping myself up.
This causes Cam to half choke on his drink. ‘I like you. You’re different to the usual contestants. You seem very laid-back about it all.’
‘That’s because…’ I search for a plausible reason as I stare into his gorgeous eyes. ‘That’s because I’m really looking forward to the personal challenge rather than becoming world-famous.’
He looks unconvinced.
‘And I’m hoping to find my soulmate while I’m here.’
A vision pops into my mind of me in a white floaty chiffon.
Him in rolled-up white trousers and a loose linen shirt open to the stomach.
The pair of us standing hand in hand on white powdered sand while locals shower us in bright pink flower petals.
Now, because I’ve come this far, it’s like I’m obsessed but, thankfully, the film reel running in my mind is not playing out on my face.
Cam pretends to look serious. ‘Oh yeah, for sure. For sure. Out of the four billion men on the planet, he’ll definitely be one of the five we managed to pick out.’
He’s funny.
‘And the trail of broken hearts?’
Christ, I’m like a Rottweiler but I can’t seem to let it go.
Cam puts down his fork to look at me. ‘There are no broken hearts. Only this one.’ He points to himself.
It’s my turn to act surprised. ‘Somebody broke your heart?’ I can’t believe it. Who would do such a thing? ‘Who was it? Taylor Swift?’
Cam chuckles. ‘It was a long time ago.’ Then I see something like pain flicker in his eyes as he reaches for another sip of his wine.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get personal.’ I did. I would like to know everything, the deepest ins and outs and ups and downs of your entire love life, please. ‘I’m a professional nosy parker. Please forgive me.’
This makes him grin. ‘So that’s all you need to know about me. What about you? Any broken hearts to report?’
I shake my head and give him a sad look. ‘There was someone but he… ended it. I just wasn’t… Anyway, I’m over it now.’ I exhale loudly and in a depressing manner. ‘Imagine, twenty-six and looking forward to life as a dusty old maid. Which is fine.’
His jaw falls open slightly.
‘Because I’m married to my job,’ I explain. ‘Not because there’s something wrong with me… you know.’
It very much feels as though I’m accidentally planting seeds that there is definitely something wrong with me.
‘I really like my own company,’ I say quickly.
‘So I don’t go out much. University came and went, and before I knew it several years went by, and I’d forgotten how to flirt.
All the men my age settled down with girls that were quicker off the mark than me and so now, there’s hardly any decent men left in the town I live in. Just one rather arrogant male.’
Cam is looking at me in a thoughtful way.
‘But what about all those men at university? Those wild nights working as a cocktail waitress? The exotic pole dancing?’
Oh. My. Fudging. Word. I am going to kill Lois.
‘No! Absolutely not. I did no such thing!’
‘So, you made that up just to get on the show?’ Cam smiles. ‘It’s okay. We hear all kinds of horseshit from people desperate to get on the show.’
I love my sister and she did rather have fun for the both of us at college, but she’s obviously thought nothing of telling a whole load of lies to get on the show.
‘No. I must have… it must have come out wrong. I was actually co-vice-captain of the hummus society.’
‘The hummus society? Sounds wild.’
I nod keenly. ‘Yes. It was. There are over twenty-six different types. There were tastings to organise every single weekend. Did you know Mexico is the hummus capital of the world?’
He sips his wine again, this time taking a bigger slug. ‘Surely, the Middle East is the hummus capital of the world.’ He’s so culinarily literate.
‘I meant the Western world.’ I quickly top him up. ‘Hummus originated in Egypt if you’re going to be pedantic about it. Anyway, I’m not desperate to get on the show. I just thought it might challenge me. I’ve been a bit stuck lately.’
‘You’re finding it difficult to move on?’
‘Yes,’ I admit. ‘I guess this is my kick up the backside. Something to jolt me out of my boring routine.’
Cam nods. ‘I totally get that.’
We share an intimate look. He really does have the loveliest kind eyes. They are glinting in the candlelight.
‘You don’t want to risk getting your heart broken again,’ I say understandingly.
‘Well, let me tell you, sometimes it’s best to just let it go.
Not all girls run around breaking hearts.
Sometimes it is the men who do the breaking.
They say the first cut is the deepest.’ It’s just one cliché after another tonight.
‘I’m sure whoever it was regrets it big time. ’
A half-smile tugs sadly at his mouth. ‘I’m sure if she wasn’t married to my best friend, she would.’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry!’ I gasp. ‘I had no idea. That was terribly insensitive.’
‘That’s okay. It was a long time ago.’ Cam picks up his drink, avoiding my gaze.
I gulp back the desire to sweep him up into a hug. ‘That’s awful. Such betrayal must have really hurt.’
He looks up to meet my gaze. It did hurt him. It’s in the haunted look, and in the brave smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
‘I hope you find peace with it,’ I say, lifting my drink. ‘Sometimes people just make no sense.’
He clinks glasses with me. ‘No, they don’t.’
We busy ourselves eating for a few moments before Cam breaks the silence.
‘What do you think of the chicken? Is it spicy enough?’
‘It’s delicious,’ I say. ‘I love spicy chicken. Being gluten and lactose intolerant means I get most of my protein from chicken and fish.’
‘Interesting,’ he says, giving me a quizzical look.
‘How so?’ I stop eating.
‘Because in your interview you told me you were a very strict vegan.’
I gulp. Of course, Lois would have said that. She has been trying to ‘turn’ me for over four years.
‘I am. I mean, I was. Until, erm, yesterday.’
Lies upon lies upon lies.
Cam has not taken his gaze from mine. ‘Yesterday?’
I nod slowly.
‘You are full of surprises.’
I’m full of shit, he means.
‘It’s almost as though you’re a completely different person to the one I interviewed last summer.’
I’m like a rabbit in the headlights.
‘I am?’
‘Tell me about this sister of yours. Do you have any photos of the two of you together?’
Crap.