35. Jillian
THIRTY-FIVE
Jillian
I blink back tears, overwhelmed. Disbelief trying to take over. Did I hear him? Did this really happen? Did my son make a sound—the first in two long years of silence since the accident that took his father? It wasn’t words. The sound was an involuntary response, but to me it might as well have been a symphony. Shock and elation course through me in equal measure. A sob gets stuck in my throat.
I go to my knees. “Did he . . .”
Elliott’s hand comes to my shoulder and squeezes it. “He did.”
Jamie turns back to Nero, burying his hands in the dog’s thick fur. Nero pants happily as Jamie scratches behind his ears, his small fingers working through the tangles. Neither of us speaks as we watch him.
I try to suck in a breath, keep a hold of myself, don’t show the emotions churning inside my chest. Remember what the therapist said. “He’ll talk again one day. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Let it happen naturally, on his own terms.”
Elliott bends down and picks up my phone, then pulls me up too. His arm wraps around my waist, holding me up on my feet. “Breathe, Jillian. Slow breaths.”
I massage my chest in an attempt to dislodge the trapped air in my lungs. Try to speak, but it’s my turn to be voiceless. No sounds come out.
Elliott pulls me into his chest and squeezes me into an embrace, and in that safe space of his arms, I’m finally able to breathe. My head pressed to Elliott’s heart, the sound of its beats in my ear, and my gaze fixed on Jamie as he picks up a stick and plays with Nero. Was it just timing? Would Jamie start making sounds and talking again had we been home? Or is it being here? Getting away from the city, the place that held the best of our memories but also the saddest ones too? Or is it simply the magic that happens between a boy and a dog?
I’m not sure, but something inside me tells me if I had refused Elliott’s invitation, Jamie would have still been as silent as ever.
“Oh my God.” The words leave my lips in a whisper.
Elliott’s hand rubs circles on my back. “How do we respond?”
I shake my head. “Don’t call attention to it. I’m not sure he even realizes what happened.”
“Okay, we’ll go with the flow.”
I break away from Elliott’s embrace and wipe my eyes. “I think I need to get that dog faster than I intended.”
Elliott laughs. “Sorry, you can’t have Nero. He’d go crazy in an apartment.”
“No. I think we need something much smaller.”
Nero leans into Jamie’s touch, tail wagging. Sensing the boy’s joy, the dog stretches up, and his tongue swipes across Jamie’s cheek in an enthusiastic kiss.
Jamie scrunches his face, but he’s grinning. He turns away from the dog and runs in my direction at full speed with Nero at his heels. I lean down with open arms and Jamie throws himself at me, giggling when I hug him to my chest and twirl him in a circle. The sound of my son’s laughter is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.
I glance at Elliott and see tears glistening in his eyes, too, before he turns to pet the dog. After a moment, I set Jamie down and Elliott’s hand slips into mine, squeezing gently. In that touch, I feel his understanding. His support.
Jamie glances up, still smiling, and reaches for our hands, taking mine first and then Elliott’s. And we walk down the path with Jamie between us and Nero leading the way as Elliott points at different trees, bushes, and birds and names them for Jamie. Watching the two of them together is bittersweet. I can’t help but think of CJ and the life he was meant to have with us. I push the thought away. I can’t move forward if I keep looking back and wishing for something that can never be.
I’m profoundly grateful for this place, for Elliott and Grace and Nero. The tight knot of anxiety that has sat in my chest for so long finally begins to unfurl.
I breathe in the scent of pine and earth, memorizing this moment. The birdsongs, the breeze, my son’s hand in mine. There will be hard days still ahead, but right now, this sunlit path feels like a promise waiting to unfold.
Once again, Jamie runs ahead, chasing a leaf tumbling in the wind and throwing sticks for Nero to catch.
I meet Elliott’s gaze. He smiles gently, and in his eyes, I see a hint of longing. This kind and beautiful man sees something in me and my child that I cannot understand. Why me when he could have anyone he wanted? In this moment, I promise myself that I too deserve another chance. And so does Jamie. I won’t question his reason or doubt the possibilities. It’s time to embrace the future and whatever it may bring. And accept the significance of this breakthrough with an open heart.
I take Elliott’s hand. “Thank you for this. For bringing us here.”
Elliott’s eyes are warm. “Thank you for trusting me enough to come. I know it wasn’t an easy decision for you.”
I smile in response.
We walk in comfortable silence for a few moments, the winding path taking us through dappled sunlight and shade. My heart feels lighter than it has in a long time. Witnessing Jamie’s joy today, hearing him laugh again, has sparked a cautious optimism within me.
With Elliott’s solid, reassuring presence at my side, I allow myself to hope that we can heal, grow, and find happiness again.