38. Elliott
THIRTY-EIGHT
Elliott
“Come on, little buddy. Time to get on the horse.”
Jamie takes a step closer to me, his arms up for me to pick him up. Something cracks inside me when I lift him on Buttercup. He’s so little and yet fearless of the thousand-pound mare. An image flutters in my mind. Of a future with Jillian and Jamie. I can see the three of us together. And many days like this. I glance at her, and her gaze is on me. Can she guess at the thoughts in my head? When did I turn into this sappy guy?
I clear my throat. “Okay, Jamie. Hold on to the pommel. We’re going to do slow circles so you get used to Buttercup.”
I lead the horse out into the open, and Jillian follows us.
Jamie couldn’t smile any bigger. There’s so much joy on his face. It’s the kind of joy one rarely sees in an adult. As if we forget how to be happy and fully in the moment somehow. I’ve spent the majority of my life on autopilot. It’s easy to see if I’m honest with myself. It’s been years of work, casual relationships, and not much more than that. It’s high time I figure out what I want to do with my life.
I look at Jillian, her hands clasped under her chin. She watches Jamie with so much love in her eyes. If I could have a little of that adoration, I’d consider myself a lucky man.
I never realized I wanted my own family so much until right now. I hold a hand out for Jillian and bring her closer to Buttercup. “Do you want to take the lead?”
Her eyes widen. “Me?”
“Yes, you.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
I put the lead in her hand. “Guide Buttercup around the paddock in a slow circle. I’ll be right behind you.”
Jillian looks up at Jamie. He’s so happy, he’s practically floating above Buttercup.
I follow them a few paces behind. Let this be their moment. “You’re next, Jillian.”
She looks over her shoulder. “I’ll probably need as much guidance as Jamie.”
I smile, all too happy to oblige. “It will be my pleasure to teach you to ride.”
I don’t intend for it to come out as a double entendre, but images of Jillian riding me pop in my mind and I guess they make it to my face because the next thing I know, Jillian is looking at me with a raised eyebrow and pressed lips in an attempt to refrain from laughing, and her cheeks are turning a pretty pink.
She shakes her head and tugs at the lead, Buttercup following Jillian’s gentle guidance. Atop the horse, Jamie tilts his head to the sky, not a cloud in sight, and sighs out loud. The sound escapes his lips and rolls out of him as if he’d dropped a boulder and was finally able to breathe. Jillian’s step falters for a split second and she continues to walk in a circle. I catch up with her. Her gaze meets mine, wet with unshed tears, and she blows out a loud breath as if she caught the boulder Jamie dropped.
I take her free hand into mine. Whisper, “It’s happening. He’s letting go. You need to do the same.”
She nods, blinks several times, and then smiles. “Take a picture of us? Maybe a video too?” Jillian gives me her phone.
I reluctantly let go of her hand and jog ahead. “All right. Video first. Smile, everyone.”
Even Buttercup smiles, quivering her lips and snorting. The sounds she makes send Jamie into a fit of giggles. The sound is hesitant at first, then grows and vibrates throughout his body, his small shoulders shaking. Jillian looks up at him, her lips parted, the hint of a smile slowly forming until it’s in full bloom. Her face transformed with joy. She’s never been more beautiful than in this very moment, and I capture every second of it in the video.
I take a few pictures and both of them pose for me. Buttercup loves being the center of attention and she hams it up for the camera. And then I walk to Jillian and pull her into my arms in a hug. I kiss her forehead and inhale her fresh scent.
Jillian goes on her toes and whispers in my ear, “I’m so glad we’re here. Look at how happy he is. Thank you so much for inviting us.”
I hold her tighter and whisper back, “I’m glad you’re here too, and I’m glad being here is helping Jamie.”
She sighs into my neck, her breath tickling me and doing very non-PG things to my body. A tap on my shoulder reminds me that we have company. We separate, but I hold her close still and look up at Jamie. He’s smiling and gives us the thumbs-up.
I think we got a seal of approval. And as far as approval goes, Jamie’s is the most important one of all.
We do several more circles with Jamie around the paddock and then it’s Jillian’s turn.
I saddle another mare for her. “This is Katniss. And yes, she’s named after The Hunger Games character. All the horses are named after book characters.”
“So Buttercup is named after The Princess Bride ?”
“She is.”
“I like that.”
Jillian stands beside the mare, her hands lightly gripping the saddle. “It’s been years since I’ve been on a horse.”
“You’ll be fine.” Her hesitation stirs something protective in me—and something else, something deeper.
I position myself behind her, close enough to catch the light floral scent of her shampoo as the breeze carries it my way. The back of her T-shirt has ridden up slightly, exposing a strip of smooth, creamy skin. My hands span her hips, guiding her firmly, my thumbs brushing over that bare patch. Her breath hitches, a small innocuous sound, but it’s enough to send a jolt of heat straight through me.
“Step up.” My voice is barely above a whisper, husky with the effort it takes to stay composed.
She shifts, her head tilting back enough for her to glance over her shoulder at me. Her blue eyes catch the light, and there’s a flicker of something in them—curiosity, challenge, maybe even arousal. Her lips part slightly, and I watch, transfixed, as she nibbles on her bottom lip .
My grip tightens instinctively, my fingers pressing into her hips. Her chest rises and falls, her breaths coming quicker, and I have to lock my jaw to stop myself from leaning in closer, from closing the minuscule space between us.
“You can’t look at me like that here,” I whisper, the words barely audible but carrying all the weight of the tension crackling between us.
Her gaze holds mine for a beat longer, her cheeks flushing as she turns back around. I can feel the tension radiating from her, the way her hands tighten on the saddle, and I know I’m not the only one feeling this.
With one swift movement, she pulls herself onto the saddle, my hands steadying her the entire way. I don’t let go until she’s settled, her hands gripping the reins, her legs fitting perfectly around the mare.
I step back, trying to tamper the growing desire. Jamie watching us with a curious expression hits me like a splash of cold water. “There you go,” I say, my voice steadier than I feel.
She glances down at me, her lips curved into a small, almost shy smile. “Thanks, Elliott.”
I nod, trying to shake off the lingering heat from the brief but electrifying contact. Turning to my own horse, I adjust the stirrups, taking a moment to exhale the tension still coiling in my chest.
The ride hasn’t even started, but I already know I’ll have a hard time trying to keep my focus anywhere but on her.
Jillian pats the mare’s neck. “What’s your horse’s name?”
“This is Mr. Darcy. ”
She laughs. “I love that! Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite books.”
“Yeah? Which movie version is your favorite?”
Her eyes widen. “You have a favorite movie version of Pride and Prejudice ?”
I nudge my gelding into a walk. Jillian and Jamie keep the slow pace with me. “Doesn’t everybody?”
She shakes her head. “Wow, it’s like you fell out of a book yourself,” she murmurs low as if she didn’t intend for me to hear.
“So book boyfriend material, you say.”
She blushes a deep pink. “What do you know about book boyfriends?”
“I have two sisters. Do you have any idea how many times they drag me to a bookstore? And you still haven’t answered me. Which movie version?”
“My favorite is the version with Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen. Yours?”
“Well, if you ask me in front of Grace, I’ll swear it’s the BBC version with Colin Firth, but since she’s not here, I agree with you. But if you tell her, I’ll deny it.”
She laughs. “Is that so? Grace would be mad if she thought you like the newer version better?”
“Oh, not mad. She’d spend the next two hours comparing every detail between the two movies, the book, and give you a hundred reasons why the version with Colin Firth is better. And swear it has nothing to do with her lifelong crush on him.”
She’s laughing so hard now, she has to hold on to the pommel. I reach over and put a hand on her hip to steady her. “Don’t fall off before we even leave the stables. ”
I pull my hand away and coax Mr. Darcy to the gate, where Jamie is patiently waiting for us, a curious look in his eyes.
We exit the paddock with Jamie between us. Buttercup’s reins in his hands. I trust the mare to stay steady. She doesn’t spook easily and is sure-footed. “What do you think, Jamie? Are you ready to go down the trail?”
He nods eagerly. I look at Jillian for confirmation that it’s okay for him to hold the reins, and she nods as well.
“Okay then, let’s go, and remember, we want to go nice and easy and slow. So no racing yet.” Not that Buttercup would. I’ve never met a horse more determined to do things at her own pace, and her pace knows only one speed: slow.
We make our way around the house and wave to Grace when we pass the porch where she’s taking a catnap in the hammock. Jamie waves at her, confident and more enthusiastic than ever. We go up the same trail we walked before. Nero trails behind us for a few minutes and then steps ahead, leading our slow canter. He’s vigilant and looking over his shoulder, guarding us from imaginary predators.
The breeze blows Jillian’s hair on her face, and I wish I could reach over and tuck it behind her ear, wrap my hand around her neck and bring her face up to mine. I want to kiss her so badly it hurts. And I think she might feel the same way about me if the look she gives when she thinks I’m not paying attention can be trusted.
I’m a goner for this woman. I want her so badly, but I can’t move fast. She’ll spook like a green filly. I have to move at Buttercup’s pace, even if the anticipation is set to kill me. Because for Jillian, I’d literally do anything.