50. Jillian
FIFTY
Jillian
We get dressed in silence, this somehow more intimate than the undressing. I forego the dress I was wearing before and pull on yoga pants and a T-shirt. We walk to the kitchen barefooted, our steps silent on the hardwood floors and rugs. I open a drawer and pull out three different takeout menus. Show them to Elliott. “Do you have a preference?”
He studies the menus and selects one. The fancier of the restaurants near my apartment. One I don’t often order from even though it has the best food because it costs double the other ones.
“What do you feel like? This?” He points to a menu item highlighted in yellow.
I don’t have to look at the menu to know what I want to eat. I always get the same thing when I order from there.
“Yes. That’s my favorite.”
“What about some appetizers?”
I never get appetizers when I order. “ We could get some.”
He looks through the menu again and back at me. “Should I surprise you?”
I smile. “Sure. Why not.”
He taps away on his phone. “Done.”
“You didn’t call?”
“I placed the order online. It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if you heard me.”
“Humm, a man of mystery.”
He waggles his eyebrows. “Let me ask you a question and be honest. Do I Make You Horny, Baby? Do I? Do I make You Randy?” Elliott says this with a straight face and an English accent.
I burst out laughing. “Austin Powers?”
He tries to hold on to his serious face but loses it. We’re both laughing like teenagers, without a care in the world. Elliott leans against the counter and pulls me into his chest, holds me close. I rest my head on his pec and close my eyes with a deep sigh. He holds me tighter, rubbing one hand up and down my back. The gesture is soothing, comforting, and I relax in his arms, my body melding with his. His breath is warm on my hair. I squeal when he picks me up and carries me to the couch and sits with me on his lap.
We stay like that, holding each other quietly and enjoying being in the moment. I think I doze off in the warmth of his embrace because I startle at the sound of the doorbell ringing downstairs.
I slide off his lap, and cool air rushes in when we separate. I immediately miss the contact. “Let me find my wallet?—”
He tugs at my hand. “Nope. I got this. It’s already paid for.” And before I can respond, he’s jogging downstairs to get our food. I set the table so one of us is sitting at the end and the other to the side.
Elliott unloads two shopping bags.
“How much stuff did you get?”
“Not much. Our dinner and a couple of appetizers.”
The couple of appetizers are an array of small plates containing miniature Gua Bao, fried wantons, steamed dumplings, and egg rolls.
“It smells delicious.”
“What do you want to drink?” He goes to the fridge and waits for my response. I love the way he casually fits into my space.
“Ice tea, thank you. There’s beer there if you want it.” I’m not much of a beer drinker or any alcohol, really, but I got him beer just in case.
He grabs a beer and a bottle of tea, twists off the caps, then gives me the tea and takes the spot at the side, leaving me to sit at the head of the table.
He lifts the beer bottle for a toast. “To a million more nights like this one.”
I clink my tea bottle to his. Something bright and light flutters inside me—doing a happy dance and tapping its feet into my soul. “A million more nights.”
We eat and talk and laugh. He tells me about his day and I tell him about mine. Like any regular couple catching up after a day of work apart. It’s all so familiar and comfortable, like we’ve done this a thousand times before. I think back to that first day we met when Elliott came into the flower shop and how on guard and annoyed with him I got. I told myself I didn’t like him. That he unsettled me and that he was too cocky, too charming, too sure of himself and too handsome. I tried so hard to believe that. Had I been honest with myself from the beginning, the only truth would have been him being too handsome.
I did like him. More than a casual like, I was attracted to him. And back then, it terrified me. Still does a little. To give someone that much power over you. To open up and be vulnerable was not easy for me then. Still isn’t. But hiding is not the way to live.
Reaching out, I cover his hand with mine. He flips his hand up and laces his fingers with mine. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”
His gaze searches my face. He swallows as if pushing down a knot in his throat. “Never. And thank you for letting me in. I know it’s been hard for you. I treasure every moment you’ve given me more than you’ll ever know.”
That bright thing inside me wants to burst out of my chest. “I feel the same way.”
He brings my hand to his lips and kisses the back of it. “Are we official now? Can I call you my girlfriend? Can we tell Jamie?”
I nod. “Yes. I guess you can call me your girlfriend. And I think Jamie already knows that something is happening between us. That kid is too observant. But I’ll talk to him tomorrow. Make sure he understands and he’s okay with us being together.”
He sobers. “And if he’s not okay?”
I smile. “He will be. I’m sure of it. He’s happier when you’re around. You’ve made us both happier.”
He releases a long breath. “That’s all I want for both of you. To be happy. And to be a part of it. For you and Jamie and me to be an us. I’ll do anything in my power to make you both happy. To keep you both safe.”
Something shifts inside me, like a key finally turning in a long-rusted lock. “I believe you.”
Is it crazy to feel this way? It’s been only four months since we met. He’s changed my life and Jamie’s life for the better in such a short time. I’m both hopeful and fearful of the future. But I clamp down the fear and hold onto hope with everything I have. I need to. Hope is my life vest. The thing that keeps me from drowning.