Chapter 8
CHAPTER
EIGHT
Isuppose I should be ashamed of my breakdown earlier, but none of them bring it up, and I refuse to feel shame. I meet Bellami’s eyes directly, and he simply smiles at me before focusing on the flames. Only then do I allow myself to truly notice his beauty.
It has a different kind of appeal compared to Frost and Corbin. His has an edge of danger, darkness, seduction, and lustful nights.
His features are pointed, with a sharp jawline and incredible cheekbones, and he has a thick, noble nose bracketed by perfectly shaped black eyebrows.
Bellami’s eyes are pure black and tilt up like a cat’s, and when his thick lips curve into a smile, a hint of a dimple flashes in each cheek.
Tattoos scrawl across his chest, hands, and neck and only seem to enhance his beauty.
Black hair falls across his face in messy waves, and I have a feeling it’s usually styled, but this look really works for him.
He’s easily six-eight, with muscular arms, a stacked chest, and large hands, his fingers adorned with emerald and sapphire rings.
More jewels drip from his ears, and I can’t look away.
As if sensing my gaze, he swings his head towards me, but I do not avert my own. There is no shame for me to be caught looking, because having someone admire your beauty is a compliment in our world.
“Why are you not with a court?” I ask.
He stares at the others for a moment, and I see his throat working as he swallows hard.
“I didn’t fit in,” is all he says, but I sense there is more to it.
It shouldn’t matter. I need his help either way, but I’d be remiss in my duties as queen if I didn’t know who I was bringing into my court.
I suppose, however, I would need to have a court to still be a queen, so I let him escape my question for now and I turn my attention to Corbin.
“And you? You’re a hunter, but you’re also a shifter?” I ask curiously.
“Yes,” he answers bluntly. Most people would expound, but he simply waits. It’s obvious from his response and the way Tate’s group spoke to him that Corbin doesn’t talk much, if ever.
“What about your . . . pack?” I hedge.
“Maul,” he corrects. “I left them.”
“To become a hunter?” I frown, trying to understand.
“That was after I left. I needed a purpose to keep my animal in check. It was kismet that I ran into Tate and her team on the way back from a mission. I saved Tate’s life, and she offered me a job.”
I nod, but I am still confused. “Why did you leave your maul?” I stumble over the unfamiliar word, trying to guess what animal he is, but I haven’t visited many other places beyond my own court.
I do know that wolves have packs and trolls have mischiefs.
He looks too big to be a wolf and too small to be a troll anyway.
He’s not a dragon and definitely not a prey shifter, like a rabbit.
So what is he?
I lean forward, intent on his response. His eyes cut from the fire to me, his lips thin, as if he would rather choke than answer, but he speaks anyway.
“My best friend died. He was our leader, and it was my fault. I carry that shame with me. They would have asked me to leave eventually, so I saved them that dishonour, but I can never go back.”
Corbin doesn’t look like someone who fails at all, nor does he seem like he would ever let anyone get hurt, never mind killed. He appears . . . formidable. So what happened? I want to ask, but his eyes beg me not to.
“I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” I assure him, hating the pain I see in his gaze. After all, I carry my own. How dare I demand he relive his? I know how deep those wounds are, as if every breath shatters my heart and makes it impossible to breathe.
“I cannot lie to you,” he mutters.
“Why not?” I ask.
“When you are ready, I will tell you.” He looks back at the flames, making it clear he has no intention of carrying on the conversation.
“I have no family or court to return to,” Frost says, as if he would prefer not waiting for me to ask. “Dragons are lone creatures. If too many of us are together, it means death or war. We prefer solitude.”
“Then why help me?” I ask.
“You asked, little mate,” he replies as he yawns. “You should rest now. We will find this sight of blackness and the next person tomorrow.”
That makes me smile and laugh. “Black site.”
“That’s what I said,” he replies with a deep growl.
“Sure, sure.” I pat his side as I cuddle against it, a yawn splitting my mouth. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Corbin responds gruffly.
“May dawn bring you happiness,” the incubus says strangely, and Frost curls around me. Before I know it, I drift off to sleep.
Someone is screaming.
I jerk upright, my body covered in a cold sweat as air escapes my lungs in a pant. My throat aches, and I feel tears rolling down my face. When Corbin’s soft voice reaches me, I realise it was me.
I was screaming.
“It was just a nightmare.” His hands stroke my back and brush my tears away as he watches me.
“What happened?” I rasp.
“You had a bad dream, that’s all.” He gives me a sad smile. “It’s okay now. I’ll be right here, alright? There will be no more nightmares. You can rest.”
“What time is it?” I ask instead, lowering my gaze in shame at him having seen me like that. I’ve never had a nightmare before. I can’t even remember what it was about, but I can guess.
“Early. The sun has not yet risen,” Bellami answers softly, and my eyes close in mortification.
“Elskede,” Corbin murmurs, and my eyes open at the unfamiliar word.
It sounds soft, and he stares at me as I look back at him.
“We all have nightmares. You are simply too strong to let them take hold during the day, so they attack when you are the most vulnerable. There is no shame in that. Do you want to sleep some more?”
“No. I’d rather be awake.” Licking my lips, I blow out a breath as my body finally settles down enough so I do not feel like I need to bolt. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” He bows his head and retreats a few steps so I can take in the crisp morning air.
He’s right. It’s not quite dawn, but that in between time where the sky’s lightening to grey, the stars are struggling to shine, and the air is fresh with the morning dew.
I suck it into my lungs as I climb to my feet.
Frost silently moves his tail away from me and allows me to stretch.
I don’t look at the men, needing a moment to gather my thoughts.
The nightmare still clings to me despite being awake.
“Washing always helps me.” Bellami’s voice makes me turn my head. “There is a waterfall not far from here. Washing their touch away helps.”
I don’t ask how he knows, but I nod rapidly then turn in search of it when he steps closer. “Follow me.” We move silently through the trees, and when we reach the flowing waterfall, I realise Frost has shifted back, and they all stand behind me.
“I’m not usually ashamed or shy of my body, but could I have some privacy?” I request. I would usually tease and taunt while I bathed, but not this time. I feel . . . unclean. I can still taste their desire and feel their hands, and Bellami is right—I want it gone.
Without a word, all three of them offer me their backs, staring protectively into the forest as I remove my clothes and slip into the waist-deep pool at the base of the waterfall.
The thundering cascade is loud, echoing my hammering heart, but the beauty of it relaxes something inside me.
The cool water washes away the sweat that sticks to my skin like their hands, lapping at my tense muscles.
Ducking under, I keep my eyes open as I hold my breath for as long as I can, wanting to feel that sense of cleanliness everywhere.
Logically, I know their hands haven’t been near me since I left, but they still touched my skin and used my hair against me. It makes me hate it a little, and when I burst through the surface of the water, tears fill my eyes. I slap the pool, watching the ripples spread out.
One small touch does that, sends waves to the edge of the pond.
That small interaction changes how the water moves, just like me.
I am changed, and I hate the new me. I want to go back to the way I was before, but I never can. Wading over to the waterfall, I crane my head up and listen to its magnificence. Its furious roar makes my own build in my chest.
All of my anger, grief, and anguish swells inside me, demanding to be heard.
“Scream,” Frost instructs, and I turn to see him. He has moved closer to me, but he is still turned away. “The water will hide it. Let it out. Emotions are no good when they are trapped inside. They turn to rot. You must release them and the hold they have on you. Feel them and let them go.”
How does he know?
I thought I was hiding it well, but it seems they see what I don’t want revealed. Turning to the waterfall, I blink rapidly to stop my tears, then I swallow hard. There’s a lump in my throat, but I open my mouth again.
A small yell comes out, and the water swallows the sound, but something in my chest loosens.
Closing my eyes, I release another, which comes from deep in my chest.
“Louder,” Frost encourages. “Let it all go. No restraint. Just feel it.”
Taking a deep breath, I let out the scream that has been trapped inside since the night I woke up and everything changed.
It’s ragged and raw, and I bend over with the force of it.
The water echoes it back to me, its ferocity matching my own, and when I can’t scream anymore, I lower to my knees as I cry for what I lost.
It was not fair. I did not deserve for that to happen to me.
Waves seems to lap harder against me, so I open my eyes, my lashes wet, to see all three of my allies standing near me. Their backs still face me, but they have moved into the water, offering me their protection and warmth as I break apart.