Chapter 14
CHAPTER
FOURTEEN
They are all resting bar Luan, who is keeping watch.
Frost’s back is healing quickly, but I can sense Elara’s distress.
It’s clear she hated having to feed that way, but she doesn’t seem to understand the bond she has with us or what we would do just to keep her safe.
Any of us would have gladly taken Frost’s place.
Trotting through the woods, I search for some prey to kill and bring back, knowing Frost will need meat to heal quicker. The faster he does, the faster Elara can lose that forlorn look in her eyes.
I already have a pile near the tree line. There are some bunnies and birds. I was hoping for a deer or two, but I think Frost’s roar sent all the prey in the vicinity fleeing. I don’t know how long I prowl through the darkened mass of trees as a bear until I scent her.
She’s close.
Lifting my muzzle, I inhale deeply and realise she is alone. I abandon my hunt and follow her scent, finding her sitting on a log as she stares into the trees. When I appear, she smiles. “I knew you wouldn’t be far,” she murmurs.
I should change back and talk to her, tell her how dangerous it is to be alone, but she’s been through a lot tonight, and I know being so close to this many males is tiring and triggering.
Remaining in this form, I head closer and slump down over the log.
She watches me curiously before reaching out and stroking my muzzle.
I barely manage to swallow my purr of pleasure. It rumbles in my chest, and her smile grows as she pets my fur. “You are beautiful in this form and probably the biggest bear I have ever seen. I bet others fear you.”
Even when I was younger, I was big. The bigger and stronger the bear, the more challenges come. Despite my station, or because of it, I faced a lot from an early age and learned to fight. It has left more than one scar on this body and my other, but when she sees them, she simply smiles wider.
“Beautiful, like this place.” She sighs and glances around. “This reminds me of the forest behind my court. Most people were scared of it, but it never frightened me. Its strangeness just made it more beautiful. I could spend hours exploring it as a child with just the stars to guide me.”
I lay my head on her lap, wanting to know everything about her and her past.
“The truth was, I was just me out there. I didn’t have to be a powerful succubus.
I didn’t have to be the queen’s daughter.
There were no expectations. I was free and wild.
It was a gift, but so was my mother and the court she built, and it took me too long to realise that.
She gave me a place to feel safe, to find who I was, and when I did, it brought me back to her.
She never forced me to be queen. She never forced me to do anything.
She was a good mother. She loved me so much, and all she ever wanted was our happiness.
” Tears fill her eyes, and she tries to blink them away, so I nudge her, offering her my warmth and strength.
Her fingers bury in the fur around my neck, holding me tightly as she carries on.
“I miss her so much. She was so strong and confident. She would know what to do. She would know how to solve all of this.” Her eyes swing to me.
“I feel like a child, and I want my mother. It’s what I cried when they took me.
I’m an adult, yet I cried for my mother, but she didn’t answer.
She can’t. They stole that from me. She should have grown old and given me her throne so she could finally find herself, but she will never get that.
She will never get to grow old or get to be happy like she deserved.
” She licks her lips. “Sorry, I’m rambling.
I just, I guess I miss her tonight more than ever.
I feel like every choice I make is the wrong one.
I should be saving my people, sacrificing for them.
But nothing I do feels right. I guess that’s the burden of being a queen, right? ”
Taking a deep breath, she looks down at me and releases my fur. “You can change back.”
Nodding, I move behind the tree where I hid my clothes.
I change swiftly and dress, making sure I don’t expose myself to her.
I do not want her to be uncomfortable. When I head back, I sit on the log, leaving space between us—space that didn’t exist in my other form.
She doesn’t close that distance, and neither do I.
It’s different when I’m like this, yet I ache to feel her fingers combing through my hair like before.
“Why are you always shifting to your other form around me?” she asks, filling the silence.
“You feel safer with me that way,” I admit. “That’s why I keep it as much as I can. I never want you to be scared of me.” Her eyes are on me, but I keep mine on the sky.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.” I glance down at her, knowing my lips are curled into a smile. “You’re the first person not scared of my bear.”
Her smile matches mine, and she looks back up. I follow her gaze, watching the stars blink in and out of existence.
“The truth is, I hadn’t shifted in years before you,” I explain.
“Why?”
I know she has wondered, they all have, but since she asked, I will not deny her the truth. Her view of me could change, though, and that thought is killing me, so I keep my eyes on the stars.
“My bear was feral, lost in grief. I couldn’t control it, so I shut that side of me down.
It was like cutting off a piece of me, but it was better than hurting someone.
The effort it took was monumental, and I struggled to let anyone in.
I didn’t even speak before you came along.
It was easier that way,” I admit in shame.
“What happened?” When I stay quiet, I feel her shift closer. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.”
“I would never deny you anything. There are no secrets between us.” It slips free, but I know she won’t understand.
She doesn’t want to, not yet. “I was born to the leader of our maul. It left me with expectations. I was challenged a lot because of that and my size, but I was welcomed. It was my duty to grow up and take over my people. I always knew that, but then my father grew ill. I was too scared and young to lead. My best friend was older and stronger. He stepped into my place for me, and for that I was grateful. Leading had its responsibilities, however, and it weighed on him, but he never complained. It changed him. Have you ever heard of shifter sickness?”
“No,” she whispers.
“It’s what we get if we change too often or for too long.
He did, finding escapism in his bear form.
I didn’t notice. None of us did until it was too late.
The sickness took him so fast, turning him into nothing but a feral animal.
He turned on his own people, on us . . .
on me. He was a gentle giant, always had been.
He would have hated what he became. He killed someone and injured a few more.
That’s when we knew he was truly lost. I had no choice. I had to kill him, and I did.
“I killed my best friend, my brother, whose only thoughts were to keep me safe and give me a chance to grieve my father and the life I never wanted, and it killed him. I killed him. My maul, despite me saving them from him, blamed me. They never said it, but I could sense it. Everyone around me died, and I was . . . lost. My bear would strike out without meaning to. I promised myself I would never endanger anyone again. I left and wandered until Tate found me. Even then, I didn’t change.
I didn’t want to, fearing what my bear would do.
Then, I met you, and for the first time in a year, I could breathe.
My bear stopped howling and calmed down.
You see, Elara, I’m weak. I let down the people I love. ”
“If you did, then so did I.”
I dare to glance at her and find her watching me, her eyes soft and not filled with disgust like I expected.
“We are all doing the best we can. The world is determined to hurt us, and we have to figure out how to survive it. I’m so sorry, Corbin, that you had to go through that.
I truly am, but it is not your fault. You saved your people, and in doing so, you sacrificed your heart.
There is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s noble and brave.
You are a good man. From the short time I’ve known you, I can tell that.
I know what it feels to lose the ones you love, and that pain is worse than anything else.
I’m glad I could offer comfort, even for a moment. ”
“No one else would see it that way,” I admit. “I am a bear without a maul, which is dishonourable.”
“You said everyone deserves a home, and that means you as well,” she murmurs. “You never said what that home had to look like.”
I meet her gaze once more.
“If—no, when we take back my court, you are welcome to stay if you wish.”
I know what that would cost her, but as I stare into her eyes, I can’t deny it’s what I want.
If she thought I would ever walk away from her, then she’s a fool.
I would have lingered in the woods like a stalker, watching from afar, protecting her.
I would never force this mating bond on her or be like those who hurt her.
“I can stay with you?” I reply softly, barely believing my luck. Someone like me doesn’t deserve it.
“If that’s what you wish. It’s not the same as a maul—” She lists to the side, and I lunge for her, pulling her into a hug before I remember. Jerking back, I hold out my arms.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
She laughs. “I take that as a yes?” she questions, appearing happy.
“Yes,” I whisper. “Where you go, I go. If you’ll have me, then I’ll never leave your side.”
Smiling, she turns her eyes back up to the stars. “Good, just don’t go shifting around the others, okay? I like having your bear all to myself.”
Happiness bursts through me, and the bond tugs at me, demanding I seal it, but this is enough for now. If she is never ready to hear or accept it, then that is fine by me. I’ll remain at her side, happy I’m there.
We sit in comfortable silence for a while before I stand. “We better get the meat back to the others.” Taking a chance, I offer her my hand, and with a soft smile, she lays hers in mine and lets me help her up. I go to pull away, but she keeps her hold, and we head back together.
For some people, that is nothing, but I know how much strength was taken from her.
My mate is phenomenal.