Chapter 19
CHAPTER
NINETEEN
Iwake wet, my thighs rubbing together as I rock my hips, and I realise I was trying to come, even in my sleep, despite how many times I did with Eversor. I expected to be wrecked, but it’s like his cum healed all my exhaustion and pain and left me desperate.
Last night unlocked that part of me again, and I’m like a feral animal in heat. I need them all, and they are more than willing. Crawling across the grass, I reach Corbin first, and I shake his arm. His eyes snap open instantly, and he’s up on his knees before me.
“What is it?” he asks, searching for a threat, but I cover his mouth and lean in. His eyes widen as I kiss over my hand, and he freezes. When I peel my hand away, he blinks. “Elara?” he asks softly.
“I need you,” I whisper, knowing he’ll understand. I worry he’ll reject me out of concern, but it’s like my words unlock the beast inside him.
A gasp escapes my lips as I’m rolled beneath him. His face seems to thicken and roll as he cracks his neck, trying to control his animal. Fur sprouts across his arms, and despite it all, I rub against him, reaching up for more.
“Elskede,” he growls like an animal.
“Please,” I whisper. “I need to feed. I need to fuck. I need you.”
That’s all it takes.
Only then do I realise I’m still naked. It wouldn’t have bothered me before.
I walked, slept, and ate naked if I wanted to, but ever since I was attacked, I’ve been drowning myself in clothes.
I fell asleep naked earlier, and I would expect a reaction when I realised it, but there’s just this low hum of satisfaction and the need for Corbin to touch me.
He’s different than Eversor. There is no risk he would kill me, but he’s strong, and as his eyes gleam with his animal. I know he’s not as in control right now as he usually is. He’s more bear than man, but I want that.
“Are you sure?” he asks, gritting his teeth, and I see his arms shaking from the effort to restrain himself.
My eyes run across him before I meet his gaze again.
“I’m sure.” Reaching up, I loop my arms around his neck and drag him down for a blistering kiss.
His groan echoes in my mouth as I nip and suck his lips until he presses down on me.
His arms still hold some of his weight, like he’s worried he might crush me, so I yank him down until he falls. I want to feel his weight and power.
I can’t breathe under him, but I love it. I deepen the kiss until spots dance behind my eyelids. Only then do I break away, and he jerks up, his lips swollen and eyes wild. His face is bigger than it was before, and his teeth are . . . sharper.
“If you go too far, if your animal starts to come out, I will hold you back,” Luan says softly from the side, letting me know they are still keeping me safe. There’s no judgement, only protection.
“No need. Neither I nor it would ever hurt her. We would both rather rip out our own organs than do so,” Corbin replies truthfully as he rises above me.
Reaching behind him, he yanks off his shirt, exposing his stacked chest that ripples with his beast, fur sprouting across his skin before disappearing again.
My hands move of their own accord, and I drag my long nails down his incredible chest until he hisses.
Rolling my eyes up to his, I watch his reaction as I scrape my nails lower still, until I dig them into his large, hard bulge.
He sways above me, his eyes rolling into the back of his head, but he says and does nothing and just lets me explore.
He seems to grow bigger, like his skin might burst at any moment, yet he holds his bear back.
Something cruel inside me awakens, and I slip my hand inside his trousers, stroking my nails along his length.
He’s slightly curved and slimmer at the tip, which is different, but he’s long and thick.
I can barely wrap my hand around him, and I know he’s going to hurt so good inside me in the best fucking way.
I push him more, to the point where his eyes are screwed shut in agony, and yet he still doesn’t move. He lets me torture him because it’s what I want, and that breaks the last barrier for me. Hooking my leg around his hip, I roll us so he’s below me.
“Elskede,” he murmurs once more.
“I want to try,” I admit. I don’t know if I’ll be okay, but I want to try.
I came tonight thanks to Bellami, and it felt freeing.
I want that again. I want to be in charge of my own body and desire, and besides, I don’t want to return broken, showing them they ruined me.
I want to walk back in as the queen I once was, and that means I need to take back everything they stole, including my power.
I will not give them one more second of control over me. I freed myself from those shackles, and it’s time I remembered that.
I don’t want foreplay. I’m still wet from Eversor, so I reach down and press his curved cock against my entrance.
“If you say stop at any point, I will,” Corbin tells me, then I impale myself on him.
Groaning, I curl my nails into his skin as I wiggle my hips and sink lower until I’m fully seated, that curve dragging along my wall.
Pleasure fills me, and I can’t help but move.
Need drives me, just as it did earlier with Eversor, and I want them all, but more than that, I want myself back, and I will get it.
Corbin must sense that I want to be in control because despite him being an alpha, he lets me.
His hands guide my hips, following my pace as I ride him, as my head falls back and pleasure rolls through me.
Every thrust of his curved cock brings pain and pleasure so strong, it blocks out everything else for a while.
As soon as my eyes are closed, though, and I am consumed by darkness, I see and feel them.
It’s like ice obliterates the fire in my veins, and I open my eyes and look down at Corbin.
His neck bulges with veins, his teeth are clenched together, and his eyes are bright with his animal as he lets me use him, and some of the doused fire returns.
Shaking my head free of those memories, I focus on Corbin, trying to remember how they helped me earlier. He becomes all I feel, and yet . . .
It’s not enough.
It’s like my body is unable to go further yet again despite crossing that barrier earlier, and desperation claws at me. I want to do this without their help. I want to be normal.
I ride him harder and faster, grinding my clit into him until it actually hurts. Tears leak from my eyes, and my body jerks from exhaustion and stress. I’m coated in sweat, and I don’t know how long I’ve been going, but he’s feral beneath me. I’m so wet and yet I can’t come.
His eyes open and look at me, and he must see something because he stops my movements. I whimper and avert my gaze, hoping he cannot see my shame. “Elara,” he murmurs softly, and it shatters me.
I collapse onto him, my chest heaving as I cry.
I’m fucking sobbing, just like earlier. I thought I was healed, but I was so fucking wrong. His arms wrap around me, his hands sweeping over my skin. He’s still hard inside me, but he doesn’t move or mention it. Corbin just holds me.
“I’m sorry, Elara,” he murmurs. “I shouldn’t have pushed you like this.”
I bury my head further into his warm chest, which seems to vibrate with a soft, soothing noise, and under it, I hear his heart beating rapidly. I know it is from desire and adrenaline. I can’t leave him wanting. It’s not fair, especially when I started this.
Wiping my tear-stained face, I try to hide the evidence as I sit up, forcing a smile. “I can do this. I can do this,” I tell him as I move my hips, but he stops me, and in his eyes, I see the truth.
He sees through the lie.
He sees me, and that’s terrifying.
“Stop.” For some reason, my body obeys, and he sits up slowly, both of us ignoring the fact that he’s still inside me. “I do not care about anything other than you being okay.”
“I started this—”
“And?” he interjects. “I told you, I am yours to use at your will. If you can never bring yourself to touch me again, I am fine with that. I do not care if I am hard and wanting until the day I die, I can live with it, but I cannot live with you tearing yourself apart to try and satisfy me when you don’t want to and can’t just because you think you have to.
Sex is good, and pleasure is even better, but I will not do this with you unless it’s what you want.
I want that, Elara. I want your desire. I want your enjoyment, nothing else.
” He doesn’t want me to carry on just so he can come.
He wants me to enjoy this or not do it at all.
He would stop. He would hold me and just let me cry even after I wound him up and teased him.
He’s nothing like them, and something about that unlocks the vault in my heart where I buried all my pain and memories. “I can’t come again,” I whisper. “I want to. I want this, but I can’t, even after earlier.”
“Shh.” His hand strokes my side like he’s petting a cat. “Do you want to carry on? If you do, I can help you.”
“I want to,” I admit after a pause, “but it gets to be too much, and then my body won’t listen—”
His hand covers my mouth, cutting off my words, as he leans in. “Can I take over?”
I nod hesitantly, and he rolls us once more so my back is on the ground and he’s above me.
“Focus on me. Keep your eyes on me.” He presses his wrist to my mouth and nose until his scent consumes me.
“Smell me at all times and know it’s me.
” He slowly pulls out and thrusts back into me, making me gasp in pleasure.
“Feel only me. Don’t go into your head or force yourself.
Just focus on me. Feel what I feel. Watch what I do. We have forever, relax.”
His fingers trail over my breasts and lower, raising goosebumps wherever he goes.
That possessive, strong touch makes me lift my hips to meet his next thrust. I do as he says and focus on him.
When my brain starts to scream at me, I inhale his woodsy scent until it settles me, and my focus returns to Corbin.
“Do you feel that? Tell me what you feel,” he demands as he rolls his hips. “How I feel.”
“It feels good,” I whisper. “When you go deep like that, it feels so good,” I admit with a gasp, arching my back.
“What about when I do this?” He twists his hips until he hits that spot inside me that causes pleasure to explode, and I cry out.
“Good, good!” I gasp as he does it again. He leans down and captures my nipple between his lips, then he sucks. “Corbin.” He doesn’t stop or retreat. He attacks me with his scent, his weight, his cock, and his mouth. His eyes lock me in place, and I let go, trusting him as my release shatters me.