Chapter Nine
Eventually, the chill in the air got the better of him, so Laurence dressed then assisted Rose as she donned her own clothing. However, since neither of them were ready to return to the manor house, they once again sat on the wrought iron bench to contemplate the remainder of the rose garden.
“It truly is a beautiful spot, and would remain that even if you weren’t in it,” he said in a low voice.
She turned her head to glance at him with a faint blush in her cheeks. “Such flattery, and after what we just shared.”
An unexpected chuckle left his throat. “Just because two people give in to carnal intimacy doesn’t mean a man shouldn’t still continue to charm a lady.”
“To be honest, there is a certain… something about you that sets you apart from other men.” When she pressed her lips together, he dropped his gaze briefly to her mouth. “It’s both refreshing and concerning all at once.”
“Then I’ll work at continuing to impress you.” As he spoke, Laurence stroked the fingers of one hand along the walking stick. “Shall I tell you more of my history?”
“Yes, of course, but first, where did you get that cane?”
“Oh, this?” He tapped it with a forefinger.
“It’s actually not a cane. It’s a walking stick belonging to Mr. Madison.
John the footman brought it out to me this afternoon with the butler’s compliments.
” With a shrug, he grinned at her. “Apparently, Mr. Madison wanted me to have it.” There would be other times to tell her what John said about them as a couple.
She eyed the stick with curiosity. “Does it help when you’re out walking?”
“Believe it or not, yes. My stamina is slowly coming back, but it’s important to keep up with the exercise to work out my muscles. The stick will be handy if I slip and fall.”
“Mmm.” Rose bumped his shoulder with hers. “You didn’t seem to have troubles with stamina ten minutes ago,” she said with heavy teasing in her voice.
Heat crept up the back of his neck. “Thankfully, I did not.”
The smile she gave him sent awareness rippling over his skin and renewed interest shivering along his shaft. “It was a lovely interlude.” Then she patted his thigh before putting her hands into her lap. “Tell me more about your life. You have my full attention.”
For merely the remainder of the afternoon or for the rest of her life?
At the last second, he tamped down on the urge to scoff.
He had no right to her future or to even think that there might be one with her.
They were not equals in society, and even if they were, his pockets were to let, and he didn’t have a residence any longer.
A man couldn’t ask for a woman’s hand without at least that.
Not that I want to.
Did he?
Shoving those thoughts away, Laurence nodded. “For almost nine years of my life, I was committed to the military. I went into it at the age of two and twenty, and I rather thought I’d come home a hero.” God, he’d been a proper nodcock.
“Didn’t you?”
“It depends on the day, but suffice it to say, England has a dirty habit of turning its back on former soldiers who’d defended this country against the French despot.
” Of course, it was a grim way of looking at the circumstances, but he couldn’t help it.
“My pension only goes so far each month, and it isn’t enough to rent a townhouse. ”
Rose nodded. “I can only imagine. Would you be able to take rooms at a place like The Albany? That is where my brother resides just now.”
“It might allow me to live there, but I don’t know for how long.
A gentleman about Town also needs to eat, dress himself, pay a valet and a housekeeper at the very least, rent a vehicle and horse…
” He blew out a breath and hoped his mounting anxiety was hidden in his expression.
“The expenses go on and on, and with my father’s reputation still circulating in society’s memory, I’m not certain how I’d be received. ”
“I suppose that is the last thing you wish to be burdened with.”
“What is?”
When she met his gaze, the shadows were back in her eyes. “Scandal and the shame involved with what your father immersed himself in.”
Clearly, he would need to tread carefully. “It is nothing I can’t handle, and his reputation is not my own.” Laurence shrugged. “If I do wish to go back to London and take up residence, I suppose I could, but I would need to find some way to make a living.”
“Do you have any talents or skills?”
“Besides working with my hands at repairs or looking after horseflesh?” It sounded rather pathetic when spoken aloud. “Of course, I did command men while in the military, but I don’t know how that might transfer into civilian life.” It was an impossible task, really.
“You are clever, so I’m certain you’ll find your path.
” Once more, she patted his thigh, and he nearly jumped out of his skin from the intimate contact.
“If marriage and having a family is something you are interested in, you’ll need to try your luck in London, for the offerings in the country are rather limited. ”
Did she speak of experience? And if she did, was that something she was interested in for herself?
Not wishing to spook her, Laurence nodded.
“Romance is a funny, fickle thing. Over the years, I’ve met many women, some eligible, of course, but I’ve not connected with a woman deeply enough that I’ve given away my heart. ”
She roved her gaze over his face. “Liaisons, surely?”
“A few, but there was nothing serious.”
“Why?”
Fair question. “Being a military man and constantly on the move is no sort of life to bind a woman to. The constant waiting and hoping, the wishing for letters merely to receive news that was weeks or even months old must be horrible. I didn’t know if I’d survive, besides. I didn’t want anyone to mourn for me.”
A frown tugged at the corners of her highly kissable lips. “With every connection, someone is bound to miss you from this life.”
He grunted but didn’t comment.
Rose blew out a breath. “Did you have a fling on leave?”
“Perhaps once or twice, but mainly for the physical aspect of it. When I was in London, I found myself making up numbers for hostesses, for everyone wanted soldiers at their tables and in their drawing rooms. They drew a crowd of interest, of course, but I hated ton life. I didn’t see the purpose of it. ”
“Even though you’d been born and bred for it?”
When he shrugged, his shoulder brushed hers, and the contact ushered in another wave of awareness. “Perhaps because of it, or because my father absolutely ruined it for me, which was another reason I left for the military as soon as I finished university.”
Silence grew between them. Eventually, she broke it.
“Ton life is nothing more than flirting and attracting an advantageous match. It is about trying to show oneself to advantage for little more than if we are horseflesh at auction. No one puts forth their authentic selves; everything is based on lies as everyone jockeys for social position and power.” The matter-of-fact tone of her voice tightened his chest. “People used others to their own advantage in any way they could.”
Laurence frowned. “Sounds dim and dull, and even a bit pathetic.”
“It can be.” Her grin was faint. “I have no use for that these days.”
“I can understand why.” Though much of ton life remained a mystery to him.
He’d never put forth the effort to delve deep into it, especially after his mother died.
“I wanted no part of it because it had basically destroyed him. I often wonder if he’d stayed away from London if he wouldn’t have been caught in those temptations. ”
“Fate will meet us wherever we are, I suppose. Is that why you hid in the military? To put space between you and your eventual destiny of having to care for him or become a baron?”
God, she was astute. Not many people had ever looked through his words to get at that truth.
“In a way, but I truly wished to help in the war effort. Military life gave me a family I could count on and trust, the family I wanted, for I was highly disillusioned by my own.” Knowing he’d lost his sister had broken him in ways he’d not anticipated.
“Until I came home and nobody cared. Delinquent taxes lost us the manor, the pension isn’t enough to live on, London is expensive, people are leery of hiring former soldiers due to some truly bad ones who have ruined the reputation of us all. ”
Too many men had become criminals and drifters or even worse, murderers, which meant the men trying to make a difference were run off properties more often than not.
“I’m sorry, Laurence. Truly I am. It hurts when life disappoints us and the future doesn’t look anything like what we’d dreamed it might be.”
“Yes, this is so.” And he wanted to hear her story. The time was right for it. “Yet I still yearn for a family. Perhaps I’ll find my sister; perhaps I won’t, but the need for connection, for acceptance burns bright within me.”
“I know what that feels like.” Rose clasped her hands in her lap. Everything he’d shared with her sat heavy on her chest, making it difficult to breathe. “I know what it is like to desperately want to belong somewhere, to someone, to know unconditional love without judgment.”
Finally, she was ready to share her pain, her shame, with this man, and hope for the best.
“Love is a powerful motivator, yet a small percentage of the beau monde actually finds it these days.” Laurence turned toward her.
When their knees knocked together, tingles shot up her leg to bury themselves deep into her core.
“What of you, Rose? If you took the ton by storm when you were younger, why are you unmatched and living by yourself?”
“I think you can guess.” Oh, this would be miserable. “I’ve already alluded to scandal.”
“You have, but I make it a point not to assume.” One of his dark eyebrows rose in question. “I want to hear the story in your own words; I’ll form my own opinion.”
If only that opinion proves admirable.