Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
Cassie had booked the appointment of her own accord.
No one had pushed her, no one had insisted.
She’d rung up, spoken to the receptionist, and lucked into a cancelled slot the very next day.
No duress, no pressure. So why did it feel as though the whole thing had been done to her?
Why did she feel forced back into therapy?
All morning, she’d kept her phone in her hand, ready to cancel. She told herself it had been a lapse in judgment, a mad moment. She didn’t need to see Joanna. She’d only be wasting the woman’s time. But she didn’t dial.
Even at the threshold, she nearly turned away. But her feet kept moving, and she stepped inside, let the receptionist smile at her, lowered herself into the same old creaky chair, picked up a magazine from twelve years ago, and waited.
Joanna popped her head out. ‘Cassie!’ she said, like she was pleased to see her.
That was surprising, considering how much Cassie had snapped at Joanna in her time.
She had been Cassie’s sports psychologist all those years ago, sitting through the high-pressure seasons and the grinding rehab sessions.
Somewhere along the way, Cassie had gotten used to Joanna.
Which was why she still saw her sometimes now as a general therapist, not because she expected to be ‘fixed’, but because Joanna had been there for all of it.
She had seen Cassie at her strongest and at her unravelling.
Sometimes it was necessary to sit with someone who knew the whole story.
And her only other choice was her mother. No thanks.
Cassie followed her into the room, and she sat in the chair, arms crossed.
‘So, let’s talk about what brought you back,’ Joanna began.
‘Nothing. I don’t know. I think I just had a mad moment,’ Cassie said, half rising out of the seat.
‘Cassie, you’re paying for this hour whether you leave now or in fifty minutes. Might as well get your money’s worth,’ Joanna smiled.
Cassie sat back down with an eye roll. ‘OK. Fine. But there’s nothing to talk about, just so you know.’
‘So, shall we just sit here having a staring competition?’ Joanna asked.
Cassie let out an annoyed groan. ‘I’m still at Riverside, by the way,’ Cassie said, not sure why she was starting like that.
‘Oh?’ Joanna replied.
‘Yep. And it still sucks.’
‘OK.’
‘I got that job because I was a player and no one I coach even knows who the hell I am.’
‘Does that bother you?’
Cassie shrugged. ‘No.’
‘You’re sure about that?’ Joanna prompted.
Cassie ignored that. ‘You know, I’m actually coaching someone to play a tennis player in a movie. So that’s its own special hell. She’s playing Tamsin Rowe. You remember her?’
Joanna nodded slowly. ‘Ah, yes. I see. The comeback story.’
‘Yeah. The one who got back up. The one who won again. Delilah wants to understand Tamsin. I think she thinks I can give her some kind of insight.’ Her jaw flexed as if she could bite the thought in half. ‘Only, I never had a comeback.’
Joanna tilted her head, voice measured and quiet. ‘And what does it stir, going back there?’
Cassie almost yelled at Joanna to stop talking to her like a therapist. But that would have been like getting mad at a cat for meowing, so she swallowed it.
‘It’s been years. I should be past it. Shouldn’t I?
You learn to live around the missing piece.
And then this actress walks in and suddenly it’s loose again. ’
Joanna did not move, did not try to ease her.
Just watched. Cassie rolled her eyes at her routine but talked anyway.
‘She’s not even pushing,’ Cassie muttered.
‘Not really. She just pays attention. Too much attention.’ She glanced down at her hands, clenched in her lap.
‘I didn’t realise how long it’s been since anyone cared what I thought about anything. ’
‘Like you still hold something worth passing on,’ Joanna suggested gently.
Cassie nodded once.
‘And what does that feel like?’ Joanna asked, softer still.
For a long time, Cassie did not speak. She turned her face toward the window. It had started raining.
‘Like I’ve been sleepwalking,’ she said finally. Her voice was low, almost ashamed. ‘And someone’s turned on a light.’
Cassie glanced at her watch. Not even ten minutes had gone by. She pushed back her chair. ‘That’s enough. I’ve got things to do.’
‘You’re sure?’ Joanna asked steadily.
‘Positive,’ Cassie said briskly. She grabbed her jacket, stood, and forced a small, dismissive smile. ‘See? No drama. Nothing’s wrong.’
She walked out without a backward glance, like nothing at all had happened.