Chapter 34.
34.
Alibi (n.)
a claim or piece of evidence that one was elsewhere when an act, especially a criminal one, is alleged to have taken place
a true best friend
O ver the next two days, the defense calls a handful of character witnesses and a medical expert of their own. It’s no surprise their medical expert states that Joe having died of natural causes is “highly likely” and that there are many reasons someone seemingly healthy might drop dead as the result of cardiac arrest. He is also sure to emphasize that to prove there was tetrahydrozoline or any other similar active ingredient or “poison” in someone’s system, there would need to be additional bloodwork, which was not done. Through his testimony, the defense’s case that Joe’s death did not involve any sort of foul play is hammered home.
Today, Durrant Hammerstead calls Alizay DuPont to the stand. Another Authentic Moms of Malibu cast member and heir to the DuPont family microwave empire, Alizay’s real name is Alice, though I suppose her stage name is better suited for her thriving OnlyFans. Ever the entrepreneur, she also has a line of canned rosé called Alizay All Day, sold exclusively at Whole Foods for a whopping twenty-two dollars a can, and spends summers on tour as the headliner of a one-woman cabaret show. I immediately perk, pen gripped tightly in hand, the tip already pressed to the notepad in my lap, ready to document all her details.
Alizay DuPont is Margot’s best friend, at least on the show, and was with her the morning Joe died. Her solid, verified alibi. This is one of the details the media covered extensively pretrial.
Alizay enters the courtroom, and I’m immediately struck by how petite she is. On TV, her persona is sizable. But in real life, she’s more of a Chihuahua (with the feisty personality to match).
Alizay is also the meme queen of the show, with several of her televised moments having circulated social media. The most viral is the moment she had glitter slime rubbed into her hair by Tenley Storms at a party for the launch of her fictional children’s book about a little girl named Zay who, despite the many naysayers in her life, chases her dream of becoming a reality TV star. I gifted a copy to my mom for Gen when she was born. The incident caused a two-season-long legal battle between the two. Eventually, they settled out of court. Notably, Alizay’s Authentic Moms tagline is now “I’m a glitter bomb of fun.”
With her fresh face and RBG pearls, Alizay is dressed as though her Halloween costume is that of “courtroom witness.” She wears a sturdy black pantsuit with a white button-down shirt beneath, collar folded over the blazer, and oversized black-rimmed cat-eye glasses, which I am fairly certain she doesn’t have a prescription for. They don’t do much to hide her aggressively laminated eyebrows. And this is the first time I’ve seen her don sensible black heels. Her shoe closet is like a view into a textile factory.
Alizay takes a seat on the witness stand, is sworn in, and smiles at Margot. Margot smiles back, though it’s more of a cautious frown than anything.
“Ms. DuPont, tell us how you know Margot Kitsch,” Durrant Hammerstead inquires.
“We are both cast members on Authentic Moms of Malibu ,” she says, looking around the room. “We met in season one, almost eight years ago now.”
“And how would you describe your relationship with Margot?”
“We are great friends. Margot is a very loyal person.”
“And as friends, has Margot ever confided in you about troubles in her marriage?”
“Yes. We talked a lot about our husbands, as friends do. But all normal stuff.”
I picture Alizay’s husband, a burly, red-faced man who buys and flips houses on a Netflix reality show of his own, Melrose Mansions .
“Were you with Margot the morning of Joe’s passing?”
“Yes. She came to my home at about eight fifteen a.m. We were having our hair and makeup done together ahead of a Sea Save luncheon. I suggested she come over for mimosas and glam after dropping the kids at school, that we’d make a morning of it.”
“And how far away do you live from the Kitsch residence?”
“It’s a few miles, roughly ten minutes between.”
“So, twenty minutes just to drive back and forth, if not more? And Margot was at your home the entire time with you and your glam team, as you call them, from approximately eight fifteen until the police called a little before eleven a.m.?”
Alizay nods. At his prompting, she verbalizes her affirmation. “Yes, that’s correct.”
The defense’s time with Alizay is short—the shortest we’ve seen with any witness—as she’s clearly here only to verify Margot’s alibi.
Soon enough, it’s the D.A.’s turn. His pen shakes vigorously between two fingers as he approaches the stand. D.A. Stern is efficient, acting as if he might even be bored. “So, you and Margot were getting your hair and makeup done at your home around the time of Joe’s passing.” D.A. Stern smirks to himself. “No wonder Mrs. Kitsch looked so incredibly camera-ready on the news that day.”
Alizay huffs and the microphone picks it up, a static hum echoing into the room. Judge Gillespy, clearly fed up with D.A. Stern, looks ready to climb over the bench and lunge at him. She gives him a scolding, no longer caring to shield us from her fiery warnings to the D.A. I shift in my seat as if she’s yelling at me .
Unfazed, the D.A. continues his questioning. “I understand, according to you, Margot never left that morning, but she did receive a phone call. According to phone records, Margot answered a call from Ms. Pembrooke at eight thirty-two a.m. Were you with her when that call came in?”
“I was.”
“And what was the nature of that call?”
“Well, she did step into the hallway for the discussion, so I only heard bits and pieces, but when she came back in a few minutes later, she said it was something about Saks having put two different-sized shoes into her bag a few days before when she was shopping in L.A. and not having time to go in person to deal with it. She answered right next to me as we were getting ready, then stepped outside as her eyelash glue dried.” I note that Margot’s recount of the discussion is nearly identical to that of Ms. Pembrooke.
“How long was she gone?”
“Like, five minutes.”
D.A. Stern walks back to his table, lifts a sheet of paper, and takes it to the judge. “Let the record show that both Mrs. Kitsch’s and Ms. Pembrooke’s phone records indicate that call was nearly thirteen minutes in length.”
Alizay stares at D.A. Stern, letting her eyes flick only briefly toward Margot at the defense table. “I can’t say for certain. Only that it didn’t seem like that long.”
I take in Alizay’s subdued demeanor on the stand, noting it’s a far cry from her on-screen self. She was once served a restraining order by Tenley Storms for throwing a punch after a disagreement over who got the better room on a Cabo trip. Her defense was that she couldn’t form her hand into a proper fist because of how long her nails were, making throwing the punch impossible. She was released from all charges.
D.A. Stern pauses, looks through a manila folder at his table before continuing. “Tell us, Ms. DuPont, do you have any pets?”
I hear one of the jury members huff, certainly wondering the relevance of such a question, likely hoping we are not going down another tarantula-laden path. While I know the uncommon answer, I, too, wonder the relevance.
“Yes, I have several.”
“Could you list those pets for us, Ms. DuPont?”
Durrant Hammerstead objects, and D.A. Stern assures Judge Gillespy he will establish relevance soon.
I allow Damon to draw the tally mark so I can experience the small thrill of his shoulder pressed into mine, his forearm brushing against my upper stomach.
When Judge Gillespy allows it, D.A. Stern nods at Alizay to continue.
“We have four dogs, two cats, seven chickens, a donkey, and a squirrel monkey.”
“Sounds like quite the time,” D.A. Stern muses, smiling first at Alizay, then at the jury. “Tell us more about this monkey. That’s quite an unusual pet.”
“Her name is Deborah. She was a gift from my husband for my fortieth birthday. The kids love her. Dover and Emblem adore her, too. They come to play with her often.”
“Did Mr. Kitsch like to spend time with these animals?”
“N-no. He didn’t particularly like animals.”
“And is it true Mr. Kitsch was allergic to Deborah, your pet monkey?”
“Yes, he’d break out in a horrible rash, have trouble breathing. It was the strangest thing. He didn’t seem to have allergies to any of the other animals. Just Deb.”
“Sounds horrific,” D.A. Stern states. “Tell me, once you all learned of Joe’s severe allergy to this monkey of yours, was he ever around it—”
“Deborah,” Alizay corrects.
“Right, Deborah. Was Joe ever around Deborah again?”
Alizay shifts in her seat. “Perhaps once.”
“Oh? And when was that?”
Alizay’s eyes dart to Margot at the defense table. “Margot was kind enough to offer to watch Deborah for us when we were headed to the Caymans and our usual handler wasn’t available.”
“How generous. And when was this that Margot offered to take in the monkey that her husband was severely allergic to?”
“I wouldn’t say severely...”
Judge Gillespy chimes in. “Ms. DuPont, please answer the question.”
“It was just after we had wrapped season five, I believe.”
“Just after filming season five,” D.A. Stern quips. “If I have my timeline correct, this would be right around the time Margot was learning of Joe’s affair with Tenley Storms.”
It’s not a question. D.A. Stern looks to the jury again to ensure we know it’s a statement.
“It’s getting a little Legally Blonde in here,” Cam whispers from behind me. Juror number eleven snickers.
Damon adjusts in his seat.
I exhale until my lungs are empty. We are reaching the end of the trial, and it’s clear Durrant Hammerstead is out of his depths when matched against D.A. Stern. There’s little time to right this ship.
Especially because come Monday morning, Margot is set to take the stand.