Chapter 17
"Oh my god, I don't get it." I slammed my pen down on my notebook and it immediately went flying off the table into some grass, which only caused me to groan in defeat and drop my head onto the table as well.
"You okay there?" I looked up to see Luce watching me with a mildly sympathetic expression.
We were sitting in the Quad at Regents for lunch, rather than sitting in the Dining Hall.
The University was already a hub of rumours and shit after the attack on Saturday and I couldn't deal with the regular snippy shit from Julia.
I didn't sleep at all last night. I had tossed and turned, going over all the things that Ryder's mother had told me.
This was the most information that I had received on my own mother's whereabouts in the whole time that I have been at Regents.
It seemed like so much, after nothing, and yet, I still had more questions than answers.
"I'm fine," I muttered, reaching down to snatch my pen from the grass. My fingers trembled slightly as I retrieved it, betraying my emotional state. "Well, no, I'm not fine, but what am I supposed to do?"
"Give yourself a break," Luce scolded, her blonde hair catching the autumn sunlight as she leant forward. "Yesterday was a lot."
"I know, I know," I said, knowing she was right.
This weekend had been more than overwhelming, and it wasn't exactly an easy month before either.
The weight of it all pressed down on me like a physical force.
"Just... how am I supposed to be writing an essay on.
.." I looked down at the textbook and papers in front of me for the title of my current homework, "The Gothic Revival in Contemporary British Literature: Trauma, Identity, and the Fragmented Self when my own bloody trauma, identity and fragmented self won't shut up about my mother? " Luce shrugged with a slight smile.
"Well, you can't say you don't have experience in the subject," she said with amusement.
"Arggggh," I groaned as I dramatically dropped my head back to the table, the cool surface a momentary relief against my flushed skin.
I felt Luce's hand on mine and looked back up as she nudged my sandwich toward me.
"You've barely touched your food. At least eat something before your next class.
" I stared at the sandwich I'd bought earlier, some overpriced turkey and avocado thing that had seemed appetising before my stomach tied itself into knots.
The thought of eating made me queasy, but Luce was right.
I needed to at least try. I grimaced but picked it up and took a tentative bite, regretting it immediately as my stomach churned in protest. Then something else that had been bothering me hit me and I felt the need to rant even further.
"And the guys were so fucking weird this morning," I ranted, picking at the crust. "Like, extra weird.
Like Logan barely looked at me on the drive over, Cole had already disappeared before I even got downstairs, and Ryder.
.." I trailed off, remembering how he'd barely acknowledged me at breakfast, a stark contrast to his usual overwhelming attention.
The memory of his distant gaze sent a chill through me.
"I mean, what the fuck? I'm the one who just found out that everything I know about my mother is a lie. "
"Maybe they don't know what to say to you," Luce suggested, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.
The sunlight caught in it, creating a halo effect that made her look almost angelic against the backdrop of autumn leaves.
"I mean, yesterday was a lot, and you aren't exactly in the best of moods.
" I shot her a glare, and she laughed before patting my hand again, "Maybe they are just trying to give you time to process everything. " I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah because that sounds like them."
"I thought you hated them being in your face all the time," Luce said as she started to tidy up her own lunch rubbish. "You'd think that you'd be happy with the space."
"Yeah, I guess..." I said trailing off as I took a small bite of sandwich and chewed slowly, the flavours turning to ash in my mouth.
"But?" Luce waited patiently, her blue eyes studying me with genuine concern.
"It's nothing, I'm being a whiny bitch, and it's not fair on you," I said with a sigh, feeling the weight of my troubles pressing down on me.
"Shut up silly," Luce laughed, the sound bright against the grey cloud of my mood.
"I'm your best friend, who else is meant to listen to your shit?
" I looked up at Luce, feeling for once like I wasn't alone.
I knew she was dealing with stuff as well, but here I was being such a drama queen.
I fought to hold back the tears that had been wanting to escape since last night, the pressure building behind my eyes.
"It's okay," I said quickly, blinking rapidly.
"Cadence Turner, spill your guts right now or I will go and find my cousin and tell him to make you," Luce scolded and my eyes widened at her tone before I narrowed them again into a childish glare.
"Fine," I said. I took a breath and tried to get together the thoughts that were running around my head like wild horses.
"It's just I don't understand half of what your aunt was talking about yesterday.
Like how can my mum be a Legacy? And who is this Dexter Knotty guy?
I mean what if he's my father? And fuck, how would I go about finding out?
" I lowered my voice on the last name, though I wasn't sure why.
Something about it felt dangerous to say aloud, like speaking it might summon something dark.
Luce glanced around, her blue eyes scanning the quad before returning to me.
"How are you handling all that? Finding out your mom might have been... you know, not who you thought she was?" I laughed bitterly, the sound harsh even to my own ears.
"Luce, I never knew who she was to begin with.
She left when I was five. All I have are some blurry memories and the stories my grandparents told me, which now seem like they might have been heavily edited.
" I ran my hands through my purple hair, feeling the strands catch on my fingers.
The familiar sensation grounded me slightly.
"I just feel like I have more questions though.
Hell, I don't even know if this guy is still around or not. "
Luce chewed on the end of her pen as she thought. Something had come to mind, I could tell how her eyes lit up with recognition.
"What is it?" I asked, leaning forward eagerly. She hesitated before putting her pen down, glancing around once more as if checking for eavesdroppers.
"So, I have heard of that name before," she said. "I can't say for sure because even at these events my dad is super protective of who I do and don't speak to."
"Why is that?" I asked. I knew that Luce didn't do a lot of what the other supposed Legacy girls did.
I'd asked her last year about it, although at the time I had no idea how deep this whole legacy thing connected to the Trivium, and what the Trivium was.
Hell, even now I barely knew anything. All I knew was that they were some secret society of elites that not only governed this school but also it appears the mental health hospital that Ryder's mum was in. And according to some, the country.
"Well, my dad was always protective of me growing up.
I think losing my mum scared him or something.
But when I actually tried to sneak out and take part in some of the legacy events that weren't compulsory in high school, things got scary," Luce looked around again, her voice dropping to barely above a whisper.
The tension in her body made me lean closer.
"Thankfully Ryder caught wind of what was happening and stepped in on time, but my dad was furious at me.
He told me to stay away from everything to do with the Trivium.
He didn't even want me coming here but my uncle was very insistent that I come here or went to Fairfax, and since I don't have a creative bone in my body, here it was. "
"Fairfax?" I asked. I recognised the name, but wasn't sure where from. A foggy memory tried to surface.
"Fairfax Academy of Media and Entertainment," Luce said with a nod. "It's another Trivium school down in Wales."
"Oh yes," I said as I remembered why it sounded familiar, "They were where we got the actors from for the haunted house, wasn't it?
" Luce nodded. I had no idea that they were Trivium too.
How many places were there? The thought of this secret society extending its tentacles into so many institutions made my skin crawl.
"What happened in school?" I asked, realising that Luce had been vague. She shifted in her seat and looked down at her books, her shoulders tensing.
"I'd actually rather not talk about it," she mumbled.
Then she looked up at me, "But if I recognise this man's name, it will be likely that it would be from one of the events I have to go to.
" I knew she was deflecting. I wanted to know what had happened because she was my friend, but I wasn't going to push her so I went with it.
"Like this Alumni dinner thing?" I asked, and she nodded with a smile.
"Exactly."
"Would this Knotty guy even be there?" I asked, leaning forward, my voice hushed with anticipation. "Is it something I could get an invitation to?" Luce took a sip of her water before answering, the plastic bottle crackling slightly in her grip.
"You don't just have an invitation, you'd be required to go.
All three Houses' current Regents and their Consorts are showcased at the Alumni Dinner.
It's like..." she searched for the right words, her brow furrowing, "a display of the current crop of elite, I guess.
Former Regents, Consorts, Courts girls, they all come back to see who's carrying on the tradition. "