Chapter 29 #2
"The Underground is where Blake runs his non-legal businesses," I said flatly.
"Trafficking mostly. Mostly adults, but there are kids there.
It's where the Trivium elite go for entertainment that's too dark, too twisted, for the world above.
And I lived there for years, passed around like a toy, used however they wanted.
" Tears welled in Cade's eyes again, but these were different, tears of empathy, not self-pity.
"That's where you met my mother?" I nodded, the memories threatening to overwhelm me.
"Alyssa Knotty was a regular visitor. She and her husband, Dexter, had specific tastes." I swallowed hard, fighting back the bile that rose in my throat. "She wasn't the worst, but she was cruel. She enjoyed causing pain, humiliation."
Cade covered her mouth with her hand, eyes wide with horror. "That's... that's monstrous. How could he get away with running such a place? Why does the police not get involved?" I let out a laugh, completely dry of humour.
“He’s a High Lord,” I said allowing the bitterness to be clear in my voice. “He’s beyond the police. Anyone in the Inner Circle is.”
“Inner Circle?”
“The Trivium’s inner council. They are select and few and they make all the rules and pass down the punishments,” I gestured to Cade, “allocate funding and other shit.”
“And they allow this man to do these horrific, illegal things?” I grimaced. I knew how it looked, and Cade wasn’t wrong. The whole Trivium was rotten.
“Trust me it was a lot worse,” I said. “A couple years ago one of the former High Lords was removed because he was found running his own trafficking business. He’s now rotting in the Hole.” Cade shook her head.
“But I don’t get it, why him? Why not this Blake bastard?” I shrugged.
“I honestly don’t know the ins and outs of it all, only the parts that Ryder told me.”
“Ryder?” She asked her face perking up a little. Huh, I knew he was crazy for her, but could it be that she was actually falling for him? I was half waiting for the jealously to kick in, but it didn’t. I smiled at her.
“I’ll let him tell you, just ask him about Sebastian Lynch if you wanna see the guy full on fangirl.” Cade smiled, like actually smiled and I felt a weight lift in my mind.
Then a new thought seemed to strike her, and she paled again.
"Wait, if the Underground is beneath The Palace, then tonight we were standing right above where... where you were..."
"Yes," I said simply. I didn’t want to say anything else. I wanted to keep her going down that dark path again. She reached up to touch my face, her palm cool against my cheek.
"You came for me. Tonight, you didn’t want to go, but you did."
"I did." I covered her hand with mine. "I couldn't let you face that place alone." A tear escaped her eye landing on our hands.
“I never want to go back there,” she spat. “I never want to see that horrible place underneath.” I couldn’t school my reaction quick enough and my whole body stiffened. Cade’s eyes widened.
“What?” she asked, he voice level. “What is it?” I shook my head, trying to relax, but I knew I wasn’t fooling her.
“It’s nothing,” I said quickly, “You should get some rest.”
“Don’t bullshit me Cole, it’s not fair.”
“Please, Pet, not tonight,” I urged, but it didn’t matter. She had the thread and was going to pull, anyway. She pulled away from me and pulled the covers away, climbing out of the bed.
“I want to know,” she demanded, standing on the other side of the bed, glaring at me.
I closed my eyes, knowing that I had no way out of this.
I reached for my wallet that was on the nightstand and pulled out the photo that was tucked inside.
I had kept it there since I found it last week.
Like, somehow keeping it close protected her.
I paused briefly before reaching over the bed and holding out the photo.
She looked at my hand like it was contagious before slowly reaching for the photo.
She stared at it, uncomprehending at first. Then recognition dawned, followed by horror.
It was the photo of the children lined up, and more specifically, the one with the girl with purple ribbons in her hair.
"That's... that's me," Cade whispered, her voice barely audible. "I recognise that dress, but I don't remember. I don't remember any of this." She looked up at me, panicked. "Why don't I remember?"
"You were young," I said gently. "And sometimes our minds protect us by blocking out the worst memories." Then it hit her, and the horror grew on her face.
"She brought me there." It wasn't a question. "My mother brought me to that place." I nodded.
“Was she going to do what your parents did, was she going to…” her voice trailed off.
"Sell you?" I finished when she couldn't. "I don't know. Maybe. I guess something stopped her. Maybe your grandparents found out and intervened. Maybe even she had limits to her cruelty. We may never know."
I moved around the bed slowly and pulled the photo from her fingers. Putting it on the other nightstand. Her eyes followed it, like she could still see the image, even though I had put it face down. Then she looked up at me, fresh horror in her eyes.
"I look like her, don't I? Every time you look at me, you must see her, one of the people who hurt you." Her voice broke. "How can you even stand to be near me?"
"No," I said firmly, "That's not what I see at all." I cupped her face in my hands, forcing her to meet my gaze. "When I look at you, I see Cade. Just Cade. The most beautiful, brave, stubborn woman I've ever known. You are nothing like her. Nothing." She shook her head, disbelieving.
"You can't possibly-" I cut her off with a kiss, unable to bear her self-doubt any longer.
I poured everything into it, all my longing, my admiration, my need for her to understand how I saw her.
Her lips were soft beneath mine, yielding yet responsive.
When I pulled back, her eyes were wide, pupils dilated.
"All I see is you," I whispered against her lips.
"All I want is you." She surged forward, kissing me again with desperate intensity, her hands clutching at my shoulders, my neck, my hair.
I matched her fervour, one hand tangling in her damp hair, the other at the small of her back, pressing her closer.
She shifted, pushing me to the bed and straddling me, her hands moving to the waistband of my sweats, pushing inside.
I broke the kiss, gently catching her wrists.
"Cade, wait." Confusion and hurt flashed across her face. "Y-you said that you wanted me?"
"I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone," I said honestly. "But not like this. Not when you're hurting and vulnerable."
"I need this," she insisted, leaning in again. "I need you." I held firm, keeping a small distance between us.
"Pet, when we make love for the first time, and we will, it's going to be because we both want it. Because we choose each other. Not because you're trying to prove something or escape your pain."
She stared at me, a mix of emotions crossing her face: frustration, confusion, and finally, understanding. She slumped against me, burying her face in my neck.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled against my skin.
"Don't be," I said, stroking her hair. "I'm not rejecting you, Pet. I'm respecting you. There's a difference." She nodded, her breath warm against my throat.
"Thank you."
I shifted us both until we were lying down on the bed, Cade curled against my side, her head on my chest. I reached for the remote and turned on the TV, finding some mindless movie to fill the silence. As the flickering images played across the screen, I felt some of the tension leave her body.
"Cole?" she murmured after a while.
"Hmm?"
"When it does happen... when we're both ready..." She trailed off, suddenly shy. I tilted her chin up, meeting her gaze.
"When it happens, I'm going to show you exactly how much I want you.
How much I've always wanted you. And I'll make sure you feel so good you forget everything else.
" I brushed my lips against hers, a gentle promise.
"But only when you give me your permission.
Your real permission." A small smile curved her lips, the first genuine one I'd seen since before The Palace.
“My real permission,” she reached up and caressed my face again. “And yours, your real permission to.” I nodded as tears sprang to my eyes at her words.
"Mine too," I whispered, kissing her forehead.
"Now, try to get some sleep. I'll be right here.
" She nestled closer, her arm draped across my chest, her breathing gradually slowing as exhaustion claimed her.
I watched her sleep, the steady rise and fall of her chest, the way her lashes fanned against her cheeks, the slight parting of her lips.
Even now, emotionally battered and physically drained, she was beautiful to me. Perfect.