Chapter 27
27
Connor removed his spendy-looking sunglasses. He was in a burgundy jacket and it was a shame he was odious, given he looked pleasant. God had stuck a nice face on a turd. A Colin The Caterpillar white chocolate smile on a log.
‘I totally understand why you don’t want more of last night. Can I come in for a minute?’ he said.
Bel frowned and yet stood aside to let him enter. She could see why he hadn’t simply called her, no way would she have answered.
‘I want to offer you an unreserved apology,’ he said.
Bel said nothing. Probably an image-saving ploy from a man so obsessed with his career advancement. Don’t tell management, we can work something out.
‘I was completely out of order. To give you some background, which isn’t an excuse, I’ve not been open about my circumstances. Jen and I broke up last weekend.’
‘Oh,’ Bel said, in genuine surprise.
‘I found out she’s having an affair via her sending me a nude meant for the other guy, which arrived as her train was pulling into Piccadilly.’
‘Wow!’ Bel was authentically taken aback now. She thought of Connor as a man with his pick, never a man being mistreated. F or a brief second it occurred to her they were both guilty of operating on insufficient information about the other.
‘Yep. Add to the fact I thought I could cold turkey my Citalopram prescription six weeks ago, and the fact I’d had a skinful. You saw where it ended up. You were quite right, you did nothing other than try to cover for my howling fuck-up. I hit some sort of psychological rock bottom aided by Italian lager. Then took it out on you.’
‘So,’ Bel paused, ‘your basis for having a go at me was, “how can my girlfriend visit me now?” and you already knew she wouldn’t be visiting you?’
‘Yep,’ Connor said. ‘I was fighting about it in principle. I was being a bellend.’
‘I see the bellend but not the principle.’
‘I woke up this morning and replayed what I’d said and was pretty appalled at myself. After a gym session and a lot of self-recrimination, I thought I’d at least drag my self-loathing arse out and apologise for being obnoxious.’
He cleared his throat. ‘The ad hominem stuff about loaded parents was especially over the line. Sorry.’
Bel thought he might’ve blushed.
‘From Aaron, I assume?’
‘Yes. He was being gossipy but not nasty. The weaponiser was me.’
‘Whatever backgrounds we’re from, let’s agree we both work hard and don’t want to get sacked?’ Bel said. ‘I’ve never asked about your upbringing. It’s got no bearing on anything.’
‘Agreed. That was the “chip on my shoulder” you identified, because being the intern aged thirty-four sometimes does a number on my self-worth.’
‘OK. Apology accepted, I guess,’ Bel said, stiffly. She had to accept it, given the grovelling. It was inconvenient to her prejudices that she thought it was sincere, too. ‘Sorry about your girlfriend. The photo you have at the office made me think you were very loved-up.’
‘Ah, that’s never been about her, really. My dog Maurice died at the end of last year and he was the love of my life. I know having pictures of late pets on display is somewhat open to ridicule, so it was a way of smuggling him in.’
‘Oh. Right.’
Bel was duly disarmed. Connor had now admitted to: being dramatically cucked, needing anti-depressants and mourning a dog as his true love. Bel conceded he had bared a fair amount of soul. He’d not expected to be forgiven with some stilted formalities or awarded points just for turning up, this was material she could use against him. The strategy underlying his approach was clear: he was showing he was willing to trust her, in return for being forgiven. He had judged it right: she’d not tell Aaron any of this.
Connor looked at his feet.
‘You might’ve already spoken to Toby, or Amber. Or you might not want to work with me anymore. But I’m willing to carry on with our couple charade, if you want me to.’
Bel’s mouth opened, and she said: ‘I’ve only confirmed to Amber that our dinner’s on, I’d not said anything about you.’
Connor smiled up from under his brow.
‘You are truly jazz freestyling, aren’t you? You’d confirmed it anyway?’
‘It was a placeholder ‘yes’ while I figured it out.’
‘Dare I ask how we’re throwing a dinner party? And where? I didn’t think letting them know where you lived was part of the plan.’
Bel found she was actually relieved to have someone else to brainstorm this with. She’d never wanted Connor involved, but it was a bonus to have someone in her corner.
‘I’ve fretted about this, but my rent comes up for renewal in eight weeks. I can always bounce on if I decide the Kendricks knowing where I live is too hairy.’
‘You’d do that? It’s pretty amazing,’ Connor said, looking round, then their eyes met as they mutually recalled last night’s take on that.
‘As you might’ve alluded to, it’s nice but it’s ruinously expensive so there would be an upside to being forced to relocate. I don’t see how else we could make somewhere else look inhabited for one night. Even if I got an Airbnb, she’s a Superhost. She might recognise the listing.’
‘Fair point.’
Bel folded her arms. ‘Shall I give you a quick tour, so you know your way around ahead of Saturday? Shilpa’s here, by the way. Shilpa, show yourself.’
‘Hi, Connor!’ Shilpa said, sitting up on the other side of the kitchen.
‘Oh, hello! Good to see you,’ Connor said, and Bel noticed he seemed authentically pleased at her presence, despite Shilpa obviously having overheard his climb-down. Was he fundamentally decent, or did he have a soft spot for her? Both felt unlikely– it was one or the other.
Bel walked Connor round the sitting room, the dining room, the ground-floor guest bedroom with en suite, then they clanked up the metal spiral staircase to the primary bedroom.
Bel was glad that Shilpa was downstairs, as showing Connor the king-size bed they were meant to share was a little disconcerting. Here’s where we don’t have the earthquake sex that you don’t know I boasted about– kill me now.
‘Very large en-suite bathroom back there,’ Bel pointed.
‘Man, this pisses all over my digs in Salford, I can tell you that much,’ Connor said, hands in pockets. He politely made no move to firsthand inspect the bathroom, which Bel was quite glad of given there was a box of heavy-flow Tampax on the loo cistern and tights, like shed snakeskin, on the floor.
‘Would you be all right to bring a few things for the bathroom and the wardrobe and so on, on Saturday? Theatrical props? We don’t need to go overboard but if they ask to look round, we’ll need some set dressing– a bottle of aftershave and a toothbrush.’
‘Of course. I’ll set Saturday aside. Means I can help with the shopping or cooking too.’
Bel mumbled thanks. Keeping track of Connor’s fluctuating morality gave her seasickness.
Downstairs again, he said to Shilpa, nodding towards the freeze frame: ‘ Clueless ?’
‘Yes!’
‘ Do you like Billie Holliday? I love him ,’ he said, proving he not only knew the film but the dialogue in the specific scene.
‘Hahaha! Impressive,’ Shilpa said, eyes like pinwheels.
‘My ex loved it,’ Connor said. ‘First time I’ve called her that, feels odd.’
‘I know what you mean,’ Shilpa said, trying for ‘empath’ and gravitas despite the fact she was in a Gap adult romper and her hair was in space buns. ‘You’re welcome to stay and watch it?’
‘Oh, thanks but I’ve got a hot appointment with the Hotel Gotham bar. My brother is an embarrassing swag lord and he wants me to go make a booking for his forthcoming stay in person.’
Bel was grateful for Connor’s smooth refusal; they weren’t friends, and she had no interest in the pretence either. They had been air-clearingly honest about where they stood. It didn’t change the fact that where they stood was not close.
As he was departing, Bel said: ‘By the way, I didn’t wear Converse boots to my school prom.’
‘Oh …’ Connor said, catching up with what she meant, and looking suitably chastened. ‘Cookie Monster pyjamas with heels?’
Bel hated that she laughed. His audacity!
‘I was so “feisty” I didn’t go. Let me guess: you were Prom King?’ she said.
‘Er. Reluctantly.’
‘Hahahaha. See you at the office.’
Bel wasn’t saying she needed to establish her dominance in their farewell, but it didn’t hurt either.
She closed the door. There was half a minute’s pause.
Shilpa hissed: ‘Oh my GOD. He’s so gorgeous and lovely!’
‘You took lovely from that? I took not as bad as I thought at most.’
‘And he’s single?!’
‘Convenient, not exciting.’
‘Ahem, it’s absolutely highly pertinent. The market will be abuzz with the news he’s back on it.’
‘Is there a man market that stretches from London to Manchester? Like an old trading route with stage coaches.’
Shilpa rested her head on the edge of the sofa like a watchful dog.
‘Did you really not have any moment when he was pretending he was your boyfriend when you thought: nnnnggg this is hot? Did you hold hands?’
‘Nope and nope!’ Bel lied.
Shilpa rolled onto her back.
‘I would like to have the kind of fling with him that sees us both publicly condemned by the Pope.’