Chapter Four
Gayle
“Hey, Bruce. How are you?”
Bruce pulls me into a quick hug. I shake off the burning sensation at the back of my neck where my broken mating bite sits, hugging him back. “I’m good, Gayle. How’re you doing? Anything new?”
I shake my head. “I’m good, thanks. Nothing new. Same shit, different day,” I say, suddenly feeling like my dad. Jesus, when did I get so old?
“You sound like Grandpa,” Calloway says, wrinkling his nose at me.
“Shut it,” I say, shoving his shoulder and making him chuckle.
It might be odd, the three of us out and about together.
We walk through the front door of the mall in Nanio, making our way through the food court.
I live about an hour away from Nanio but because this is such a big city, it has far more places for shopping.
The smell of fresh coffee hits my nose and my mouth waters.
“Coffee first. Then shopping,” I tell Bruce and Calloway, both of them cracking jokes at my coffee addiction.
I step in line, waiting for my turn. It was about twenty years ago that Bruce and I mated.
Our parents arranged the mating for us. We met, courted, and went along with it.
Gods, twenty years is practically a lifetime, or at least, it sure feels that way to me.
I was a completely different person back then.
Despite both being alphas, our parents thought it would be an excellent arrangement. Bruce and I made it work. We loved each other, but we weren’t ever in love. Part of me will always think that was my fault, for not being myself until later on in life.
I was born a female alpha. I did everything I could to be the woman my family wanted me to be.
I was the doting wife, the loving mother, the homemaker.
I was good at it, but it was eating me from the inside out, like a decay I needed to cut free before it dragged me all the way down into my own grave.
The day I came out to Bruce, explaining I was trans, we both cried. Bruce took it all in stride. We’ve known each other practically our entire lives, so something like this wasn’t going to tear us apart. We’re still friends, we’re just not mated any longer.
We both had our mating bites broken professionally.
It still hurts sometimes when we’re together, but that’s a small price to pay for being able to live completely authentically as myself.
Bruce has been dating and though nothing has stuck yet, we’re both happy.
Much happier than we were when we were trying to pretend everything was okay between us.
“Hi,” I say to the barista. He gives me a wide grin, his name tag reading ‘Jin’. “Can I please have a mocha chip frappe with an extra shot of espresso, please?”
“Absolutely!” I pay for my drink and then move down the counter, waiting.
It’s been a long time since I even thought about dating again. I’ve only ever been with Bruce. It’s not that I don’t want to date, it’s more that I’m so stuck in my head about the whole thing.
I’m nearly forty years old with a sixteen-year-old son.
I sit in my room all day, every day for work.
I still feel all wonky in my own skin some days.
For medical reasons, I can’t take the hormones that would drop my voice or make me look more masculine so I’m stuck voice training and chopping my hair off.
I was able to have top surgery but even so, some days I still get lost in my head.
I feel like a mess. I’m not what I would call a catch.
“Here you go,” Jin says, sliding my ridiculous order over. It looks more like a dessert than a coffee. I love it! “I hope you have a great rest of your day.”
“Thanks, you too,” I say with a smile, doing my best to push all of the bullshit in my head away.
Today we’re having a family day. It’s best if I focus my attention on Calloway instead of whatever these feelings are. All of this spiraling is thanks to one encounter.
One guy has a thing for my voice and suddenly, I can’t stop thinking about relationships. Someone would think I’m fourteen instead of almost forty. Why’d he have to be so flirty? Why’d he have to be so cute?
“Come on, Dad,” Calloway says, waving me over. “Let’s start with this store and go around. We can end at the candy shop,” he says, flashing both of us giant, blinking eyes.
“Maybe if you’re good, we can even stop for ice cream on the way home,” Bruce says with a teasing tone, ruffling Calloway’s hair. Calloway squeaks, doing his best to push his hair back into place.
“I know you’re just joking around but I wouldn’t mind ice cream,” I say, taking a sip of my coffee and sighing happily.
“Not enough sugar for you?”
“Coffee doesn’t count!”
It’s officially summer break for Calloway. He recently went through another growth spurt so the poor kid only has like two pairs of shorts that actually fit. Today, we’re getting stuff for both of our houses so he’ll be stocked up again.
I follow behind Calloway, watching as he looks through racks of clothes.
I love that he has my dark hair but Bruce’s light green eyes.
As an omega, his features are soft, not unlike my own.
I’m almost jealous that those same features on him look distinctively masculine because of the cut of his jaw.
It’s amazing to watch him develop more and more into his own person as he gets older. It feels like just yesterday he was just a potato that laid around and needed me to wait on him hand and foot. Now he’s picking out his own clothes, his own style.
My heart aches with how much I adore and love this kid. It feels like such a privilege to call him mine.
“Did you submit everything Calloway needed for that summer camp this summer?”
I nod my head. “Yeah, it’s all taken care of. Did you ask for some time off so you can come with for drop off?”
“I did but they’re not sure I can swing it. I’ll let you know closer to the day.” Bruce sighs before going on. “Gods, it feels wrong? Like surely he’s still just a baby. He can’t do an entire week at a camp without us.”
“I know, right? It feels fucked up.”
Calloway stops at a sweater that’s the most godawful purple color. He keeps coming back to it, running his fingers over the material. He steps away, grabbing another pair of shorts before coming back to the sweater.
“Hey,” Bruce says softly. “I know you’re gonna tell me to keep my nose to myself, but I have to ask. Are you alright?”
I look over at my ex-mate, narrowing my eyes at him.
We used to argue about this. I was so busy hiding myself and feeling miserable that I would lash out anytime Bruce asked me what was wrong.
He always talked about being able to smell how upset I was and how nothing would change unless I talked about it.
I used to hate the fact that he could smell that sort of stuff on me.
“It’s fine,” I say quickly. Now that we’re just best friends and not trying to force ourselves into the picture-perfect loving relationship, it’s much easier to talk to him. “Just have some stuff on my mind lately. Nothing to worry about though, pinky promise.”
“If you wanted to talk about some of that stuff, I’m here.”
“Thanks, Bruce,” I say, nudging my shoulder with his.
Once Calloway has an arm full of clothes that he’s already tried on and ready to get, I snag the ugly purple sweater and add it to the counter. Calloway blushes but doesn’t say anything, letting me buy it for him.
I pay in this store before we head into the next. Calloway needs some new sneakers as well as some hiking boots for this camping trip.
By the time we’re just about done, I’ve tossed my coffee cup into the trash. I’m carrying all of Calloway’s bags, wanting to feel useful and show off the muscles I’ve been working hard on gaining.
“Hey, Dad,” Calloway says softly, stepping up beside me as we walk through the mall. Bruce is a bit behind us, looking at his phone.
“What’s up?”
“Can you make sure the purple sweater goes to your house?”
“Of course,” I say right away.
“I want it for umm, well. I think it’s,” his voice drifts off and his cheeks are bright red. He rubs the back of his neck. “I think I want it for a nest? Maybe?”
If I thought my baby picking out his own clothes was a sign of him growing up, him talking about making a nest sends me into a brand new spiral. As a shifter, we all have different types of instincts. I’m an alpha so I’ve never wanted to make my own nest.
Calloway is going through puberty, developing not only his primary gender but also his secondary. Nesting is a part of that and he has nothing to be embarrassed about.
“That sounds great, baby,” I say right away, wanting to encourage his developing instincts. “We can stop and pick out some new blankets as well. If you want. No pressure.”
Calloway nods. “I’d like that. Thanks.”
“Candy?” I ask, changing the subject. Calloway smiles at me knowingly, nodding his head.
We walk into The Devil’s Sweet Tooth, the candy shop located here at the mall. This isn’t the first time we’ve been here by any stretch of the imagination. Every single time, I’m amazed by the variety they offer.
The guy behind the counter, a handsome guy with horns and a tail, greets us. We’ve been here enough to know the shop is owned by a trio of incubi brothers. They all have mates and I’m embarrassed to admit how often Calloway and I have interrupted a flirting session while coming in to grab candy.
We head over to the left side of the store. There’s a massive wall of loose candy all in their own containers with spoons so you can make your own variety pack. We start picking out our favorites and tossing them into a giant bag.
Calloway keeps picking sour candy and I keep picking things that are sweet. We top it off with some chocolate covered nuts.
Just as we’re about to head towards the register, three guys come into the same section as us. I look at them with a smile before freezing, forcing myself to do a double take.
No. Fucking. Way.
Beside me, Calloway murmurs, “no fucking way.”