Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Liv jumps at the noise, her long ponytail swinging as she turns to me, her eyes wide with confusion. “What the hell was that about?”
“I don’t know,” I lie, my stomach twisting into knots. I wrap my arms around myself as if that could hold in the truth threatening to spill out.
She steps closer, her face etched with worry as she searches my expression. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.” The words feel like lead on my tongue. Is this how it’s going to be now? One lie after another?
Liv grabs my arm, her grip tight as she pulls me around to the side of the house, out of view from Esme’s window. “Did something happen?” she asks, her eyes darting to the front of the house like she’s expecting Esme to appear at any moment.
All my secrets claw at my throat, desperate to be set free, but I swallow them back. “Wh-why would you ask that?” I stammer as a cold sweat breaks out on the back of my neck.
“I don’t know. It’s just…a feeling, I guess.”
A nervous chuckle escapes my lips. “Um, okay?”
“I’m serious, Sky. You and Victor couldn’t keep your eyes off each other in the kitchen just now. And you seem…I don’t know.” She tosses her arms up in frustration, her bracelets jingling. “Weird, I guess.”
“Weird?”
“Sad, maybe? Like you’re trying not to cry. Your face is all red and blotchy. You’ve been like that all morning.”
I push my glasses up my nose, trying to compose myself. “I’m worried about Esme. That’s all. And Ian and I had a fight last night.”
“Oh,” she says, seeming to calm down, her shoulders relaxing slightly. “So that’s it?”
I swallow hard and nod, the motion feeling mechanical. “Yeah. That’s it.” I try to force a smile, but whatever Liv sees on my face makes her own crumple, her brows knitting together.
“What did you do?” She’s not mad—at least, not yet.
Do I tell a comforting lie or the painful truth? Tears blur my vision, hot and stinging. “I love him,” I confess, my voice cracking as all the emotions I’ve been holding back threaten to spill out. “I loved Victor first.”
“Oh shit,” Liv mutters, disbelief coloring her voice, her eyes widening. “Did you fuck him?” she whispers, her hand covering her mouth.
A sob threatens to rip from my throat, but I clear it instead. If I tell her this, there’s no going back. She’ll tell Esme. And even if she doesn’t, she’ll want to, and it wouldn’t be fair, pitting her against Esme and me. I have no doubt whose side she’d be on, and then I’ll lose them both.
“No. All we did was talk.”
“Talk? About what?”
“I don’t know…about everything. About us, him and Esme, me and Ian. I went to the beach last night, and he found me there.”
“And all y’all did was talk?” she asks again, skepticism evident in her tone, her arms now crossed over her chest.
I nod as the weight of the lie settles on my shoulders. “Maybe Esme knows we were together last night? Or maybe not. But I don’t think we should volunteer that information,” I say, my voice trembling and my hands shaking.
“Are you sure about that?” Liv steps closer, her whisper as sharp as a shout. “You’re not gonna be with him, right? Because that would be fucked up.”
“No. But I can’t help the way I feel. He?—”
“He didn’t pick you, Sky! Not the first time. He picked Esme. They were in a whole relationship less than a day before y’all ‘talked’ or whatever.” I don’t miss her invisible air quotes around the word talked . “And what about Ian?”
“I told you, we’re on a break.” The words feel flimsy, even to my own ears.
“So what the fuck does that mean? You’re not marrying him? Because you’re sure as shit still wearing that big-ass rock.”
“I don’t know,” I whisper-shout, my voice cracking. “We’ll figure that out.”
“What is there to figure out when you’re in love with another man? And not just any man, but Esme’s man.”
“ Ex -man,” I clarify, which doesn’t earn me any favors based on the look Liv gives me.
She stares at me, her lips pressed into a thin line. “I can’t believe you. You’re so fucking selfish.”
“ I’m selfish?” That pisses me off, even though it probably shouldn’t.
“I don’t even know you right now.” Disgust twists Liv’s face, her nose wrinkling, and I think that maybe I’ve lost her.
“Are you going to tell her?”
“Tell her what, exactly?”
I toss my hands up, feeling helpless. “Anything, everything—I don’t know.”
She shakes her head, the anger flashing in her eyes turning into what looks like disappointment. “No, Sky. I’m not going to tell her. It’ll break her. And she needs her real friends right now. Don’t you think?”
“Yeah.” Guilt gnaws at my insides, creating a sinking feeling in my stomach.
Without another word, Liv turns on her heel and heads back into the house, her footsteps heavy on the wooden porch. I sink to the ground, my back against the rough wall, as I bury my face in my hands.