Chapter Twenty
CHAPTER TWENTY
Vince
“Y ou’ve been quiet,” Holden said, the two of them sitting in his truck after their day at work. Holden had picked him up that morning, and he’d ridden out to Covington Acres with him. The kids had been there half a day helping, and then they’d gone off to do their thing and enjoy their summer, Holden and Vince finishing up. “Everything okay?”
“Yes…no…yes.” He couldn’t seem to settle on an answer, and Holden chuckled.
“Well, now that we’ve sorted that out.”
“Asshole.”
“What is it, Vince?” he asked, serious now.
It was hard to talk about this with Holden, mostly because he didn’t want to out Colby. Technically, Holden could already tell something was going on with them, and he’d mentioned it at the barbecue, but Vince had been careful in how he’d responded. So he tried his best without any specifics because the truth was, he needed to talk to someone about this.
“Gregory is the only person I’ve ever been in love with,” he admitted. “I’ve liked a lot of guys, dated a lot of guys, and maybe I could have fallen in love with them, or maybe there were times I thought I was in love with them, but for whatever reason, it was that motherfucker who made me fall.” The worst person he could possibly care about. The man to hurt him more than anyone ever had.
“I fucking hate that bastard for what he did to you. He never deserved you, but none of what happened was your fault. You can’t help who you love, and it just so happened to be someone who wasn’t worthy of yours.”
“Twice,” Vince added, feeling like an idiot. “I’m worried I might have a habit of falling for men who won’t feel the same about me.”
“Colby?”
“Just…someone. And this person, they’re not like Greg at all. They would never do the shit he did, but that almost makes it worse.” Almost made it feel like he didn’t deserve love from a good man, that he would only attract the Gregs of the world. “For his own personal reasons, this guy doesn’t want a relationship. It was supposed to be just friends with benefits, but I don’t think that’s all I want from him. I can’t handle another broken heart, though. Me and love, maybe we just don’t fit.” Because if they did, why would he have fallen in love with people who didn’t want the same thing? No, not because Colby was an asshole like Greg, but that didn’t change the outcome that Vince would be the one getting hurt again.
“You and love fit. Don’t let Gregory make you fear giving your heart again. Hell, I was scared to ever give mine in the first place. If I hadn’t taken the chance with Roe, I wouldn’t have everything I have now. I would have missed out on the best man I’ve ever known—present company excluded.” He said the last part with a grin, which Vince returned. “I think you and this man fit. I might not have been able to imagine it before you moved here, but I see it plain as day now. Falling for someone is a risk. There’s always a chance it won’t work out, but there’s zero chance it will work out if you don’t try.”
Holden wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t know, but the connection between his brain and his heart seemed to be severed. He could realize something, but that didn’t change the fear.
“Talk to him,” Holden added.
“Maybe.”
“Hey,” he said, making Vince look at him. “You’re not the type to give up on anything. You’re also not the type not to say how you feel. I’ve always looked up to that about you.”
Vince wasn’t sure what it was about those words, but they flipped a switch in him. Holden was right. Vince wasn’t the kind of man not to say what needed to be said. Greg had taken a lot from him, but he wasn’t going to let his ex take that.
“Look at you…falling in love and getting engaged, and now you’re an expert on romance.”
Holden chuckled. “It’s Roe. A good man makes a guy see things differently.”
Vince nodded, agreeing, but, “You’re a good man. It just took another good one for you to see it.” He saw the emotion wash over his friend’s face, saw he wasn’t sure what to say, but also how much he appreciated Vince’s words. He didn’t need to hear them to know it. “Now, drive me home, asshole. I got a man I need to talk to.”
He just hoped like hell this wasn’t a mistake.
“Can we talk?” Colby asked the second Vince got home, and his heart dropped.
“Yeah. I was going to ask you the same thing.” But hearing Colby ask it made the hairs on the back of his neck rise, made him wonder if Colby was going to tell him this was too much just when Vince wanted to tell him he might want more.
“I’m sorry, Vince. I should let you relax first. I didn’t want to chicken out.”
Vince tried to hold back his fear, his worry. “You can tell me anything.”
“I know. It’s taken me a while to be ready, but that’s because of me, not you.”
He frowned, unsure what Colby meant.
“Sit down. I’ll get us a drink. The last batch of beer I bottled should be ready by now.”
Vince sat on the couch, legs restless while Colby went into the kitchen and came back with two bottles. He’d opened them both already, and he handed one to Vince before sitting beside him. Vince took a drink, notes of caramel and toffee bursting on his tongue. “Goddamn. This is good.”
Colby beamed, his eyes lighting up as if Vince had just given him the world.
He took another drink. “Seriously, babe. This is my favorite one. You’re getting better and better.” Babe felt weird to say. He wanted to call him baby. That was…maybe not a good thing.
“I feel like I have a handle on it now. I have all sorts of ideas, but that’s not what I want to talk about. I have something to admit to you.”
Vince was fairly certain his heart stopped beating hearing that. Has anything good ever started with I have something to admit to you ? Not in Vince’s experience.
He set his bottle on the coffee table.
When Colby looked down, Vince forgot about his own fears, forgot about all the negative ways this might affect him. All he wanted was to console Colby, make sure he knew everything was okay.
“You can trust me. You can always talk to me.” He’d said so earlier but felt it was important to hammer it home now.
Colby set his beer down too. “My whole life I’ve felt like something was wrong with me. When the kids in school or my siblings had crushes, I never did. I used to make them up or pretend I had them just to fit in.”
That was…not what he’d expected to hear. He opened his mouth to reply, but Colby continued.
“All the women I dated, I thought they were nice and pretty. Some were funny and we had things in common. I was physically attracted to them and liked them well enough, but I just…didn’t know how to feel anything more for them, anything romantic. I felt so fucked up. So broken.”
“Hey, there’s nothing fucked up or broken about you. Are you aromantic?” Vince asked. It would make sense. Colby’s not wanting a relationship always seemed to differ from Vince’s.
Colby’s gaze shot to him. “You know what that is? I just learned about it today.”
Vince nodded. There was his answer. He was sitting here ready to tell Colby he had feelings for him, that he wanted a relationship with him but was scared, and Colby had figured out he was aromantic. “I do. It’s okay, babe. You don’t have anything to feel bad about. Your feelings are valid. I’m the one who changed things up, who started feeling more and—”
“Wait. What? You feel more for me?” Colby asked, his confusion evident.
“I didn’t mean to. I’m not saying I’m gonna get down on one knee and propose to you, but yeah, things are changing for me. It won’t affect our friendship. I can work it out. I don’t want this to come between us and—”
“I have feelings for you too,” Colby cut him off, then gave him a shy smile. “I didn’t get to finish. I read about aromanticism, and while part of it fit, other parts didn’t because I…I feel something for you too. I kept researching, and I think I might be demiromantic…well, that along with my bisexuality, but I’m still trying to work through how the demiromantic label feels. I don’t know exactly what this is, and I’m scared to jump the gun, but there’s something here, Vince. For the first time in my life, I want more. I want you.”
“I want you too,” Vince admitted, heart too damn big to fit in his chest. “I want you so much, it’s all I’ve been thinking about since I realized it, but I can’t pretend I’m not worried.” Colby offered him a smile, and Vince cocked a brow. “Not sure that’s the response I was looking for.”
“Sorry. I was just thinking how similar we are. I feel the same. Part of me wants to grab on to this feeling, to jump in and just let myself enjoy it, enjoy the newness of something I didn’t think I would ever have, but you mean too much to me to do that. What if I’m wrong? What if our friendship is muddling things up and I realize I’m not demiromatic and I’m…the same as always. I can’t hurt you, Vince. I don’t have it in me, and then I also have my family to think about. If we move forward with this, and then it ends, I’ve hurt them again. And you’re my brother-in-law’s best friend. There are things we should consider.”
Vince wouldn’t have thought it possible with how he felt just moments ago, but he let out a sigh of relief. He should have known this would be okay because it was with Colby. “I don’t want to jump into anything either. I’m not proud of it, but after everything that went down, I’m skittish. I trust you. I don’t want to make it sound like I don’t, baby.”
Colby gave him a toe-curling smile. “I like it when you call me baby.”
He chuckled. “It kept slipping out. That should have been my first clue.” Vince reached out, twisted a strand of Colby’s hair around his fingers. “I’m sorry you’ve always believed something was wrong with you, but I’m honored it’s me you’re feeling something for. I never thought I would come close to risking this again.”
He pulled Colby, who came easily. He wasn’t a small guy, but still he straddled Vince’s lap the way Vince hoped he would.
“I never thought I could feel this, Vince. It’s been stressing me out. I can’t stop looking at you, thinking about you. I get it now. Why crushes have such a big effect on people. I have my first one at forty years old, and I want to hold on to it, want to see where it will go.”
Vince’s heart banged against his chest. What Colby said was so simple in some ways, but so vast and incredible in others. Who knew he would want to be someone’s crush so badly? “I want to see where it will go too. Let’s just…admit we’re more to each other, don’t put limits on ourselves like we did before, and talk to each other. I want to know what’s going on in that head of yours.” He pulled Colby down and kissed his temple.
Colby brushed his cheek against Vince’s.
This might not make sense to others, how they were doing things, the way they were moving forward while still being cautious. That didn’t matter to Vince because it was right for them. They fit together that way, and Vince couldn’t wait to see where it went.