Chapter 11
11
Janie
JANIE WAS JUST reaching the porch of Devon's house when a car pulled into the driveway. She stopped, turning to find Riley pulling up to the two-car garage in her secondhand sedan. She gave Janie a smile and a wave as the door lifted, then pulled inside, barely managing to squeeze her car into the small amount of space available.
“For the love of…”
She’d thought it was strange when Devon came in through the front door but his girls came in through the garage. Now she knew why.
And damned if it didn’t melt a little more of the ice she packed around her heart. Her mother would never have given Janie the one spot in the garage. Karen Kendrick wouldn’t inconvenience herself for anyone, and that included her children. No matter how great Janie’s grades were, how perfect she looked and acted, her mother never saw her as anything more than an accessory. Something that existed on ly to make her look better.
“Fucking hell.” Janie mumbled the words under her breath as she turned from the porch, heading for the open double bay. She walked into the cluttered space just as Devon's oldest daughter got out of her car. The teenager let out a long sigh, shoulders slumping as she groaned. "I'm so happy to be home."
"Long day?" Janie stood back, eyeing all the crap occupying the other side as the girl opened the back door and pulled out an overloaded backpack.
She should be irritated by all the random piles stacked onto the floor around her—it was yet another mess Devon neglected to tell her about— but instead she was itching to get her hands on it. Eager to chase the same sort of high that carried her home last night after making a surprisingly big difference in Devon’s kitchen.
"Mondays are freaking crazy." Riley slammed the back door and slung the bag over one shoulder. "I leave at six in the morning and don't get home until six at night." Her steps were slow as she headed for the door leading inside. "It seemed like a great idea to schedule as many classes as I could together, so I wouldn't be driving back and forth all the time, but it's so much."
"That is a lot." Janie followed behind her. "The longest day I had when I was in college was six hours, and by the end my brain was fried. I can’t imagine how you feel after twelve."
Riley paused on the single step leading inside, turning to face her. "You went to college?"
Jani e laughed. "I went to a lot of different schools, but I started with community college." She rolled her eyes. "I thought I wanted to be an accountant." She laughed again, because, looking back, that was probably the most ridiculous of her aspirations.
Riley's eyes narrowed, not in suspicion, but in curiosity. "You didn't?"
Janie considered before answering. "Technically, I did, but accounting didn't want me. I was fucking terrible at it." She tipped her head from side to side. "And, honestly, if I hadn't been terrible at it, I still probably would've hated it. Sitting behind a desk crunching numbers is not something I can see myself enjoying."
As tiring as it was, she much preferred the physical requirements of the jobs she did now. Were they careers that would impress anyone? Hell no. But she never dreaded working, and she never came home miserable, so that had to count for something.
"So you're glad you didn't become an accountant?" Riley continued to study her, expression open and curious and carrying zero judgment.
It was refreshing, and made her feel more comfortable continuing to talk about what most people saw as failures.
"I am now. My mom gave me a hard time about quitting, but by that point I’d already figured out nothing I did would ever impress her, so..." She shrugged again, unsure how to finish that sentence.
Because it wasn't actually true. That was the point she should have fig ured out she'd never be able to make her mother happy, but it took a long time for the reality of it to really sink in. Even now, it was still difficult to come to terms with. Maybe it wouldn't be so difficult if she was able to feel proud of herself, but she was turning out to be just as tough to impress as her mother was.
Riley opened her mouth, likely to ask another question, but the door behind her flung open. Devon lifted his brows, eyes moving between them. "Are we hanging out in the garage now?"
"Yeah. All the cool kids are doing it." Riley shot him a grin and an eye roll. "But you can't come because you wear dad jeans."
Devon stepped back, giving them room to come inside. "Why are you always giving me hell about my jeans? You're the one who picked them out."
"What did you want me to pick out?" Riley started to drop her backpack on the table but stopped, her eyes moving to Janie before she hauled it back on her shoulder. "You would look stupid in anything else."
"So the jeans I'm wearing are uncool, but I would look stupid in anything else." Devon shook his head. "I feel like I can't win here."
Riley widened her eyes, giving him a pointed look. "You're not supposed to win. You’re a dad." She gave Janie a quick smile as she moved for the hallway. "Can you do something with him so he stops giving me shit?"
The request was surprising. Part of her expected Devon's daughters to be weirded out by her showing up at their house tonight. She assumed they'd get the wrong idea—that she and their dad were something more than just acquaintances. But it didn't seem like Riley was bothered to see her again. The teenager seemed just as unbothered by the idea of her father spending time with a woman who wasn't their mother.
Devon turned to her as Riley's heavy steps went up the stairs. "See? You're not the only one I annoy."
"Yeah, but I think it's your job to annoy them." She poked his middle. "You just annoy me for fun."
"Right. Because your reactions are always so fun." He gave a strand of her hair a little tug. "We need to get moving. Otherwise it's going to get dark on us."
Janie followed him out the back door, the same way she had the night before. All day, she'd been anticipating this. Both excited, and a little apprehensive. After loving horses from afar for so long, what if she was terrible at riding them? What if her ass fell right over the side and broke a leg?
"Relax. It's easy." Devon slung one arm around her shoulders, tucking her into his side.
The move didn't feel romantic, only friendly, and she leaned into him despite her better judgment. Being single was lonely. Being single and not close with your family was even lonelier. She went weeks sometimes without really touching another person in any sort of way, and the weight and warmth of him felt really freaking good. As good as it did the night he brought her home and they ‘accidentally’ hugged.
He p ulled her closer as they ducked around the treeline. "We’ll just do a short ride tonight. Get you used to everything. Then if you want to do it again, we can plan for something a little longer."
Janie lifted her brows. "You mean in all that free time we have?"
Devon groaned. "Don’t remind me. I don't know where the days go." He dropped his arm from her shoulders to slide open the barn door, leaving her feeling too light. "They all just blur together. Before I know it, all three girls are going to be grown and gone and I'm gonna be sitting there wondering how in the hell it happened."
She didn't know much about having kids, but she did know about time getting away from you. For years, she'd just been taking life one day at a time, and now the only thing she could do was wait for the days to pass, each one bringing her closer to paying off the significant debt she'd accrued being young and stupid.
And then not young, but still stupid.
It hadn’t even crossed her mind to consider what would happen after that. Would she be left sitting there—just like Devon—wondering where all the time went? Probably. And it was kinda depressing. Because none of her time had gone to anything that mattered.
"Don't you think everyone feels that way though?" Janie followed him into the barn, hoping he might tell her that it wasn't just them. That it wasn't one more way she was fucking her whole life up.
"Probably. I think a lot of people, anyway." He opened up Winnifred’s gate and led her out into the main area of the barn. "At leas t I hope so, because if I find out everybody else is out there enjoying every day and living without regret, then I'm gonna be real depressed."
She couldn't even imagine what that would be like—to live without regrets. Regrets felt like all she had sometimes. They said hindsight was twenty-twenty, but even looking back she couldn't see a way to make things better. Just a different kind of mess.
Devon disappeared into a side room and came out hauling a saddle and a mat looking thing printed in a southwest design. "Want me to show you how to do this?"
"Now you want me to clean your house and saddle your horses?" She tried not to smile, but failed. "You're turning out to be pretty fucking needy."
"I wouldn't be so needy if you weren't so capable." Devon tipped his head toward the mare. “Come closer. She’s not gonna bite.” He grinned. “I promise I won’t either.”
Janie swallowed hard. It wasn’t so much Winnifred she was worried about. It was the man wearing decidedly not dad jeans and a deep green, long-sleeved shirt that hugged him in all the right places. The man who parked in the driveway and didn’t bat an eye at shelling out thousands of dollars to make her problem go away.
The man who also called her capable.
Devon might not bite her, but that didn’t mean she would come out unscathed if she let herself get too close.
Pressing her lips together, she took a few tentative steps his way, trying to ignore how good he smelled as he first layered on what turned out to be called a saddle pad. Then he lifted the saddle onto Winnifred's back and went to work tightening it in place, explaining every step as he did it. Once that was finished, he repeated the process with the bridle and reins, the smooth, deep timbre of his voice in her ear almost as distracting as his closeness, his body brushing hers with every movement.
"She's all ready for you." Devon stepped back, finally giving her a little space. "You want to try to get up?"
She'd been so focused on his directions—and his proximity—that she almost forgot what was coming next. Her stomach tightened a little as she faced down the prospect of getting her whole self up and over the back of this gigantic animal. "Sure." She didn't want him to think she was nervous, and it was an action she'd seen done countless times in her life. It couldn't be that hard, right?"
Lifting her left foot, she hooked it into the stirrup, bracing as she grabbed the horn thing on the saddle. Gripping tight, she held her breath and shifted her weight, swinging her right leg up and over.
Well, almost over.
Winnifred was fucking tall as shit, and her estimations were just a bit off. Instead of making it onto the horse’s back, she ended up clinging to her side, heel barely hooked over her rump, flailing around as she attempted to get a little more purchase.
And Devon—asshole that he was—fucking laughed. Hard.
The prick was still laughing when he planted both hands on her ass and pushed, giving her the extra oomph she needed to get where she wanted to go.
Once her butt was planted in the seat, she shot him a glare. "I was serious about that flat iron threat.”
Devon held up both hands in surrender, but kept laughing, like a man with zero respect for his own well-being. “I’m sorry. You just should have seen the way you looked hanging off the side of her.” He bent at the waist, hands on his knees as he started to laugh harder. “Like a fucking spider monkey.”
It took everything she had to keep frowning at him. “You’re just lucky I’m all the way up here and you’re all the way down there.” Winnifred shifted on her feet and Janie yelped, gripping the reins tight. “Now you’re making Winnie mad too.” She managed a glare. “One of us is going to kick you soon, and it’s not the horse.”
Sucking in a shaky breath, Devon straightened. “Not a surprise.” He stroked one big hand down the horse’s neck. “Winnie’s a sweetheart. She’d never get mad at me.”
It was impossible not to connect the comment back to his wife. The woman was probably a freaking saint who never lost her temper and farted sunshine and rainbows. No doubt the exact opposite of the one currently situated on her horse’s back.
And that sent an ugly stab of jealousy slicing through her insides. It might not be so bad if that jealousy was only brought on by knowing his wife had a family and a house and a horse—all measures of success she’d never attained—but a big part of the env y trying to ruin her mood had to do with the man mounting the horse next to her.
Devon was an ass—she still firmly believed that—but he was lots of other things too. Things she could become partial to if she let herself. And that would be a terrible idea, because she’d learned the hard way she was not cut out for relationships. Definitely not with a single dad who carried almost as much baggage as she did.
Urging Winston with a gentle nudge of his heels, the man she would not be jealous over shot her a grin, wiggling his brows as he passed. “Hold on tight.”
The warning barely registered before Winnifred started to move, her steps heavy as she hurried to keep up with Winston. Each one slapped her ass against the leather, rattling what was left of her brain cells around her head.
They could use it. Dumb things were trying to notice how good Devon looked in those dad jeans his daughter hated so much.
Luckily, once Winnifred caught up to Winston, the mare slowed down and settled into an easy pace as they followed the path of a worn trail through the trees surrounding the pasture attached to the barn. She hadn't initially realized Devon's property was so big, but as they wove their way along the trail, she was starting to wonder just how much of this he owned. "Are we still on your land?"
"Not anymore." Devon took a deep breath of the cool fall air, blowing it out as his shou lders relaxed. "This belongs to my neighbors, but they're nice enough to let me use it whenever I want." His eyes roamed the changing colors around them. "I really wish I had time to do it more often. The horses love being out here."
Janie relaxed a little herself as she acclimated to Winnifred movements. "It looks like you enjoy being out here too."
Devon took another deep breath, his eyes lifting to the trees overhead. "I do." A flicker of something she couldn't identify flashed across his features. "Not as much as my wife did, but enough that I wish I could do it more often."
The reminder of his lovely, perfect wife—and realizing Devon was likely thinking of her at this moment—dampened her spirits yet again, and Janie fell silent, doing her best to simply enjoy the ride. It wasn't difficult to do. Between the scenery and the steady pace Winnifred and Winston kept, the experience was soothing and almost hypnotic.
By the time Devon slowed, her lids were heavy and all her muscles were feeling a little like Jell-O. He dismounted, reaching one hand up for her. "Come on. I want to show you something."
Taking his offered hand just in case she struggled as much to get off as she had to get on, Janie slid down to the ground. Devon's hand was warm and strong in hers, and even once she was steady, he didn't let go, giving her palm a squeeze as he led her through the trees.
The ground started to angle, and her feet skidded a little, making her yelp. He glanced down at her sneakers. "We might have to get you some boots if we decide to make a habit of this."
Was that what he was planning? To make a habit of taking evening horseback rides together? She'd certainly spent her evenings in worse ways, but the constant reminder of the kind of woman she would never be—and things she would never have—had her feeling hesitant.
Right up until she saw what Devon was so excited about.
The trees in front of them opened up to reveal the rushing waters of a creek. Directly in front of them was a wide shelf of flat rock that dropped off to create a waterfall that was almost three feet high. It wasn't majestic or awe inspiring, but it was prettier than anything she'd ever had in her own backyard. Coupled with the horseback ride to get here, the little natural wonder felt a little magical.
"Holy crap. This is beautiful." Janie moved closer to the edge, crouching down to let her hands trail in the current. "It's also fucking cold."
Devon chuckled, lowering beside her. "It's not too bad in the summer. Still cold, but it feels refreshing then."
"I can imagine." She let her fingers drag through the water a few more seconds before flicking it away and wiping her skin dry on her jeans. "Thank you for bringing me here. It really is beautiful." She turned toward him and their eyes locked, th e intensity in his gaze making her breath seize in her lungs.
She should put some distance between them. Hell, she should run her ass all the way back to her car and drive away. Get as far from Devon and his horses and his waterfall and his butt-showcasing dad jeans as possible.
But no one had ever looked at her the way he was now. Like she wasn’t a failure with a bad attitude and a terrible track record.
His eyes moved over her face as he reached up to smooth back that damn piece of hair she’d cut as punishment for not staying where she put it, curving it behind one ear before tracing his fingers down the line of her jaw. “You’re really beautiful.”
It was a corny line, one she’d heard countless times before, but it hit differently coming from him. And without thinking, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his.
His mouth was firm and full, and before she could fully process what she’d done, Devon was pulling her close. One strong hand curved against the back of her neck as the other dragged her body to his. Dropping to his ass in the dirt, he hauled her across his lap, never once breaking the kiss she’d accidentally started.
The scent of his skin was amplified this close. It swarmed her senses, permeating every inch of her as he nipped at her lower lip, sucking gently before slicking his tongue along the seam of her mouth. She gasped at the sensation, the realization it brought, and Devon took full advantage, breaching her parted lips like he’d kissed her a thousand times before. No hesitati on. No uncertainty. Nothing about his kiss was questioning or cautious, but it also wasn’t demanding or possessive.
Devon Peters kissed like he knew exactly how much he was fucking her life up, and made no apologies for it.
Which is why she pulled her mouth from his and ran as fast as her fucking legs could move .