Chapter 18
18
Devon
JANIE WAS IN her head. He could practically see the conflicting thoughts flying around as she fought with herself over him. What he’d inadvertently done.
Or not done, in this case.
He fucked up. Did probably one of the worst things he could do to her without realizing it. Without meaning to. It would be easy to fall into the same line of thinking she had. To tell himself he forgot because he didn’t have the time or bandwidth for a relationship, going down the same doubt filled road Janie was on.
But he could make time for her. He could find the bandwidth to be what she deserved. What she needed. Because Janie was what he needed, and the past few minutes only made him more positive of it. She hadn’t pretended everything was fine when he pissed her off. She didn’t smile in his face and let her anger fester inside until it poisoned what was between them.
Would some people see her behavior as an overreaction? May be. But they didn’t know her the way he did. They didn’t understand what she’d been through. The way she saw the world.
The way she saw herself.
“What do you think, J?” He brushed a kiss over her lips, the motion already familiar. “Can I show you how good this can be between us?”
Her eyes moved over his face. “You don’t know that it would be good between us. It could be a whole train wreck.”
He smiled, because she was wrong. He did know, and couldn’t wait for her to see it too. “I’m up for the challenge.” He trailed his mouth along her jaw, skimming down the soft skin of her neck. “But you have to be the one to pull the trigger.”
The ball was in her court. Janie decided how fast or slow they went. He’d unwittingly sent them a few steps back, so if she wanted to spend the hour he had talking, that’s what they’d do.
And for a second, as she stared up at him, jaw set, expression resolute, he thought that might be where things were headed.
But then one sneaky hand had him hissing out a breath, her grip on his cock both welcome and unexpected. Her eyes locked onto his as a single word passed through her lips. “Bang.”
This woman. Holy hell was she a handful. She was loud and stubborn and determined and unflinching.
And it had him concerned about his ability to keep his shit together. To keep from rushing this. To keep from stripping her naked and burying his body in hers so he would finally know how it felt to have her around him.
His mouth crashed over hers as he ground against her, needing more friction. More of her against more of him.
He’d already removed his vest on the way over, feeling optimistic about how the evening would go. Even then, his optimism was limited to spending a little time with his mouth between her thighs, wringing a couple orgasms out of her before heading home.
But those plans had changed. Drastically.
Janie didn’t need to know how good he was—though he’d love nothing more than to show her—she needed to see how good they were. To feel how in sync they really were. How perfectly they fit.
And she seemed to realize it too.
He fought with his shirt, her hands frantic as they came to help, fingers working the buttons as he yanked at the fabric, trying to get loose. Her teeth bumped his lip, making it sting as he tugged his undershirt free of his pants, barely breaking contact to peel it off before claiming her mouth again.
Grabbing her own shirt, Janie wiggled under him as she worked it higher, grunting when it tangled at her armpits.
Pushing up to his knees, Devon snagged her by the arms, bringing her along with him before relieving her of the long-sleeved T-shirt she wore to work at The Baking Rack. Keeping her upright, he took advantage of her exposed back, reaching behind her for the clasp of her bra. When his hand met smooth fabric , he leaned to peer over her shoulder. “How do you get this thing off?”
Janie laughed, her head tipping back on the light sound. “It’s a sports bra, nerd.” She hooked her fingers into the elastic band at the bottom. “It goes over my head.”
He frowned at the tight fit. “It’s a fucking straitjacket is what it is.”
“Only when I’m sweaty.” She contorted her arms as she wiggled the stretchy garment up, making it about halfway before he dipped his head to pull the dark bud of one nipple into his mouth.
Janie moaned, her movements going still as he sucked in a steady pulse, pausing to flick at the tight pucker before drawing against it again.
He reached up to find the stretchy bra, picking up where she left off as he moved to the other nipple, teasing it as he worked the difficult to remove undergarment free. Once it was off, he pushed her back to the mattress, palms coming to cup the small mounds of her tits, pressing them together so he could move between them more easily. When her hands tangled in his hair, pulling tight, he groaned against her spit-slicked skin. He could spend all night on her tits, sucking and pinching and licking to see if he could make her come from that alone.
And one day he would. Not today though. He had an agenda and he needed to stick to it.
Lifting his head, he moved back to her lips, tongue sliding against hers as he worked the fly of her jeans open, pushing them down her hips, ta king the panties underneath along with them. His reach ran out when they were in the middle of her thighs, forcing him to lean back on his heels to get them all the way off. Once they were on the floor, he let his eyes roam over her, taking in every inch of her. She was long and lean. Narrow hips. Willowy limbs. Slim thighs. Almost delicate. A stark contrast to the personality packed into the body.
A body that had clearly been through some things.
He reached out to trace along a scar low on one side of her abdomen. “What happened here?”
“Appendix.” Her eyes went to where he followed the path of silvery skin. “It ruptured when I was sixteen. I almost died.”
The possibility hit close to home and brought on a storm of conflicting emotions. He moved away from the spot, needing to put it out of his mind, and found another, smaller scar just above the dark hair of her pubic line. “And this one?”
“Surgery to remove endometrial tissue a few years ago.” She traced across a matching scar to the left of the one he noticed. “They did it laparoscopically.”
It was evidence of one facet of her suffering. One point of her pain. He leaned down, tracing the small line with his lips. Repeating the process with the one under Janie’s finger. Lifting his eyes to her face, he asked, “Any more?”
She slid her finger to another small, barely noticeable line. “There. ”
He pressed a kiss to the scar, keeping his lips on her skin as he met her eyes again. “More?”
She shook her head. “No more.”
As much as he loved the feel of her skin under his lips, he was relieved there were no more scars. None that could be seen, anyway. He suspected Janie had still been broken many times, doing her best to reassemble the pieces. But there was no missing the cracks that remained, sometimes splitting wider when they were stressed. No amount of kisses would fix those. Only time. Time and patience.
Devon slid lower, hands curving under the backs of her thighs, spreading her legs wide. He kept his eyes on her face as he dragged the flat of his tongue up her seam, stifling a groan at how slick she was.
When he was younger and most of his friends were obsessed with fucking, he was obsessed with this. His mouth buried in the wet heat of a willing pussy, licking and sucking as a pair of soft thighs clenched around his ears.
Unfortunately, the single partner he'd had in his life up to this point hadn't been quite as interested in it. It was another sign he ignored. Pretended didn't matter. But it was another thing that sat between them. Slowly growing. Widening the gap he didn't see until it was too late.
It didn't appear he'd have that sort of issue with Janie. When his tongue settled on her clit, one hand came to fist in his hair while the other grabbed at the blanket beneath her back. The narrow line of her hips worked in small, rolling movements, chasing everything he gave.
His dick was so hard it was throbbing, the urge to thrust against the mattress nearly overwhelming. Next time. Next time he could come like this, the hard bud of her clit against his tongue, drowning in the taste of her.
He doubled down his efforts, the need to make her come overwhelming. The muscles of her thighs jerked and he lifted his eyes to her face, wanting to watch every expression as she came. But Janie didn't just lay there and take what he gave her. She pushed up on one elbow, her other hand still gripped in his hair, gaze locked on to where his mouth met her body. Watching with parted lips, her hips bucked, a low, ragged moan filling the air as her fingers tightened against his scalp.
She held him in place, both with her hand and with her stare, as her orgasm dragged out. When it was done, she fell back against the mattress, knees falling open, one arm slung across her eyes. "That was..."
"Not all." Taking advantage of her need for a break, Devon stood at the foot of the bed, shucking the rest of his clothes before retrieving the condom he brought just in case and crawling over her. He nosed along her neck. “Unless you want it to be.”
Janie’s lips curved, her expression soft and sweet. “You set a pretty high precedent. You sure you want to try to follow that up?”
“Positive.” He didn’t hesitate.
Her dark brows lifted. “Someone’s confident in themselves. ”
Devon shook his head. “I’m confident in us. That’s different.” Sex wasn’t just one person performing for another. It wasn’t a one-sided sort of thing.
Shouldn’t be anyway.
“Your confidence in my half of the equation is wrong, because so far I’ve just laid here.” Janie’s hands skimmed down his chest, their destination clear.
He caught them before she could get past his waist. “And that’s all you’re going to be doing this round.” He lifted her fingers to his lips, nipping the tip of her pointer. “It’s been a while, and I’d like to make it through the night with my pride intact.”
“Full disclosure,” Janie wiggled, fighting his grip, “that makes me want to behave even less.”
“Shocker.” He tightened his hold on her just in case, bringing both arms over her head. “Janie wants to be a pain in the ass. Never saw that one coming.”
The sound of her laugh filled the room, changing the moment into something new. Something so much more than he could have planned or hoped for. Something that wasn’t just about need or desire or sex.
It was about connection. Real and raw and true.
“I have kind of lost the element of surprise with you, haven’t I?” She continued squirming, her body brushing his, and he gritted his teeth against this new side of her. This new side of intimacy.
He came here with a goal in mind. Focused. Determined. Ready to do whatever it took to show her what he wanted her to see. Instead he was the one having his eyes opened.
Devo n traced her lips with his. “You are full of surprises, J.” Keeping her wrists in place with one hand, he collected the condom with the other, bringing it to his mouth so he could pinch one corner with his teeth, carefully tearing it open.
It wasn’t the preferred method, but desperate times.
Sliding the rubber free, he let the foil fall and went to work sliding the protective layer into place.
“I can’t get pregnant.” Janie’s hushed words lifted his eyes to her face. “Just so you know.” Sadness lined the explanation and flooded her expression.
A little of the fire licking through his veins cooled. Releasing her hands he traced along her cheek, leaning close. “I’m sorry.”
Janie lifted one shoulder in a small shrug, her freed hands sliding over his chest. “It is what it is, right?” Her lips twisted into a wry smile. “It’s not like I had anyone banging down my door to knock me up.” Her expression fell even more. “And it’s not like I could have done it on my own.”
Devon rested his forehead to hers, hand curved along the side of her head. “I don’t believe that for a second. You are the most stubborn, determined woman I’ve ever met. You make shit happen, J. You would have made that happen too.”
Janie’s eyes searched his face, brows tipped up in the middle. “You think?”
He smiled. “I know.”
She blinked a few times, eyes soft. Then she leaned up, hooking one arm around his neck, dragging his mouth to hers. Her legs wrapped arou nd his back, pulling his hips into the cradle of her thighs, the hard line of his cock sliding against her slick slit.
Her nails scratched at his skin. Her teeth raked his lip. Her heels dug into his ass, urging him closer.
Again, the mood turned on a dime, and all he could do was ride the wave, just like he’d promised to do.
Shifting to make room between their bodies, he angled his hips, notching the head of his dick into place, then slowly pressed, sinking into her heat at a painfully slow pace. He was about three quarters of the way in when she sucked in a sharp breath, body stiffening. He went still, stopping in his tracks. “J?”
“It’s fine.” Her voice was tight. Strained.
“No.” He waited for her to look at him. “It’s not fine. What’s wrong?”
“I just…” She looked everywhere but at his face. “I’m a little tender down there right now since my period starts tomorrow.”
He looked down at where their bodies were joined. “I have an idea.” He angled one brow in question. “You want to try it?”
Janie pressed her lips together and gave him a quick nod.
Shifting around, he unhooked her legs from around his waist, bringing them flat to the mattress before tucking them between his, locking them tight together with his knees. In this position, he couldn’t come close to bottoming out since the V of her thighs was in his way, making it much less likely he’d ge t deep enough to cause her discomfort.
His next thrust was slow. He watched her face as his front flattened against hers, his entry stopped short by her pelvis. He was still squeezed tight all the way to the root thanks to the press of her thighs, and it nearly had his eyes rolling back in his head.
He blinked a few times, finding his focus and putting it on Janie. There was no sign of pain on her face so he stroked into her again. This time Janie’s eyes widened, her lips circling on a surprised sounding, “Oh.”
“That a good, oh ?” He pressed into her again, watching as his sheathed dick slid free before sinking back in.
“A very good, oh .” Janie’s fingers dug into his biceps, nails pinching his skin as he moved a little faster. “Don’t stop.”
He couldn’t feel how wet she was, but he could hear it, and the sound was driving him fucking crazy. Pushing him closer and closer to spilling.
But he wasn’t going alone.
Bringing one hand to tease a nipple, he changed his angle, dragging the length of his cock along her clit with each thrust.
“Holy shit, Devon.” Janie’s body jerked beneath his, twitching each time he passed across the tiny collection of nerve endings he was counting on to help her get where he wanted her to go. “I’m going to come again.”
He’d have to warn her about saying shit like that, because the words had barely cleared her lips before his balls were pulling tight, egged on b y knowing she was about to milk the cum right out of him.
Luckily Janie was right behind him, wailing as he groaned, her orgasm and the flex of her pussy amplifying his own climax until he was sure he might black out.
Lose both his hearing and his sight.
To be fair, he’d lost just about everything else to the woman under him. What were a couple more things ?