Chapter 36
“What’s this?” Bode kisses my head as he wanders into the kitchen.
Pouring himself a cup of coffee. He leans against the counter in low-hanging jeans, his bare torso bathed in the morning sun.
He watches me as he brings the mug to his lips, a few strands of dark hair falling loose from how he’s pushed it back with his fingers.
It’s been nice having him in the house, leaving less time for the ghosts to whisper nasty things to me.
After a week of finally letting my brain settle, I feel a little clearer and a little lighter.
Bode’s been here every step of the way, and at this point, he’s all but living in this haunted house with me.
We’ve gone back and forth about selling the place, it’s been mostly me arguing with myself about it while Bode supports any decision I might land on. Unfortunately, I still can’t decide, but he doesn’t seem to mind too much either way.
I set the pen down and lean on the palm of my hand, not answering him because if I open my mouth, drool might fall from it.
Maybe sex is the answer. A distraction.
Guilt chews at the thought. That’s not me, and lately I don’t know who that looks like, but it’s not that. I swallow tightly, giving him one last look, and return to my list as he moves across the kitchen to investigate what food is in the fridge.
“Does Joleen know what a cow looks like?” he huffs. “There’s nothing but vegetables in this fridge.”
I laugh gently and write down ‘grocery store’ on the list below ‘funeral home’ and ‘call the lawyers.’ The list is blunt, most of it is housework that needs to be done before I can even consider selling the place.
“I can get those.” He points to the list with an apple curled in his other fingers, and I look up at him. “And that…” he says, cleaning it on his pants. “Actually, do you have a clean piece of paper?”
“Bode, you don’t have to do anything. I’m okay.
” I don’t move to get him anything, and he stares at me like I’ve hurt his delicate cowboy feelings.
Okay, is subjective, and I still feel the earth is spinning a little faster than normal.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get my balance, but it’s better this morning.
With Bode here, even having him close gives my nervous system a chance to relax.
At least long enough to start taking care of my responsibilities.
“Maggie, whether or not you want me to, I’m fixing it.” Bode stands his ground, and I want to be annoyed but he makes it so damn hard to be that way.
“I didn’t ask you to,” I tell him.
“You never have to,” he responds with practiced conviction, and it takes my breath away as he kneels beside the kitchen chair, wrapping his arm around my waist and pressing his fingers into my back. “You worry about your Mama, I’ll worry about the house.”
“I don’t even know where to start with that,” I admit with a sad huff of air, biting back the tears.
“Well, if you’d give me a piece of paper…” he complains, looking up at me with a soft smile. “If you’re gonna sell it, Maggie, it needs help.”
“I know.” I nod, agreeing with him.
“Even if you don’t, if you’re gonna live here, at least let me fix the windows so the cool air stays out, and maybe the roof. It’s leaking in the bathroom, and the melting snow is making it worse,” he explains.
“Alright,” I say. “But don’t go crazy.”
“Me?” he scoffs, and the light catches in his blue eyes. “Never.” He stands up to his full height again, and I let my fingers trail over his stomach to the waist of his jeans, hooking there so he doesn’t drift too far.
“Cowboy,” I huff.
“I promise not to go crazy,” he says with a serious tone.
“Now give me some paper. I ain't asking again,” he warns. I slide him some, and before I can stop him, Bode dips his head down to steal a kiss before he’s moving around the house, making notes.
At some point, he’s got his phone out and is taking pictures of things I didn’t even know needed fixing.
I sigh, but there’s no point in stopping him now, he’s on a mission.
I laugh to myself, finishing my coffee and stare at Mama’s empty chair across the table from me. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?” I say to the void. “He’s a man possessed.”
The floorboards creak above me, and I know it’s him, but it feels like she’s answering me. “You never could leave anything alone, and if you think for one second dying was how to slow me down, I’ll have you know it was rude and uncalled for. You stubborn, mean old woman.”
The wind blows across the house, and the green house door slams closed, startling me from my trance as Bode wanders back into the kitchen.
“What do you want to do about the greenhouse?” he asks me, and I should have expected that it’s on the list, but I can’t tell him because I don’t know.
I rise from my seat to wander over to the kitchen window.
The whole yard seems a little grey now. It’s sunny out, but a fog hangs over the building that wasn’t there before.
The glass appears dingy, and the trees around it all feel more dead than they ever have.
“I don’t know,” I admit.
He’s wearing a shirt now, a navy button-down that fits tight to his arms, and even though it covers all my favorite parts of him, he looks handsome.
“We can take it down-”
“I said I don’t know.” I snap, not meaning to sound cold.
Even the thought of him taking it down triggers something deep inside of me.
Mama spent all her life there, she died there.
The greenhouse meant more to her than the house, and even though the thought of walking inside made me ill, the idea of tearing it down squeezes like a vice around my throat.
“I’m on your side Magnolia, you just need to tell me where to stand.
” He reminds me, and his knuckles brush over my shoulder before he wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest. “When Da died, Levi got dark. He was so wound up about carrying on the Walker legacy that he forgot that he was grieving, and I think it messed him up.”
“Levi’s fine,” I grumble. “He’s got more spirit than anyone at Whiskey River.”
“It’s a farce,” Bode huffs, his breath warm against my head.
“He’s still running in this line that if he can be the best, then he’s honoring Da in some way.
Most people write eulogies, we have funerals, we say goodbye.
Levi won’t stop moving until he proves a point, that or the spirit of Da will put him in the dirt. ”
“Oh, don’t talk like that,” I say, squeezing him tighter.
I never knew all of that about him and his brother, how twisty things got between them, and how dark Levi is.
I guess he’s just good at hiding it from people, but I don’t think he’s even been able to hide it from his brother.
Not from the look in Bode’s eyes, he’s seen every moment, good or bad, and rode out that bronco right beside Levi so that he wasn’t doing it alone.
Layers, there are so many layers to Bode.
“We all grieve differently, Wildflower. There ain't no wrong in that, and I’ve made my peace with how Levi does that. I do what I can to keep him alive, I support his dream, and I do it with a smile on my face because that’s what he needs.
” Bode swallows hard. “Grieve how you need, I’m not going anywhere. ”
I turn my head up to look at him, and he cups my chin between his fingers. “For a man raised without a mother’s touch, you sure are soft to the core, Bode Walker.”
“Only for you,” he whispers, his eyes never leaving mine.
“Even worse,” I tease, and he swallows the sound of my gentle laugh with his lips as he kisses me slowly.