Chapter 38
Ifeel Bode’s hand squeeze mine, but my eyes won’t move from her face. They made her look like she’s sleeping, and something in my stomach twists. There were so many nights that I stood in her doorway, listening to the sound of her soft breaths that the church feels almost… wrong without them.
“Wildflower.”
‘They’re resilient, Magnolia, like you.’
I can hear her even now, and it’s making it nearly impossible to hold myself together.
Bode whispers into my hair, tugging me gently into his side. “Tell me what you need.” He lets go of my hand to rest his on the small of my back. Shielding me from the line of people behind me waiting to say their goodbyes.
Mama spent so much time here that I almost forgot she knew pretty much everyone in this town.
I didn’t want this. Mama’s death to be some sort of town spectacle.
Half of these faces I haven’t seen since I was a kid, and the other half?
I haven’t seen since before Mama got sick.
Before her mind betrayed her and people started to forget her.
“I want this to be over,” I rasp, the words catching in my throat, and finally tear my gaze away from Mama to look up at him. I don’t know what I expect, maybe for him to give me a speech about getting through it, or something about putting a smile on for a bit longer, but all Bode does is nod.
“I love you, Mama,” I say quietly.
His eyes scan the room, and he tilts his chin to someone before tightening his grip on me and guiding me away from the crowd despite grumbled whispers about where I’m going.
“Bode, I gotta…” I turn before he can lead me out the door.
“It’s over.” He pushes the door open, and standing outside are Ford and Aunt Dot.
Levi follows us outside, blocking the door in his suit and tie. I’m not even sure why he came, but it seems like they all did. Crew stands with his arm around Logan at the tail end of the truck, beside Peter. They all came.
“You don’t need to be doing anything,” Dot reminds me as Ford opens the back door.
The three of them block me from any conversation, and I want to say no, to go back inside and put on a brave face but I don’t think they’d let me if I tried.
“Bode, go get her a plate of food,” Dot says over my shoulder, and he goes to leave but I reach out for him.
“I-”
“I’ll go,” Ford clears his throat, leaving the back door open and wandering around us.
“I should stay,” I say to Dot. “It’s respectful.”
“Oh, to who?” She tilts her head to the side and offers the softest of smiles. “Today’s about letting go, Magnolia. It’s not about shaking hands, being polite, or making small talk. All those people in there have lost enough people in their lives to know that, they’re just fools.”
“I can handle fools.” I try to smile.
“I made a promise to my sister a long time ago that I’d protect her kin the same way I protect my own.
” Her eyes drift to Bode. “So let me do that today. I handle the fools. You go home, take a bath, eat,” she says as she takes the plate from Ford as he returns.
“And you don’t think about any of this.”
Logan steps out of Crew’s arms and moves toward me, taking my hand and giving me a squeeze. “Thank you for being here.”
“We don’t need that, Maggie,” she says. “We’re here for you.
Now listen to Dot before you get us all in trouble.
” I do as I’m told, letting Bode help me into the back without any more protest. Logan joins me in the back, and Levi takes the keys from his brother before getting in the front with Peter.
“You’re not coming?” I ask Bode, not letting him close the door without an answer.
“I’ll stay, help Dottie. You go.” He leans in, letting his head tilt upwards as he kisses me. I don’t want to let him go when he pulls back, but he gives me a look that instills a little more confidence before he closes the door.
“Now that I have you two away from grumpy one and two, what do you want to do?” Levi turns in his seat to look at us. But I have no suggestions, and Logan looks at him like he wants to hit him.
“We could raid Dottie's cabinet,” Peter says, flipping off his hat to set it on the dashboard.
“Peter,” Levi scoffs, feigning offense with a cheeky grin on his face. “I forgot you were here for a second, but I’m sure glad you are. Booze, and…” he looks down at the pathetic plate of grey food and sweets. “Real food,” he hums, turning back in his seat.
Levi pulls us out from the funeral home and away from all of the grief and chaos that’s stuffed inside of it. The silence on his end lasts about thirty seconds before he opens his mouth again. “So Maggie, what exactly are your intentions with my brother?”
“Levi,” Logan groans as the truck rolls to a stop at a light.
“What? As his little brother, I have to ask,” Levi smirks in the rearview mirror.
“Ask me again when I’m drunk,” I say, and Peter snorts from the passenger seat. It seems to satiate his curiosity because he makes record time getting back to the ranch.
Peter beelines to the cabinet in the dining room while Logan and I strip off our jackets and start digging through the fridge. “Whiskey or Vodka?”’
“Both,” Levi’s voice chimes out at the same time as mine.
“So hold on,” Logan holds up her shot glass, “you’re telling me that Cam got thrown in lockup for streaking through town?”
“I can’t believe you didn’t know,” Peter’s still shoving spoonfuls of mashed potatoes in his mouth.
His dirty, ash-brown hair is sticking in every direction, and his smile has gone from nervous to lopsided with every shot.
The kitchen is a mess from making three different meals because Logan wanted spaghetti, Peter wanted mashed potatoes, and both Levi and I wanted chicken soup.
“It was…” Peter smirks, tilting his head back to look at Logan. “Impressive. Makes me wonder what… uh…”
“If you cross that line right now, drunk or not, I’ll sic Maggie ‘Mike Tyson’ Dalton on you.” Logan threatens, and I groan.
“Better me than Cammy, he’s too pretty to sport a shiner.” Peter laughs.
“He’s not wrong,” Levi agrees with a laugh.
“I’m not punching anybody!” I pretend to take a sip of the vodka, but the smell of it is making me want to vomit after the last night out. So I force a smile, chase the invisible shots with water, and hand them off to Logan, who doesn’t seem to mind.
Levi notices, but it doesn’t matter, it’s not about that. He’s successfully put a smile on my face. He gives me a wink as I slide the shot to her, and she downs it without blinking.
“Boo,” Logan hollers to cover our tracks, still believing that Levi is none the wiser. “If more of these men got hit, our lives would be easier.”
“She’s fun drunk,” Levi laughs.
“Fuck you.” Logan throws a spoonful of potato at him.
“He’s right, I’ve never seen you drunk and it’s hilarious… no offence.” Peter reaches for the bottle of whiskey and takes a swig.
Logan reaches out and tugs on his hair. “I can promise you I hit harder than Maggie, you shithead, and Crew’s not here to save you.”
Peter clams up and sits straight up on the island away from her. Levi watches me the entire afternoon like I might explode and he’d have to explain to Bode what happened. I look around at the destruction and sigh. “We should clean this up before-”
“Dot gets home?” Dot interrupts me from the doorway with both hands on her hips.
“Yeah, that!” Peter laughs, but his smile drops when he realizes who said it. “Oh, sorry, ma’am.” He slides off her island to the floor, nearly falling over in his socks as he goes, but Logan catches him by the arm with a tight smile on her face.
“Logan, will you help Peter to the bunkhouse?” Dot asks, and Logan doesn’t even say a word, she shuffles him to the door.
“What about my boots?” Peter angles back as Levi throws them at him.
The screen door slams closed, leaving us alone with her, and even though I’m nervous to get yelled at, Levi seems at ease still. Like he can do no wrong and when Dot ignores him, pouring a glass of whiskey, I realize that the statement is true. He really can’t.
“I hope you four got it out of your system.” Dot looks over the mess, but there’s a gentle, unbothered smile on her face.
“Dottie darlin’, do you have peach juice?” Levi asks her, head in the fridge.
“It’s at the back, bottom shelf. Use those baby blues for something useful, Levi,” she brushes off his question and starts to pile dirty dishes in the sink for rinsing. Levi keeps moving around, digging out brown sugar from the cabinet, and swipes the vodka to move it closer to him.
“What are you doing?” I swallow tightly as he dumps the vodka on top of the whiskey.
“Making peach tea.” He sounds confident, but the second he drops three spoonfuls of sugar inside my stomach turns.
“You’re looking green, Maggie-Mae,” he pauses.
“It’s delicious, I promise.” He stirs it up and slides the brownish-orange drink towards me.
The second it hits my nose, everything I’ve eaten threatens to evacuate my body immediately.
I dart from the kitchen and into the main floor bathroom, sticking my head in the toilet with barely enough time to keep it all contained to the porcelain. I hear Levi and Dot following. A pair of hands collects my hair up in her hands as I empty the contents into the bowl angrily.
“That’s it, get it up,” she coaxes gently, and when I’m done, Levi hands me a glass of water. “Now what was that all about?”
“Must’ve been the alcohol,” I coughed once, taking another sip of water. Dot takes this as a reasonable answer and wanders from the bathroom as Levi squats down in his boots.
“All the alcohol you didn’t drink…” he eyes me.
“Maybe it was something I ate?” I change my story cause I’m not really even sure.
“Come on, I’ll help you upstairs. You should get some sleep.” Levi extends his hand to me, and I take it, allowing him to pull me up off the floor.
“This afternoon was nice, thank you,” I say as we reach the bottom of the stairs. It’s not a lie, I’d been so distracted that I forgot about everything else going on for a little while.
“Anything for family,” Levi smiles. “Oh yeah, to revisit that…”
“Not today, Levi,” I shush him. “I ain’t got it in me to defend my feelings for your brother.”
“As long as there’s feelings to defend,” he winks and lets me climb the stairs. “Night, Maggie.”
“Goodnight, Levi.”