CHAPTER 8 #3
“You know,” Lou said, glancing over at me as she pulled rolls from the oven and set them on the counter. “I’ve never seen Ruby take to someone the way she has with you.” She leaned her hip against the counter, her arms folded over her apron. “It’s nice to hear her laugh like that.”
Something in her tone pulled me up short, and I turned to fully face her. “She seems like a really good kid.” I wiped the last of the potato from my finger, feeling too exposed under the weight of her gaze.
“She is,” Lou replied as she gathered up a handful of silverware and arranged it into neat bundles.
“She’s the sweetest girl, but she hasn’t had the easiest go of it these last couple of years.
” Her hands moved quickly, lining up forks and knives, but her voice slowed and softened.
“Even with all of us here fussing over her.”
I didn’t know what to say or what she meant, but I looked over my shoulder at the direction Ruby had disappeared. “It’s easy to see how loved she is,” I finally offered, glancing back to find Lou watching me.
“She is,” she said again, her lips pressing together. “But that doesn’t always make up for what’s missing.”
“What’s missing?” I asked, even when I knew I shouldn’t.
Lou didn’t answer right away. She gathered a small bowl in her hands and began brushing butter across the tops of the rolls with a careful, methodical hand. Silence stretched until I wished I hadn’t asked.
“I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “I shouldn’t have?—”
“Her mama left,” she said quietly, glancing down the hall. “It’s just been Colt and Ruby since she was three.”
The words dropped between us with the weight of an anchor, and I could only stare at her, unable to make sense of what I’d heard.
Her mother left.
Lou’s words hit me hard, the ache radiating until it settled in my chest. Ruby hadn’t spoken a word about her mother, and I hadn’t asked.
We had laughed, she’d clung to me, and I hadn’t even considered that her mom wasn’t in the picture.
I’d spent the last twenty-four hours preparing to hate this woman, to resent her for this life she’d created with Colt and Ruby, and she wasn’t even here.
I had been jealous of this life she’d never stayed to build.
Shame dragged through me, but right behind it came something I didn’t expect. Protectiveness.
She had left Ruby just as my father had left.
Like I’d left people who loved me, too.
My mouth opened and closed. “I— I didn’t know.”
Lou gave me a look full of sadness. “Colt didn’t tell you?”
I winced and chanced a look over my shoulder at the back porch.
They were all still out there, June sitting in the middle of them and making them laugh, but Colt was watching me through the glass, his expression unreadable.
Our eyes locked as he lifted a beer to his lips, and I turned away, my stomach twisting. “Colt and I haven’t really talked.”
Lou pressed her palm to the countertop, steadying herself.
“It hasn’t been easy,” she said, her voice so quiet I stepped closer to hear her.
“Colt does everything he can, but he’s had the weight of this whole family on his shoulders for years now.
Owen’s had heart issues, and then…well, we all thought maybe she’d come back.
But she’s—” Lou’s lips pressed together so tight they disappeared.
“She called once since she’s been gone. They hadn’t planned to get married, and she apparently wasn’t ready to be a mother.
” She sighed. “Ruby doesn’t remember her much, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel it. ”
Hunter’s deep roll of laughter came from the porch. But in here, Lou and I stared at one another. Her hands shook as she reached for a stack of plates, and I quickly moved around the island and took them from her. “I—” I closed my eyes, my throat tight with anger. “How could she leave her?”
Lou let out a slow exhale, the kind that sounded like she’d held it for years.
“Some people aren’t built for staying,” she said as her eyes searched mine, “and sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is love them while they go.” She wiped her hands on her apron with more force than necessary and glanced toward the porch.
“It’s taken every one of us to make it work with Colt having so much responsibility around the ranch now, but we make sure that Ruby never wonders if she’s enough. ”
Guilt twisted through me not only for Ruby, but for Lou, for June, for all the people I’d left behind.
I hadn’t even been able to pick up the phone and call Lou after everything she’d always done for me.
I was a coward, and I had spent so long running that I hadn’t thought about how much I’d left.
It had been so easy to convince myself that leaving was only about Colt and me, but I’d run from them, too.
Lou’s eyes flickered over my face, and I could almost feel her reading the thoughts as they passed through me.
“I’m sorry.” The words slipped out. “I should have called or written or—” I swallowed. “You didn’t deserve that.”
Her face fell, and she reached out to take my hand in hers.
Her palm was warm against mine, and her grip was firm.
“Oh, my girl. That’s not what I meant. You have nothing to apologize for, not to me, anyway.
” She squeezed my hand, and I tried not to crumble under it all.
“We all have to do what we have to do to survive this world.”
I looked down at her hand, at the gold band wrapped around her finger, and that ache in my chest felt like it was pressing down on me. It pulsed in my lungs until I felt like I was drowning on nothing but air.
“I missed you,” I said, my voice shaking. “I missed everyone so much, but I—” I choked on the next words, feeling suddenly so small and so foolish. “Colt and I?—”
Lou let go of my hand only to pull me in, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and rocking me gently. “I know.” Her breath was warm against my cheek.
I sucked in a deep breath, and Lou let go enough to see my face.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked softly, and I nodded. “Why’d you listen to your dad after everything you went through to stay here? Why did you leave?”
There was hope in her eyes, like I’d still tell her it had all been a big misunderstanding, some cosmic joke, and I could have lied. But I’d never been able to lie to her.
“Colt told me to go.” My voice broke around the words, and there was no masking the hurt in them.
“He said it would be better for us, that we both needed space, and that I—” My chest ached, like all the years I’d spent trying to forget that night had collapsed inside me.
“That my father could give me things I would never find here. He could pay for college and take care of me.”
I swallowed hard, blinking fast, but the heat behind my eyes refused to go away. The memory of that night—the way I’d screamed at him and begged him not to do it, the way he just stood there with his jaw clenched, letting us burn to ash—would never go away despite how hard I tried to forget it.
“He told me he couldn’t be the one to do it anymore.” I sucked in a breath until my lungs burned. “That I was holding him back.”
The glass door to the porch pushed open with a loud screech, and I jumped back from Lou as footsteps sounded behind us. A tear fell down my cheek, and I swiped my hand over it frantically, forcing my lips into a smile.
“Blaire,” Lou called, her voice soft with concern, but I was already retreating, each step carrying me further from the truth I’d spilled across her kitchen floor.
“I’ll be right back,” I called over my shoulder, my voice wavering despite my desperate attempt to sound normal. “I need to use the bathroom really quick.” I fled down the hallway where Ruby had disappeared, my vision blurring with each step.
The hallway was dimmer, cooler, but I didn’t make it more than a few steps before I nearly collided with a broad chest.
Colt.
His hands shot out, steadying me, and I couldn’t breathe. Of course he was the one who’d come inside. His scent surrounded me as he bent down enough to search my eyes, and I prayed he couldn’t see the tears that were threatening to spill over.
I tried to slip past him, but he didn’t let go. He stood there, his hands cupped around the backs of my arms, where his thumbs traced small, invisible circles. The pressure was nothing, barely there, but every drag of his thumbs felt like a brand I couldn’t escape.
“What’s wrong?” His voice was soft but demanding. I tried to look away from him, but he ducked his head so his eyes could find mine again.
“Nothing,” I lied, sinking my teeth into the inside of my cheek. “Your mom was working me to death, and I need a minute.”
My body betrayed me, leaning toward him even as I tried to pull away.
“You were never a good liar.” The blue of his eyes held too much concern, and I couldn’t stand to look into them.
“I’m fine. I’m not your concern.” I forced myself to pull out of his hold, and he didn’t stop me.