CHAPTER 11
COLT
I t was still daylight outside, but the house was dark except for the flickering of the TV. I didn’t spot them at first. They were a tangle of arms and legs on the couch, sleeping so deeply that neither of them shifted as I entered the house.
I stood there watching my daughter. She was sprawled across Blaire’s chest, face mashed in her neck, blanket tangled around them both. Blaire’s arm was slung protectively over her, while the other cupped Ruby’s cheek.
I could have stood there forever soaking in the image of the two of them, but that would do me no good. They looked too natural, like Blaire was always meant to fit there, and that scared the hell out of me.
And there it was, the reason I’d set hard rules for myself. I’d never let Ruby get attached to any of my fleeting relationships. Not the women who saw me as a rescue project, and not the ones who offered to help just so they could peek inside our life.
So, I let no one in, not really. No introductions. No sleepovers. Nothing that might make Ruby think someone could stay, or worse, make her hope they would.
But watching Blaire with her, I could feel that line start to blur. I’d spent years protecting Ruby, and in just days, I could see how easily Blaire could ruin it all.
I tried to swallow the dry, hot longing rising in my throat as I moved closer. Ruby’s breaths were steady, and she let out the tiniest snore in her sleep. Her skin was cool under my fingertips.
I crouched at the edge of the couch in front of them, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I let myself look at Blaire.
For the first time since she left, I let myself really see her.
Her hair was longer than it had been before, and I noted more freckles across her face now that she wasn’t wearing makeup.
I reached for her shoulder but hesitated. The memory of her falling asleep just like this, curled into me with her hair fanned out over my chest, hit me, and all the years apart fell away in an instant.
My body betrayed me with every heartbeat—muscles remembering her curves, lungs craving her scent, fingertips burning to trace her collarbone. The rise and fall of her chest hypnotized me, and I wanted to drown in her.
I finally pressed my fingers against her shoulder, feeling the warmth of her skin through the thin cotton of her shirt, and shook her gently.
She blinked a few times, her dark lashes fluttering against her cheeks, and snuggled closer to Ruby.
I shook her again, my fingertips lingering longer than necessary.
Her head turned toward me, eyes unfocused as they locked on me. Her face was unguarded, and her gaze traveled across mine like fingers tracing a half-forgotten map.
But then her body went rigid beneath my daughter, and Ruby’s face scrunched in protest as she let out a sleepy groan and burrowed deeper into Blaire’s neck.
“I’m sorry.” She shook her head, looking away from me. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“Don’t apologize.” My voice came out hoarse, so I cleared my throat. “Has she been asleep long?”
Blaire’s eyes flicked to Ruby, then back to me.
“Maybe an hour.” Her expression softened as she brushed hair from Ruby’s cheek. “Honestly, I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep. Her fever broke, and we were watching Tangled .”
She’d taken care of my daughter so well when she’d needed her, and I hated how much I liked it.
The sight of Blaire touching my kid with so much gentleness made me want to crawl out of my skin.
It felt right and wrong at the same damn time, and all I could do was nod and pretend it wasn’t unraveling me on the inside.
I opened my mouth, searching for words to cut through the heavy quiet, when Blaire’s voice found me first.
“You look different.”
“Different?” The word came out with a nervous laugh as her gaze traveled over my jaw, my lips, my eyes.
“Yeah.” She nodded as her gaze snagged on my lips.
“It has been ten years. You can’t really blame a man for looking older.”
“It’s not that.” She shook her head and finally met my eyes again. “You look tired.”
“Wow, Blaire,” I laughed. “You’re great for a man’s ego.”
Her words were raw, real, and not untrue. I was tired.
“You don’t need my help for that.” Her gaze fell back to my mouth. “You grew a mustache.”
This time I did laugh, unable to hold it back. “I did. Do you not like it?”
She narrowed her eyes, and everything about this moment, about the way she was looking at me, reminded me of the Blaire that had been mine.
“I didn’t say that.” A ghost of a smile played on her lips. “But I’m sure all the ladies around here love it. Is that how you get them?”
I felt the corners of my mouth twitch up. “What ladies? I’m a little busy for ladies, Blaire.”
Her hand ran over the back of Ruby’s head. “Could’ve fooled me,” Blaire whispered as she tugged the blanket higher over Ruby. “But she is cute.”
Her eyes didn’t linger on mine long enough for me to figure out what she was actually thinking, but my throat tightened as I traced my thumb across Ruby’s cheek.
“Are you talking about my mustache or my kid?” I asked, lowering my voice so I wouldn’t wake Ruby.
Blaire’s eyes caught the dim light from the TV, reflecting it back with a challenge I hadn’t seen in a long time.
“I was talking about Ruby. That thing on your face…” She squinted at me, like she needed to see it from all angles. “It’s a little slutty.”
A laugh burst from my chest. “Slutty?”
Blaire shrugged as her lips twitched, but I knew damn well she was fighting back a real smile. “That’s what I said.”
“How the hell can a mustache be slutty?” I ran my fingers over the facial hair and her eyes tracked the movement.
“I don’t make the rules, Colt. It just makes you look—” She trailed off, so I finished her sentence for her.
“Slutty?” I cocked a brow.
“Exactly.” She lifted one of her hands and motioned to my entire face. “Slutty.”
I laughed again, and she looked so lost in the movement that she allowed her eyes to track over every part of me. “I may be giving off the wrong impression as a single dad. Maybe I should shave it.”
“No.” The word rushed out of her before she pressed her lips together and her cheeks flushed pink. “It suits you.”
“It suits me to look slutty? I’m not sure if you’re insulting me or not.”
She shrugged again, eyes flicking away from me. “I guess you’ll never know.”
My chest ached with how easy this felt, and I was so fucking glad she couldn’t see inside my head.
My thoughts were a mess, colliding so fast I couldn’t catch one before the next hit.
Every laugh, every smile, every second only made it worse, stirring up this hunger for someone who wasn’t mine anymore.
“You look different too, you know?”
Her eyes darted up to mine, startled, like she’d thought only she’d been allowed to notice the changes time had carved into a person.
“I look exactly the same,” she said, tone flat but too quick, a bluff called out with the cards already on the table.
I shook my head, refusing to let her wriggle out of it. “No, you don’t.”
She pressed her lips together, and I could see it in every small twitch of her mouth. She wanted to argue, but she didn’t. Blaire had always had something to say, but the silence between us now was more fraught than any fight we’d ever had.
There was a hardness around her eyes that hadn’t been there before, a narrowing, like the world had taught her to expect the worst and she’d learned the lesson a little too well.
“You’ve got more freckles on the bridge of your nose,” I said. “And here,” I added, reaching out before I could think twice. I traced my fingers over the line of her jaw and the cluster of new freckles.
She held her breath as if afraid to inhale me. Her eyes flicked to my hand, then back to my face, and for a second, everything else faded out. She shivered, just a little, and I should have pulled back. I should have remembered all the reasons this was a bad idea.
But I let my thumb rest against her skin, just below her ear. “And here.”
She tilted her chin up, almost imperceptibly, and her breath caught in her throat. My heart thudded so loud I was certain she could hear it through the bone and flesh between us.
“We’ve changed, but so much has stayed the same, hasn’t it?
” I met her eyes, and the air between us thickened until it felt like she was the only thing I could breathe in.
Her pupils dilated slightly, and I watched her throat work as she swallowed, neither of us willing to be the first to look away.
“Colt,” she whispered my name, and I knew I had to stop this.
“Thank you for picking her up.” I dragged my gaze away from Blaire and focused on the faint freckles that bloomed across Ruby’s nose that always reminded me of her. “I should get her home.”
“Of course.” She shifted slightly beneath Ruby.
I moved forward, my hands sliding beneath my daughter’s small frame, fingers brushing against the cotton of Blaire’s shirt as I lifted Ruby’s dead weight from her chest. She was heavy with sleep, and her clothes were damp where her fever had broken.
Her head lolled against my shoulder as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
I leaned in, touched my cheek to her temple, and even though I tried not to, my gaze drifted back to Blaire.
She looked away fast, as if I had caught her intruding.
Her hands curled into the couch cushion, and then she stood as I adjusted Ruby in my arms. Blaire’s body brushed against mine for the briefest moment, and the contact shot heat straight through me, so sudden and damning I stumbled over my next words.
“She really likes you, you know?”
Blaire’s face went still. “I like her too.”
Her words came out barely above a whisper, and I let myself read between the lines, hunting for all the maybes and almosts and what-ifs that might have been hidden between the syllables.