Chapter Seven
S arah had caught Ray standing outside the barn waiting for Cooper to show. When he didn’t, Sarah took it upon herself to drive the pickup the short distance from the house in the rain and find out what he was waiting for.
“Cooper was supposed to be giving me a ride into town,” was all he told her.
“The storm must have delayed them. I can give you a ride. Where do you want to go?”
Ray demurred. “That’s unnecessary, Sarah.”
“Ray. I have to go into town anyway. Get in.”
He looked ready to balk, but she insisted, opening the door from the inside. “Get in.”
The trip into town was awkward and silent, but Sarah didn’t care. She was determined to break through this wall that Ray had erected between them. Sitting beside him in the car for the first time in more than eight years made her remember all those times they’d spent together back before everything had fallen apart.
She recalled the drive up to Flathead Lake they’d taken one Sunday when Tom was out of town on a cattle-buying trip, when they’d brought a picnic to sit beside the turquoise-blue lake for the afternoon. Ray had so much to say back then. They could talk for hours about a thousand things. She’d worried about how her older children would accept them together once she left Tom. What would happen if she walked away from the ranch? Her children’s legacy? Would Tom punish them for what she did? Did they still even want any part of the Hard Eight? Back then, Will, her oldest son had already left, rejecting ranch life entirely. Her girls were floundering. And Liam, the one who seemed tied to the land most, seemed angry or resentful most of the time after Will left.
All of these things they spoke about together. Unlike her husband, Ray had found ways to support her, calm her worries about her children. His own son, Cooper, had gone off to Harvard on a scholarship. He was clear that his future was not here in Marietta or in ranching.
Her children on the other hand, were torn between loyalty to the ranch, the family, and lives of their own choosing. She well knew that her husband had affairs during their marriage, though he never admitted to them, and she would never have confronted him about them. She was scared of Tom, though he’d never physically hurt her. It was his temper she feared. It was what had driven her firstborn, Will, away from the family for so many years. Tom had made her smaller over the years, until she nearly forgot who she was.
Until Ray.
What she and Ray once had was a close friendship, which was more than she’d had with Tom for many years. That was as far as they’d taken things. But many, many times in the years since, she’d wished she’d done things differently. Taken the leap. Followed her heart. Because in the end, it was clear that Tom knew about them anyway. Knew she’d left him emotionally already. After Ray went to prison, he worked hard to win her back, and she was too tired to fight. But underlying all of that, Sarah felt her husband hated her a little bit, too.
They pulled onto Main Street in Marietta. “You’re going to have to tell me where to take you, Ray.”
He exhaled the breath he seemed to have been holding. “I’m seeing an oncologist. At the hospital.”
She did her best not to slam on the brakes in surprise. “You changed your mind? That’s wonderful. I’ll go with you.”
“No, Sarah,” was his curt answer.
“But—”
“I’m fine on my own.”
She gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Do you remember that time when Liam was bull-riding and he got thrown so badly he broke two ribs and his clavicle? They told me he might have punctured a lung? Tom and the kids were driving cattle from the north pastures?”
Ray met her gaze. “Of course, I do.”
“You came and sat with me in that waiting room while they treated him? I was so scared,” she said, the recollection of that awful night seeping back to her. “I needed someone to tell me it would be all right. To hold my hand. Buy me some horrible hospital coffee from that vending machine. I needed not to be alone.”
“I remember,” he said, his voice soft at the memory.
“Well, it’s my turn to return the favor. I know you’re scared, Ray. You don’t have to do this alone. I am coming in with you. I’m going to listen what the doctor says in there, because it might be a lot and you won’t hear all of it. But I will. Besides, I owe you a horrible hospital coffee or three, and I always pay my debts.” She smiled at him, seeing that her words had broken through somehow.
“Still the same stubborn woman I knew,” he said softly.
“Oh, no. Much worse,” she admitted. “I’m incorrigibly hardheaded now. Or so my children claim. I generally get what I want.”
He sniffed and rubbed a hand down his handsome face as she pulled into the Marietta Hospital parking lot. “Well, then,” he said. “I hope you’ve got change for the vending machine. As I recall, it requires a good kick in the backside to cooperate.”
“I think we can dispense with violence,” she said, grinning. “Even vending machines don’t stay broken forever.”
*
By late afternoon, as Cooper and Ryan were taking turns working with their respective horses in the round pen, Cooper saw Sarah’s truck pulling down the long road to the Hard Eight. He was relieved to see his father sitting beside her in the passenger seat. Sarah had texted Shay, explaining that she’d taken Ray to the doctor in town and not to worry. That she’d bring him back as well.
Cooper couldn’t get past the feeling that there was more to this than simple courtesy. No one knew better than him that his father was in dire need of a reason to live. Maybe, just maybe Sarah could help in that department. It relieved him that despite his father’s history, no one on the ranch seemed to hold it against him. Not even Shay, at this point. Which was... confusing.
As confusing as what had happened between them in the mountains. That kiss had caught them both off guard, but the fact that she wanted to basically pretend it never happened had his mind spinning. He knew he shouldn’t have done it. But she’d participated fully. Maybe it was just curiosity on her part, as she said. But it sure didn’t feel that way.
Now, Cooper patted the neck of the bay gelding who had decided Cooper wasn’t the enemy. He’d had moved in for a cuddle after a long run on the lunge line in the round pen.
“And here he comes,” Cooper told Ryan as the bay settled his face against Cooper’s arm. “Thatta boy. See? His choice, not mine. He runs and runs because he’s not sure what else to do. He’s not really sure what I want from him. Or if I mean him harm. But if I just keep showing him that his running doesn’t concern me, that he can keep that up as long as he likes, then he starts to feel like maybe I’m not the threat he thought I was. Pretty soon, he decides that to join me is better than to run from me. Because apparently, I’m not going to fight him or hurt him in any way. Instead, I’m going to help him and calm him down. Give him some affection.”
“Do they all do that?” Ryan asked. “What if they’re really scared? Of everything?”
“Pretty much they will all eventually come around. Some take longer than others, but it depends on their level of trauma, I think. Or their personality. That’s where you come in as his partner. You’re there to keep him safe. Whatever they’ve been through before this, that’s trauma that sits with them. They remember it. For a lot of these horses that end up in kill pens, or the auction houses, that trauma didn’t happen just once or twice but after a lifetime of being misunderstood. Maybe they have medical issues. Hooves untended. Aches and pains that have been ignored. You’re lucky if they don’t.
“But all those things we’ll attend to,” he continued, “but first we need to earn their trust. The bond you’ll share with Kholá is special and lasting, but it’s up to you not to break it. Your horse will never break it. That’s on you. Horses are herd animals. They prefer to be bonded-up with other horses. Lacking that, people. The people who take care of them, feed and love them. There’s every bit as much love exchanged between a horse and its owner as there is with dogs or cats. They’ll walk through fire for you if they love you.”
“My friend at school doesn’t believe animals can feel emotions like that. He says animals go on instinct. Survival instinct.”
Cooper cupped the bay’s head with his arm and scratched the horse behind his ears. “You buy that?”
Ryan shook his head. “Anybody can see animals feel things. Like a mama cow who loses a calf. Or a mustang that’s separated from its herd. And anyone who thinks dogs don’t feel sadness when they’ve been dumped up in the mountains has never had one. That’s what I think.”
“Well, I’m with you on that. Hundred percent.”
“You think those puppies you and Mom found up on the mountain will make it?”
“They’ve got a shot now, at least. They were too young to be up there on their own. Lucky for them some predator up there didn’t eat them for lunch.”
Shay had taken them to the vet and had yet to return.
Ryan climbed up on the fence rail behind him and sat on the top one. “Hey, Coop?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think it was just a coincidence that you happened to find those puppies up there today? Or...” He left the question hanging.
“I don’t believe in coincidence, Ry. I think we were supposed to find them, same way you were meant to find Kholá at that auction. Same way me working here is where I’m supposed to be right now.” He walked the bay toward the gate leading to the next pen where a feeder full of alfalfa was waiting for him.
“Yeah,” Ryan said, “I think that, too. Which is why we should keep those dogs. Because they were meant to be ours. Our ranch dogs.”
“You have a good point, kid. You’d better take that up with your mom. But I don’t think it will take too much persuasion.”
Sarah’s truck pulled up in front of the house. She and Ray climbed out of the cab.
Cooper told Ryan, “Why don’t you work a little bit more with Kholá and see where it gets you? I’m going to go talk to my father. See what kind of bonding up is going on with him and your grandma.” He winked at the boy who grinned knowingly back.
Ray was slow-walking toward him with Sarah by his side. The two of them were talking softly. His father was smiling. Relief flooded Cooper at the sight of that smile, one of the few anyone had wrangled out of him since he’d gotten out of prison.
“I’m so sorry we couldn’t make it down the mountain in time to take you to your appointment, Dad. We got caught in that rainstorm and—”
Ray held up a hand. “That’s okay, son. We managed. Sarah, here, was kind enough to drive me. She came in with me to see the doctor.”
Cooper turned to Sarah. “She did?”
“I did,” she said. “You’ll be happy to hear that the oncologist at Marietta Hospital was hopeful about your dad.”
“They ran a bunch of tests and just from the early results,” Ray said, “they proposed some new-fangled chemotherapy that involves the immune system.”
“Not exactly chemotherapy,” Sarah clarified. “It’s immunotherapy. And infusions.”
“Right. I have to go back, talk to them in a few days when the results are all in.”
For the first time since he’d picked his father up that day at the prison gates, he looked hopeful, alive again. Ready to fight. Nor did Cooper miss the irony of how his father’s joining up with Sarah had changed his entire attitude.
Humans, in the end, were not so different from horses.
“That’s incredible, Dad. Thank God you went in. Sarah, thank you so much for going with him. For taking care of him there.”
She patted Ray on the arm. “It was one hundred percent my pleasure. He’s very capable of standing on his own. But a little moral support is always in order, don’t you think?”
Ray blushed at her words. “Thanks again, Sarah. I’m grateful.”
“Well, you can thank me by coming to dinner. Cooper, you’re both invited up to the house tonight. I’m making a slow-cooker lasagna that will knock your socks off!”
He glanced at his father who didn’t look like he was about to refuse the invite.
“Far be it from me to turn down home cooking,” Cooper said, clapping his father on the shoulder. “We’ll be there.”
She leaned in toward Cooper. “And thank you for spending so much time working with Ryan and his filly. It means the world to him. To us as well. The clock is ticking on his Youth Encounter competition. He’s been so nervous about even making it in time.”
Behind them, Ryan was with Kholá, doing a good imitation of what Cooper had just managed to do with the bay. The filly was already standing still beside him. “He’s doing great. That filly will be ready in time. You wait and see.”
“I hope you’re right. Shay called to say she’ll be back from our veterinarian, Dr. Anders, by dinnertime. Apparently, we’re now the proud owners of two little lost puppies.”
“Ryan will be so happy to hear that,” Cooper said, feeling relieved that those two little pups wouldn’t be moving anywhere but here. Maybe he’d even put his dad in charge of them. Give him something to focus on besides his own troubles.
Sarah headed to the house and Cooper walked his dad back toward the apartment. On the way, Cami walked by with an armload of tangled string lights heading to the big barn that was being decorated for a wedding this upcoming weekend.
“You need a hand with that?” Cooper asked her.
“A hand? An arm? A leg?” she replied, laughing. “But no, seriously, you’ve got enough on your plate already. I’m going to recruit Liam once he gets in from mending fences in the north pasture.”
Ray shook his head. “You’ll never get this mess untangled alone. Why don’t you leave it to Cooper and me? You can work on the important stuff?”
Cooper stared at his father in surprise. “You heard the man.”
“Really?” Reluctantly, she handed over the lights to Ray. “You sure you’re up for that?”
He took the lights out of her arms with a smile.
“That’s so sweet of you. We took these down in such a hurry during that last windstorm, I totally didn’t take the time to store them neatly. Now look. Note to self: Next time, remember how much you hate detangling lights. ”
“We’ve got this,” Cooper said.
“I’m putting you both in for a raise!” Cami said, only then remembering she had no such power. “I mean, I’ll tell Liam what gems you both are.”
Cooper grinned at her. Cami was adorable in a kid sister kind of way. He wondered if she ever slowed down? Between teaching, the ranch stuff, and helping to gear up for silent auction at the upcoming autumn festival in Marietta, she had her hands more than full. But he rarely saw her without a smile on her face. She was no doubt every kid’s favorite teacher.
As he and his father untangled the long strands of outdoor lights, Ray began to hum. His whole demeanor had changed since Cooper had ridden up the mountain with Shay.
That thought, naturally led to the next. The memory of that kiss he and Shay had shared. It ebbed through him again as if he’d waded through a warm current in a river.
“Penny for your thoughts, son,” his father murmured.
Surprised, he straightened and tugged a light through a tangled knot. “Just feeling grateful, is all. Mostly that you’ve decided to fight this thing.”
“Hmph. Could’ve sworn you were thinkin’ about a woman, just then.”
Cooper gave a nervous laugh. “Now who would I be thinkin’ of?”
“Cami’s pretty cute,” Ray allowed. “But unless I’m way off base, it’s not her. Shay?”
“Everybody knows how Shay feels about me workin’ here. She’d probably rather get a root canal.”
“Women are like Montana weather, Coop. You never know what to expect from them.”
If this morning was any indication... For a moment, he was back under that rock ledge, soaking wet with his arm around her shoulders.
“So,” he began, shaking off the memory. “You and Sarah... There’s obviously more to that situation than what you’ve told me. I mean, look at you. What’s happened between the two of you?”
He refused to look Cooper in the eye. “She drove me to my appointment.”
“You’re not fooling me, Dad. You know what I mean. What’s going on between you two? That wasn’t a simple ride into town. You two have some kind of history, don’t you?”
Ray took a deep breath. “That’s a long story.”
Cooper gestured at the monster tangle of lights which only seemed to grow worse as they worked. “We’ve got time.”
He focused on the lights for a long minute before he spoke, apparently torn between telling him the truth and continuing to hide it from him. “I... never told you about her because what happened was nobody’s business but ours, and telling anyone would have jeopardized Sarah. Her family. You were off at school and on with your life. And everything was complicated.”
“Complicated by her being married?”
Ray angled a look at him. “It’s not what you think. Not exactly. We became friends. Friends first, but it never went much further than that, physically. We—she and I—found we had a lot in common and, when we ran into each other, it was... we both enjoyed seeing each other. It... escalated to planning to run into each other. Spending time together away from Marietta for a few hours, away from prying eyes. I wasn’t trying to cause trouble in her marriage, but her marriage to Tom was in deep trouble already. She was planning to leave him.”
Cooper was trying to follow. “If it was just friendship, why keep it a secret?”
“Because... Tom could be difficult. Unpredictable. And... I fell in love with her. It was the first time since your mother. There was nothing for it unless she left Tom, which she wanted to do. And it almost happened.”
Cooper stopped unwrapping the lights, staring at his father. “Why didn’t it happen?”
He lifted a shoulder as if he wanted to close the subject. “Soon after, my life fell apart, and you know the rest.” He pulled a long strand of lights free and held up the end with the plug. “Ah. There’s one.”
“Oh, no. No, Dad.” Cooper had waited a long, patient time to get to the bottom of this. “You’re not going to just leave this story at that. Are you telling me that Sarah believed what they were trying to sell about you committing cattle rustling? That she abandoned you? After falling in love with you? Nearly leaving her husband for you?”
“I never said she loved me.”
Now he was just pissing Cooper off. “Sarah Hardesty just now drove you to the hospital in town, sat with you the entire day, and held your hand while you got some of the hardest news anyone can hear. Damned if she wasn’t the one to inspire you to even try to save your own life after all my pleas fell on deaf ears. She literally gave you a reason to live, Dad. And you’re saying she never loved you?”
Ray sighed deeply. “It’s for her to say, not me.”
This was all head-turning information. “Well... what did she say about it once you were in prison?”
“I never saw her there.”
What? “She never came to see you?”
“She did. She came to see me in prison. I turned her away. What was the point? To ruin her life waiting for me?”
The same way he’d pushed Cooper away. “But apparently, she has waited for you.”
Ray set the lights down. “It all comes down to choices, son. What we can live with and what we can’t. But not everything is as simple as yes or no. Right or wrong. Not even love. She was kind to me, today. But maybe that’s all it was. So, like every day for the last eight years, all I can do is one day at a time. Anything more is just... hubris and wishful thinking.” He lifted the tangle of lights and tugged out a long strand. “Now let’s get these lights untangled before we miss that home-cooked meal Sarah invited us to.”