Chapter Thirteen
A lmost four days had passed since Cooper had packed his things and left. Ray went with him, and they moved out back to their own place. Shay had watched him go from her room upstairs and said nothing to stop him. Even though a thousand times, she’d wanted to. He’d looked angry. Hurt. His jaw set. He’d quit that night, despite Liam begging him to stay.
Now all of them blamed her for his leaving, even though they all could see how it must have looked. At first.
But there were things they didn’t know about her and Cooper. How far they’d taken things. How she’d let herself imagine a life with him. How heartbroken she felt. How foolish. And not just because she’d jumped all over him that day at the round barn without giving him a chance to defend himself. Or even because this mess had hurt all of them—Liam, Ryan... all of them. But mostly because she couldn’t seem to make herself take it back. Because her stubborn pride wouldn’t allow it. And now it was too late.
Her own kneejerk reaction to what had happened was what bothered her most. Had she learned nothing in all these years since Ethan’s denial? Her own father’s? Had she not moved past all that or was that always going to be a reflex that belied reason? A button that once pushed, she just... reacted.
She’d spent hours—usually during a sleepless night—revising her words to him in a useless rewritten version of that day. One that made her seem logical. Reasonable, even. But that old scar, the one he’d inadvertently nicked, had grown thicker with age, and it somehow still bled. It was there to protect her. But scars never fully heal the wound that caused them. They only cover up the damage like a warning for the next potential injury.
But was it all her fault? He lied to her. And what about that money? Had he known about it? Was that what he’d been looking for himself? Was he keeping it? And what about what her father had done? Trey promised to keep them out of it, but would he? And Cooper had quit all on his own. She hadn’t even fired him. Which all just proved to her that it was for the best.
Ahhhhh! Her brain felt on tilt.
She couldn’t sort it out. She needed to clear her mind.
For the past four days, she’d thrown herself into keeping busy—cleaning, going through closets and tossing things they didn’t want or need anymore, mucking stalls in the barn. Riding alone up the newly cleared trails on Lulu or She-Ra.
Remembering that first kiss.
But mostly she’d baked. It was a mindless task, like now, as she peeled a bowlful of green apples for a pie. She bent to her work over the kitchen sink, alone, slicing them before dousing them with lemon juice. Then a dusting of cinnamon/sugar and a pinch of cloves along with a handful of flour. Reaching into the bowl, she massaged the apples with her hands before spilling them into the pie crust she’d made. Dotting the filling with chunks of butter, she covered it all with a second crust and pinched the edges. It smelled divine already and she sliced a few vents in the top before sliding it into the oven.
She stared at it through the oven window, willing it to bake faster. There was something about the finished product that made her feel okay, if only for a few minutes.
As mad as everyone was with her about Ray and Cooper leaving, no one complained about the cookies, brownies, or the freshly baked bread she had churned out this week. Or the chicken potpie she’d made for dinner last night as they sat around the dinner table.
Listening to them all talk about their days and the ranch, she couldn’t help but imagine Cooper’s eyes lighting up if he were here, tasting this food, enjoying it—because he’d invaded her thoughts throughout the making of it. With each ingredient, each addition, it was his smile she remembered. Or some little joke he’d made her laugh about. Or a touch that had calmed her or made her tremble. He’d be grateful for the food, maybe even pull her up against him after the meal and kiss her.
Then she’d remember the look in his eyes when she’d ended things. And she’d regret everything.
Opinionated to a fault , her father used to say, your greatest strength and weakness at once .
Now she stared at the oven door, trying to picture her life going forward. Alone. Without him. Without his touch or smile or the way he looked at her.
“Well, that smells heavenly.” Cami breezed into the kitchen after getting home from school and inhaled deeply. “Like autumn should smell. Is that apple crisp?”
“Pie,” Shay corrected quietly.
“Mmmm.” She pulled a finger along the cinnamon-y apple bowl and licked it. “You know, there is a solution to your obsessive dessert baking that would save us all a lot of unnecessary calories.”
“Don’t eat them?” she suggested.
Cami snorted. “As if. No. Go and talk to him.”
Rinsing the dishes, she avoided looking at Cami. “And say what? What’s the point? He probably hates me now. Like all of you do.”
“Nobody hates you. Least of all us. It was a moment, all right? Ry will get over it, and so will Liam. And Mom and Ray will do what they want. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“I’m... fine.”
“Uh-huh. Which is why you haven’t left the ranch in days and days. Compulsively cleaning and baking all the things.”
“I’m staying busy, is all...”
“Then I guess you haven’t heard that he and Ray have put their ranch on the market and Cooper is planning on going back to Texas.”
Against her will, she gasped. “What? When?”
“Soon, I think. As soon as they can sell it at least.”
She steeled herself against the ragged pain that knifed through her chest. Illogically, she’d somehow hoped that given time, they’d fix this. And maybe he’d even forgive her. But why would he? Why should he?
Because you love him. You’re a mess, but you love him. He must know that.
No, he doesn’t.
“Evan Clulagher admitted to everything. And they’ve finally cleared Ray. Now that his record is going to be expunged,” Cami went on, “he has a brand-new lease on life. And Mom is going to will his cancer into submission if it’s the last thing she does.”
“You know then? About her and Ray? About the past?”
Cami nodded. “Tell me you don’t remember the dozens of times you and I would hear her and Dad fighting, and between us, wished they’d just get a divorce already and be done with it? She deserves happiness. I really hope she gets it with Ray.”
Shay nodded. So did she.
“Also, the wildest thing.” Cami pulled a towel from the drawer and began wiping the clean, damp apple bowl. “The elementary school received an enormous , anonymous donation of almost three-hundred and seventy-five thousand dollars! All, oddly, in cash. And I heard Marietta Hospital’s pediatric wing got one even bigger than that.” She eyed Shay sideways. “No one will ever connect that money to our family. Ever. Y’know—just in case you were wondering if Cooper and Trey Reyes were planning on making off with all of our father’s ill-gotten gains for themselves.”
Speechless, Shay could only stare at the dishes in her hands. She was ashamed to admit that it had, in fact, crossed her mind. Tangled up in her complicated justifications for how she’d accused him of being here to search for it.
“At least it all went somewhere to do some good,” Cami said. “In spite of our father.”
“At least that,” Shay agreed, turning away from Cami so she didn’t see the tears welling in her eyes.
It was too late to fix things with Cooper. She’d lost him. He was leaving for Texas and that would be that.
“What is wrong with you?” Cami asked rather accusingly. “Why can’t you just see how crazy he was for you?”
Surprised by the confronting tone in Cami’s voice, Shay said, “Was being the operative word. And I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I... I love him. And I messed it all up.”
“So, tell him.” Cami took her by the arm and forced her to face her. “I’m sorry to be so... real with you here, but let’s face it, we only get so many chances in this life. Look at Mom and Ray. Eight years... more... wasted for him and for them. Who knows what would have happened with just a conversation? Are you really going to stand on principle, out of what? Fear? And you’re going to let him walk out of your life? For God’s sake! What, sweet Shay, are you waiting for?”
Shay was fully blubbering now. “I don’t know! I’m an idiot, okay?”
“You are.” Cami laughed through her own tears and handed Shay her phone. “Do it. And if I’m wrong, you can... all eat this delicious smelling apple pie without me while I look on. Tortured and pathetic.”
Shay laughed and took the phone. “You’re crazy. And I love you.”
“Love you, too. If you’ll excuse me now...” She got up and left the room.
Shay looked down at the phone, then dialed his cell. Her heart was pounding. Thudding against her temples.
Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.
But the phone just kept ringing until she heard his voicemail.
Hearing his voice on the message, she almost hung up, but instead, she took a deep breath. “Cooper. It’s me. You probably don’t want to talk to me. But I wish you would. There are things I need to say that I can’t say on a voicemail. So, please. Call me back. I—Please call me.”
She hung up and exhaled sharply and turned to look at the pie again. She could just sit here. Wait for the pie to cook. Wait to gather her nerve. Wait for Cooper to ride off into the sunset.
But—no.
That wouldn’t do. Not this time. “Be brave, Shay.”
She reached for her car keys. Across the room, Ryan’s bobblehead Yoda grinned at her from the kitchen shelf. “There is no try,” Yoda famously said. “Only do.” She pulled her coat from the coat-tree and shrugged it on.
But before she could go, Liam appeared at the door to the kitchen. “Hey, did Ry take Kholá out? She’s not in the pen.”
Shay looked out the window, confirming that she was nowhere in sight. “He wouldn’t. She’s not ready.”
Cami returned and said, “I brought him home. He did say something about fixing things. I thought he meant with his horse.”
Liam called upstairs for her son. “Ryan? You up there?”
Nothing.
Alarm pricked at Shay. “Where would he go?”
“He’s been missing Cooper,” Liam mused aloud.
Cami, Liam, and Shay’s gazes collided. “No,” Shay breathed. “Their place is three miles away across a dozen pastures. Or worse, roads.”
Without another word, she headed out the door.
“I’ll stay here in case we’re wrong and he’s just out for a ride,” Liam called after her.
Cami followed Shay. “I’m going with you. Watch the pie, Liam!”
Liam watched them from the door. “Priorities.”
“He’s not out for a ride,” Shay muttered as she and Cami hopped in the truck. “He’s going to fix things with Cooper.”
*
Cooper was on his knees, weeding out the front garden bed to get it ready for showing. It had been a hard decision to sell, but his dad just wasn’t up for the work this place would require of him. And as Cooper himself had decided to leave, there was no point in keeping it anymore. The ranch had served its purpose and now that was over.
All of it was over.
He yanked at the long grass and wispy dandelions taking their last gasp of good weather before the ground froze. Already, a chill had moved across Montana and most houses had fires going in their fireplaces, scenting the air with fragrant wood smoke. He’d built a fire for his father, too, because it warmed him after his last infusion of immunotherapy when all he wanted to do was curl up and listen to a book—because sometimes reading was even too much. But that phase only lasted a day or two and then he’d feel better.
The doctors were optimistic about his recovery, and he was responding well to the new drugs. It didn’t hurt that Sarah was watching over him, too, or that the possibility of their future was giving him hope.
Cooper yanked on a stubborn weed and when it finally gave up the ground, he fell over on his ass. For a long time, he didn’t move. He just sat there, wrists on his knees, staring at the beautiful Absarokas, awash with yellows and oranges from the aspens and larches, alongside the golden meadows contrasting with the evergreen pines higher up. He would miss this when he left. He’d miss his father, too, but now they were certain Ray’s name would be cleared at last. Cooper felt like he could start his own life again in earnest. Maybe he’d go back to school. Maybe he’d just train horses. All he knew was he couldn’t stay here.
He felt at loose ends after what had happened with Shay. She’d had every right to be upset with him for not telling her the truth about everything, but somewhere in his fantasy about the whole thing, he thought he’d have a chance to make it right. To prove his intentions were good. But the whole twist with Tom Hardesty’s blackmail had sabotaged that and now his chance was gone. As the days passed, without a word from her, he’d given up on the idea that she’d see him for who he really was and not as the enemy.
Liam’s begging him to return to the Hard Eight, though, wasn’t going to change his mind. Being there, around her—without her—was impossible. So, he had to go. But he would miss them. Ryan, Liam, Sarah, and Cami, too. He understood now why Shay had been cautious about telling anyone about them. Because Ryan’s pain was on Cooper now, too.
But he felt like his heart had been ripped out. And somehow, he’d have to live with that.
Ray was staying. Sarah had seen to that. Cooper was leaving his dad in good hands. And for the first time in a very long time, Ray seemed happy even as he’d tried to talk Cooper out of going. Cooper promised him he’d visit or send a plane ticket for Ray to visit him. He vowed not to let more than a few months pass without getting together. Eight years apart was long enough.
And the Four Sixes said they’d take him back, even on a temporary basis until he worked out his next plan. That was good. He had friends there. He would be all right.
Eventually.
In the distance, he caught sight of someone riding in his direction on horseback, which was unusual, to say the least. It took him a minute to recognize Ryan and Kholá trotting toward him up the long drive.
Cooper got to his feet. What in the world was that kid doing out here with such a green horse, crossing roads and pastures full of cattle? Not only that, but he was also riding bareback.
The potential disastrous scenarios arising from a stunt like that sent a chill through him.
Ryan trotted up into the yard and stopped in front of him. Kholá snorted and pranced to a stop. Ry was looking very proud of himself.
Cooper caught the reins and frowned. “Do you have any idea how lucky you are that you’ve gotten here in one piece? That this horse has arrived here unharmed?”
Ry slid off the horse and scratched Kholá on the neck. “You say luck, I say skill.”
This cocky kid... “What the hell, Ryan?”
“What? We’re fine. I told her we had to come see you and she agreed. And since I don’t have a car or a driver’s license, and I know you were just going to leave without saying goodbye to me—”
Cooper’s face heated. “I didn’t mean for it to go down that way. I meant to come over before I left.”
“Yeah? Well, that’s just lame.” As Kholá dipped her head and yanked mouthfuls of grass from his overgrown yard, Ryan took in the F OR S ALE sign posted in the yard. “So, what? You’re just gonna ditch all of us? Just because of a little fight with my mom? Sorry, but that’s just BS. She’s basically been a train wreck in the kitchen since you left. Like, baking crazy amounts of desserts and stuff. And cleaning random corners and under beds like she thinks nobody notices what she’s trying to do.”
“Which is what, exactly?”
Ryan shoved a hand through his wind-blown forelock haircut. “Feel better about what happened with you, I guess. I don’t know. We’re not really talking much.”
Cooper rolled his eyes shut. Great. Add that to the list of damage he’d left behind him. “What happened was my fault,” he told Ryan. “Your mom had every right to be angry with me.”
“For what? Just because you found out the truth about my grandpa? Besides, you said you loved her. You told me so yourself.”
“I-I did. I still do. But that’s not always enough.”
“Well.” Ryan threw his arms wide. “I am disillusioned then.”
Cooper bit back a smile at this boy-man in front of him. God, he was going to miss him. “No, you’re not. You know what love is. She loves you more than anything. So, don’t hold this against her. She protects you and everyone she loves fiercely. And that’s always going to be her first priority. You gotta be the bigger man, here. Be there for her. Because maybe she’s hurting, too.”
He looked about to argue his point further, when they both heard the sound of a truck barreling down their road. Cooper’s stomach twisted. It was Shay. And beside her, riding shotgun-wingman-soldier-in-arms, was Cami.
Shay was out of the truck, running in their direction before Cami could open her door.
*
“Ryan August Hardesty!” Shay reached for Ryan pulling him up hard against her in a hug. “What were you thinking taking Kholá out this far? You two could have been hit by a car, you could’ve been thrown, or killed .”
“We’re fine. Anyway, how else was I going to get you out here to talk to him?” he muttered in her ear.
She pushed back from him to stare in surprise. “You—” He was doing that little thing with his mouth that he did when he was up to no good. “So help me...” Her eyes teared up. “Okay, you. Go sit in the car with Aunt Cami. We’ll talk later.”
“But—”
She held her palm up. “And we’re going to bring the trailer back for Kholá. You will not be riding her home.”
“ Fine. ”
“ Fine! ”
“I won’t .”
“Good!”
He leaned into her as he brushed past her and whispered, “Just don’t mess this up, Mom.”
She watched him walk back toward the truck, her nearly grown boy who sauntered like a man, who was trying to fix her messed-up life. Who would’ve guessed that at fourteen he would be the adult in the room, not her?
Maybe Cooper. Turning back to him, she moved closer. “Hi.”
“Shay?” He nodded, watching Kholá yanking up grass in his yard.
“I’m sorry about this. Ry was just trying to...” She threw her hands up, unable to say it out loud.
“Yeah.” He hooked his thumbs into the front pockets of his jeans. “And you’ve gotta give the kid credit. He did make it all the way here on that horse without dying.”
She snorted. “Thanks to you. He learned a lot from you.”
“He made a good choice with that horse. She’s a keeper.”
She nodded, watching him covertly as he petted the filly. She glanced at the For Sale sign. “So... You’re leaving?”
He nodded. “Texas, probably.”
“Oh.” Her heartbeat drummed in her ears.
“For the best.” Cooper shrugged. “Yeah, so, if you want to send the trailer over, I’ll load her up—”
“No. I... I think... that might be a mistake.”
He snapped a look up at her. “You don’t trust me to load her up?”
“No. Texas. I think going to Texas would be a mistake. For you.”
Now he was staring right at her. Almost looking through her. “Why’s that?”
Shay took a step closer to him. “Because two wrongs... you know the old saying... don’t make a right. Because it would be wrong to just up and leave for Texas because I lost my temper... said things I shouldn’t have. Things I... really wish I could take back.”
“You... do?”
“I called you. Did you get my message?”
He looked surprised. “No. You did? When?”
“Not as soon as I should have. But when I finally realized that I’d foolishly pushed away one of the best things that’s happened in my life, and I knew I had to make it right somehow. And I couldn’t say it in a voicemail.”
He dropped his hands to his sides. She could see the pulse in his neck pumping against his throat. “What exactly are you sayin’, Shay?”
She swallowed hard. “I’m saying I was wrong. About you. About my father. About the things I accused you of. I was shocked about what happened, mad that it was out of my control, and hurt that you hadn’t told me everything. That’s no excuse. I know you didn’t just walk into my life without a past. Without your own stuff to deal with, like your father. But it was a button for me, you keeping it from me. Partly because of my past. But really because I was scared. Scared of trusting what I was feeling for you—what I still feel for you. These last four days have been awful and—”
He straightened. “Wait. You still have feelings for me?”
She glanced back at Cami and Ryan standing outside the truck, watching. Now she met Cooper’s piercing look. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I do. I love you, Cooper. And I’m so sorry for not listening to you and trusting you. I wish you could... find it in your heart to forgive me...”
Those eyes of his, those mossy-green eyes that seemed to look right though her assessed her anew and she couldn’t tell at all what he was thinking. How he was taking this. He tilted an almost curious look at her, a small lift at the corner of his mouth. But still, he remained silent.
She shifted her feet. “You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you? Please say something.”
He pulled her toward him and kissed her then. Kissed her fully and deeply until she felt her knees buckle a little as he held her up. Thank God was her only thought. At the sound of Ryan cheering near the truck, he finished kissing her, holding her close.
“So...” she murmured hopefully, “is that a maybe?”
He grinned down at her, his hands splaying across her back. “Ah, Shay, I’ve always loved you. And that didn’t change because of what you said. I should have told you about Trey. I should have done a lot of things differently. I was leaving because I couldn’t be here, near you and not with you. I couldn’t. I’ve wanted you, loved you most of my life and losing you that way, I-I couldn’t stay. I’m sorry, too, for how it all went down. I never meant to hurt you. Maybe we could just... give each other a little grace and start over?”
She blinked back tears, her mouth still feeling his kiss. “Yes. Please.” She hugged him hard, her breasts pressing against his hard chest. “Can we? Oh, I want that, too.”
Ray came out of the house wrapped in a quilt with a smile on his face. “It’s about time,” he called from the front porch.
“That’s what I said,” Cami shouted from beside the truck as she high-fived Ryan.
“I think they’re ganging up on us,” Cooper whispered.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
He grinned and dropped his mouth on hers again, and she kissed him back with all the love she had in her. No amount of cleaning or baking or pretending she was okay without this man in her life would ever be enough. She’d been alone for so long she’d forgotten what it was like to feel wanted. To want someone else the same way. With all their humanness, foibles, and flaws.
Oh, there would be mistakes. There would always be mistakes. But loving Cooper Lane? No, that would never be one of them.
They left Ryan and Ray in charge of Kholá with a stern warning about his lifetime of grounding if he ever did something foolish like that again. Ryan, looking very pleased with himself as only a teenager who’d won could, took the filly in hand and bending close to Shay’s ear, whispered, “That was OG, Mom.”
She gave him an affectionate shove, then pulled him in for a kiss on the cheek. He cringed with a smile. And maybe it was her imagination, but Kholá looked rather pleased with herself as well.
“You any good at hitching up horse trailers?” she asked Cooper, hiding a smile as they watched Ryan walk toward the paddock.
“I’m the best.”
“Then, you’re hired.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to work for you.”
She froze. “No?”
“No. But with you. That sounds doable.”
She smiled. “That sounds very doable to me. Also”—they started walking again—“I made a pie.”
“A pie!?” His eyes lit up. “Is that what I get for hitching up the trailer?”
“Oh, no, my love,” she said taking his hand, her eyes stinging with emotion and, for the first time in a very long time, hope. “That’s just the beginning.”
The End