Chapter Twenty
He was barbecuing like it was the most important barbecue of his life. And hell, it basically was.
His contribution to Four Corners was coming to a head right now.
The inauguration of the event center, the responsibility of hosting a Christmas event. Of introducing the community to the
work he’d done.
He hadn’t really thought about it, but there was no better way really, to say that the Kings were different now than they
had been than by throwing a Christmas party.
His ancestors were probably rolling in their graves. He damned well hoped they were.
If not burning in hell.
He was open to either.
He had all the smokers occupied, and all the grills going hot.
He knew that everything in the event space was set up perfectly, because he had been up at four o’clock this morning making sure it was all ready to go.
Every table and tablecloth in place. Every corner festooned with a garland.
He had never cared about garlands in his life, and now he cared about them a lot. To a comedic amount, some might say.
He was just checking the chickens when he heard the sound of tires coming up his driveway, parking in front of the house.
Sheena.
She had left this morning, telling him that she had to go and get something fancy to wear for tonight, which had set his imagination
on fire.
Last night had been . . .
Just thinking about taking her bare like that left him aching.
They had gone back to his place, and slept. Like they were trying to outrun that fight.
Like the intimacy from their coming together had exhausted them.
Enough that even this morning, they hadn’t come together again.
Which was unusual.
But maybe she was back now. He couldn’t really leave the meat. He was considering how to make a compromise on that when Sawyer
Garrett and Gus McCloud came into view.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he asked.
“Good to see you too,” said Sawyer.
“It’s just unexpected,” he said.
“We thought we would come by and see if you needed any help,” said Gus.
He frowned. “Is that code for saying you don’t trust a King to handle this?”
It was Gus’s turn to frown. “No. And if I did, it would be a bit rich. Considering.”
“You’re a little bit of a folk hero, Gus.”
“All I’m saying is, if we don’t let failure stay in the past none of us are going to fare very well.”
“Well. Why are you here?”
“To help,” said Sawyer. “You’ve always contributed food to everything. Consistently. You’re a difficult bastard to know, Denver King, but I have always known that you were decent. Even if you are an asshole.”
Denver snorted. “You have not always known I was decent.”
“Much the same as I haven’t always known that I was decent,” said Gus.
He snorted again. “Listen. I appreciate the help but . . .” He looked at the sheer volume of food he was cooking. “If you
want to grab some tongs, you’re welcome to.”
“Absolutely,” said Gus.
“Sure thing,” Sawyer said.
They stood there, manning the grills, not really making much conversation.
It was strange, to think that they had grown up together. They had gone to the same one-room schoolhouse. They had formed
this collective together. And yet, they didn’t exchange a whole lot of words.
“How are . . . things?” Sawyer asked.
“Are we doing small talk?” Denver asked.
“Some people like it,” Sawyer said. “There must be a reason.”
“Not one that I can think of.”
“Well, then maybe you want to talk about something a little bit more serious,” said Gus. “Like the fact that I think you want
to let us invest a little bit more in these new ventures of yours.”
“I don’t understand why you want to do that,” Denver said.
“Because,” Gus responded, “you’re trying to figure out a way to be an island even in this collective, and it’s unnecessary.
Nobody needed you to do that. Nobody asked you to do it.”
“I’m aware of that,” he said, his teeth gritted. “But it’s my choice.”
“You can’t do this forever,” Gus said. “Believe me. There’s a certain point where you can’t keep trying to atone for the sins of somebody who isn’t here anymore.
You know, there was a day when I realized my dad didn’t think about me anymore.
And I thought about him a lot. It’s difficult not to.
Every time I look in the mirror I remember what he did to me.
” Denver looked Gus full in the face, at all the burn scars that marred his skin.
“But he left here. He left here, and he’s off doing whatever the hell he wants.
Albeit with fewer resources than he would like.
But he doesn’t think about me. And I was still letting him have an iron grip on my life. That’s not justice.”
“I’m not really concerned with justice for myself,” Denver said.
He kept his eyes on the chicken in front of him.
“Well, maybe you should be. Because we are all fine.” That came from Sawyer.
He looked over at him. “There’s still a lot to do . . .”
“No, there isn’t,” said Sawyer. “Look around you. Everything that our parents did to hurt this place, to hurt us, we’ve all
put a stop to it. We’ve all built something new. This is a new generation. A generation like this ranch has never seen before.
We work together more than we ever have. We are more successful than we’ve ever been. There was a time when I believed that
marriages here were cursed. Truly. I hadn’t ever seen a different outcome. You know my own father was useless with relationships.
He chased off every woman who tried to love him.”
“There’s no need to even bring up my dad,” said Gus.
“The Sullivans imploded,” Sawyer said. “Albeit in a less spectacular way than the rest of our families. And then . . . you
all didn’t fare any better, did you?”
“No,” he said.
“But it’s changed now. And you’ve been part of that. And still . . . you hold yourself separate.”
“My dad is a little more complicated,” Denver said.
“He would’ve been a damned fine cult leader.
But I don’t say that as a means of absolving myself.
We all participated in his criminal empire.
With the exception of Arizona. Because he never even pretended to be nice to her.
But his sons? In one way or another, we believed in him.
It isn’t just my dad’s sins that I’m trying to atone for.
It’s my own. And if I have to keep giving more than I get, I’m okay with that. ”
“You don’t, though,” said Gus.
But he did. He couldn’t articulate why; it was just that he did. It was extremely important. And he didn’t need Gus McCloud
to understand him. Didn’t need Sawyer Garrett to think he was right. He just needed that to be the case. Because he couldn’t
rest.
He couldn’t . . .
This thing that they were talking about, this utopian time they were talking about, he couldn’t afford that. Couldn’t risk
it.
“Yeah. I get it,” Gus said. “You were part of the bad that your father did. But you’ve also been part of all the good that
we’ve done here. When he went away, you banded together with us, you put your own hard-earned money into this place. In all
honesty, Denver, if you hadn’t invested your money when you did, we never could’ve gotten this place off the ground. We were
in a hole that was too deep. You were a big part of saving this ranch. I hate to break it to you, buddy. But you’re one of
the good guys.”
“You say that like being a good guy is a destination.”
“Oh no. I don’t think it’s a destination. But I think it’s something available to anybody that wants to be that. Because that’s
not what men like your dad or my dad want. They want their own happiness above anyone and everyone else’s. Does that sound
like you?”
He thought of himself. When he was free. In Las Vegas. When he didn’t have anything or anyone else to consider.
He thought of himself with Sheena. The way that he had pushed through the emotional discomfort she had about their relationship, so that he could have her with him like he wanted.
“More than I would like.”
“Well. That’s not what I see,” Sawyer said.
“Thanks, Sawyer,” said Denver. “That’s what I was waiting for. Your stamp of approval on my life. It’s really too bad that
you are already married. Because I might propose.”
“You really are an asshole, King,” said Sawyer. “But it doesn’t mean you aren’t a good guy.”
“Whatever makes you feel better.”
He really did think that was part of the problem. They wanted to put him in a box that made them comfortable. They had all
arrived at a specific place. All of them. Every single member of the four families was romantically paired off. Happy. That
really hadn’t happened, ever, in the whole history of the ranch.
In the grand scheme of things, him not being paired off was just . . . fine.
It didn’t do anything to take away from the fact that this really was the happiest time the ranch had ever experienced. So
that was all fine and good.
But it was like they all wanted things tied up neatly with a bow. They wanted too much.
And he had to stay on guard. He knew that.
“At the very least, why don’t you start coming out to some of the poker games we have at McCloud’s Landing.”
Denver laughed. He couldn’t help it. “You do not want me at your poker games.”
“Sure, we do.”
“You don’t want me there, trust me. I am not a hobbyist poker player.”
“I know you won a lot of money on the professional circuit . . .”
“Do you also know that I’m a card counter?”
He was satisfied with the shocked expression that earned him.
“Isn’t that against the rules?” Sawyer asked.
“It’s frowned on.”
“Okay, maybe come and teach us that trick,” Gus said.
“No. I don’t give away trade secrets. Anyway. You either have it or you don’t.”
“How about this,” Gus said. “Don’t be so much of a stranger.”
As they were readying the food, and preparing it to be transported over to the event space, he pondered those words. He wasn’t
sure he had any idea how to accomplish that.
Half the time, he was pretty sure he was a stranger to his own self.