Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Ichabod couldn’t figure out whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.
He was having real trouble with this whole Ellis situation.
He’d been in love with Chris for a long time.
He’d been into Chris for a long time before that.
He’d been into mourning Chris for a while, and now suddenly he was having feelings—not just with his dick feelings, but feeling feelings—for Ellis.
He wanted things, and he wasn’t sure how to do this—how to make the first move. How to be a…sexual adult.
So he did what any red-blooded gay man would do.
He got on the phone, and he called his best friend, Brian. “Hey honey. I need help.”
“What’s the matter? I can be on a plane in three hours.” The chaos and concern wrapped around him like a boa constrictor. “What do you need? Are the kids okay?”
“The kids are fine. I don’t need you on a plane. I need your advice.”
He heard a thump and then the clatter of ice cubes into a glass. “Oh shit, honey, don’t scare me like that. You know how I am.”
“I do.” He and Bri had met each other in college.
Textiles and ceramics had been on the same floor and they had been struggling through the same prerequisites.
While he’d only managed to get a handful of hours away from Denver, Brian was in Atlanta living his wildest designer life, making costumes for shows all over the country.
“Okay, spill, honey, what’s wrong?”
“There’s a guy.”
“Ooh!”
He shook his head. “No, not ooh. I mean yes, ooh. But he works for me here at the ranch, and I don’t know—”
“Is he gay? You don’t want to be all goo-goo over a straight boy, Icky.”
“Yeah. I went through a gay cowboy thing—”
“Hey, slow down, slow down. There’s a gay cowboy thing?”
“Of course there’s a gay cowboy thing. Why wouldn’t there be a gay cowboy thing?” That was ridiculous. Cowboy Wanted had been lovely to him.
“I don’t know. Where did you find it? I didn’t know that they made gay cowboys.”
“Internet, of course.” He checked on Chrissy, who was napping. He’d have to wake her pretty soon so he could start picking the kids up at school. “Yeah, they totally make gay cowboys.”
“Oh, well that’s cool. I guess so now you’re going to be knee-deep in gay cowboys?”
He wrinkled his nose. “Don’t be gross. I’m serious.”
Brian chuckled, and if Ichabod closed his eyes, Bri could have been right here in this dining room with him, about to start sanding the floors.
“It sounds to me like you’re crazy.”
He shook his head and headed to get him a drink.
The sound of the ice had made him thirsty.
“No, I’m just… There’s this guy; his name is Ellis.
He’s cool and he’s nice, and he loves the kids, and the kids love him, and he works for me, and he likes horses, and he knows all sorts of stuff about cows, and I like him.
And not just in that oh-I-wanna-fuck-him way, but in a he-makes-me-think-thoughts sort of way. ”
“Breathe, Icky. You’re fixin’ to pass out. Damn.”
“I know. I know, right? Does that make me a bad person?” He didn’t want to be a bad man, but he did want Ellis, pretty badly.
“Honey…” Ichabod knew that tone of voice. He’d heard it a thousand times. “Chris has been gone for, what? Going on almost four years soon?”
He nodded. “Yeah, that doesn’t seem like very long to mourn him, does it? I mean. You think that I’m a bad person?”
“For wanting to fall in love again? Hell no, I don’t think you’re a bad person. I think you’re an amazing person. I’m your best friend. It’s partly my job to think you’re amazing, but I do think that you’re amazing and a little bit stupid.”
He snorted and poured some iced tea. That was about right, wasn’t it? “Only a little bit?”
“Maybe a lot a bit, but you have to relax. No one is going to think that you’re a bad person for falling in love. Unless he is a creep, and even then they would think he was the creep, not you. But you’re totally allowed to be in love or in like or in lust or anything.”
“I like him a lot,” he admitted.
“Well, does he like you?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I think he’s waiting for me to make the first move, which is weird because I’m, you know, officially his boss and stuff.”
“Right. Ranch foreman, I remember.”
He nodded and glanced out of the kitchen window, catching sight of Ellis in the pasture, working with one of the new horses. Ellis picked them up from auctions, from other ranchers, from rescues.
He loved to watch the man work. The late-late summer sun kissed his skin, the lean muscles worked hard. “Yeah, ranch foreman.”
“You know, that’s actually kind of cool that you have a ranch foreman.”
“You think so?”
Bri hooted. “I totally think so. I love the idea that my friend is a ranch owner.”
That made him shake his head. “You mean your friend who has kids who own a ranch. Is it weird I’m worrying that my kids grow up to hate me, and in fifteen years I find out that I’m homeless, and I’ve had been on this ranch for all this time, and they throw me out?”
“Yes, it’s pretty fucking weird, but it’s you. Pretty freaking weird and a worrywart, and you’ve got to stop because you didn’t used to be.”
No, he used to be brave and playful. Then he’d had kids, and, somehow, life had gotten hard.
And not a little hard, but hardcore hard. Hard in that way where he didn’t quite know what to do.
But right now, he liked Ellis, and out of everything he was up to these days, that seemed easy. “Also, with four kids around all the time, it’s hard to do anything about it.”
“Three of them are in school, though, right?”
“One of them is in day care two days a week…”
“Good for you! Go out there on one of those days and tackle him, snog the living hell out of him—but ask first. Don’t be that guy. Consent is important.”
Ichabod started cackling, just rolling. He could hardly breathe, and that told him how much he needed to laugh, how important it was to take a break and let things go. All the stress and weirdness and hard of this move and the house and everything.
“There you go. That’s better, isn’t it?” Ben was laughing with him. “Scott and I should come out to see you. Maybe at the first of the year.”
“That would be great, hon. By then I ought to have a guest room that’s all prettified for you to stay in.” He would never make Bri go to a hotel.
“Cool. I would love that too.” Brian paused. “Feel a little more settled?”
“Always, when I talk to you. You make things so easy to reason out. Even if your logic is wild and rainbowy.”
“Can logic be sparkly?”
“Maybe?” He laughed a little more. “The girls would say yes.”
“Hey, how’s it going with Zane?”
“Right now, really good.” He thought about the last few weeks, and there had been very few fights.
“I asked him to help me out, gave him some responsibility, and he calmed down a lot. There have been three or four bumps in the road, but they’ve been more speed bumps than potholes.
And now he’s making friends at school and taking driving lessons, he’s busy and having fun.
He’s fitting in. I think he’s much happier. ”
“Oh, that’s so great.” Brian laughed. “I was worried.”
“Me too.”
They chatted about the kids and about work for both of them, but Brian wrapped it up with, “Don’t forget what I said. Snog him silly.”
“I will. I promise.” He would work up the courage, dammit.
“Good. Love you. Call me if you need me.”
“Love you too.” He hung up, feeling lighter. Easier in his skin. Brian had known him when he was with Chris, and if he thought Ichabod wasn’t being disloyal to the man’s memory, well, he probably wasn’t.
Now all he had to do was bide his time and pick his moment.
“Daddy! I need hep!” Chrissy called.
Which wasn’t now.
But soon.
Ellis figured if he didn’t get to kiss Ichabod soon he might lose his damn mind.
The man did it for Ellis more and more every day. He was quirky and funny and hot as hell, and Ellis was thinking of hiring a damn babysitter so he could take the man out to the bunkhouse and love him up some.
He thought Ichabod was open to that, but he didn’t want to overstep and make a damn fool of himself or upset the man, so he was waiting.
Impatiently.
He sucked at waiting. He was a cowboy, and he was used to getting shit done as fast and efficiently as possible.
But this wasn’t work. This was… this was way more important.
He was out in the barn, picking out some tack to clean and repair during the upcoming snowstorm. The skies were gray and roiling, the temperature dropping fast. When he hauled them out of the main door, he saw Ichabod standing on the porch of the main house, looking at him.
He frowned, setting the bridle and girth strap aside so they wouldn’t get ruined before heading up to the house.
“Hey, honey. Is everything okay? Do I need to go get the kids?”
Ichabod blinked at him. “What? No, no. It’s not… the snow isn’t going to be that bad, at least until tomorrow.” Ichabod winked at Ellis. “I grew up in Denver, remember? Snow doesn’t scare me.”
Ellis shrugged then. “So what’s up?”
“Nothing. I was taking a break.”
“Uh-huh…” That didn’t feel like a break. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s perfectly fine.”
Huh. “So, what were you looking at?”
Ichabod’s cheeks pinked a little bit. “You.”
Oh, now that started buzz in the pit of his belly. “Oh, yeah?”
Ichabod nodded, licked his lips, and Ellis filled his lungs with icy air.
“Why?”
“Because I like you. Because I think you’re incredible, and I like to watch you.” Ichabod searched his eyes. “Is that bad? I mean, I’m not being too…weird. This isn’t like a creepy boss thing.”
Ichabod was a sweetheart, no question.
“You’re not creepy, honey.”
“Good.” Ichabod held his gaze, eyes searching his, begging to be understood. “Look. It’s been a good, long time since I’ve done something like this. Like a really long time. But—I’m into you, and I think you’re into me, I think…I think we could figure this out together.”