Chapter 22 #2
“Dude, that’s fair. That’s totally fair.
” Ichabod shook his head, and Ellis could see the tears shining in his eyes.
“He’s not your dad. And I don’t think he wants to be your dad.
I think he wants to be a good friend, someone you can count on.
I would never, ever, ever ask you to let someone else adopt you. ”
Zane stepped closer, and Ichabod stood, embracing his son. “Cool ‘cause you were enough. Like for real. I have this crazy artist adopted dad.”
“You do. And you know what? I’m never going anywhere. I’m going to torture you. I’m going to be the crazy dad for the rest of your goddamn life.”
Zane nodded and pulled away from him. “Yay, all right. I hear their car. I’m gonna go. We’re cool?”
“Of course we’re cool.” Then Ichabod gave Zane a smile. “Have a good time, I’ll see you tonight. Home by midnight?”
“By midnight. If anything changes, like you know, I end up staying over with the guys, I’ll call and ask. Although I will let you know in plenty of time.”
“Sounds fair.”
As soon as the door closed, Ellis came out from the hallway, and Chrissy ran over to snuggle with her sister and watch Frosty. “What was that all about?”
He wasn’t sure how he felt because that was a little weird — to think that Ichabod was paying him. He hadn’t actually thought about it. The money just came and dumped into his checking account, but now…
Was he taking stuff away from the kids? Was this weird? It felt a little weird.
“He worries about stuff. I wouldn’t stress it if I were you. He has to think about it.”
Ellis didn’t follow. “About what?”
Ichabod motioned toward the kitchen with his chin. “His only experience with stepchildren or parents ended up being he got adopted by me, right? He didn’t have an experience where Chris and I were actually dating and it was a normal situation.”
“So, what is a ‘normal situation’ here?” He was fascinated to know.
“Well, I mean, for instance, you and I are dating. We’re living together.
At some point, we might decide to legalize our relationship.
We might decide not to, but we know if we decided to get married, then you would be his stepfather.
But I adopted the boys. Both of them. Zane can absolutely remember meeting me the first time, remember me asking him if he’d let me be his dad.
Michael doesn’t — any more than Chrissy will remember meeting you for the very first time.
It’s not a thing. But Zane worries.” Ichabod leaned back against the kitchen counter, watching him.
“In his life experience, stepfathers are adopting fathers. And he’s a teenager.
He doesn’t want to be adopted again. I have no idea where Michael is in the situation.
Hell, I have no idea where you are in the situation.
” Ichabod grinned at him and shrugged. “In other words, that was a lot of words to say that he had questions, and I had answers.”
Well, that was all fine and good, except that Ellis didn’t feel as if he had the answers.
And he wanted to feel like he had answers.
“So basically he wanted to know if we were getting married?” he tried.
Ichabod shrugged for him. “He wanted to know what his place was in our relationship. What relationship he could expect to have with you. What exactly is going on? Where you fit in the grand scheme of parentage. That’s all.”
“It doesn’t feel like an all, Ichabod. I’m not feeling like that’s an all in the least bit. I’m feeling like it’s a really, really big deal.”
“All right, we can talk about it. Have a seat.” He wasn’t sure how Ichabod could be so calm.
“So does it not feel weird to you?”
“To be asked unexpected questions by my children? Don’t forget I’ve been dealing with my son and his questions for a long damn time.
And the fact is, he gets nervous. He worries.
” Ichabod sat across from him, and Ellis wasn’t sure what to do.
“Michael worries less. His life is easier right now. The things he wants out of it are simpler. And he has had less loss because he’s that much younger.
Zane feels as if he’s lost a lot and found a lot, and he wants to make sure where he is right now is stable. That you and I are stable.”
“Are we stable?” Ellis asked. He’d thought they were but then it was weird to have Ichabod talk about him and not being ready for marriage so calmly. It made him feel unsure.
Ichabod leaned in and kissed him right on the lips. Not a sexy kiss; this was a kiss between adults.
“We are stable,” Ichabod told him. “You are one of the most amazing men I’ve ever known, and you are one of two men that I’ve ever been in love with.
I told Zane the truth. We’re not ready to be married—marriage with children is a very complicated thing—and I’d like to live together for a while before we talk about that sort of thing.
That said, I am as happy with you as I have ever been in my whole life, and I’m here, and I’m listening. It’s your turn to talk now.”
He was seriously considering pinching Ichabod. Not hard. Just a little bit. Just enough to make him feel like he was back on solid ground.
“You know I’m not much for talking, Ichabod.
” He sighed, rolling his head on his neck.
“I thought we were at a certain place. I mean, I wasn’t going to pop the question and give you a ring for Christmas or anything, but I guess I can see where you want to make sure everything is where it’s supposed to be before we jump into something. You have the kids.”
“I like the place we’re at, Ellis.” Ichabod reached across the table and grabbed his hand. “I really do. But you’re right. The kids have to come first. You know that.”
“I do know that, and I’m not mad at it.” He took a deep breath and blew it out. “I guess this kind of blindsided me.”
He got another one of those gentle smiles.
“Of course it did. Like I said, I’ve had years to get used to the kind of questions Zane will pop at someone when he’s worried about something.
He wasn’t looking for me to say I wasn’t ever going to marry you or that he wasn’t in a place where he could cope with that. He’s a teenager.”
“I know you said you’re not sure where Michael is, but what do you think about Allie and Chrissy?” God, he would love to be their dad. Was he always going to be relegated to being the guy who moved in and ran the ranch and came with the property?
“I think they’re going to think of you as their dad, Ellis, if we let it happen. And why shouldn’t we? I love you. I told you that. And you love me. I believe you when you say it. We can work our way toward that.” Ichabod searched his eyes. “Is that what you want?”
“Yeah, it is what I want. I adore those kids; I just don’t want to be…”
“You’re not. You’re special. You’re not some guy that I hooked up with. I would not have hooked up with any man who ended up working here on the ranch. That’s not how it works.” Ichabod flicked the back of his hand with his finger and thumb, not quite pinching but it stung anyway.
“Now, I was fixing to pinch you to see how you’d react.” He grinned, because he couldn’t not, and because that was how it worked with him. He got over himself pretty quick, usually.
“No pinching.” Ichabod waved a hand at him. “These are not the droids you are trying to pinch.”
“Is that some kind of Star movie-slash-TV show reference?” He knew very well what it was from, but he had to tease because it made Ichabod crazy.
“Now, I am going to beat you.” Ichabod stood up and made like he was about to chase him, and Ellis had to laugh and jump up to run in for the front room.
“Girls, save me!”
Allie squealed and jumped up off the couch, grabbing a pillow to whack Ichabod in the stomach. “I’ve got you, Bell.”
“Oof!” Ichabod came to a screeching stop, looking down at his daughter with his eyebrows raised. “Et tu, Allie?”
“What’s that mean?” She brandished the pillow again.
“Means you’re a traitor taking up for him. He pinched me. Well, he threatened to pinch me. We’ll be fair.”
“See? I didn’t pinch anybody. He’s the one who abused me, Al.” Ellis hid behind her.
“I tect you, Bell.” Chrissy joined her sister, her tiny little hands on her hips as she glared at her dad.
Ellis laughed, scooping Chrissy up in his arms to kiss her on the cheek. “My fierce little girl. I know you got me. It’s okay, your dad and I are just playing.”
“I like to play,” Chrissy said, patting his cheeks. “My own Bell.”
“Do you need me on your team, Daddy?” Allie asked, pillow still held at the ready.
“That would be perfect, baby girl,” Ichabod told her. “Now be gentle with your sister, but let’s have a pillow fight.” Ichabod grabbed a pillow off the couch that was a touch too squishy these days, so it wouldn’t hurt anybody, Ellis figured.
Ellis did the same thing and let the girls have the harder ones. They couldn’t swing with as much strength.
Chrissy wiggled to be let down with a squeal, and Ellis set her on the floor. She grabbed the pillow off the couch and swung at her dad’s legs, whacking him like a mad Chihuahua with a chew toy in its mouth.
Ichabod roared, the sound adorable and bopped Chrissy over the head as gently as he could. Ellis took a swing at Allie, hitting her right in the upper arm, and she giggled madly, going for something more personal with him.
They had a heck of a pillow fight. The girls were running around the couch, him and Ichabod making crazy noises and smacking each other with the pillows while the girls squealed. By the time they were done, he was over his worry that maybe he wasn’t enough for anybody.
They all plopped on the couch. Ichabod was right there next to him, their shoulders rubbing.
The girls swarmed them. Allie sat on his lap and grinned at him. “Love you, Bell.”
“Well, I love you too, Miss Allie.”
Chrissy gave him a glare. “Me too?”
“I love you too, my own Chrissy.”
Then Ichabod looked over, arched an eyebrow, and asked, “Me too?”
And right there in front of the girls and everything, Ellis answered, “Yeah, honey. I love you too.”