CHAPTER 8
Billie
I, Billie Myers, had a dark secret. It was my biggest secret, my biggest lie, and my biggest shame. I’d been homeschooled until I was in high school. Then, after one year in a public high school, my parents pulled me out and homeschooled me again so I could help out more around the ranch. I’d developed later than the other girls I knew and my parents kept a tight leash on me. I had a few crushes on the farmhands at the ranch, but my interactions with boys or men in personal situations were…basically nonexistent.
I’d worked hard on the ranch, so hard I never had the time or energy to go out, even after I’d turned eighteen. Then, my parents died and I was in charge of the ranch all by myself. I didn’t have time to go out and meet men. When I started going to Doll’s Club meetings with the other women in town and I started making friends, I realized how behind I was on life. Margaret, the owner of Good, Clean, Fun, the business front for Doll’s Club, sold sex toys and lube like it was nothing. Everyone just openly talked about their sex lives and there I was, lonely and terrified.
The first lie had just…happened. I made a joke about the imaginary guy I’d been sleeping with and everyone laughed and looked at me a little less like I was a child. After that, I just kept making little jokes. This guy I slept with was a dud. This other guy had never heard of a clit. I fit in better with the other women.
In reality, I was a virgin. After the Hellstone brothers stole the ranch from me, I had more free time and I tried to lose my embarrassing secret. I went out with a few guys, even got through a couple of bases along the way. I just hadn’t been able to commit to letting any of those guys take my virginity. It wasn’t like I was waiting for marriage; I just wanted to give it up to someone I was turned on by and so far, none of the guys I’d mingled with did it for me.
I’d let the secret of my virginity grow so big that my best friends didn’t even know the truth. I just wanted to be rid of it. I didn’t want to lie anymore. I didn’t want to stop whatever I was doing with men sexually because it didn’t feel good enough to give up my v-card. I wanted the freedom to have bad sex with men I met along the way. Until I got rid of my virginity, I wasn’t going to feel free.
It was unfortunate that the only men who’d managed to light my fire were the Hellstone brothers. That dream hadn’t been the first I’d had of the brothers. It was impossible not to notice them. I’d watched countless women go in and out of their beds, always looking satisfied with a hitch to their walk. I’d been forced to think of them having sex so many times I couldn’t help being curious. Then, that kiss with Keaton…the chemistry was there. I didn’t know if it was because of hate or what, but it was there. I’d never felt anything like that kiss, even when one of the guys I’d hooked up with had gone down on me.
The answer to my problem was right there, in a set of three. I hated the Hellstone triplets, but that didn’t matter. I didn’t need to like them for them to fix my problem.
After Owen stomped into the barn and acted all jealous, I’d been so turned on I snuck into one of the empty stalls and touched myself. They’d always been so bland with me. They kept it professional or at least quiet enough that it resembled professionalism. They didn’t fight back or get animated with me, no matter what I said to them. Until Gray heard me talking about the dream. That was a turning point, it seemed.
Seeing Owen angry had made up my mind for me. I knew it was probably incredibly messed up and that I probably needed therapy, but I wanted to get rid of my virginity and I wanted them to do it. Not just one of them. I wanted all of them, like my dream, like the other women got. I wanted to eviscerate my virginity so I wouldn’t have to lie anymore.
That night I picked at my dinner and then took a long bath. I shaved everything and used the girly soap I hardly ever touched. I rubbed lotion all over my skin and took the time to apply mascara and lipstick. I even curled my hair so it looked messy, almost like I’d already been in someone’s bed.
At the top of my closet, in a plain brown box, I’d stored my first and only set of sexy lingerie. It was white lace and it barely covered me. It was more of a suggestion of lingerie than anything. I didn’t allow myself to study my reflection because I knew I’d obsess over every part of my body that wasn’t my favorite.
I opened my phone and sent a group text to the three of them, asking them to meet me on their back porch to talk about something. Their affirmative replies came back-to-back and that’s when everything became real. As I pulled a robe on over my lingerie and slipped my feet into my Crocs, my heart kicked into high gear and my palms grew sweaty. Was I insane for asking them for sex? Was it wildly inappropriate? What if they laughed?
I forced those thoughts to the back of my mind and took a deep breath before leaving my house and walking across the yard to the small staircase which led up to the second floor balcony. I left my Crocs on the bottom step because I wasn’t trying to be even more embarrassed if they turned me down and I was in lingerie and Crocs.
Each step felt like a small mountain as I climbed. My nerves were threatening to overpower my desires as I came closer and closer to facing their answer. Was I crazy? Did one dream and a kiss add up to being enough to let them take my virginity?
Before I could panic and run, my gaze collided with Gray’s and I knew I wasn’t going to turn back. I also knew I wasn’t going to let them know I was a virgin. That secret would remain my secret.
I finished climbing the last couple of steps and found myself at the center of three hulking men’s focus. I stood in front of them with my arms crossed over my chest and blew out a shaky breath. “Thanks for meeting with me.”
Keaton smiled. “We were too curious not to. Nearly a year of living next to each other and you’ve never once texted us.”
I dropped my arms to my side and swallowed. “I have something I want to talk to you guys about.”
Owen sat forward. “Okay.”
I licked my suddenly bone-dry lips and crossed my arms again, just to uncross them. “I want to have sex.”
Gray cocked his head to the side and stood up. “Sorry. What did you just say?”
I forced myself to push on. “I want to have sex with the three of you. Just once. To scratch the itch. No strings attached. No messy calls or visits. Just one night.”
Keaton made a strangled sound and looked at his brothers. “Am I dreaming?”
Owen held up his hand and frowned. “Where’s this coming from?”
I made a face at him. “My need to have sex?”
Keaton made another pained noise and gestured at me. “Why are we hesitating?”
Gray scowled at him. “Because she’s young and innocent. She can’t handle us.”
I gripped the ties of my robe and swallowed around another lump of nerves. Slowly pulling them loose, I held my breath and hoped they didn’t reject me.
When the robe dropped to my feet, the only sound was the steady song of crickets in the yard. I watched their eyes dance over my body and internally crossed my fingers.