10. 10
As Ava prepared for work the next morning, she considered what Cowboy had said the night before. Did she really want to get involved with a biker?
He was nothing like Hank. That was a point in his favor, not one against him. If she had her way, she’d never get mixed up with a man like Hank again. She also wasn’t fool enough to swear off men all together. There had been parts of marriage she’d liked, though, even that hadn’t met with Hank’s approval. He’d told her it was unseemly for the wife of a pastor to be interested or as receptive to that part of marriage. At least that was what he’d told her. He hadn’t seemed to mind that Andrea had liked it. At least from what she’d seen when she’d walked in on them.
Ava pushed thoughts of Hank and Andrea out of her mind. He wasn’t in charge of her anymore, and she wasn’t going to let his likes or dislikes rule her life anymore.
What she needed to do was figure out what she wanted. But since Cowboy was the first person ever to ask, she hadn’t given it much thought.
What did she want? Ava asked herself as she applied her makeup and styled her hair. The obvious answer was that she wanted to live. But that sounded silly and simplistic, even to herself. She needed something more definite, something with more substance.
A list. She needed to make a list. That would help her figure it out. She took a legal pad from her desk and took it in the kitchen when she went to refill her coffee and get something to eat before she had to leave for work.
While she ate her bowl of oatmeal, she ran a line of numbers down the side of the page. Now came the hard part. Now she had to decide what she wanted.
Make my own decisions, good or bad.
Experience life – all of it, not just what other people think she should.
Someone to love her who cares what she wants.
Someone to share her life and experiences with that she can love.
5.
She stared at the paper for several minutes, unable to come up with anything else. Even tapping her pen against the pad brought no new thoughts, until she noticed the time. She hurried to wash her breakfast dishes and get out the door.
If she didn’t hurry, she’d be late.
She made it out the door just in time. As she started her car, she couldn’t help but wonder where Cowboy was and what he was doing.
Would he call her tonight? She hoped so. It wasn’t until she was headed into the bank that it occurred to her that she had his number. She didn’t need to wait for him to call her. She could call him if she wanted.
By the time Ava’s shift ended and she walked out at the end of the day, her feet throbbed and her back ached. She looked forward to a nice soak in a tub of hot water. Wait. Didn’t her apartment complex have a hot tub? She thought she remembered seeing one the last time she’d gone to the office. Maybe it was time to dig out her swim suit and find out. Where had she put them? When she’d been in Arizona, she’d owned several, but had she kept any?
She had been so determined for a fresh start. She did recall thinking why would she need a swimsuit way up here in North Dakota, where it was cold. After all, it would never be as hot here as it got in Arizona. She wondered again, had she brought a swimsuit with her? The more she thought about it, the more she was certain swimsuits were among the many things she had left behind.
Well, that was one thing out, at least for tonight. Most likely. She would make sure there was a hot tub, then go get herself a new suit, this time without having to worry about if it was proper for the wife of a pastor to be seen in.
That thought put a smile on her face.
It gave her another thing to add to her list.
Wear clothes that she liked without worrying about what others think.
At home, she went inside, kicked off her shoes and went into the bedroom where she made a cursory search of her drawers for a swimsuit there. When she didn’t find one easily, she gave up. It just meant she needed a shopping trip.
She wasn’t going today, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t get an idea of what she wanted. She took her laptop, a gift from Aaron when she’d arrived in Dickenson. She’d never been allowed to have a computer of her own before she’d left Hank. Though she did have a smart phone, Hank had insisted there wasn’t the money for more than one computer and since he was the one who earned the money, the computer had been his. Again, she pushed thoughts of Hank from her mind as she carried her computer to her recliner and put her feet up while she pulled up the website to her favorite clothing store.
Ava didn’t know how long she spent looking at clothes and swimsuits but when she found herself yawning, she realized she’d lost track of time. It was nearly bedtime, and she’d forgotten to have dinner. After thinking a moment, she decided she wasn’t hungry, but she did want that hot soak, so she went for the bathroom to run the water. While the tub filled, she went for her phone, where she’d left it to charge in the kitchen.
She’d missed three messages. Two from Aaron, and one from Cowboy. She skipped the texts from her brother, he was likely just checking on her, and went straight to the one from Cowboy.
Cowboy: Hope you had a good day. Have you given up the idea of an old biker yet?
Ava shook her head as she typed out a reply.
Ava: Not at all. I had a long day and I'm about to go to bed. But I’ve been thinking of you.
She hit send and carried her phone into the bathroom with her in case he replied. Then stripped and stepped into the tub of hot water, sighing as she relaxed and let the heat soak away the soreness from her day.