10. Jackson
ten
Jackson
I ’ve never baked before.
But I have to admit it’s been fun. Riley isn’t too good at it either, but on our second attempt, we do a decent job of making a cake. I always thought shortcake was like shortbread. Turns out I was wrong and the cake part is quite spongy. Still tastes amazing, and it’s kind of cool that we made it.
My stomach growls when Riley pulls the second cake from the oven. I don’t want to be rude and ask if he has food, because I thought maybe he might cook for us and we’d stay in, but I didn’t eat and I’m starving.
“I heard that from over here, Jackson. I’m going to feed you.”
Laughing, I feel the heat on my neck as Riley looks my way. Lord, what I wouldn’t give for him to not mean food right now. Who knew baking with someone you wish was yours could be the most torturous form of unreciprocated foreplay.
“Sorry. I thought you were planning a gourmet feast by the way you sounded on the phone.”
He dusts his hands on his apron and opens the fridge.
“Sort of. I wanted to bake the cake before we ate. But I cheated and I have some dishes from Avocadabra for dinner. I do like to cook simple stuff sometimes, but since I know you love their food, I figured why make it hard?”
Riley pulls several takeout containers from the fridge and I step forward to help him. “Oh, that’s a lot. I can give you some money for my half.”
He pauses before turning to me. “Can this one just be me repaying you for helping me bake?”
“If that’s what you want. But I don’t mind paying you for it.”
Riley’s shoulders stiffen, and he turns away from me. “No.”
There’s a definite shift in our playful energy from a minute ago, and I don’t know why. He flips lids of containers as the silence grows and I replay my words.
Oh.
Stepping closer, I touch his arm and force him to look at me.
“I wasn’t trying to be mean about your past, Rye. That comment was just me wanting to pitch in like a friend would.”
Because you keep putting me in the friend category.
“Sorry. I know what you meant. It’s…it caught me off guard, is all.”
No, it was more than off guard. If he had an invisible shield, it just went up to the heavens, and I hate it. Being bold, I cup his cheek with my palm and he closes his eyes.
“If you give me the chance, Rye, I won’t hurt you.” My voice scratches in my throat, but I have to be sure he knows I’m nothing like the man who broke him. “You’re not a dollar amount or anything less than a beautiful human being who I’d love to know better. I’m not him.”
He swallows and keeps his eyes closed. “You aren’t awkward at all, Jackson. You say all the right things. ”
“Because I like you, Riley. I have since the first time I saw you. I’m more comfortable with you than anyone else.” Shrugging a shoulder, I don’t know how else to describe it. “It feels easier with you.”
His slender fingers wrap around my hand, and he pulls it from his cheek. His lips part and moments pass before he releases my hand and turns back to the food.
“How do you feel about eating on the couch and watching Disney shows?”
Okay, message received. Still friends.
“Like it’s the perfect evening.”
Riley breaks out in honest-to-god laughter and he’s gorgeous like this. Comfortable in his space and free to be himself. He passes me a stack of napkins with a beaming smile.
“Jackson, I swear to god you don’t even know how adorable you are.” He nudges me towards the living room while he carries two containers of food. “Your eyes lit up when I said Disney.”
After settling the food between us, Riley turns the television to a streaming service I’ve never heard of and there it is… Lady and the Tramp.
“Oh my god, Riley! It’s even the original version!”
Riley sits with a smug smile. “Of course it’s the original. It’s a classic. Even if bits don’t age well, I still prefer watching the original.”
“I haven’t watched this in…lord, twenty years at least.”
As we pick at the food he bought us, including our favourite hummus, I’m transported in time to the worn sofa in my parents’ living room. How many times did I watch this on weekends when my chores were done ?
“I drove my mom nuts with the number of times I watched this as a kid. But I remember when the Tramp came out to defend Lady the first time. With the conviction only a seven-year-old could have, I thought, I want to be like that dog.”
Riley’s sweet laughter fills the room and I smile over at him.
“You wanted to be like a dog?”
“Yeah. He just went for the cocker spaniel, you know? He was tough and not all spoiled like her, but yet he stepped up when needed and fell in love with her. Partly because she was pretty in dog terms, but also, I think, because they complemented each other so well. I wanted to make someone feel like Lady did when she realized how awesome the Tramp was.” Huffing a small laugh at how silly it sounds to speak it out loud, I shake my head. “I wanted to be brave like Tramp and shoot my shot, no matter how out of my league I felt. One day I wanted to do that.”
Riley’s gaze is soft before he turns back to the movie, and I study his profile. His little button nose is the cutest thing. He doesn’t have dimples, but when he smiles, it sort of lights up his entire face. Like he has this inner bulb that glows when he’s happy and brightens all his best features.
But I can’t be like Tramp. Not if Riley doesn’t want it.
“Okay, truth. Do you find the spaghetti scene romantic?”
Riley turns to me after he sets the nearly empty food containers on the coffee table.
“I feel like this is a trick question.”
He shakes his head with a smile. “No trick. I just want to know your thoughts.”
“Okay.” He asked for the truth, so I’ll give it. “I think sharing food with someone, off the same plate as they did, is an intimate activity. More so because they have no cutlery, but they’re dogs, so it had to go that way. But I think it’s very romantic, yes. It gave that first push for them to mean more to each other. To own their feelings.”
Riley wrinkles his nose. “Really? Even the slurping spaghetti and knowing they share drool? That’s still romantic to you?”
“With all politeness, Rye, people do a lot more than share drool when they get together.” Riley’s gaze drops and I reach over to lift his chin with my finger. “I love it when they touch noses. It’s the most adorable thing ever. Seven-year-old me loved it and forty-year-old me still loves it.”
Riley says nothing for a few moments, and the movie plays on in the background, but it no longer holds my attention.
“When do you leave for the big rodeo tour?” Riley breaks the moment and moves to take our dishes back to the kitchen. His movements are shaky, so I don’t help immediately. I may be awkward with my words sometimes, but I know when someone is uncomfortable. Right now, Riley is throwing me all kinds of mixed signals and I should probably take the opening to leave before I say something wrong.
“Two days. Hunter and I will take his trailer and the horses. It’s a two-day drive to the first event. We have two days to rest, then a three-day rodeo before a full day’s drive to the next rodeo. We dip into the United States for a few rodeos there before heading back. The whole thing is almost three weeks of living out of his trailer on campgrounds.”
Riley leans on the kitchen island and grips the edge of the countertop with his hands.
“That’s a long time to be gone. ”
Nodding, I shove my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for him.
“It is. It’s the longest one of the season, but it’s worth it for us. We earn a lot of money at those events when we do well.”
“Will you have cell service while you’re away?”
Riley bites at his lip and keeps his gaze down. I wish he wouldn’t.
“I will. I make sure I have US roaming off when we go, and I get a package for travel. I learned that lesson the hard way.”
When he says nothing for a moment, an awkward tension grows between us, and I don’t know what to say. Well, I do. I want to tell him I’ll call every night if he’s available and I want to see what other animal face masks he has.
I want to tell him I’ll miss him, and that tonight was one of the best nights I’ve had in a while.
“Did you know bats have thumbs?”
Ah, there it is. Heaven forbid I say what I’m actually thinking.
Riley’s lips twitch, and at least he turns his beautiful eyes on me.
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, they have this weird claw thing on it for climbing. It’s kind of cool.”
Riley raises his thumb and wiggles it. “I suppose a claw thumb could be useful.” He trails off and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Thanks for helping me out tonight. I’ll send you pictures when I make the whole thing for the event.”
“I’m glad I could help. This was fun.”
“Call me when you get to your first rodeo stop?”
“Yeah, I can do that.” With a nod, I turn to the door and once my hand turns the knob, Riley calls out.
“Good luck, Jackson. ”
“Thanks, Rye.”
Slipping out the door before I can say something else stupid, I punch the elevator button, which opens immediately, and I step on.
Before the doors close, I catch Riley at his door watching me, and like a loser, I give him a thumbs-up. But he laughs as he turns away into his apartment.
I’ll take it.
“Jack!”
Jamieson bellows across the campsite as he runs over to me, and I brace myself for his incoming affection.
“Careful, J, you’re— oof .”
Jamieson reaches me and pulls me into a firm hug before letting go.
“You’re a rock star. Did you hear? You’re already guaranteed to win this season with points after tonight. Do you know how amazing that is?”
“I don’t want to assume anything yet. I still have two more events on this circuit before Kissing Ridge’s big rodeo. Anything can happen.”
Jamieson shakes his head while he throws an arm around me and guides me to a camp chair. After he plops in one and I do the same, he continues.
“Nuh-uh. Brody Coutts just got injured. He was your closest competitor. You can lose every event and still take the title. Not that you’ll lose because this is the best season of your life, but it’s locked up, man.”
“What? Is Brody okay?”
Pulling out my phone, I scroll to my contacts and find Brody. He’s a younger steer wrestler and has heaps of promise. I watched him when he was still on the college circuit and he was incredible. I’d hate for his injury to be something serious.
“Yeah, I think it’s a torn biceps, though. He’ll need some intense healing if he wants a future.”
My fingers rapidly type a message and hit send. Then I switch to the standings and see the ticker across the top that Brody really is out, and it’s projected I’ll win the season. Running a hand down my face, I sit back with a sigh.
“Shit. I want to be happy, but Brody is a good guy. This sucks for him.”
Jamieson nods. “I guess that makes sense. I’m sorry. I didn’t think about Brody. When I saw you were going to take the title, I just got excited.”
“It’s okay. I understand and I am excited. It’s just a lot to digest right now.”
My phone vibrates with a text from Brody, confirming that he tore his biceps and is out for the rest of the season. He congratulates me and teases me about not getting too comfortable at the top because he’ll be back next year to knock me down. Hearing him remain upbeat while he must be devastated makes me feel a little better.
“So, still staying behind tonight then, gramps? ”
Laughing, I reach over and swat at Jamieson.
“Yeah. Maybe after the next one we can go out. I just want some quiet time tonight.”
“I’ll hold you to that Jackson. You need to go out sometimes. You’re a big deal, and it’s okay to celebrate.” Jamieson rises from the chair and claps my shoulder. “Maybe one day you’ll tell us about whoever it is you text all the time that makes you smile.”
My cheeks heat as Jamieson laughs.
“I may be slow sometimes, Jack, but I notice when my friend smiles at his phone more than the friends in front of him. Don’t stay up too late.”
He saunters off to the trailer he shares with Griff, and I lean my head back with a sigh. I’ve only been away for ten days with two rodeos done. There are still ten more days and three rodeos to go before I’m back home.
Before I can have another friend-only date with Riley.
Riley makes it super hard to stick to the only friends part. A condition I’m now very suspicious of only being created out of fear.
“Yo! Jackson!”
Hunter calls, and I turn to find him ready to leave for the bar with Jamieson and Griff for the night.
“It might be a late night. Don’t worry if I don’t come back. I’ll text you.”
I raise an eyebrow. “You’re planning an entire night away with someone and not a bathroom quickie? Impressive.”
“Meh. I’ll see what happens, but I could go for more than a BJ tonight.”
“Have fun with that. ”
He laughs and waves and the three of them head off in Jamieson’s truck with Griff driving. Since our campground is a fair bit away from town, they all did rock, paper, scissors to see who would be the driver tonight, and Griff lost.
As far as I’m concerned, he won. The drinking and partying Jamieson and Hunter can get up to are not for me.
The campfire crackles and glows in front of me and Lady huffs in the background with Hunter’s horse. It’s a clear night with stars out and for the first time in what feels like forever, a wave of loneliness washes over me.
I’ve always been happy with my life. Yes, I’ve tried to date occasionally, and I’ve had a few fun flings. But those were fleeting and nothing of substance. Nothing that made me want to hang on to them forever, but they filled the gap at the time.
They weren’t Riley, though.
Just like rodeo, Riley has this way about him that makes me think I can have it all. Do it all. Sure, we’ve only just started to know each other better, but I know we could be so good together if he’d just give us a chance.
My phone pings and lights up with a message.
Riley: I was just sitting here with my pizza and thinking how nice it would be to have company. Are you free to talk?
If that’s not a sign he’s meant for me, I don’t know what is.