12. Jackson
twelve
Jackson
R ubbing at my eyes, I roll over to grab my phone that’s rattling away on the nightstand. We got home at 3 A.M. and I instantly crashed. As much as I love the events we attend, this stretch is a killer, and I’m exhausted.
“Hello?”
“Jackson? I’m so sorry. Did I wake you?”
My body perks at the sound of Riley’s panic-laced voice.
“Riley? Yes, but it’s okay. Are you all right?”
“Not really. I…I need your help.”
In an instant, I’m sitting up and searching for clothes.
“What do you need, and when?”
“I hate asking you this, but since you helped me with the cake before, I’m hoping you could again?”
“Of course. When do you need me and where? I just need to get dressed and I can be there in a half hour.”
There’s a long pause on the line, but his ragged breaths are still there and I stand in my bedroom, acutely aware that something big has its hooks in Riley.
“Rye? Tell me what you need. I’ll be right there.”
“I need…could you, um. I’m going to text you a code for my condo. All the stuff to make the cake is there. There’s been…I need ed to be at the courthouse five minutes ago. I’ll explain later, but I needed to make Carlos’ cake and…”
He stops again with a shaky breath, and while he told me he may need to provide testimony for something soon, I thought he was prepared for it. Clearly not.
“If you need me with you—”
“No! I’ll text you the code and see you later. Please.”
His voice cracks and I hate how he sounds so…defeated.
“Whatever you need, Rye.”
“Thank you.”
He ends the call and a code for his condo comes through almost immediately. After finding fresh clothes, I throw a hat on my bedhead and rush out the door. A shower will have to wait.
Riley said he wouldn’t be gone long, but I’ve already baked and cooled the cake without hearing another word from him.
I don’t know if I should leave or wait for him. He sounded so upset, though. I’d hate to leave and have him come back to an empty apartment. That wouldn’t be right.
While trying to decide what to do next, I run the sink full of water and clean up the mess from baking. I hit play on my favourite country music play list and hum along as I lose myself to the mundane task of washing dishes .
The scent of a freshly baked cake, the soft sounds of music I love, and my hands plunged into a sink of soapy, lemon-scented water, shouldn’t embed themselves into me this much. The only thing that would make this perfect is for Riley to walk through that door and greet me like a boyfriend.
To let me kiss him deeply and ask him how his day was. Maybe even sit at the table before supper and eat dessert first. We’d have a dog and it would lie at our feet while we ate before we walked it to the nearby dog park. I’d throw a ball and Riley would laugh every time the dog brought it back to him instead of me.
It’s perfect.
So perfect, I don’t hear Riley come in until his hand is on my shoulder, and a very surprised squeak leaves my lips before I spin around.
“Shit, Riley. You….” Riley’s normally glowing face is pale, and his red-rimmed eyes stand out like beacons. Without a second thought, I pull him against me in a tight hug. “Rye, what happened?”
His hands clutch at my sides, bunching the fabric of my shirt in his fingers. He doesn’t pull away though, and I smooth a hand up and down his back.
“They made me feel like I was trash, Jackson. Complete untrustworthy trash.”
Anger. The primal need to rip something apart flares and I hold him tighter.
“Give me names and I’ll make sure they never make you feel less than ever again.” The words growl out of my mouth and Riley hitches a breath against my chest before pulling away .
“Chase and the other lawyer! Gabe said it would just be a sworn statement to provide an alibi for him. It would be five minutes tops.” He rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands and sobs. “It wasn’t! My reputation was dragged through the mud because I was a ‘ sex worker !’ I was doing the right thing, you know. Gabe told me to confirm Chase was with me on that night and he was. I even have the transaction to prove it.”
Riley paces to the large window in his living room that looks over the town.
“His wife’s attorney tore me apart and made even me doubt my story.” He huffs a humourless laugh. “Because why should my word be taken at face value when I worked for sex? And that’s…” He sighs and turns back to me. “Sometimes I wish I’d stayed invisible.”
“Rye…no, don’t say that.”
He ignores me and walks back to the kitchen. He glances at the cooling cakes, the kitchen sink full of soapy water, and then takes in my still-wet hands.
“Were you doing my dishes?”
“Well, yeah. What else was I supposed to do? You weren’t back, and the cake was baked. So I cleaned up.”
Riley nods like I’ve just stated the weather and stands in place.
“Rye? You’re scaring me. Are you okay?”
“I need to lie down.”
He spins on his heel and walks down the hall towards where I assume his bedroom is. Part of me wants to go to him, but the other part says to stay put. Deciding he needs time to gather himself in private, I return to the dishes and finish washing. Then I dry them and put away the few where I know their places and leave the rest on the counter.
Riley hasn’t come out yet and I don’t just want to leave, but I also don’t want to wander through his place uninvited. But my concern for Riley wins, and I walk softly down the hall where he disappeared until I find him in his bedroom. Asleep.
“Oh, baby,” I whisper as I pad into the room. Riley is curled on his side, hands tucked under his head, much like the night he told me all about Chase. A soft blanket sits draped over a chair in the room. I grab it and gently cover him with it while watching his chest rise and fall with deep, steady breaths.
How much stress has this caused him to crash this hard? How hard has he been working at this all alone with no help? Not knowing what else to do, I quietly leave the room.
Once back in his kitchen, I grab a pen and tear a piece of paper towel from the roll to leave him a note. After placing it by the cake, I let myself out of his apartment, careful to lock the door behind me.
The weights clang and bang as I settle them back into the holder.
“Really, Jackson? You’re going to cross a friend line when he clearly said he wanted to be friends? ”
Hunter and I walk over to the treadmills for our cooldown after an intense weight training session where I relayed in bits and pieces what happened yesterday with Riley.
“I think I need to, Hunter. You didn’t see the look on his face. He looked so lost and alone as he just…he just clutched at me like I was the only good thing in his life. He asked me to bake a cake, gave me his code for the elevator up to his place and then hugged me like it would make everything better.”
“Yeah, but I gave you a key to the ranch gate too, and I don’t want your tongue down my throat.”
I punch him in the shoulder with a scowl. “That’s different and you know it. He’s asked me directly for help, but he’s also asked me indirectly and if I didn’t know any better, I’d think he’s hoping I make the first move.”
“I thought you said this Chase guy totally fucked him up? You really think he wants someone to make a move? Sounds an awful lot like someone afraid to trust.”
Hunter punches buttons on his machine as I narrow my eyes.
“Sounds like some personal experiences you might want to share?”
“Nope. This is about you, Jack. But think about it. Chase was a cowboy, sort of, and so are you. He had a meltdown at some court thing and came back home to find you. The guy has to be all kinds of mixed up and not knowing what he should do about anything.”
My treadmill kicks in and I fall into the brisk walk while I turn his words over in my head. Maybe he’s right and I shouldn’t do anything, but Riley knows I’m interested. I told him the first day we met in his office that I wanted to ask him out .
Maybe I just have to accept that Riley isn’t interested in more and just wants to be friends. I’d hate for him to think I was another asshole, like Chase.
“Okay, so if I don’t try to move things along, should I still be friends?”
“Are you happy as friends?”
“Yeah, we have a lot in common. I enjoy talking to him and spending time with him. He’s funny.”
Hunter shrugs. “Then stay friends Jack.”
It’s not that easy, though. Is it?
“Yeah, maybe you’re right. I don’t want to ruin a good thing. We do have fun together. Maybe I’ll finally join you guys after the Big Rock event and see if I can find someone to move on with.”
Even as the words leave my mouth, I cringe. I don’t want to move on.
Hunter laughs. “You can easily find someone to get under you, Jackson. Trust me.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
My words lack any desire for that, though.
Hunter pops his earbuds in, effectively ending the conversation, but I choose to go without and run with my thoughts instead.
I want Riley, but I can’t figure him out. My gut says he’s just hurt and if that’s the case, maybe he needs more time to let us become more. He’s followed my rodeo for the last six weeks. He knows my stats, and he’s kept track of things. That’s not a sign of someone who hates cowboys.
Surely, I can’t just be imagining there’s more to us.
But Hunter has a point. If Riley has been hurt and is distrustful, he wouldn’t want me barging in and insisting we become more .
Maybe I’ll be patient a little longer and just keep being there for him.
The sky is perfectly clear, and my truck idles at the curb while I wait for Riley.
When he shows up with sleep lines on his face and bedhead, my hands itch to pull him to me and kiss the ever-loving fuck out of him.
“This better be good, Jackson. It’s 1 A.M. and I have a wedding to take care of today. Not to mention you have a long drive ahead of you.”
“I know, but…you need to see this. We need to. I promise it will be worth it.”
Riley sits quietly, still in his pyjamas, as I drive us out to the country and into an open field. After parking the truck, I tell Riley to sit and wait as I quickly throw the patio chair cushions and blankets into the truck bed.
When I’m done, I hurry around to Riley’s side and open the door. He almost falls into my arms since he was propped against the door snoozing. After internally sighing at how damn cute he looks hitching his pyjama pants up after stepping onto the tailgate with his old man slippers, I bounce up beside him and lead him down onto the bed I’d made in the truck bed .
“When I was a kid, I was fascinated with astronomy. I still have a telescope and I get these daily emails about star reports and phenomena and…” Riley’s unimpressed stare has me break off. “So, anyway, look up and watch for shooting stars. There’s a meteor shower happening and the next hour is prime time to see it.”
Riley’s surly face softens as he leans back and pulls the blanket up to his chin.
“Really? I’ve never seen a shooting star or anything like that.”
We lie together on the cushions, snuggled under the blankets, our eyes roaming the sky. It’s still and quiet out here in the field, just down from Hunter’s ranch. It’s actually part of his ranch and was once filled with cattle, but not anymore.
“Oh my god, there’s one!”
Riley, suddenly wide awake, struggles to get his hand out from under the blanket and point to the sky.
“I saw it! Oh, there’s more!” Riley gasps as three orbs streak across the sky in quick succession. “Jackson…this is so…fucking cool.”
Grinning to myself, I sneak a peek sideways and catch his profile in the darkness. Eyes wide and lips parted in wonder like a child who just discovered the magic of Christmas. What I wouldn’t do to put that look on his face every day. I’m just happy it worked out that I could do this before I have to leave again.
He points out a few more meteors, but I miss them because the view beside me is far more breathtaking. Riley twists his head to find me watching him.
He remains silent, but our gazes lock and we’re so close we share the breath between us .
“You’re missing the stars,” he whispers.
“No, I’m not. The brightest one is right here.”
Riley’s eyes drop to my mouth before he turns his head back to the night sky. After a beat, I do the same.
I know we shouldn’t be out here. He has a big wedding event tomorrow and I need to drive to the Big Rock rodeo. I got the invitation, and it’s a quick turnaround for me and Hunter, but I needed to show Riley something I always enjoyed. Hopefully, it lightens his spirit like it does mine.
I’ve always wanted to share this with someone I cared about. If I can’t have him in the way I want, I can share these kinds of moments with him instead as a friend, because that’s what friends do. I’d do just about anything to make him smile and realize there’s more to life than living in fear.
It might make me want him more after sharing this with him, but I’m willing to feel the pain if it brings him joy.
“Jackson?”
“Yeah?”
Riley is silent for a long beat, and I fear he may have fallen asleep mid-thought.
“Thank you.”
Swallowing hard, I can only reply in the way my parents taught me.
“You’re welcome.”